Homosexual Brother In Law

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tstumf

Active member
May 28, 2021
114
51
28
#1
Hello there. I have myself quite a situation. My wife’s brother is a Homosexual and recently got “married” to his partner in California. The ceremony was private due to covid but now that the restrictions are gone they want to have a larger reception in October and want us there. I’m torn on this cause they are nice people but there is something telling me not to go. I have this feeling that I would be engaging in celebration of someone’s sin which I’m very against. It also concerns me about the example I’m setting for my 5 year old boy. He would be watching daddy compromise his beliefs and watching daddy essentially celebrate sin. Am I thinking on this the wrong way as a Christian man, husband and father? If I stand against this lead my family as God intended and refuse to attend it will absolutely make family members very angry and disappointed in me. It’s probably going to add stress to an already weak marriage of mine cause my wife believes she needs to be there for her brother. This isn’t the first issue we have had regarding the Homosexual brother in law. My wife’s family is also pushing us to allow the Homosexual couple to be my sons legal guardian/ godparents if we were to pass on. My wife thinks it’s a great idea but I’m not ok with this because I believe that as a father I have the duty to give my son the best chance at living in a Christian household with a strong masculine husband and wife marriage. I have a brother who is married but my wife doesn’t get along with them. She has a sister with a husband but she has that one out of the question as well. I’m trying to get out ahead of this before it becomes all a big train wreck but I keep stumbling. Please help. How do I lead my family through this mess? If nothing else please pray for us.
 

Gideon300

Well-known member
Mar 18, 2021
709
471
63
#2
Hello there. I have myself quite a situation. My wife’s brother is a Homosexual and recently got “married” to his partner in California. The ceremony was private due to covid but now that the restrictions are gone they want to have a larger reception in October and want us there. I’m torn on this cause they are nice people but there is something telling me not to go. I have this feeling that I would be engaging in celebration of someone’s sin which I’m very against. It also concerns me about the example I’m setting for my 5 year old boy. He would be watching daddy compromise his beliefs and watching daddy essentially celebrate sin. Am I thinking on this the wrong way as a Christian man, husband and father? If I stand against this lead my family as God intended and refuse to attend it will absolutely make family members very angry and disappointed in me. It’s probably going to add stress to an already weak marriage of mine cause my wife believes she needs to be there for her brother. This isn’t the first issue we have had regarding the Homosexual brother in law. My wife’s family is also pushing us to allow the Homosexual couple to be my sons legal guardian/ godparents if we were to pass on. My wife thinks it’s a great idea but I’m not ok with this because I believe that as a father I have the duty to give my son the best chance at living in a Christian household with a strong masculine husband and wife marriage. I have a brother who is married but my wife doesn’t get along with them. She has a sister with a husband but she has that one out of the question as well. I’m trying to get out ahead of this before it becomes all a big train wreck but I keep stumbling. Please help. How do I lead my family through this mess? If nothing else please pray for us.
Yes, we need God's wisdom in this kind of situation. We need to remember that "bad company corrupts good morals" and homosexuality is sin.

I have personal experience of this kind of situation. I married a woman of mixed race. She had more or less disowned her family except for one brother. He died tragically and she wanted to go to the funeral. A number of us advised her not to go, but she was adamant.

Her sister was a lesbian aboriginal activist. I came home from work one day to find a house full of strangers. I called one of them "mate" before I realised "he" was really a "she". It created a great strain on our relationship, which ended in divorce a few years later. It was not the only reason, but it sure did not help.
 

tstumf

Active member
May 28, 2021
114
51
28
#3
Yes, we need God's wisdom in this kind of situation. We need to remember that "bad company corrupts good morals" and homosexuality is sin.

I have personal experience of this kind of situation. I married a woman of mixed race. She had more or less disowned her family except for one brother. He died tragically and she wanted to go to the funeral. A number of us advised her not to go, but she was adamant.

