Edited version of my thread "Married Ladies Only Please"

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Godsgirl83

Well-known member
Apr 1, 2019
1,984
1,658
113
#1
I was unable to go back into my original thread and change the title, and some comments, so I am hoping people will catch it here. Based on the title and some wording in the thread, I realized there are a lot of VALUABLE and Insightful people (MALES and female) who may have thought to put something, but out of RESPECT (something that seems to be LACKING) may not have. I am able to receive and respond to private message threads. However I am not able to start them (in which case if someone wanted to they could let me know on my profile page and we could arrange a way to discuss things). I find it VERY SAD:cry: that even in a "CHRISTIAN" place so many people will not reach out for help or respond due to the sensitivity of an issue that opens very private and personal doors. Usually it is an "I don't want to go THERE" feeling, but often it is due to not wanting to open up cans of worms that allow insensitive remarks or conversations to start. There are A LOT of wounded hurting people who do not reach out because of that. To men who have Private messaged on this issue...THANK YOU. And again to anyone who may have wanted to but hesitated, I'm open to "hear you" in private.
THANKS!
 

PennEd

Senior Member
Apr 22, 2013
7,070
3,183
113
#2
I'm not sure if you wanted responses here or not, or if you wanted to hear from men or not. So I'm sorry if I violate your wishes, but I'll say what I think should happen.

It's almost impossible to separate what you should do with what he should do. You are both one flesh, and therefore he is hurting you and himself for not getting this monster under control. and tear down this destructive stronghold.

I think deprivation of temptation is only a small part of this solution. We live in a fallen, broken world and it is unrealistic think that he, at least in his mind, isn't going to be tempted to commit adultery with other women. TV, billboards, magazines, the beach, past memories all can lead down that path.

So when this question arises I usually post this video that was shared by a brother several yrs ago. I think it really addresses the root of the problem, and pray it helps in your situation. Be blessed:

 

Godsgirl83

Well-known member
Apr 1, 2019
1,984
1,658
113
#3
I'm not sure if you wanted responses here or not, or if you wanted to hear from men or not. So I'm sorry if I violate your wishes, but I'll say what I think should happen.

It's almost impossible to separate what you should do with what he should do. You are both one flesh, and therefore he is hurting you and himself for not getting this monster under control. and tear down this destructive stronghold.

I think deprivation of temptation is only a small part of this solution. We live in a fallen, broken world and it is unrealistic think that he, at least in his mind, isn't going to be tempted to commit adultery with other women. TV, billboards, magazines, the beach, past memories all can lead down that path.

So when this question arises I usually post this video that was shared by a brother several yrs ago. I think it really addresses the root of the problem, and pray it helps in your situation. Be blessed:

THANK YOU! That's about a 20 minute video, I look forward to watching it after everyone off to work/school.
 

Miri

The Thingy Member
Jul 22, 2012
9,087
2,073
113
UK age 51
#4
Hi I’m female and not married so maybe you might want to disregard my
comments.

Can I ask are you both born again Christians, I think that’s the first step.
The second is that your husband needs to understand who the people
in porn actually are.

They are not make believe people, they are someone’s daughter, wife, mother,
child. More importantly they are loved by God. The bible says for God so loved
the world that he gave his only son......

He needs to see these people through God’s eyes. He needs to see these people
through the eyes of a father who loves his daughter.

I once heard someone’s testimony who was a prostitute, she was totally
bound up in this world. Entangled in the cares of the world and also had very
little money. This all led her to prostitution, that’s a terrible thing for a woman
to do to her body, by handing her body over to be used, she was going down a
very destructive path. She became an object not a woman loved by God. She became a
thing to be used and abused - this also applies to those in the porn industry.

Those participate in porn as viewers are also involving themselves in that entire
system of use and abuse of people loved by God. Until your husband gets that and sees
the people he views as real living people with struggles, insecurities, awful lives etc.
He will not overcome this.

