You can only control you, not him. Maybe he can't or won't own up because of shame. God is about forgiveness and as long as he's not abusing you, maybe you can let it go and try to enjoy the years of his life he has left not feeling resentful for all he has not done. I know its hard. I do. But at the end of the day, some things never change and we have to let them go so that we can enjoy peace.
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We owe everything to our parents, because we are a product of their love.
Equally we owe everything to God our creator who brought us into being.
We are born with this debt and also love towards God and our situation.
It is hard to forgive, hard to admit our need of love from our parents that is foundational
to who we are, but if we want to walk with God, know the kingdom, it is here we have to go.
In peoples sin and mortality, there are limits, and we need to work within them, respecting our
obligations while imposing boundaries of behaviour and response.
And it is emotionally hard, to see someone you love destroy themselves and never truly wake
up to were they are. But this is how you love sinners, hoping and waiting for opportunities
to share and bring light into a dark place.
Equally we owe everything to God our creator who brought us into being.
We are born with this debt and also love towards God and our situation.
It is hard to forgive, hard to admit our need of love from our parents that is foundational
to who we are, but if we want to walk with God, know the kingdom, it is here we have to go.
In peoples sin and mortality, there are limits, and we need to work within them, respecting our
obligations while imposing boundaries of behaviour and response.
And it is emotionally hard, to see someone you love destroy themselves and never truly wake
up to were they are. But this is how you love sinners, hoping and waiting for opportunities
to share and bring light into a dark place.
Therefore, though I might be very bold in Christ to command you what is fitting, [SUP]9 [/SUP]yet for love’s sake I rather appeal to you—being such a one as Paul, the aged, and now also a prisoner of Jesus Christ— [SUP]10 [/SUP]I appeal to you for my son Onesimus, whom I have begotten while in my chains, [SUP]11 [/SUP]who once was unprofitable to you, but now is profitable to you and to me. [SUP]12 [/SUP]I am sending him back. You therefore receive him, that is, my own heart, [SUP]13 [/SUP]whom I wished to keep with me, that on your behalf he might minister to me in my chains for the gospel. [SUP]14 [/SUP]But without your consent I wanted to do nothing, that your good deed might not be by compulsion, as it were, but voluntary.
[SUP]15 [/SUP]For perhaps he departed for a while for this purpose, that you might receive him forever, [SUP]16 [/SUP]no longer as a slave but more than a slave—a beloved brother, especially to me but how much more to you, both in the flesh and in the Lord.Philemon 8-15
The book of Philemon is a short book, only 25 verses but it says a lot about forgiveness. Love forgives, and we need to forgive, then we can be forgiven. Every day can be a new day, leaving the past behind.
Its not a good idea bringing back past. If the other party chooses to bring back past, and if its not a nice memory, not edifying, not love building, tell them lets not go there. Parents are concerned of their childrens well being, thats why we ask questions sometimes its not to dig into life, its to protect. Parents have been through things and know warning signs, and know the path that leads to destruction because we have been there, and don't want children going down same path. want to fit in why parents ask questions sometimes, its not always to be nosy.
[SUP]15 [/SUP]For perhaps he departed for a while for this purpose, that you might receive him forever, [SUP]16 [/SUP]no longer as a slave but more than a slave—a beloved brother, especially to me but how much more to you, both in the flesh and in the Lord.Philemon 8-15
The book of Philemon is a short book, only 25 verses but it says a lot about forgiveness. Love forgives, and we need to forgive, then we can be forgiven. Every day can be a new day, leaving the past behind.
Its not a good idea bringing back past. If the other party chooses to bring back past, and if its not a nice memory, not edifying, not love building, tell them lets not go there. Parents are concerned of their childrens well being, thats why we ask questions sometimes its not to dig into life, its to protect. Parents have been through things and know warning signs, and know the path that leads to destruction because we have been there, and don't want children going down same path. want to fit in why parents ask questions sometimes, its not always to be nosy.
Hi Mooky,
So sorry to hear about your dad.
I know it's not easy. My dad left when I was 8. And then I ended up with a drunkard step father. As a believer, I look at my own life and I see failure. I was a wicked unbeliever like we all are. The things I did were in ignorance. I could compare my sin with my dad and say mine weren't as bad, but does that even matter. I was destined for hell as my father until I came to know the Lord.
Now that I'm on this side with Christ in my heart, I have compassion for those who are slaves to sin. That's what you dad is, he's a slave to sin. And you are probably the only picture of Christ in his life. You are probably the only living example where he might see God in your heart of love.
Our lives are a book to read. It can be a righteous book that might draw our dad to the Lord when they see the kindness and love of Jesus through your kind words and kind deeds or it can be a book of unrighteousness that will continue to build a wall between to two of you because of the lack of forgiveness that will show in your actions.
When we honor, we're not saying I agree with how you treated me. We're not approving their lifestyle. We are light to a dark world and how much more should we share the gospel of love and forgiveness than to the parents who bore us.
To me, honoring is to make sure that the one who hurt us cared for. Not lacking in the basic necessities of life. It might be taking the to see the Dr. because they can't drive anymore or grocery shopping for them etc.
It's truly loving them as God loves them and died for their sins as well. How great it would be if our love brings them to know God and repent of their sins.
It didn't happen with my dad, but I did have the opportunity to share the gospel with him. I did visit him and speak kind words. Even if I didn't always feel the love for him, God's love flowed through me because He empowers us to do the things we can't do. The discussion about the gospel got a little heated, so we changed the subject hoping for another opportunity to talk with him. It never happened, but my husband and I spoke the gospel through our actions.
No one would have ever wanted my m-i-l. But for all her ugliness, I loved her. I wanted her to come to know freedom in Christ. We asked our pastor to go over and speak with both m-i-l and s-f-i-l and the pastor did. He was escorted the door pretty quickly.
These two did not deserve our love. But God says to honor them. We ended up being their care givers when they were sick. Well even before that we were fixing things around the house and running errands for them, taking them to wherever they needed to go.
Sometimes it's difficult. But God gave us His supernatural love for them and that's the kind of love we loved them with - His love. We don't have to do it in our own strength. God will give us the power to will His will in our life and He will empower us to carry it out.
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