How to deal with disobedience in an immediate situation

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BarlyGurl

Guest
#21
#21
shae0104 said:
I had a similiar situation and my friend stop rewarding her when she does well her job is to follow directions and strip her off everything mattress and books. Take her clothes away as well. This is your house everything in it is yours. It will get better I promise.
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I sincerely hope the child you are speaking of is a rebellious teenager... because that method is so severe... you have nothing to move up to. IN young children they never learn to even use sheets...if a child has no desire or personal appreciation for sheets, toys or clothes and you take it away... they will just adapt to live how you make them live... an will not care. That is a good tactic for teenagers who are out of control and treat their parents like dispensing machines for thier needs and wants... that is NOT good method for 8 year olds.
 
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MissCris

Guest
#22
#22
I'll probably get blasted for this, but what is the problem with giving a spanking?

I don't mean that the OP should start beating her kid, but maybe a spanking would get the girl's attention and she'd realize that Mom means business.
 
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BarlyGurl

Guest
#23
#23
spanking is fine... no blasting at all. :) Spanking sets the mother in position to use personal force... if she has to strong arm the kid out of bed... how is she going to get he kid to comply to administer spanking. by age 8, a certain degree of co-operation is required to administer a proper spanking... or physical strength to override any resistance... which the OP does not have. The dad could and should spank judiciously until the house rule is re-established... that would be very beneficial.
 
leelee

leelee

Senior Member
#24
Sep 5, 2011
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#24
BarlyGurl said:
Could you tell me where to find that in the bible... which scripture is that... I musta missed it?
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Sorry did I say it was in the bible? Can you tell me where in the bible is is acceptable to terrify your children by not allowing them the opportunity to know the consequences of their actions?
 
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BarlyGurl

Guest
#25
#25
I am almost entirely convinced you have a reading problem... where did I say it was acceptable to terrify children at all?? If you want to formulate your own solutions outside biblical principals to the OP, that's fine... DO NOT, However, misrepresent mine.
FEAR of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom... notice the word FEAR. Perhaps learn the difference between fear and TERRIFY... asserting they are the same is... highly inaccurate.
 
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dashadow

Guest
#26
#26
If one hasn't instilled discipline in a child in eight years, I don't envy you the challenge now. But your husband shouldn't place blame on you. I believe it's the responsibility of both parents, though children tend to give the mother a harder time. That's when the father should let the children know, if ya mess with mama bear, you've got to answer to papa bear. :)
 
leelee

leelee

Senior Member
#27
Sep 5, 2011
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#27
Was asking my Dad about this, he suggests that it may be to late to try to be strict, it breeds resentment. He suggests that you try rewarding the good, even with a chart that leads to a reward and plenty of praise. He was not like that with me btw (I had a red bum quite a lot!) Try talking to your child, ask her about her behaviour. Avoid shouting as they ignore it. Don't lose your temper, if you do you will have lost control and respect.
 
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Ariel82

Guest
#28
#28
lol and papa bear has been known to bite...

bible verses:

about spanking
Proverbs 13:24 He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly.

about the fear of God


  • Proverbs 1:7 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, But fools despise wisdom and instruction.
  • Proverbs 9:10 “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, And the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.
  • Proverbs 15:33 The fear of the Lord is the instruction of wisdom, And before honor is humility.
 
leelee

leelee

Senior Member
#29
Sep 5, 2011
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#29
Fear of the Lord is one thing but you suggested that fear of the parent was a +ve. You did not want the child forewarned of the consequences so that she would FEAR them.



Oh and just for the record, I am dyslexic but I can definitely read.
 
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BarlyGurl

Guest
#30
#30
oKAY leelee.... if you can tell me as a child YOU NEVER... decided not to do something because if might have consequences attached to it. Then you are some bizarre anonoly of the human race. I am also beginnng to think it is YOU who enjoys argument... since you mentioned getting spanked but continue to quarrel about FEAR... parental or otherwise, since you can't figure out what fear means. I noticed you mentioned being spanked so how about you go ask your dad to explain to you the importance of FEAR in training a child ... or society... or believers... okay? dyslexia is about transposing letters... you are convoluting vocabulary and principals... do you have a comprehension problem also? I notice you accurately interpreted in your last post... yet you are still arguing the issue??? What is the problem now???


