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My dad's getting older. If he had the money to pay for me to take a trip with him without my wife, I might consider it, but I'd want to make sure she was okay with it, first, especially since we have children to care for. How hold is your FIL? Your husband could be looking at this as an opportunity to spend time with him while he is still alive. Or maybe he just likes the free trips. Btw, doesn't he have a job?
Taking a DIL along a trip would probably just not be the same in regards to what they talk about and how they interact, and maybe even the things they do. Do they camp or trek through the woods?
Have you told him how you feel about this?
Taking a DIL along a trip would probably just not be the same in regards to what they talk about and how they interact, and maybe even the things they do. Do they camp or trek through the woods?
Have you told him how you feel about this?
What tourist said is exactly correct in my opinion and that is missing from the younger generation instead of striking out on their own and starting a family for emotional support they cling to their school friends all of their lives for that support.
It use to be that the idealistic goal was to have a wife and kids and house with a white picket fence,not only are those good ideals but necessary ideals for a functioning society as long as people make the life decision to marry with a mature mind.
It use to be that the idealistic goal was to have a wife and kids and house with a white picket fence,not only are those good ideals but necessary ideals for a functioning society as long as people make the life decision to marry with a mature mind.
J
thank you for the responses everyone. I have spoken to him about this many times, he just shuts off (a trait I might add that his father has) I have just found out that his father is now planning on retiring to Mexico but without his wife??(He is originally from CA) how does that even work? I communicate with my husband in plain English and I have told him this time and many times before exactly how I feel. Sometimes he will say he understands but there is never any action from him just talk.
To the member who made a sarcastic remark about how it must be nice to be buying a house and for my husband to go on vacations, you completely missed the point and i will not feel ashamed about getting a new house (we will be paying a modest mortgage) and my husband does not pay for these vacations, his father is rich and can afford to take him. Plus part of my dilema and the reason I mentioned the home buying is because we are still closing on house now, in my opinion, now is not the best time to be out of the country and this is the 2nd time during our home buying period that he will be.
I know that communication is key to any successful marriage but what do you do if only one person is doing this? Even after voicing my concerns about traveling to Mexico, even his mother who is part mexican has asked him not to go, last night he tells me "So I will be going on Friday" It's like no matter what I say to him or try to talk about this he still does what he wants. I understand that Father and Son time is important but I mean he literally JUST came back from Australia with his dad. At the moment he says that he seems unconcerned maybe because he still has jet lag from his vacation that he just came back from.
i really appreciate everyone's advice even if I may not agree with it all, it's still nice to have someone to ask. (I am originally from the UK and have no family here except husband)
To the member who made a sarcastic remark about how it must be nice to be buying a house and for my husband to go on vacations, you completely missed the point and i will not feel ashamed about getting a new house (we will be paying a modest mortgage) and my husband does not pay for these vacations, his father is rich and can afford to take him. Plus part of my dilema and the reason I mentioned the home buying is because we are still closing on house now, in my opinion, now is not the best time to be out of the country and this is the 2nd time during our home buying period that he will be.
I know that communication is key to any successful marriage but what do you do if only one person is doing this? Even after voicing my concerns about traveling to Mexico, even his mother who is part mexican has asked him not to go, last night he tells me "So I will be going on Friday" It's like no matter what I say to him or try to talk about this he still does what he wants. I understand that Father and Son time is important but I mean he literally JUST came back from Australia with his dad. At the moment he says that he seems unconcerned maybe because he still has jet lag from his vacation that he just came back from.
i really appreciate everyone's advice even if I may not agree with it all, it's still nice to have someone to ask. (I am originally from the UK and have no family here except husband)
J
His father is early 50's, always traveling for pleasure, never at home with his current wife. Husband does have a full time job, so his vacation days are being used for this instead of time with me visiting my family overseas also.
They don't camp or trek and I would be into all of that, I want to be a part of my husbands hobbies and show an interest in them.
I have told him on my occasions and he still says that it's a father son thing. We never have a wife and husband vacation even though i have expressed this to him.
They don't camp or trek and I would be into all of that, I want to be a part of my husbands hobbies and show an interest in them.
I have told him on my occasions and he still says that it's a father son thing. We never have a wife and husband vacation even though i have expressed this to him.