Her sister was a lesbian aboriginal activist. I came home from work one day to find a house full of strangers. I called one of them "mate" before I realised "he" was really a "she". It created a great strain on our relationship, which ended in divorce a few years later. It was not the only reason, but it sure did not help.
Thankyou Gideon300. It helps to know I’m not the only person who has been or is going through this sort of thing. Of all the problems and situations I thought I’d face as a married man this is perhaps one I never once considered. It’s a weird uneasy feeling coming up to this issue and I’ve felt so alone in trying to figure this out. I’ve prayed about it a lot the last few months since we got the invitation and feel God nudging me to seek the council of others in Christ so I Thankyou again for your input.
 

soberxp

Senior Member
May 3, 2018
1,039
157
63
#4
I wonder why there are homosexuals, whether it's because they don't believe in love, or because men think women are unreliable, women think men are unreliable,
When I wasn't clear about homosexuality,
I won't give you any advice,
Or you can see my signature,
 

Rosemaryx

Senior Member
May 3, 2017
3,197
3,612
113
60
#5
Hi...
I pray that you are being led by the Holy Spirit on these matters , and may it be Him who is showing you that He does not want you to go...
Jesus did say He came to separate father from sons , daughter-in-laws , mother and daughters etc...
Fear God and not man the bible says...
I agree that you are to set a good example to your son , by showing him that you stand on the word of God...
My daughters 30th birthday party is tonight , but I am not going...The room will be filled with people getting drunk , women in short shorts , and not the ideal music playing...
It is hard to make choices , but when we make them for Gods way , all will work out in the end , regardless what people may think...

Trust in the LORD , with all your heart , and lean not on your own understanding...
In all your ways acknowledge Him , and He will direct your paths...
...xox...
 

tstumf

Active member
May 28, 2021
114
51
28
#6
I wonder why there are homosexuals, whether it's because they don't believe in love, or because men think women are unreliable, women think men are unreliable,
When I wasn't clear about homosexuality,
I won't give you any advice,
Or you can see my signature,
Thankyou
 

EternalFire

Well-known member
Jan 3, 2019
454
257
63
#7
This video may prove helpful in your decision-making process, as it addresses some of the issues with which you are dealing.

 

tstumf

Active member
May 28, 2021
114
51
28
#8
Hi...
I pray that you are being led by the Holy Spirit on these matters , and may it be Him who is showing you that He does not want you to go...
Jesus did say He came to separate father from sons , daughter-in-laws , mother and daughters etc...
Fear God and not man the bible says...
I agree that you are to set a good example to your son , by showing him that you stand on the word of God...
My daughters 30th birthday party is tonight , but I am not going...The room will be filled with people getting drunk , women in short shorts , and not the ideal music playing...
It is hard to make choices , but when we make them for Gods way , all will work out in the end , regardless what people may think...

Trust in the LORD , with all your heart , and lean not on your own understanding...
In all your ways acknowledge Him , and He will direct your paths...
...xox...

Thank you
 
M

MoonCresta

Guest
#9
Hello there. I have myself quite a situation. My wife’s brother is a Homosexual and recently got “married” to his partner in California. The ceremony was private due to covid but now that the restrictions are gone they want to have a larger reception in October and want us there. I’m torn on this cause they are nice people but there is something telling me not to go. I have this feeling that I would be engaging in celebration of someone’s sin which I’m very against. It also concerns me about the example I’m setting for my 5 year old boy. He would be watching daddy compromise his beliefs and watching daddy essentially celebrate sin. Am I thinking on this the wrong way as a Christian man, husband and father? If I stand against this lead my family as God intended and refuse to attend it will absolutely make family members very angry and disappointed in me. It’s probably going to add stress to an already weak marriage of mine cause my wife believes she needs to be there for her brother. This isn’t the first issue we have had regarding the Homosexual brother in law. My wife’s family is also pushing us to allow the Homosexual couple to be my sons legal guardian/ godparents if we were to pass on. My wife thinks it’s a great idea but I’m not ok with this because I believe that as a father I have the duty to give my son the best chance at living in a Christian household with a strong masculine husband and wife marriage. I have a brother who is married but my wife doesn’t get along with them. She has a sister with a husband but she has that one out of the question as well. I’m trying to get out ahead of this before it becomes all a big train wreck but I keep stumbling. Please help. How do I lead my family through this mess? If nothing else please pray for us.