 
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SunnyDucks

Guest
#31
#31
I don't actually have a child, but my niece was living with me for a period of some months in which I kind of had to be a surrogate mother. She was 5 at the time, and waking up early in the morning for school was a horrible ordeal every morning. My mother suggested a trick that she used on me and my siblings when we were younger.

She would make a list of every thing that we needed to get done before leaving the house in the morning (make bed, get dressed, brush teeth, etc.) and have 7 empty boxes next to each task. Whenever a task was completed we got to put a sticker next to it. At the end of the week when we collected all the stickers we got to choose a prize from a box my mom had of fun toys and such. For my niece instead of a prize box we had a cute mailbox with letters inside. On each letter was a fun activity that I knew she would love doing (extra Super Mario, build own ice cream Sunday, baking, stay up late on Friday, etc). After a few days we didn't even have to tell her what to do in the mornings. She would do her morning chores (as we called them) and come collect stickers from me after each one.

Try getting her as involved in the process as possible to let her feel she has some voice (8 is the age of exerting independence). Let her pick out the stickers to use and maybe some of the items of activities that go into the box so she knows what she is trying to earn. Positive reinforcement tends to have longer lasting effects than negative ones.
 
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Ariel82

Guest
#32
#32
I think Leelee is just disagree with not warning the child of the consequences and is stating that the child should fear the consequences not the parents?

not sure but that is what I got out of her words.

I also think that babygurl only wants to surprise the girl once to reset her mindset, not make it a policy to give untold consequences for actions.
 
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Relena7

Guest
#33
#33
To the OP, have you tried talking to your daughter at a calm time of day when it was nowhere near morning and there was no urgency?

Sit down with her and ask her why she gives you such a hard time in the morning (with calm body language and a non-intimidating tone!! don't give the vibe that you expect a fight cause kids pick up on this really sensitively and she might shut down). Then tell her that you need her to listen. Tell her she needs to find out a way to get up for school and leave on time and ask her how she thinks that could happen more easily.

See if you can grab her interest in some way to give her some of the responsibility and involve her in her own morning routines somehow.

Sorry if this sounds like a stupid and naive thing to suggest. I don't know your daughter or of she is even the problem-solving type of kid, but I thought it couldn't hurt to suggest.

Every kid listens in their own way. Find out how she listens, and take advantage of that. Good luck. :)
 
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leelee

leelee

Senior Member
#34
Sep 5, 2011
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#34
BarlyGurl said:
oKAY leelee.... if you can tell me as a child YOU NEVER... decided not to do something because if might have consequences attached to it. Then you are some bizarre anonoly of the human race. I am also beginnng to think it is YOU who enjoys argument... since you mentioned getting spanked but continue to quarrel about FEAR... parental or otherwise, since you can't figure out what fear means. I noticed you mentioned being spanked so how about you go ask your dad to explain to you the importance of FEAR in training a child ... or society... or believers... okay? dyslexia is about transposing letters... you are convoluting vocabulary and principals... do you have a comprehension problem also? I notice you accurately interpreted in your last post... yet you are still arguing the issue??? What is the problem now???
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yeh I did mention getting spanked. It is an overwhelming memory from my childhood, I don't remember praise. I only remember punishment. I did ask my dad an he said if he had to do it again he never would have spanked, he would have used positive reinforcement. he also said that it got to the point where I would actually spank myself knowing it hurt less tgan when my dad did it or I'd go and tell my mum what I did before I got punished sp she would smack me cuz it also hurt less. I remember running to hide because my granny wanted to get me with the slipper and I remember the handprint bruising on my backside. what a good idea.
 
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BarlyGurl

Guest
#35
#35
That's too bad that your father misused spanking to the degree that he feels guilt and thinks spanking is wrong. As here we have an OP who hasn't spanked and now has a rebellious child. It's too bad that you can't remember any praise... Jesus can help you with that. Your perspective does not make for a good parenting counselor at this point in your life... I hope you can get healing before you are raising your own children.
 
leelee

leelee

Senior Member
#36
Sep 5, 2011
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#36
my dad doesn't feel guilty. he just feels that other methods are more effective and wishes he didn't just do as his parents did.
 
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