He says that he will leave if I don't support him and his children financially.....

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Ugly

Guest
#21
#21
Just as I suspected. This guy had a lot worse traits than you originally mentioned.
So sad to see a woman, like yourself, have so little self worth that you are afraid of being without someone.
Manipulators only treat people well for their own ends. What you will be missing is his selfishness, control, emotional abuse and manipulation?
I know what it feels like to be in the middle of something and justify being mistreated. But it never ends happy.
There is no perfect woman for him. Because he is abusive and potentially without conscience of any kind. People like this are never happy for long because they are impossible to please.
At this point there's not much left to tell you. Until you wake up and see him for who he truly is you will stay and idealize him.
 
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relatiosnhipdrama

Guest
#22
#22
I need to wake up. I MUST wake up. I am seriously losing my life --- in more ways than I can describe here. I am a shell of the person I was when I met him. Clearly, I was mess then too....but it's nothing like i used to be
 
NotmebutHim

NotmebutHim

Senior Member
#23
May 17, 2015
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#23
Yes, he sounds like a parasite, and you are his host. You need to "get the heck out of Dodge", so to speak.
 
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relatiosnhipdrama

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#24
#24
how do i get the strength -- how do i see him for what he is? The good looking fun -- charasmatic -and succesful lawyer (he was successful until he decided to go on his own) is a catch for any woman....

And it's SO had to let go of the dreams we had and the feelings I had when I went everywhere with him -- But he is not nice to me.. consistently and when I asked him over and over to please "treat me with love and kindess" he said it's impossible because of my attitude and lack of understanding of the urgency of finances...

And even BETTER -- his friend just called him and told him that his live in girlfriend is moving out and finding God. He LAUGHED and said she was crazy and then he said...you know my friend had the same issue w her -- she would hold onto her checks and avoid handing them over.

THE KICKER? SHE MADE MINIMUM WAGE -- this guy took LOANS to cover for her -- she was a dead beat -- and my fiance has the NERVE to compare me to HER? This woman's only claim to money was temp work and posing NUDE for skanky shoots. SERIOUSLY! HOW DARE HE COMPARE ME to HER. I make a TON of money in comparison!!!
 
MultilingualMessenger

MultilingualMessenger

Senior Member
#25
Jan 27, 2015
2,691
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#25
Move out--take your money and run. Cancel whatever credit card(s) of yours he has. Take your checks with you. Call off the pending marriage. Forgive. Find your self worth in God and focus on your relationship with Him first.
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#26
Jan 26, 2013
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#26
relatiosnhipdrama said:
how do i get the strength -- how do i see him for what he is? The good looking fun -- charasmatic -and succesful lawyer (he was successful until he decided to go on his own) is a catch for any woman....

And it's SO had to let go of the dreams we had and the feelings I had when I went everywhere with him -- But he is not nice to me.. consistently and when I asked him over and over to please "treat me with love and kindess" he said it's impossible because of my attitude and lack of understanding of the urgency of finances...

And even BETTER -- his friend just called him and told him that his live in girlfriend is moving out and finding God. He LAUGHED and said she was crazy and then he said...you know my friend had the same issue w her -- she would hold onto her checks and avoid handing them over.

THE KICKER? SHE MADE MINIMUM WAGE -- this guy took LOANS to cover for her -- she was a dead beat -- and my fiance has the NERVE to compare me to HER? This woman's only claim to money was temp work and posing NUDE for skanky shoots. SERIOUSLY! HOW DARE HE COMPARE ME to HER. I make a TON of money in comparison!!!
Click to expand...


How how dare you call her a dead beat. At least she left. Sorry but if this I'm not even sure if you're for real.
 
NotmebutHim

NotmebutHim

Senior Member
#27
May 17, 2015
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#27
Fenner said:
How how dare you call her a dead beat. At least she left. Sorry but if this I'm not even sure if you're for real.
Click to expand...
Hmmmm this might be a game-changer. We'll know soon enough.......

:)
 
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Ariel82

Guest
#28
#28
How do you get the strength to leave an abusive relationship?

You pray and see that God's love of you is greater, purer and enough for YOU.

