Help...Stepdaughter!!

[lookwhatthelordhasdone]

My brother has been the same way since he was 13. He's 18 now. I'll give you this advice from experiencing this. Sometimes you have to let them hit rock bottom and come to their own realization in order for them to change. I know my advice may sound cruel, but that's what it took for me. My mother trying to protect me only made me want to do it more at that age. When I finally did mess up really bad, I wanted advice and was open to it. That's when my mom swooped in and talked to me. The difference that time was, I actually listened to her. I didn't see it as control like before. When we're young, we think we're invincible and never really see the error in our ways. It takes a real reality check to wake us up from that.
Pray to God for your husband and your child, he'll deliver you through it. Pray to God for the wisdom and knowledge, so you can speak to your step daughter.

I'll pray for your family as well. It's a rough road ahead, sister.

 

[tapuout101]

When did you become their stepmother? I heard this on Dr. Phi that if a step parent or partner comes into the childs life after 5-6 years old you can not discipline. The biological parent has to handle it. You might have to withdraw a little. In general kids start having sex at that age I did not sure about yourself. They are gonna lie if they are not treated like a person or have a person to talk to. At that age they are becoming adults and push their own space.

 

[BrittanyJones]

NOTHING is going to change unless something happens with you and your husband. I think you and everybody knows that. Also prayer solves all. God makes us a promise:

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. "Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake?
If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.
Matthew 7

Also just an observation I haven't seen asked yet. Does she feel like you love her? There are no doubt maternal bonds between children and parents, but when you step into a kids life, especially after they felt the loss of their former mother/caretaker, I know it's hard for the children to even respect you. I have never been a step parent, but I feel this in professional babysitting experience, whether they lost a mom or the former beloved babysitter. I had to prove my love and devotion to the child and then through love the child would listen to me and do as I asked, instead of screaming and throwing tantrum fits.

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.
Jeremiah 29

 

[masha]

I use to have the same problem with my elder sister. never steal but she was very good to tell lies. she was facing eyes when she was lieng she could even cry to make the people belive her. i tryied my best to change her and we were ending to quarrel, i got tierd and live her like that she was very good but her problem was only to tell lies. i tried to show her i love her and i do care for her thats why i wanted her to change but maybe she never understand. she never learned to her many mastake. so i tell my God to be with her in heaven. i real love her as my sister maybe now she know it.

 

[xXErraticEmilyXx]

Well, I have to disagree with the above comment. While her father should definately have a strong and in this, you being the woman (and because you've been in the picture since she was a young girl, also have a responsibility. First, she will probably do what she's going to do, and to some extent you can't really stop her. If she's having sex in your house, then you need to put up some serious barriers to not allow that to happen. Boys NEVER belong in the room of a girl that young... and in the current situation, not even with the door opened. If she's sneaking him over when you're not there, then she can't be home alone either. Send her to a trusted friend, your friend not hers. Take her with you. Unfortunately, you shouldn't trust her with any freedom right now. While you can talk to her about why she shouldn't be having sex, you can only prevent it from happening at your house. Every other location is not under your control.
Get her on birth control. Make sure the communication is open. Do not judge her. Do you remember your hormones at 16. They're hard enough now, but then they were raging little monsters. There is a core reason she's having sex and that is what needs to be addressed.

LOL birth control.

 

[xXErraticEmilyXx]

My brother has been the same way since he was 13. He's 18 now. I'll give you this advice from experiencing this. Sometimes you have to let them hit rock bottom and come to their own realization in order for them to change. I know my advice may sound cruel, but that's what it took for me. My mother trying to protect me only made me want to do it more at that age. When I finally did mess up really bad, I wanted advice and was open to it. That's when my mom swooped in and talked to me. The difference that time was, I actually listened to her. I didn't see it as control like before. When we're young, we think we're invincible and never really see the error in our ways. It takes a real reality check to wake us up from that.
Pray to God for your husband and your child, he'll deliver you through it. Pray to God for the wisdom and knowledge, so you can speak to your step daughter.

I'll pray for your family as well. It's a rough road ahead, sister.

I agree with this. There definitely are some lessons that people must learn from experience. They can come out to great people too. When we think about it, God really does the same kind of thing your mother did, when we reached out to him, he came to our rescue.

 

[Jon4TheCross]

From my limited experience with God I would like to offer another perspective to consider. At that age I would ask her to sit down with you and her dad, and start out with this question: Do you want us to not offer any advice, counseling, or information regarding what God wants you to do? If she wants to keep that communication open, then great; if not, then it would be good to ask her another question:
Do you want us to trust you and stay out of it, and patiently wait for you to ask us to include our experience in your life?

My advice is to love, honor, and treat her like an equal sister if that's what she wants. Focus on honoring her and showing actions of love for her while keeping the words to a minimum until she seeks God in you. She will make mistakes most likely, but you should focus on bettering yourself as an example of how we love each other.

I love you all.

