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I found that silence during a debate. Total lacks of affection. Were silently abusive and broke me inside. Too many nights of my pillow wet with tears wondering what was wrong with me. I started to struggle with closeness and care form a friend at church. So many people seem to have a perfect life. They are wounded inside
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I read a memoir written by Mariah Carey where she talked about her first marriage and she likened it to being in jail, although a very palatial jail. It was maximum security! Apparently her husband had cameras on her and everything watching her every move. She couldnt even go out to get fries from Burger King.
that marriage only lasted a few years.
that marriage only lasted a few years.
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M
But your know what (referencing the married part of your post); if you can just last through all that, all the negative feelings that may come up during marriage and work, you will so enjoy your retired life. When you both realize that all reasons for friction are gone, with the kids, and the work/relationship stress. It is so great being married when you're older. Keep that in mind people, when you're having problems in your 20s, 30s, 40s, and 50s. God does reward those who persevere!!!
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haha marry in your 60s.
although when I worked in a retirement villages I actually didnt really see a lot of happily married couples. I suppose those that did move into them were not married or widowed and moved there because they wanted to be with other people the same age.
those that may have been married had to look after each other especially when one fell sick and couldnt look after themselves, often when older people run into problems the spouse cant handle them on their own because they are old and frail too.
although on the whole I think they were less stressed because other things got done for them eg. gardneing and maintaining the house, sometimes meals and laundry. Though I think they lost out on other things.
although when I worked in a retirement villages I actually didnt really see a lot of happily married couples. I suppose those that did move into them were not married or widowed and moved there because they wanted to be with other people the same age.
those that may have been married had to look after each other especially when one fell sick and couldnt look after themselves, often when older people run into problems the spouse cant handle them on their own because they are old and frail too.
although on the whole I think they were less stressed because other things got done for them eg. gardneing and maintaining the house, sometimes meals and laundry. Though I think they lost out on other things.
So, you just asked what's the difference of being lonely when you're single and of being lonely when you're married. Well, we all come from families. So, whether we married or not, most of us, at least 80 to 90 percent would know or have a concept of what a marriage is or what a relationship is. The older we become, we see not only ourselves, but so many others in relationships.
Loneliness. There are two major kinds of loneliness.
1. You don't want to be lonely, but you are alone.
2. You want to be on your own, so you're alone. You're lonely.
3. You have no choice, Whether it's your nature or not, often times, you come across stretches of loneliness. (Loner)
There may be more kinds, but I think this will do for now!
So the difference is:
For an unmarried person or a single person, the person could be lonely for a number of reasons. It depends on who they are and what their personality is. If you have at least 1 or 2 people whom you can confide in, then you're not lonely. Still, when your back's against the wall and you have no one to confide in and no one who understands your life, you could feel your loneliest self. But you know there's a lot of other things going on for you in your life. There's always something happening in life, so you go on with it. Everybody goes through stretches of loneliness. Everyone feels betrayed. We usually feel betrayed by those closest to us. We think that our parents and our friends have got our backs, but need not always be the case. Loneliness is inevitable. But even loneliness is not permanent. No matter how lonely a person you are or were, you will find yourself among different people whether you like it or not. That's the beauty of life. I think it's all right if you feel lonely if you're on your own.
For a married person, it's different. I've seen so many one sided marriages in life. I've seen spouses dying because of loneliness and dying alone being in a marriage that does them no good. And some marriages change people for the worse. They marry a wrong, unpleasant person and lower their standards with that person. This whole world is a mess. You'll find some nice couples here and there. And that's rare to look at. Such people must definitely fight hard to keep what they have. Each other.
If you're feeling alone in a marriage, maybe something's wrong with you or something's wrong with your spouse. The two will be one. One way or another, they are to be one. So how can someone feel lonely when there's two people. If there are children, then that makes it a crowd. You can't afford to be lonely in that case. If you are, then that loneliness must be rectified ASAP. And for various reasons, I've seen extremely lonely married people in my life and people who stick with the wrong spouse and that screws them up. They won't know being on the inside of it. Someone from the outside would be able to tell. It will also show when you know the people a long time.
What do you call prisoners then? Aren't they some of the loneliest people out there? What about celibates? Spinsters? They're loners too. There's no escaping that kind of loneliness and hopelessness. Two's a company. Three or more is a crowd I'd say. It should be that way.
When you have a phone full of talk time but you feel you have no one to call and talk to or know that it's not worth calling anyone or feel that there's no one you want to talk to... you know you're lonely. And you could have the numbers of hundreds of men and women on your phone. Most of whom you would have known personally.
When you want to go ahead with your life, but you have a lot of hurdles on your way and you feel stuck and watch the world progress, you're going to feel lonely. This would have happened to at least more than half the people in this thread at least.
True, you can feel alone. You can even be a loner. Nothing is permanent. There have always been times in my life when I wanted to be alone, but I'd find myself in a crowd. We're social animals. And whatever we do, good or bad, we do it together.
But I digress. I think I've answered the question by now. Single and lonely? No problem. Married and lonely? Something you should rethink about and something that needs work and immediate attention. That's what I think.
Loneliness. There are two major kinds of loneliness.
1. You don't want to be lonely, but you are alone.
2. You want to be on your own, so you're alone. You're lonely.
3. You have no choice, Whether it's your nature or not, often times, you come across stretches of loneliness. (Loner)
There may be more kinds, but I think this will do for now!
