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What I know is that lots of people post about marriage problems and marriages dissolving here. Feel free to read some of the other threads to get an idea of how much to share. Also there is a Ladies forum that you should have access to after being a member for a week if you would feel more comfortable discussing things where only the ladies can read and respond.
K
Well I'll udt put it as cleanly as I can and pray I don't offend anyone. I would actually like some mens input on this one as well so...
My husband and I have been married 3 years... We have a 3 year old little girl and I'm 38 weeks pregnant now.... Shortly after I found out I was pregnant with my first daughter I also found outy husband was.... Regularly viewing inappropriate videos... I'm sure you guys will know what I'm talking about. I later realized it was an addiction. That ended up causing us to stop being intimate. He also started talking to other women in social media sites. He swears to me (and I believe him) that he's never cheated... But I feel as though the other things are cheating as well especially ehfn they start to effect the way he acts and feels towards his family. Anyways. I thought we had over come these issues. But they started to resurface again when I got pregnant again... And again today I found the videos again today and another woman he was talking to... And he's not wildly inappropriate talking to these women... He talks about being married and his kids ect... But he also tells them how gorgeous they are and how they deserve a great man and he doesn't say these things to me... I'm at a loss I don't believe in divorce. I'm a strong believer in marriage and making it work but I'm terrified about bringing my girls up in this environment....
My husband and I have been married 3 years... We have a 3 year old little girl and I'm 38 weeks pregnant now.... Shortly after I found out I was pregnant with my first daughter I also found outy husband was.... Regularly viewing inappropriate videos... I'm sure you guys will know what I'm talking about. I later realized it was an addiction. That ended up causing us to stop being intimate. He also started talking to other women in social media sites. He swears to me (and I believe him) that he's never cheated... But I feel as though the other things are cheating as well especially ehfn they start to effect the way he acts and feels towards his family. Anyways. I thought we had over come these issues. But they started to resurface again when I got pregnant again... And again today I found the videos again today and another woman he was talking to... And he's not wildly inappropriate talking to these women... He talks about being married and his kids ect... But he also tells them how gorgeous they are and how they deserve a great man and he doesn't say these things to me... I'm at a loss I don't believe in divorce. I'm a strong believer in marriage and making it work but I'm terrified about bringing my girls up in this environment....
C
OMG I PERSONALLY KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH. MY HUSBAND WAS ADDICTED TO PORN. THIS WAS ADMITTED TO ME. I CHOSE NOT TO GO SEARCHING ANY FURTHER IDK I GUESS IM SCARED TO FIND OUT. I THINK MEN LIKE OURS FEELS TRAPPED IN A MARRIAGE WITH KIDS MY HUSBAND TOLD ME BEFORE THAT THINGS WERE GREAT BEFORE THE KIDS. SO I THINK YOUR HUSBAND IS TRYING TO RELIVE THOSE POST KIDS DAYS. IT TOOK MY HUSBAND YEARS TO GET COMFORTABLE WITH MY WEIGHT THAT I GAINED WHEN I WAS PREGNANT. JUST KNOW THAT IT ISN'T YOU. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG BUT BE A GREAT WIFE AND MOTHER. I DON'T BELIEVE IN DIVORCE EITHER BUT THERE COMES A TIME WHERE YOU HAVE TO SAY ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. I WAS TOLD THAT GOD WILL ALLOW DIVORCE IF THERE WERE ANY INFIDELITY. YOU HAVE KIDS AND I AGREE ABOUT HAVING A TWO PARENT HOME BUT AT THE SAME TIME WHAT DO YOU THINK IT WILL TEACH YOUR KIDS. DO YOU WONDER IF IT WILL SEND THE WRONG MESSAGE TO THEM THAT ITS OK TO BE CHEATED ON THAT YOU STILL HAVE TO STAY IN THE MARRIAGE? WILL GOD BE ANGRY IF YOU LEFT? ETC THESE ARE QUESTIONS THAT I USE TO WONDERING BECAUSE AS MOMS WE DON'T ALWAYS THINK ABOUT OURSELVES WE MOSTLY THINK ABOUT OUR KIDS. DO WHAT YOU FEEL IN YOUR HEART. PRAY TO GOD ABOUT THE SITUATION AND KNOW THAT GOD DOESN'T WANT YOU TO BE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP EVEN IF IT IS EMOTIONALLY HIM TALKING TO OTHER WOMEN IS ABUSE ITS CHEATING AND GOD WILL NOT BE UPSET WITH YOU IF YOU DECIDED TO LEAVE. GOD WILL GIVE YOU THE ANSWERS YOU SEEK JUST HAVE FAITH AND KEEP PRAYING. YOUR VOICE IS HEARD. YOUR NOT ALONE. YOUR STRONG AND SMART. PEOPLE CAN TELL YOU TO LEAVE ITS NOT RIGHT. BUT YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOURSELF AND KIDS. YOU KNOW HOW YOU WANT TO RAISE YOUR CHILDREN AND YOU KNOW WHAT KIND OF EXAMPLE YOU WANT TO BE. TRUST YOUR HEART.