 

[Tommy4Christ]

Hi

can anyone offer me advice. My stepdaughter is 16. She's having sex with her boyfriend (and was when she was 15), she lies all the time and steals. I have no idea how to deal with her as everything I've tried has been thrown back in my face, this has been going on for the 9 years we have been together. My husband can't make anything of her either. I am at my wits end and am having serious issues with my faith regarding her. Can anyone tell me how I should approach her?

She has choosen the wide path that leads to death, I assume she doesnt proclaim to be saved! She is lost, and alls you can do is be a strong witness to her and her boy friend, but you must be sure you are grounded in the word, have come to a true saving faith, through repentance, and being a good witness to her.

She must be warned to repent or perish apart from Christ, she has a choice to yield to the convicting power of the Holy spirit, and come broken before the mercy seat, or continue in her gross rebellion against God and your family.

I know this sounds harsh, but ending up in Hell is harsher, so get right with God, repent of all known willful rebellion against God, seek His mercy, by laying aside all filthyness and overflow of wickedness and receive the implanted word.

Tough love is not easy, but if she continues down the road she is on now, she will loose her soul, which should be your main concern for her and your family.

She has no fear of God, the churches teach a candy coated salvation message, few are coming to a saving faith on the scale of Nineveh,and I am afraid we are in the days of Noah, few will be saved, few will find real repentance and faith,and few will strive to enter the narrow road that leads to life, Jesus didn't do it for us, He made a way, we have our part to do in repentance and faith proven by deeds, where the fear and wrath of God should cause the lost masses to put on sat cloth and ashes, and seek the mercy of God!!

I will pray for you and your family.

Walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.​

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Rom 8:1 There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.​

There is a huge difference between walking after the spirit, and waking after the flesh. Most think they are in the spirit when they have never come to Christ and salvation on His terms!
Most also think that the NO condemnation part is a done deal, when they confess the sinners prayer, admit they are a poor sinner, and accept Jesus into their heart, when in reality nothing happened, they are still defiled and double minded, but their pastor tells them now you are free from any condemnation what so ever!
Even though they are still in their unconverted carnal state, sold under sin! This is what is being produced today by the multitudes thinking they are safe and saved, under NO condemnation, because Romans 8-1 says so, but they fail to see the to do part of this very critical verse from Romans!
Yes, there is NO condemnation for those who are IN Christ, who have crucified their flesh with Him, Galatians 2-20, through real repentance and faith, and are now walking in the newness of life, free from the bondages of sin, temptation and the devil, not by some magical substitution, but by the power, and blood of Christ, who came as a sin offering, to ransom sinful mankind from the corrupting influences of sin! Hebrews, 9-14. Plus forgive mankind for all their past sins. Romans 3-25.
If a real conversion happens as described in James 1-21-22, through real repentance and faith, both proven by a changed heart, made pure, sincere and full of love, walking in the spirit while keeping the deeds of the flesh dead, then there is now no condemnation, for those who are IN Christ, crucified to the flesh and its harmful desires, being sensitive to the spirit and its leading.
If you walk IN the spirit then you cannot be also walking in the flesh, its either one or the other, thus the condemnation comes to those who return to their vomit, re crucifying Christ again and again, for willful, presumptuous sins that should have been put to death at conversion.
Gal 6:7 Do not be deceived, God is not mocked. For whatever a man sows, that he also will reap.
Gal 6:8 For he sowing to his flesh will reap corruption from the flesh. But he sowing to the Spirit will reap life everlasting from the Spirit.
IF you are walking the crucified life in all humility and power of the spirit within, then condemnation will be lifted off your soul, as you remain IN the spirit, producing the fruits of the spirit, and guarding your heart from the temptations that so easily ensnare those who have never done their first works in repentance, stepping in and out of the light, and remaining carnal and double minded!!
Rom 8:6 For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace
Rom 8:7 because the carnal mind is enmity(an enemy) against God, for it is not subject to the Law of God, neither indeed can it be.
Those who have gone through a true conversion, and have come to God broken in repentance, cleansed and purged of all known vile sins against Him, are now not under the condemnation of God, because they have crucified their flesh as commanded, Galatians 2-20, walking IN the light of Christ, so all they do, will be with a sound mind and heart, the motives will be pure, with good intent, and all done in love and sincerity, not for selfish gain, fulfilling the lust of the eyes and the pride in self, but with a heart geared to obedience to the truth, a living active obedience which will be imputed to us by faith, which is also the same as obedience to the commands of God which are not burdensome!
So the purity of the heart is crucial in all aspects of a real conversion, because without this heart purity, made possible through our free will and ability to obey from the heart, forsake all know sin, as the whole city of Nineveh did, then coming broken before God in an acceptable state, it will be impossible to walk in the spirit, and receive NO condemnation from God, as Romans 8-1 states, but a life filled with sin repent, sin repent, sin repent, and I mean fornicate, repent, get drunk repent, lie, cheat steal repent, etc..
God made it clear, the pure in heart will see Him, and please Him, and I don’t mean a perfect heart as perfect as God’s, BUT a heart that has been purified completely, by laying aside all wickedness and filthiness, and now ready to receive His implanted word with all meekness and humility, and not all the many neglected scriptures you never hear in church, or they tell you they never apply to you, are now totally understood, and adhered to, because they keep you in His grace, as you obey them, by denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, then living soberly, righteously and godly in this present age, where grace isn’t abused or taken in vain, and the great condemnation of God is lifted, as you walk in the spirit, and the new life In following Christ on the narrow road!
Tommy 9-2-12