So the difference is:
For an unmarried person or a single person, the person could be lonely for a number of reasons. It depends on who they are and what their personality is. If you have at least 1 or 2 people whom you can confide in, then you're not lonely. Still, when your back's against the wall and you have no one to confide in and no one who understands your life, you could feel your loneliest self. But you know there's a lot of other things going on for you in your life. There's always something happening in life, so you go on with it. Everybody goes through stretches of loneliness. Everyone feels betrayed. We usually feel betrayed by those closest to us. We think that our parents and our friends have got our backs, but need not always be the case. Loneliness is inevitable. But even loneliness is not permanent. No matter how lonely a person you are or were, you will find yourself among different people whether you like it or not. That's the beauty of life. I think it's all right if you feel lonely if you're on your own.
For a married person, it's different. I've seen so many one sided marriages in life. I've seen spouses dying because of loneliness and dying alone being in a marriage that does them no good. And some marriages change people for the worse. They marry a wrong, unpleasant person and lower their standards with that person. This whole world is a mess. You'll find some nice couples here and there. And that's rare to look at. Such people must definitely fight hard to keep what they have. Each other.
If you're feeling alone in a marriage, maybe something's wrong with you or something's wrong with your spouse. The two will be one. One way or another, they are to be one. So how can someone feel lonely when there's two people. If there are children, then that makes it a crowd. You can't afford to be lonely in that case. If you are, then that loneliness must be rectified ASAP. And for various reasons, I've seen extremely lonely married people in my life and people who stick with the wrong spouse and that screws them up. They won't know being on the inside of it. Someone from the outside would be able to tell. It will also show when you know the people a long time.
What do you call prisoners then? Aren't they some of the loneliest people out there? What about celibates? Spinsters? They're loners too. There's no escaping that kind of loneliness and hopelessness. Two's a company. Three or more is a crowd I'd say. It should be that way.
When you have a phone full of talk time but you feel you have no one to call and talk to or know that it's not worth calling anyone or feel that there's no one you want to talk to... you know you're lonely. And you could have the numbers of hundreds of men and women on your phone. Most of whom you would have known personally.
When you want to go ahead with your life, but you have a lot of hurdles on your way and you feel stuck and watch the world progress, you're going to feel lonely. This would have happened to at least more than half the people in this thread at least.
True, you can feel alone. You can even be a loner. Nothing is permanent. There have always been times in my life when I wanted to be alone, but I'd find myself in a crowd. We're social animals. And whatever we do, good or bad, we do it together.
But I digress. I think I've answered the question by now. Single and lonely? No problem. Married and lonely? Something you should rethink about and something that needs work and immediate attention. That's what I think.
usually widows or spinsters (and bachelors) if they are living alone they might get a pet to stop themselves feeling lonely when they dont go out and meet people. Single people have a lot more freedom than married couples.
if one is married, and you only have your spouse and no children, and your spouse doesnt allow you to have any pets and stops you from seeing friends, I am guessing that would be very lonely existence. the stay at home mums that dont see anyone but their young children for hours on end and dont have anyone else to talk to while their husband is away from home, that would be very lonely I imagine
if one is married, and you only have your spouse and no children, and your spouse doesnt allow you to have any pets and stops you from seeing friends, I am guessing that would be very lonely existence. the stay at home mums that dont see anyone but their young children for hours on end and dont have anyone else to talk to while their husband is away from home, that would be very lonely I imagine
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It's been along time since I've been on here but I wanted to check in. When I saw this post I had to join. I've been married for 8 years now and been feeling lonely for a long time. We have 4 young kids with issues like speech ADHD autism and other stuff we cant figure out. The kids keep her away but seems like she doesn't care to make time for us. I cant really talk to her let alone anything else.. tried talking but doesn't seem to end.. it's making me depressed. I cant talk to her. I cant give advise because it's been years for me.
Maybe we have to high of expectations for marriage. Talking and spending some time together doing something doesn't seem fairytale to me. 😔
Maybe we have to high of expectations for marriage. Talking and spending some time together doing something doesn't seem fairytale to me. 😔
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I read somewhere recently it is not the institution of marriage itself that makes people happy, but rather two happy/grounded/sensible people coming together that makes a marriage happy. So before going into marriage, one must be a happy person already and he/she must meet another happy person.
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I do not understand this loneliness bit for Christians.
He said that he would never leave me or forsake me so we have no reason to be lonely.
A wise old bird once said "If you can't find God, guess who moved?"
I was single until I was 28 years old and in that time I never felt lonely because I was always about my Father's business. As soon as one thing ended I was looking for the next.
If you are not involved in Kingdom Business, get invovled. There is always something to do.
He said that he would never leave me or forsake me so we have no reason to be lonely.
A wise old bird once said "If you can't find God, guess who moved?"
I was single until I was 28 years old and in that time I never felt lonely because I was always about my Father's business. As soon as one thing ended I was looking for the next.
If you are not involved in Kingdom Business, get invovled. There is always something to do.
I have things I try but when a person has to work lots of hours then has house and kid stuff theres not much time. I get this feeling that's why alot of people go to bars and drink so they avoid the at home issues. Doing something else to avoid it Probably isnt the greatest thing for a relationship
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T
Loneliness is an epidemic especially among the elderly even if they are Christians. I don't think God promised us that we won't be lonely, but that He will help us get through loneliness. People have different interpretations on loneliness, that it is a season of life or even considered a gift. I personally look for a DEEP connection with people which is rare (I would estimate just a few people in a lifetime), not just brunch/activity buddies. I feel unfulfilled/lonely if I do not have that DEEP connection.
You are the second one that said do something to stay busy. Which has me thinking now. If a person feels disconnected lonely in a marriage or relationship for whatever the reason could be that person is suppose to go do something they enjoy to keep busy instead of figuring out the issue behind it? Loneliness has lots of different meanings from person to person
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I could be lonely because I am autistic and they tend to prefer their own company as socialising can be problematic. In comparison to many others I am lonely, but I have all the socialising I need and when I am not doing that I am indulging in my favourite activity that of studying and learning. Sometimes I am awake until two in the morning studying.
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