The lady who was the prostitute, she ended up having a child and child services removed
her and put her in foster care. It broke the woman in a way nothing else had. I can’t
remember exactly how but she became Christian and started coming to our church. What she
didn’t tell anyone for nearly a year though is that she kept prostituting herself. She was so
entangled and bound up by the touch of sin in her life, she also placed no value on her
own life. Her former way of thinking did not change over night. Then one night on a ladies
meeting she broke down and wept and it all came out. How miserable, how awful she felt.

She didn’t think she deserved a decent life, she blamed herself for her child not having a
proper mum. She felt tainted by all the men who had robbed her of self respect, true love,
She felt used and didn’t know how to be a person in her own right.

The church sponsored her to go on a residential teen challenge course and she completey
turned her life around. She also cleaned up so completely that she managed to gain full
custody of her daughter back. Now she works helping other women counselling them
and showing them the love of Christ.

There are no unharmed by standers in porn, it damages the people who take part.
It damages the people who watch and view it.

Your husband needs to fully understand the repercussions of porn for all involved, he
needs to see it from the perspective of the damaged women who get into the porn
industry.

He needs to see it from God’s perspective. He needs to see it from the perspective of
parents worried sick about their daughters,

Most people involved in porn don’t think about any of the above, they just see it from
their own selfish perspective.

Really having his eyes and his mind opened to the truth and seeing how much
harm it causes and seeing these people as real people loved by God, is probably the
best thing that could happen to him. Or maybe if he was asked how he would feel
as a father if he saw his own daughter being viewed and mauled by men, how
would he feel.

To get over this he needs to stop viewing the people in porn as make believe
people and see them as real human beings.
 

Dino246

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2015
10,198
4,886
113
#5
... notes thread title... backs away slowly...
 

Godsgirl83

Well-known member
Apr 1, 2019
1,984
1,658
113
#6
Can I ask are you both born again Christians, I think that’s the first step.
Miri,
YES! And that's one reason it really bothers me. He struggled with issues years ago in teen/young adult years. He has a beautiful testimony of how God delivered him from this! And that is one reason I get SO MAD! Not so much at him now (at first it was ALL directed at him, until the Lord let me see the pain in his eyes one night while "correcting" him). I'm :mad: at Satan for trying to use this again! As you mentioned above about
see these people through God’s eyes. see these people
through the eyes of a father who loves his daughter.
that is exactly how I have started to look at the whole situation. Which, in time, instead of yelling about "why are doing that.............." and grumbling all day, with that plank still in my eye (Matthew 7:5) I pray I will be able to point out with love. It also changes how I view him.
Thank you for your insight.
Blessings!
 

Godsgirl83

Well-known member
Apr 1, 2019
1,984
1,658
113
#7
... notes thread title... backs away slowly...
lol Dino....... but if you read the first thread, you'll see why it's called "edited version". So if you have anything USEFUL to contribute (read the first thread "Married Ladies only please" if needed) please pull back in..................................
 

Godsgirl83

Well-known member
Apr 1, 2019
1,984
1,658
113
#8
I'm not sure if you wanted responses here or not, or if you wanted to hear from men or not. So I'm sorry if I violate your wishes, but I'll say what I think should happen.

It's almost impossible to separate what you should do with what he should do. You are both one flesh, and therefore he is hurting you and himself for not getting this monster under control. and tear down this destructive stronghold.

I think deprivation of temptation is only a small part of this solution. We live in a fallen, broken world and it is unrealistic think that he, at least in his mind, isn't going to be tempted to commit adultery with other women. TV, billboards, magazines, the beach, past memories all can lead down that path.

So when this question arises I usually post this video that was shared by a brother several yrs ago. I think it really addresses the root of the problem, and pray it helps in your situation. Be blessed:

Penn,
Thanks for sharing that POWERFUL video. I have passed it on today and encourage ANYONE READING THIS (male or female, struggling with porn or not) to take a listen. What is shared reaches beyond porn addictions, it is relevant to ALL SITUATIONS.