If a man can't value you as His own body, as Christ values the church, then he isn't worth your money, time or tears...

It's a small step from being controlling to being angry, from verbal, emotional abuse to physical abuse.

I will pray God will surround you with family that love and value you as He does. Maybe then you can see what a mockery your relationship is...its not love, it's lust and an unhealthy codependent attachment that needs to be cut off.
 
Ruth

Ruth

Member
#29
May 14, 2016
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#29
It is not a matter of how do I get the strength, it is a choice of how much longer do I want to continue in this mental and emotional abuse and from your postings you don't like the way he is treating you but you are afraid that because he is good looking and charismatic that you couldn't bare to see him with another woman. You are the person in charge here, NOT him and that is where you need to change your thinking and fast. By you staying in this situation and not standing up to him is enabling him to continue to abuse you. I can guarantee you that he will try to manipulate another woman the minute you are out the door and then he becomes her problem, you will be emotionally and mentally free. Get some severe counseling and time to heal emotionally and mentally so that you make better choices for a life's partner. Looks fade with time, true character is what keeps a man/woman attractive because the beauty is portrayed from the inside out. You need a fresh start. If he loved you he would want what is best for you and continues to bring you down to his level instead of him coming up to your level. Make plans with family/friends to come in and take what is rightfully yours and them move far away where he cannot find you and start your life over again instead of living in fear and dread. Good grief, we only live once, why live life in bondage to someone who is mentally unstable. Enough said.
 
Tinkerbell725

Tinkerbell725

Senior Member
#30
Jul 19, 2014
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Philippines Age 40
#30
So what if you make a lot of money. Your money has become your curse because it is the only reason why that evil man is with you, to use you and you are more than happy to oblige. You need a dose of reality. Set yourself free.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#31
Feb 21, 2014
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#31
Kinda getting the feeling that we may be getting trolled. I sure hope not.. :/
 
Jimbone

Jimbone

Senior Member
#32
Aug 22, 2014
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#32
Has this guy, by any chance, ever hurt your hand? Is that what you are suppose to "really need to prove yourself to his family" for? I am just wondering, because this all sounds very familiar. If I am off base then I apologize for my mistake. This guy is about this guy, you see it as clear as we do. If he is his own God you will NEVER please him, but I think that is where you're most comfortable. I agree with many others here that you ARE worth so much more than this, and until you can realize that there will be a problem. You need to go to Jesus, He is the only one that can help us, you are so worried about these unimportant distractions, focus on what's important in life, because it is nothing that can perish. The thing is that everything in this world perishes, and these distractions are keeping you from what's truly important and even worse what love really is.

Love is not you submitting to his every whim, you will NEVER live up to his expectations, NEVER, but you want to. I'm sure you think deep down he is a good guy and you will change him, help him to see. You won't, and you can't. There is only one that can change our broken hearts of stone, and that is by bowing at the feet of Christ and giving Him rule over your life. This guy only bows at his own alter, do you see him submitting to anyone? Have you fell at our Kings feet yet with all these problems? In my opinion the very first thing you need to do is sit down and truly think about what you feel is truly important in life. What are the things you value?
 
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blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#33
Feb 21, 2014
70,951
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#33
Jimbone said:
Has this guy, by any chance, ever hurt your hand? Is that what you are suppose to "really need to prove yourself to his family" for? I am just wondering, because this all sounds very familiar. If I am off base then I apologize for my mistake. This guy is about this guy, you see it as clear as we do. If he is his own God you will NEVER please him, but I think that is where you're most comfortable. I agree with many others here that you ARE worth so much more than this, and until you can realize that there will be a problem. You need to go to Jesus, He is the only one that can help us, you are so worried about these unimportant distractions, focus on what's important in life, because it is nothing that can perish. The thing is that everything in this world perishes, and these distractions are keeping you from what's truly important and even worse what love really is.

Love is not you submitting to his every whim, you will NEVER live up to his expectations, NEVER, but you want to. I'm sure you think deep down he is a good guy and you will change him, help him to see. You won't, and you can't. There is only one that can change our broken hearts of stone, and that is by bowing at the feet of Christ and giving Him rule over your life. This guy only bows at his own alter, do you see him submitting to anyone? Have you fell at our Kings feet yet with all these problems? In my opinion the very first thing you need to do is sit down and truly think about what you feel is truly important in life. What are the things you value?
Click to expand...

