Feel excluded from marriage

[presidente]

kaylagrl wrote,

If he refuses you need to flat out say "if you want me here when you come back from the next vacation you'd better consider your next move" He's married to you not dad.

I agree that the man should be more sensitive to his wife's needs, but this is a really bad way to respond to the situation, not a 'Christian response' to the situation. It's manipulative, controlling, and potentially damaging to the marriage to respond like this. 'Do what I want or I am leaving you' is not the attitude of a wife who is submissive to her husband either. Why escalate the situation like this?

We need to keep in mind that parents get old and then they die, and spending time with them is precious. Her husband needs to balance out his wife's needs with his father's. He doesn't need her to threaten him with divorce.

Talking to the FIL if conversations with the husband make sense, but threatening divorce over this isn't right.

 

[kaylagrl]

kaylagrl wrote,


I agree that the man should be more sensitive to his wife's needs, but this is a really bad way to respond to the situation, not a 'Christian response' to the situation. It's manipulative, controlling, and potentially damaging to the marriage to respond like this. 'Do what I want or I am leaving you' is not the attitude of a wife who is submissive to her husband either. Why escalate the situation like this?

We need to keep in mind that parents get old and then they die, and spending time with them is precious. Her husband needs to balance out his wife's needs with his father's. He doesn't need her to threaten him with divorce.

Talking to the FIL if conversations with the husband make sense, but threatening divorce over this isn't right.

Quote "It's manipulative, controlling, and potentially damaging to the marriage to respond like this. 'Do what I want or I am leaving you' is not the attitude of a wife who is submissive to her husband either. Why escalate the situation like this?"


Please read back to what she said.She has talked to her husband about the issue and he has ignored her and will not listen. Now she doesn't need to threaten leaving him,this was tongue in cheek. Im sure she can understand this.But she DOES need to say "we need to get some counseling and get to the root of the issue". The father is influencing the son. The son is to cleave to his wife according to the Bible and he's not doing so. She needs to have someone help them talk out the situation and get to the root of the issue.


Quote "We need to keep in mind that parents get old and then they die, and spending time with them is precious."

He can spend time with them and his wife at the same time.Its her FIL there is no reason to be taking constant vacations and leaving his wife at home. They can both spend precious time with them. My husband and I went to FL on vacation last year.Sometimes we did things together,sometimes we went our separate ways and had time as couples. Had a wonderful time and this husband and wife can do the same.


Quote "Talking to the FIL if conversations with the husband make sense, but threatening divorce over this isn't right."

Her husband is withdrawing from her,spending more and more time away and refuses to listen to her concern.My point was its time to seek counseling before they get too far down the road.He needs a wake up call. Its time to go for help. That was the point.

 

[scatteredmusician]

Your expectations are completely normal, it is your husband and his father who are going outside the lines here. My husband has said that if he went on a vacation without me he wouldn’t enjoy it. It would be a no-brainer not to go for him. If you enjoy one another’s company, then you want to share new experiences. Something is drastically wrong here. I agree with kaylagrl that you probably need to have a face to face with your husband’s father. Draw him a picture, set some boundaries and see if he abides by them. Ask for his help in making your marriage stronger. Lovinglady04 always has good advice as well. Your DH is supposed to be a part of you. You are a unit. If he doesn’t see that, then counseling is in order.
I wish you had family close by to support you, but I have prayed over you and your situation. If you would like more info on finding a counselor in your area you can let me know. Blessings and healing to you.

 

[Angela53510]

I cannot believe any husband would do this! I've been married coming up 36 years, and we have NEVER taken a vacation without our partner. Never wanted to! And always paid our own way. Nor would either of our parents every dreamed of taking us on separate vacations from our spouse. (Although we took a lot of vacations with our 4 children, but we loved doing that!) And if you think my husband is touchy-feely, and likes to take about marriage issues, you have guessed totally wrong. He would rather crawl in a hole than talk about marriage issues, which landed us in hot marriage water a few times. But NEVER over taking separate vacations, and then not taking one with just our spouse. Don't blame this on men generally! This is about a selfish husband, and yes, it looks like a FIL who is trying to break up your marriage.

The whole situation is absurd! You need to have it out with your husband, and FIL. If that means marriage counseling is the best way to go about it, then do it sooner rather than later. Really, your husband should be the one saying no to his father, unless you are invited and paid for, too! It's like you aren't even married, when things like this happen.

I am very sorry you are having to go through this! By the way, are you and your husband Christians? Because Jesus would not approve of this man who has not left his father and mother. I will pray for both of you to renew and restore your marriage, and that this won't happen anymore!