 

[shekaniah]

I use to have the same problem with my elder sister. never steal but she was very good to tell lies. she was facing eyes when she was lieng she could even cry to make the people belive her. i tryied my best to change her and we were ending to quarrel, i got tierd and live her like that she was very good but her problem was only to tell lies. i tried to show her i love her and i do care for her thats why i wanted her to change but maybe she never understand. she never learned to her many mastake. so i tell my God to be with her in heaven. i real love her as my sister maybe now she know it.

My prayers go out to you and your sister.
Love in Christ, Shekaniah

 

[ThriftShopPop]

scared straight has a ridicously low success rate;
Doing What Doesn’t Work | Center for American Progress
Scared Straight? Not Really | World of Psychology
http://www.juvjustice.org/media/resources/public/resource_539.pdf

They get scared immediately...but eventually the shock will ware off...and where are they then? back where they started. Its like spanking a kid...will they continue to do it? yes.

 

[rebsengland80]

Thank you so much for your replies.
I have two children from a previous marriage who are now 30 and 32, I brought them up mostly by myself and they are upstanding, honest people and are bringing their children up likewise, I feel so guilty about my stepdaughter as I feel I am letting myself down and her but her Father never disciplines her and when I do she runs to him and I'm made out to be the one in the wrong. He believes everything she tells him even when it's blatantly a lie! There are no schemes here in the UK for girls like her, I have to say it seems to be a trend for kids to act this way now. I have to say that I just can't wait for her to leave home and I feel bad about that. Will God forgive me for feeling like this?

My sister is having some of the same problems has you are with her 16 year old daughter. What about family therapy? Or taking her away for a weekend just you and her on some kind of orienteering exercise where you have to work together as a team? The thing with teenagers is that they are trying to find their own way in life and a lot of the time have no idea how to handle their own emotions including anger. She probably doesn't mean any of the things she says, I am sure you both love her dearly or you would have given up a long time ago. I wonder if something major has happened that neither of you know about and she doesn't know how to tell either of you. I don't have any solid answers for you but I would sit down with your husband and explain how you feel about it all. Your husband probably feels to give in is the only way for an easier life but this clearly isn't working, children and young people need boundaries' and rules whilst they grow up but they also need to find their own path and identity. Another suggestion might be to just go down to her level and try to get her to open up about things. Give her a hug even if it's only sided, pray for not just her but your role as a mum too, tell you love her and your there for her always. But most of all be patient and give it all to God.

 

[sandtigeress]

i think the first reason to overcome is with your husband.

At the moment he has two females fighting in his family, who tell him in essence, that the other one is lying.
He does not seem to want to believe either one of you is lying, so he might choose to believe
you are exaceration the situation (the lesser lie) rather then believe the other female (the daughter)
is telling big lies.

Pray on it. I do not see a way, from what you tell us, where you can do something disciplinay, that your
husband would not hinder, because he does not grasp the situation and is trying to help his daughter
in what he might see as an interfemale fight.

You might try to tell him, that he is responsible for all issues with her for a month or so, when you wont
say a thing about her ( so he has to look closely at your daughter and might discover for himself that her
stories don't add up). I think, that if you do not get your husband in the boat, discipline (and shouting,
argumenting) won`t work, to be a good example (and prayer (to let god handle the hearts of your
huusband and daugther) ) might.

 

[bobo]

sounds like you have a angry jelous teen on your hands this sounds like a lonely little girl to me that is craving attention weather it be good attention or bad. As hard as this sounds this girl needs a big hug from you need to ask the lord for patients and build up a good relationship with her try and become friends try and see things through her eyes it will help you both. She will calm down in time I am speaking from experience here I have a step mum I have a step dad and I have 2 step children so I do understand a little of whats going on here. God be with you I will pray it all works out for you all xxx

 

[Iluv_Jesus]

A good example is something you can use to discipline a child like that. Prayer can help you where no one can. Have faith in Jesus and love your step daughter. She would be missing her mother. Be good to her. In time, God will heal her and show her the way. Patience and prayer to God can help you. God bless.

 

[BishopSEH]

I would recommend tuning into Parenting Today's Teens with Mark Gregston. He also runs Heartlight Ministries. Its a live in Christian environment that offers so much to help teens get back on the right track and to help both teens and parent to communicate more effectively. heartlightministries.org