Yeah, Jim, I've been wondering if that's who this person is, too.
 
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TemporaryCircumstances

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#34
#34
relatiosnhipdrama said:
I get this. I know this. I'm in therapy and have heard this.

The bottom line is I still feel like leaving him will kill me -- as I will watch some hot young woman on his arm-- spoiled.

He used to spoil me when he had money (even though he still took my money even then).. But I know once he makes money again - he will go back to his lavish lifestyle and he would spoil me again... He treated me like i was his "queen" as he said .. at that time. However, if I get REAL - I will have to admit even then I was making 90k and he was giving me hell if I got my hair done more than once a month. And talked down to me...and tried to force me back into being the "woman he met". When I met him -- we were very much in love and I would do anyting to be with him. But, it wasn't long before he was saying mean things -- the type that would bring me to tears. But those times were infrequent -- but the red flags were there.

Now, he has no money and he is in desperation and wants to make me pay for it. I don't even know why I am rambling. I just know I will miss the man who was amazing to me (and sometimes still is)... I will be jealous of the woman who he finds who is perfect for him. But, truth is she is not me. I am a driven person (used to be) and I want to have a career and I want to have a life.. he wants to be around me 24/7. Meet all my friends (who I don't really have anymore) and meet my bosses -- always be with me.

His ex wife made nothing -- and she had an amazing lifestyle. But he was horrible to her too...for different reasons. JUST NOW - he's telling me stories.

Like, they had a fight and she wanted to go for a walk. She was gone for more than an hour. He let her go -- locked the door and went to bed. LOCKED HER OUT. She had to stay in a hotel. He said he had to "teach her a lesson" He said he would never do that to me...because he LOVES ME..he didn't love her
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I wanted to comment on this.
Back when I lived with my father the first month or so he actually raised me he treated me like his little princess.
Tucked me in at night, read to me, said I love you ect.
And after that he made life hell for me unless I did something that made him as a father look good.
Then and only then was I rewarded say... a hug.

I loved when he treated me like he was proud of me and loved me.
It made me feel like the best daughter ever.

But, he had always been abusive despite the times he may have been sweet, kind, and loving towards me.

And what happened after that?
He tried to choke me.

Everyone has their "sweet" and "loving" sides but not all of them are true and WILL turn out a whole lot worse for you if you don't get away.
Abuse is still abuse no matter what form.
And you enduring abuse. Stop it before it gets a whole lot worse for you.
 
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TemporaryCircumstances

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#35
#35
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relatiosnhipdrama

Guest
#36
#36
Thank you for this advice. I can tell you I'd not sure who you're referring to in the previous posts. I have definitely for real. And honestly part of me wishes I was not. The reason why I didn't respond last night is because it was a night of and more fighting. He was quite upset or at least jealous that I was able to make a successful move with my work yesterday, I was getting compliments. He immediately got upset because he felt that that would mean that I would get more responsibility which might require traveling. He put me down and then as we were paying for dinner… Knowing that he has all of my money… He made a quick statement "using my credit card again".

You see he likes using his credit card for everything so it accumulates airline miles, we use it like a debit card. He asked me never to use anything else… And he has all of my money. I could not believe that he said using my credit card again…

The Fightin continued when we got home and I grab my purse and said I was going for a drive and he told me that if I was going to leave the house that I should grab all my belongings because he will never take me back…

At this point it was about 11 o'clock at night I took a deep breath and I said I was going to sleep. Clearly I have to be better prepared for leaving the house. This morning he woke up and told me he was sorry for saying mean things and then he does get upset that he can't provide more for me and that he wants to be everything for me and help me quit my job so I don't have so much Stress

He said he loves me very much more than he can say and you truly can't wait to marry me but it's just gonna take time until he can afford it… And it hurts him to see me stress out over work and money because he wants to be the provider.

