Ever OK to hit spouse?

[imoss]

suppose under your guidelines I would have deserved a beating last weekend cause I got angry over issues to do with our Company. Thankfully I am married to the gentle soul that I am and although I know i was wrong at the time I thank God I'm not married to you & that I didnt get slapped around for a misspoken word to my husband.

An interesting side note...someone very very close to me beat his wife into the hospital for a week after having a couple of drinks and deciding that she offended him with her tongue in rebuke to his drunkardness. when she returned from the hospital & he had begged her for weeks to come back... the first night as he lay him down to sleep... she got the pistol and he was awakened to the cocking of the lever click... eyes open frozen in time she said to he... you see how vulnerable you are right now... that is how vulnerable i am when you beat me. The next time you beat me you had better plan on never sleeping because I WILL shoot you in your sleep. My point being mad-dog it is probably best that you dont marry someone like her!!! Oh & btw she was a very passive mellow woman so there'd be no way to know that this is who you married until you drove her not into submission, but into agression with your hits.

I'm so proud of her!!! & 37 years of marriage and that was his only offense. I was a 5 year old child who witnessed the man's correction of his wife. It is never ever ever ok to hit a woman.

 

[Maddog]

maddog ive respected you and your opinion for yrs now comin here to cc but i must say...this comment is VERY disappointing and in a way hurtful...ive been hit by a partner and it was ok because we were married?? ...very sad statement in fact...im quite shocked

For years? Well that's not bad going since I've only been here a few months...

It was not necessarily okay based solely on the fact that you were married to him, but it may have been justified depedning on other factors. I don't know, I wasn't there.

 

[Maddog]

Please dear sweet young man NEVER marry. Thank you.

Not that it's any of your businesss, but I don't presently plan on marriage. That may change, but as a rule of thumb (bonus points if you get the pertinence of that saying) me and women don't mix, espeically in this modern age of feminist claptrap.

 

[Maddog]

suppose under your guidelines I would have deserved a beating last weekend cause I got angry over issues to do with our Company. Thankfully I am married to the gentle soul that I am and although I know i was wrong at the time I thank God I'm not married to you & that I didnt get slapped around for a misspoken word to my husband.

They're not really 'guidelines' since every case must be assessed on its own merits. All I'm saying is that as the head of the houshold, a man has the responsibility to keep his house in order. Sometimes, physical discipline may be required, just as verbal rebuking may be required. As an aside I reject embellishment of my words (eg. 'slapped around') as it is only perpetuating the fallacy that hitting = abuse.

I'm so proud of her!!! & 37 years of marriage and that was his only offense. I was a 5 year old child who witnessed the man's correction of his wife.

You're proud of someone threatening murder? Or are you just proud because it's an example of so called 'girl power', however ridiculous a concept that may be.

It is never ever ever ok to hit a woman.

Sometimes it is.

 

[Maddog]

I don't see it as an artficial one because everyone asscociates verbal correction with everyone else, even at a young age we do it for eachother and so do all adults, or at least there are times when they should, but physical discipline is different, parents have a natural authority over their children and so have the right to take discipline to the required levels and children naturally understand that they have to submit to them, this isn't the case with other adults, not even teachers, which is why kids often scream in rebellion 'you're not my mother' or something like that.

I get what you're saying. What do you think of discipline in the Armed Forces? While they're not allowed to actually personally strike a soldier anymore, they still issue physical punishment in the way of orderng strenuous activity for the wayward individual(s) (so called 'beastings').

 

[Matthew]

As an aside I reject embellishment of my words (eg. 'slapped around') as it is only perpetuating the fallacy that hitting = abuse

While I am firmly in the anti hitting-camp I can agree with you on that, it is very important to keep the two seperate and defined as two completely different things, what makes this kind of issue difficult to discuss is the fact that some people, often those who have suffered abuse, even mild, seem to no longer make the distinction.

 

[Matthew]

I get what you're saying. What do you think of discipline in the Armed Forces? While they're not allowed to actually personally strike a soldier anymore, they still issue physical punishment in the way of orderng strenuous activity for the wayward individual(s) (so called 'beastings').

That's fine with me, the main thing to realise with the armed forces is that in general every soldier consents to being treated that way, they recieve a good education on the lifestyle that they are choosing before it begins and can leave during training if it is not what they wanted or hoped it would be, the military has the correct balance in my view.

The difference between that and hitting a wife is that a soldier agrees to put themself in that circumstance, when they join they know at times they will be punished and that punishment will include strenous physical activity, when a woman marries a man she may be commiting to a marriage in which she is required to submit, but she is not agreeing to be phsically struck if her husband deems her out of line.

 

[Maddog]

when a woman marries a man she may be commiting to a marriage in which she is required to submit, but she is not agreeing to be phsically struck if her husband deems her out of line.

Interesting. I see it as wholly natural in a relationship in which one submits to the other in that way, in other words that it's 'taken as read' that the husband may exercise his authority in a physical way as well as verbal if and when required. I think the only reason this subject is even being discussed at all is because of the change in society's attitude and a social taboo being placed on it. But as I've said before, I don't see a substantive difference between physical and non-physical discipline.

 

[tryingtofindhim]

I don't think striking your wife is right or biblical.

 

[Matthew]

Interesting. I see it as wholly natural in a relationship in which one submits to the other in that way, in other words that it's 'taken as read' that the husband may exercise his authority in a physical way as well as verbal if and when required. I think the only reason this subject is even being discussed at all is because of the change in society's attitude and a social taboo being placed on it. But as I've said before, I don't see a substantive difference between physical and non-physical discipline.