C
I don't know if your husband would agree to it but I think the next step would be to go to couples therapy. It seems like there are certain communication issues that need to be worked out and sometimes our spouse will listen to someone else saying exactly what we are saying but they won't listen to us saying it. If he doesn't want to go to therapy with you i still encourage you to find a therapist or pastor who you can talk to about this situation so you can learn how to deal with it. I know it seems like your husband doesn't care about you but keep fighting for your marriage, trust me it's worth it.
J
Thank you! At least I know I am not crazy or overreacting. His father has issues with marriage going way back, he didn't even tell my husband that he remarried a few years back. My husband found out 2 YEARS later. This is so weird to me because before my husband was a decent man and now its like he is turning into his father, I just want him back.
You have the answer, for you said so yourself, my sister. Your fil is unhappy in his own marriage and he's deliberately undermining yours because misery loves company.
However, it takes two to tango, and your husband needs to man up and forsake all others. He'll be devestated if you were to find new love one day in his absence. My prayers are lifted for all of you.
However, it takes two to tango, and your husband needs to man up and forsake all others. He'll be devestated if you were to find new love one day in his absence. My prayers are lifted for all of you.
K
But his point was the marriage wasn't healthy but he didn't know it. You can't know what you don't know.Many,many marriages fail because of lack of communication.And on top of that we've been taught men and women are basically the same which has made the issue 10 times worse. After I was dumped by a guy,who turned out to be a serial cheater,I felt I better be sure I didn't make the same mistake next time.I began to read what I could find.One book I read basically told women to act more like a man. It told women not to be "emotional" and be the "cool girl". This sort of nonsense has messed up more relationships.I know a lot of churches that have no good teaching on marriage let alone how to communicate.If you come from a family that doesn't communicate how would you know how to do that in your marriage.Its not an excuse,he was being honest. I appreciate it.
K
Brother Utah and Tourist are right. My husband,who is very sensitive to my needs,had the same issue about a year ago.He made a friend that I disliked. This friend was miserable in his life and marriage. Before long my husbands attitude started to change.He wanted to spend more time with this friend. I knew this friend claimed to be a Christian but he knew just enough to cause trouble. Before long his wife threw him out of the house. I was out shopping with my mother when my husband called and left a message asking if his friend could stay at our house. Well we were newly married and hadn't had any major disagreements,I didnt want to cause a blow up,but I knew this friend was trouble. I said he could stay one night,and one night only. I told him I would stay at my parents house overnight and he was to be gone in the morning. Hubby agreed.By this time he knew I didn't like his friend. As I was getting ready to leave my husband showed up friend in tow. He left him downstairs,we had never met,and seemed to be rushing me out the door. Well I wasn't having that. I went downstairs and met his friend who told me he had been thrown out by his wife and he didn't know why. Well that was my opening and I lowered the hammer. I gave him the "straight dope" as they say.I went up one side and down the other. My husband sat there silent with his mouth open. His friend who was playing on my husbands sympathies and good heart saw real quick he wasn't fooling me or getting over my time! My husband said later he had never seen his friend speechless before. Soon my husband began to see his friend for who he was. I prayed him away.lol But my husband saw the light. The friend is long gone.
So I know your situation is different and my advice may be of no use but I'd give FIL some straight dope. Like "your son is married and if you can't find happiness in your marriage dont sabotage ours" Or you can be less straight forward and tell him it is affecting your marriage.I would plan a trip to see family and let you husband know that you expect him to go along. If he refuses you need to flat out say "if you want me here when you come back from the next vacation you'd better consider your next move" He's married to you not dad. And Dad is definitely a bad influence and that needs to be dealt with. If hubby isn't listening maybe dad will. Either way you need to make a move before dear old dad ruins your marriage.He has no place in your marriage and he needs to know that.
K
No,I was duped by a player once.Sometimes we want something to be true and we get blindsided. But Im usually dead on about people,I see them coming a mile away. I also have gotten into trouble when I try to warn people. Ive been dead on so much I sometimes scare myself.lol And btw Id of had your back with this beast you talk of. Sometimes it takes a woman to handle a woman. As I always say,let them think you're just a teeny bit crazier than they are 