I believe that that's true but it's based off the fact that he doesn't want a woman to provide or be anything close to competitive with him. He actually said that last night… What is this some kind of competition? I simply told him I was excited about this opportunity that I got at work and he immediately… Second question… Asked are you going to getmore money? Bonus? When?

of course that set me off… So now he's at work on his first day of his new business and I've left for workand I'm driving feeling very alone… Reading through these messages makes me feel a lot better but also very sad… Because it makes me realize how much I've lost god in my life.

It's true I've lost all perspective about what this life should be about… That is true I do actually envy the woman I mentioned in the post earlier who has found God and despite her financial predicament… She is moving on in the correct direction…

I also find it very interesting how my fiancé made fun of the way this woman was and said she was extreme and crazy
 
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TemporaryCircumstances

Guest
#37
#37
relatiosnhipdrama said:
Thank you for this advice. I can tell you I'd not sure who you're referring to in the previous posts. I have definitely for real. And honestly part of me wishes I was not. The reason why I didn't respond last night is because it was a night of and more fighting. He was quite upset or at least jealous that I was able to make a successful move with my work yesterday, I was getting compliments. He immediately got upset because he felt that that would mean that I would get more responsibility which might require traveling. He put me down and then as we were paying for dinner… Knowing that he has all of my money… He made a quick statement "using my credit card again".

You see he likes using his credit card for everything so it accumulates airline miles, we use it like a debit card. He asked me never to use anything else… And he has all of my money. I could not believe that he said using my credit card again…

The Fightin continued when we got home and I grab my purse and said I was going for a drive and he told me that if I was going to leave the house that I should grab all my belongings because he will never take me back…

At this point it was about 11 o'clock at night I took a deep breath and I said I was going to sleep. Clearly I have to be better prepared for leaving the house. This morning he woke up and told me he was sorry for saying mean things and then he does get upset that he can't provide more for me and that he wants to be everything for me and help me quit my job so I don't have so much Stress

He said he loves me very much more than he can say and you truly can't wait to marry me but it's just gonna take time until he can afford it… And it hurts him to see me stress out over work and money because he wants to be the provider.

I believe that that's true but it's based off the fact that he doesn't want a woman to provide or be anything close to competitive with him. He actually said that last night… What is this some kind of competition? I simply told him I was excited about this opportunity that I got at work and he immediately… Second question… Asked are you going to getmore money? Bonus? When?

of course that set me off… So now he's at work on his first day of his new business and I've left for workand I'm driving feeling very alone… Reading through these messages makes me feel a lot better but also very sad… Because it makes me realize how much I've lost god in my life.

It's true I've lost all perspective about what this life should be about… That is true I do actually envy the woman I mentioned in the post earlier who has found God and despite her financial predicament… She is moving on in the correct direction…

I also find it very interesting how my fiancé made fun of the way this woman was and said she was extreme and crazy
Click to expand...
You're falling into the trap of false love that I've been in my whole life.
Get. Out.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#38
Feb 21, 2014
70,951
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#38
This whole story gets more insane by the minute.. He's a money hungry pig.. Get out now.. And since you hadn't transferred or cashed your check yet, how did he get all your money?

If you enjoy being used as a cash cow or ATM, then stay with the power hungry turkey. If you feel you deserve better, then leave his sorry butt and move on.
 
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TemporaryCircumstances

Guest
#39
#39
blue_ladybug said:
This whole story gets more insane by the minute.. He's a money hungry pig.. Get out now.. And since you hadn't transferred or cashed your check yet, how did he get all your money?

If you enjoy being used as a cash cow or ATM, then stay with the power hungry turkey. If you feel you deserve better, then leave his sorry butt and move on.
Click to expand...
Yes,
He's a pig-turkey
And you're a cow
XD
Listen to Lady Blue

XD XD sorryyyyy I had to lol
 
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relatiosnhipdrama

Guest
#40
#40
We have a joint checking account and he found my check in my brief case and said since I've been saying I would deposit it...he did it for me! He used the bank app...took a picture of the check and deposited it!

I said I did not authorize you to do that. He said that I did because I have been promising the check for days and he was sick of my games so he deposited it.

So it's currently "pending" in our joint account. He said he had to becatse he already paid bills and they would bounce.
 
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