God bless you during this time. I'll pray for you right now (in a few minutes).

I honestly don't know about the first quandary - I hope others are able to minister to you on that.

Second one - no no no. And that is a very private decision between you and your spouse. I don't know why other family members would even feel comfortable talking about it. But I would not allow my son to be raised by homosexuals. My opinion.

Pray pray pray about it.
 

17Bees

Senior Member
Oct 14, 2016
1,086
646
113
#10
I believe you're on the right track. You should stand your ground. You said "something told me" you shouldn't go and I get that. That "something" is wisdom. It's honor. It's subjecting yourself to God's Word. I didn't really have a situation like yours, but a church I went to is about the kindest, most loving and accepting church I ever attended. From day one I was family. It's a small rural church and not all that many members but no one missed me before. No one cared whether I was there on Sunday or not. Except this one. The problem was it's the United Methodist Church. One of thousands across this planet. The UMC decided out of love and concern that times have changed and the demographic has changed and it's time to accept the plight of the gay population and accept and embrace the love gays have for one another through marriage and the love we need to show them as a church.

Those are great endeavors to have and they strike at the core of Christian agape love and concern for God's children. And also dead wrong. Not with the concept of love but with the concept of compliance to God's Word, and so I left that church and haven't been back and as much as I miss those folks it's not my church. It's God's church. And even if I agreed with everything said, my opinion doesn't matter much. And I told them that just as soon as I create my own universe, I'll make up my own rules, but in the meantime I'll honor my God, my Father.

The way I see it, beyond the messages you're writing in the heart of your son, beyond the reverence you exhibit to your wife, you might even plant a seed where you least expect it. Could be that's what this turmoil is all about.
 

Ahwatukee

Senior Member
Mar 12, 2015
10,878
2,211
113
#11
Hello there. I have myself quite a situation. My wife’s brother is a Homosexual and recently got “married” to his partner in California. The ceremony was private due to covid but now that the restrictions are gone they want to have a larger reception in October and want us there. I’m torn on this cause they are nice people but there is something telling me not to go. I have this feeling that I would be engaging in celebration of someone’s sin which I’m very against. It also concerns me about the example I’m setting for my 5 year old boy. He would be watching daddy compromise his beliefs and watching daddy essentially celebrate sin. Am I thinking on this the wrong way as a Christian man, husband and father? If I stand against this lead my family as God intended and refuse to attend it will absolutely make family members very angry and disappointed in me. It’s probably going to add stress to an already weak marriage of mine cause my wife believes she needs to be there for her brother. This isn’t the first issue we have had regarding the Homosexual brother in law. My wife’s family is also pushing us to allow the Homosexual couple to be my sons legal guardian/ godparents if we were to pass on. My wife thinks it’s a great idea but I’m not ok with this because I believe that as a father I have the duty to give my son the best chance at living in a Christian household with a strong masculine husband and wife marriage. I have a brother who is married but my wife doesn’t get along with them. She has a sister with a husband but she has that one out of the question as well. I’m trying to get out ahead of this before it becomes all a big train wreck but I keep stumbling. Please help. How do I lead my family through this mess? If nothing else please pray for us.
Hello tstumf,

Your concern is spot on! Your situation is perfect example of the Lord's command to take up our crosses daily.

When we attend a marriage, everyone is there to celebrate and congratulate the couple and their new life together. Just by showing up there you would be supporting their detestable union, which is no union at all in God's eyes.

Remember that Jude reminds us about the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah that were destroyed by fire and serve as a warning of the eternal fire of God’s judgment. How can you sake their hands and give them hugs and congratulate them, when you don't really mean it and that because it is against God?

I know that it is a hard spot to be in, but as believer in Christ, you cannot support them or wish them well, because by doing so you would be condoning their actions.