S
I'm so sorry. I've experienced some of the same. It's so hard isn't it?
Can you suggest he seek Christian counseling regarding his addiction? I do also believe it is a form of betrayal. You're on the right path to move toward forgiveness. I can understand how invisible this must make you feel.
Know you that you're not, you have a savior that is fighting for you.
I'd start with praying against these evil spirits in Jesus name, annoint your home with oil and pray over your home and your husband. Recognize this as an attack from the enemy. Pray them down!
But he does need to be willing to seek help. I posted my first article today. It's quite lengthy if you care to read.
Can you suggest he seek Christian counseling regarding his addiction? I do also believe it is a form of betrayal. You're on the right path to move toward forgiveness. I can understand how invisible this must make you feel.
Know you that you're not, you have a savior that is fighting for you.
I'd start with praying against these evil spirits in Jesus name, annoint your home with oil and pray over your home and your husband. Recognize this as an attack from the enemy. Pray them down!
But he does need to be willing to seek help. I posted my first article today. It's quite lengthy if you care to read.
Your husband has violated your trust. It is totally inappropriate for your husband to view pornography and intimately communicate with another woman. This may not be physically cheating but it is emotionally cheating and for the sake of your marriage he must stop.
If he loves you he will not do this anymore for whatever reason or excuse that he can offer for even doing this at all. I understand about your strong marital values but without trust your marriage would not be worth much. I would be exploring other options as I don't believe that your husband is going to stop doing what he can to destroy your marriage.
Welcome to CC.
If he loves you he will not do this anymore for whatever reason or excuse that he can offer for even doing this at all. I understand about your strong marital values but without trust your marriage would not be worth much. I would be exploring other options as I don't believe that your husband is going to stop doing what he can to destroy your marriage.
Welcome to CC.
I don't think you should get a divorce over this, but he definitely needs to repent. Something to keep in mind is that men don't look at porn because they want to cheat on their wives. Like a lot of other sinful addictive behaviors, they do it because they enjoy it. There are hormones released and the man gets a little rush from it. Maybe they feel sad or just sort of bored or hurt and want entertainment. Feeling distant or sexually neglected, for example, could make a man more vulnerable to temptation. But usually, it's not really about the wife, and he's not sitting there thinking he's going to do something bad to his wife by watching porn.
On the other hand, I know why you feel like he's cheating on your emotionally by looking with lust, but ultimately it's a sin against God. Chatting with the women could be a manifestation of lust. But if he chats with men, too, it could just be online chatting for entertainment.
He could try to go to some counseling with a Christian counselor or a pastor. A secular counselor probably might not be any good at all for this since porn is so accepted in society. He could also have a male prayer partner or small men's group where he could pray and confess sins to keep him accountable. There are various types of software that block certain websites or report websites he's viewed to accountability partners. He could also just give up internet time or shut off other avenues that he uses to view porn.
Something to keep in mind is even stuff on free TV can entice a man to look with lust. We need to be careful with all forms of media.
On the other hand, I know why you feel like he's cheating on your emotionally by looking with lust, but ultimately it's a sin against God. Chatting with the women could be a manifestation of lust. But if he chats with men, too, it could just be online chatting for entertainment.
He could try to go to some counseling with a Christian counselor or a pastor. A secular counselor probably might not be any good at all for this since porn is so accepted in society. He could also have a male prayer partner or small men's group where he could pray and confess sins to keep him accountable. There are various types of software that block certain websites or report websites he's viewed to accountability partners. He could also just give up internet time or shut off other avenues that he uses to view porn.
Something to keep in mind is even stuff on free TV can entice a man to look with lust. We need to be careful with all forms of media.
K
He doesn't chat with other men.. Not in a social manner. He may ask about something for sale or something like that but never just chatting. He only does that with women. And I wouldn't even consider leaving if this was an ongoing battle. It's not like I found it one time and considered leaving him. We have been doing this for 5 years. And I still haven't considered leaving him just over this. It's a whole mess of issues. these are just them main problems. And even then it still wouldn't be quite as hurtful to me if it wasn't for the fact that he refuses to touch me. I have tried to get us into counseling but he refuses to go... I've suggested marriage counseling, individual counseling. We are extremely involved in out church. And we both know of several men that have given their testimony on overcoming their own pornography addictions. I've asked him just to talk to one of them and he will not even consider it. When do I put my foot down? Do I let this continue until he does actually cheat on me?
E
Marriage is forever. That was the intention of the Creator who instituted marriage. I believe your marriage can be restored by the creator of all things. I believe you love your husband and care enough about your marriage that is why you you have brought this issue into public for a "stranger" like me to read. I pray that the FATHER will restore all that the enemy has stole. May the life and vibrancy in your marriage, the love and trust be restored. May the plans of the wicked one for you and your husband be cancelled. May you receive grace and newness in your marriage.
Finally may I recommend a marriage counseling book for you. MODEL MARRIAGE by Dag Heward-Mills.
Finally may I recommend a marriage counseling book for you. MODEL MARRIAGE by Dag Heward-Mills.