I don't neccesarily think your views are wrong, I don't think it is an inherently bad thing to have physical discipline within a marriage as long as it is known to both people that it will be a possibility long before the vows are exchaged, any standard for a marriage is fine as long both understand and agree and make the commitment knowing what the marriage will entail.

The only issue I have with your view is the presumtive idea, the idea that you might slap your wife and then tell her that basically she should have known it could happen is a recipe for disaster, and even if you meant it as simple discipline that could easily lead to divorce, why risk it for want of a conversation or two during your engagement, this seems to me like making life harder for yourself than it needs to be, with things like this you need to fully disclose your view to your partner before you each commit your lives to eachother.

Too many people adopt this 'taken as read' approach to try and avoid learning things they might not like about the person they love and guess what? they each think it said something different and they end up getting a divorce and regretting their choices, it's very unwise to assume someone knows your view and will conform to it.

 

[Maddog]

The only issue I have with your view is the presumtive idea, the idea that you might slap your wife and then tell her that basically she should have known it could happen is a recipe for disaster, and even if you meant it as simple discipline that could easily lead to divorce, why risk it for want of a conversation or two during your engagement, this seems to me like making life harder for yourself than it needs to be, with things like this you need to fully disclose your view to your partner before you each commit your lives to eachother.

Too many people adopt this 'taken as read' approach to try and avoid learning things they might not like about the person they love and guess what? they each think it said something different and they end up getting a divorce and regretting their choices, it's very unwise to assume someone knows your view and will conform to it.

I suppose I meant it was 'taken as read' in that it was inherent in the very definition of such an authority-submissive relationship regardless of whether or not this is understood. Though yes, it is vital that such an understanding is agreed before marriage.

I don't neccesarily think your views are wrong, I don't think it is an inherently bad thing to have physical discipline within a marriage as long as it is known to both people that it will be a possibility long before the vows are exchaged, any standard for a marriage is fine as long both understand and agree and make the commitment knowing what the marriage will entail.

Well, I'm happy to agree with this. Good discussion, old chap.

 

[lila_advin07]

I just been out in a very painful relationship. Is there anything more numbing than to discover that your husband is cheating on you? How I wish I can physically get back to him. But when faced with this situation, we can always make a choice still to extend forgiveness.

 

[imoss]

They're not really 'guidelines' since every case must be assessed on its own merits. All I'm saying is that as the head of the houshold, a man has the responsibility to keep his house in order. Sometimes, physical discipline may be required, just as verbal rebuking may be required. As an aside I reject embellishment of my words (eg. 'slapped around') as it is only perpetuating the fallacy that hitting = abuse.


You're proud of someone threatening murder? Or are you just proud because it's an example of so called 'girl power', however ridiculous a concept that may be.


Sometimes it is.

I'm proud of her for standing up for herself when he nearly beat her to DEATH as I stated, she was in the hospital for a week. You are shocking & you WILL end up in jail. good luck and with that because of your ignorance and your blatant abusive attitude I choose to not converse with you. Good luck with the whole women & ending up in jail thing.

 

[imoss]

hitting doesn't equal abuse???? CHILD.

 

[Acce]

Ok this is definately getting out of hand.

Whilst I am not a feminist type woman, and am purely biblical in the ways I view marriage, and how I think does upset feminists I know... violence is never an answer; and I pray that God will get that through my housemate and his friends thick heads!

Watch what you say, be considerate of the experiences your Christian Sisters, and Brothers and faced, and be loving toward them/us.

I actually laughed when I read what you wrote Maddog because I did honestly think you were joking.. i find all of this to be ridiculous, of course its not ok under any circumstance to be violent toward anyone.

This is pointless.
God is amazing, and good, and He loves all His children, dearly.

Praise God for our lives, our bodies and our souls and His son, and may we treat our own and each others well, and Praise His son for forever and ever. Amen.

 

[Maddog]

I'm proud of her for standing up for herself when he nearly beat her to DEATH as I stated, she was in the hospital for a week.

It's one thing to stand up for one's self, it's entirely another to threaten to take someone's life.

You are shocking & you WILL end up in jail. good luck and with that because of your ignorance and your blatant abusive attitude I choose to not converse with you. Good luck with the whole women & ending up in jail thing.

So you disagree, that's fine. My only regret is that you're still peddling the 'hitting is always abuse' line which is false. I don't think anyone here has ever condoned putting someone in hospital, or the habitual beating of another person. Ironically you have implied the condoning of emotional abuse in your applause of that woman issuing a death threat.

 

[Maddog]

hitting doesn't equal abuse????

Of course it doesn't. Why would you think it does?

 

[Maddog]

i find all of this to be ridiculous, of course its not ok under any circumstance to be violent toward anyone.

I have a great admiration for pacifists, and I believe some are called to this lifestyle. Not everyone is, however, and sometimes the use of force is necessary, be those situations military, civil or domestic.

 

[carpetmanswife]

For years? Well that's not bad going since I've only been here a few months...

It was not necessarily okay based solely on the fact that you were married to him, but it may have been justified depedning on other factors. I don't know, I wasn't there.

apparently i had you confused with someone else...excuse me for that , i assure you hitting me was not justified ..sorry it never is...you sir have a serious problem....considered counselling??

 

[Maddog]

apparently i had you confused with someone else...excuse me for that

Don't worry about it. I understand there is a chap who goes by the name 'Maddog 4 Ever' or something similar.

i assure you hitting me was not justified

I'll have to take your word regarding that particular instance.

..sorry it never is

But I disagree with this blanket condemnation.

you sir have a serious problem....considered counselling??

What problem do you suspect I have?