This situation would also fall under the following:

===================================================================================

Do not assume that I have come to bring peace to the earth; I have not come to bring peace, but a sword (division). For I have come to turn

‘a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law.

A man’s enemies will be the members of his own household.’

Anyone who loves his father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me; and anyone who does not take up his cross and follow Me is not worthy of Me.

===================================================================================

Taking up our cross, means to take our stand for Christ regardless of the circumstances, even in the threat of persecution and death.

Are you gonna take your stand for Christ and His word or compromise? That is the situation that God has allowed you to be confronted with and I'm pretty sure that it is to test your faith.

I'll keep you in prayer, brother.
 

Seeker47

Well-known member
Aug 7, 2018
305
270
63
#12
I have a couple of questions:

If your brother-in-law was an alcoholic and booze would be served at the reception, would you go?
If the reception was held at casino, would you go?
Would you still be concerned about the impact on your son?

I am not sure your issues about your son are that significant right now. What message are you really trying to send to him? It’s going to take a great deal more than this reception to teach him Christian values. At some point he also needs to learn about love and grace and forgiveness and even the truth and assurance of Gods judgement. This may be a means to demonstrate those lessons but at 5 he is not really going to process much. What message will your refusal to attend send to him? What happens If there is a major family fracture over this issue? If you and your wife continue to struggle with this for the next few years; and that sounds like a real possibility, what will he learn?

Many of us have faced similar situations. We try to express love for the sinner even while making it clear we do not agree with their decisions. This needs to happen face-to-face before the reception and in private. It will be difficult and painful and may not provide instant resolution, but in my experience this stance is the only one that does not end in disaster for everyone. It may take time but relationships do develop on love and honesty.

Please consider carefully the message you really need to send.
 

Gideon300

Well-known member
Mar 18, 2021
709
471
63
#13
Thankyou Gideon300. It helps to know I’m not the only person who has been or is going through this sort of thing. Of all the problems and situations I thought I’d face as a married man this is perhaps one I never once considered. It’s a weird uneasy feeling coming up to this issue and I’ve felt so alone in trying to figure this out. I’ve prayed about it a lot the last few months since we got the invitation and feel God nudging me to seek the council of others in Christ so I Thankyou again for your input.
You are welcome. When you think you've seen it all, it pays to think again! I'm 70 and now looking after someone with mild dementia-like symptoms. Nothing prepared me for this. Our loving Father has a way of keeping us dependent on Him!

We do need to make our position clear on these issues. That can create a great deal of trouble for us. I'd rather be in trouble with men than with God. The gospel is offensive and so is the Lord Jesus. As long as you speak with love, your only obligation is to say the truth. My regular prayer is for wisdom. God has promised to answer that prayer. I'm learning how to deal with a sometimes impossible situation - for me. Nothing is impossible with God.
 

Gideon300

Well-known member
Mar 18, 2021
709
471
63
#14
I wonder why there are homosexuals, whether it's because they don't believe in love, or because men think women are unreliable, women think men are unreliable,
When I wasn't clear about homosexuality,
I won't give you any advice,
Or you can see my signature,
I suggest that you read Romans 1. You will find that homosexuality is a direct result of wilful rebellion against God. Sin is sin and adultery is no better or worse. What is utterly evil are the attempts to shut down any (righteous) condemnation of homosexuality. Waving signs saying homos will burn in hell is not the answer. Neither is whitewashing sin, especially when 1 Corinthians 6:9 is so clear - and written to the church. When do you see a "Murderers Liberation" march or "Christian Adulterers Association"? Satan seeks to shut down gospel preaching any way he can. It won't be long before the Bible is called hate speech and quoting it outlawed in some countries that used to be called Christian.
 

Ahwatukee

Senior Member
Mar 12, 2015
10,878
2,211
113
#15
I have a couple of questions:

If your brother-in-law was an alcoholic and booze would be served at the reception, would you go?
If the reception was held at casino, would you go?
Would you still be concerned about the impact on your son?

I am not sure your issues about your son are that significant right now. What message are you really trying to send to him? It’s going to take a great deal more than this reception to teach him Christian values. At some point he also needs to learn about love and grace and forgiveness and even the truth and assurance of Gods judgement. This may be a means to demonstrate those lessons but at 5 he is not really going to process much. What message will your refusal to attend send to him? What happens If there is a major family fracture over this issue? If you and your wife continue to struggle with this for the next few years; and that sounds like a real possibility, what will he learn?

Many of us have faced similar situations. We try to express love for the sinner even while making it clear we do not agree with their decisions. This needs to happen face-to-face before the reception and in private. It will be difficult and painful and may not provide instant resolution, but in my experience this stance is the only one that does not end in disaster for everyone. It may take time but relationships do develop on love and honesty.

Please consider carefully the message you really need to send.
Those comparisons are not the same. Just showing up at the ungodly union is congratulatory. By your reasoning we could involve ourselves in anything thing by compromising.

Did God destroy several cities on account of alcohol or any other sin?

His refusal to attend would tell his son that we as believers in Christ cannot support that life style. He can't go up and congratulate him for his marriage to another man? He can't wish him well? Just being there would be condoning his actions.

What happens If there is a major family fracture over this issue?

This situation has to do with taking up his cross and standing in the truth. A family fracture is exactly what Jesus was referring to regarding the scripture below. Our faith in him would divide family members and households. What kind of message would he be sending to his son by attending? With your kind of reasoning, people could use it to receive the mark of the beast saying, "Well, God knows that I need to feed my family. I'm sure He won't punish me for receiving it." Yet, we know what the scriptures state for those who do.

=============================================================================
Do not assume that I have come to bring peace to the earth; I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn

‘a man against his father,

a daughter against her mother,

a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law.

A man’s enemies will be the members

of his own household.’i

Anyone who loves his father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me; and anyone who does not take up his cross and follow Me is not worthy of Me.

==================================================================================
 
May 13, 2021
355
221
43
#16
You have to stick to your beliefs. Just as they (the couple) live by theirs.
Show then respect whenever you meet. Maybe your wife will prefer u to be firm
 

tstumf

Active member
May 28, 2021
114
51
28
#17
Hello tstumf,

Your concern is spot on! Your situation is perfect example of the Lord's command to take up our crosses daily.

When we attend a marriage, everyone is there to celebrate and congratulate the couple and their new life together. Just by showing up there you would be supporting their detestable union, which is no union at all in God's eyes.

Remember that Jude reminds us about the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah that were destroyed by fire and serve as a warning of the eternal fire of God’s judgment. How can you sake their hands and give them hugs and congratulate them, when you don't really mean it and that because it is against God?

I know that it is a hard spot to be in, but as believer in Christ, you cannot support them or wish them well, because by doing so you would be condoning their actions.

This situation would also fall under the following:

===================================================================================

Do not assume that I have come to bring peace to the earth; I have not come to bring peace, but a sword (division). For I have come to turn

‘a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law.

A man’s enemies will be the members of his own household.’

Anyone who loves his father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me; and anyone who does not take up his cross and follow Me is not worthy of Me.

===================================================================================

Taking up our cross, means to take our stand for Christ regardless of the circumstances, even in the threat of persecution and death.

Are you gonna take your stand for Christ and His word or compromise? That is the situation that God has allowed you to be confronted with and I'm pretty sure that it is to test your faith.

I'll keep you in prayer, brother.
Thankyou for your words of wisdom and prayers
 

tstumf

Active member
May 28, 2021
114
51
28
#20
People respect a firm gentleman. No one likes a whinging 'nice guy'
Noted. And if I’m being honest about myself I am and always have been the “nice guy” who doesn’t say much. Generally agreeable and Probably Tiptoed around people’s feelings most of my life and regrettably probably to my detriment. I’m introverted naturally in my personality so confrontation is really not my strength. it’s kind of a double whammy to me getting put in this situation. maybe that’s God speaking that it’s time to stand firm perhaps?