Hurt by Family, Facing Crisis

[laughingheart]

Yes, my father had a bad upbringing. I do know that has affected who he is today. But he has been very harsh with my mother, at times I feel abusive. And I hate to say that because I know it would kill him if he heard me say it. I love him, but I'm also upset with him, how he's treated my mother and how he is acting selfish now when she needs his support. I talked to her today and she said he keeps saying to her "tell me you love me" and "show me you love me". She is struggling with cancer and he's not being any support. I told him we need to help her,uplift her and pray for her. I love him, I want a relationship with him, but honestly his behavior just upsets me so much. My father is dramatic, has a big voice and presence. He can be very loud and intimidating. I think my mother has often caved to his wishes just because she didn't want to put up with the drama. He has become very spoiled because of this. I'm about the only one who will speak up to him, but then the drama goes back on my mother. I've gone to counseling and have pushed them to go too, which they have done. But if a person sees themselves as right and don't want to change, what can you do? I believe my father is feeling terribly guilty for the harsh way he has treated my mother. But will it change him? I just want my mother to be happy, have joy and make memories. I don't want her to finish her life in an unhappy marriage. They love each other, I know they do, they just have no idea how to show each other. I want my family to live in peace, but that is going to take a lot of healing and changed hearts. It grieves me honestly.

You are in such a tough and painful place. Please know that I am praying for you. I don't mean "Oh I'll pray". I mean I am praying. No one knows all that you are going through. I pray that God shelters you under his wing. As you walk through all of this please surround yourself with people who will listen and pray. Bless you little sister.

 

[Lanolin]

kayla my mum went through similar with cancer (although detected early) and dad was not really helpful and she felt that he didnt care cos he wouldnt drop everything and take her to hospital and be there for her every second.

I also have an older sister and she lives on other side of the world. so her being far away she felt a bit useless but she would try to take charge cos shes that kind of person.

what this experience taught me is its not a contest of who cares the most you all care but show it in different ways.

anyway I got my bible ladies and church all praying and elder come visit even though mums not a believer and the cancer got taken out and she was fine and given the all clear. But I think mum was a bit miffed that Dad didnt do the big rescuing act and she would complain that he didnt care if she died, which is a rather huge false accusation, when he was just worried that he wouldnt be able to park at the hospital because parking fees are horrendous. And because mum does not drive how else would she get there?

I could see it was more drama than needed to be but this is just what happens in crisis things get all out of proportion especially when you dont know what the outcome is. But I think you just need to pray that things will sort out because God is bigger than any of our dramas.

 

[Hazelelponi]

I understand that I can't give people the entire story in a post. My sister and I were in ministry 15 yrs together. We were incredibly close. She got married and immediately she was in crisis. Her husband was emotionally and mentally abusive. She would call me, and still does, to be her support. She's been married 18 yrs and Ive always been there for her and her children. But when she got married she oddly turned on me, yet still needing my support. It really tore me up and I couldn't understand why we were having issues. Then her husband wrote me a very nasty letter. I was angry at the way he had treated my sister, beating holes in the walls of their home and abusing her. I admit I lost it and I told him in no uncertain terms what I thought of him. I realize she felt she had to take her husbands side. Mom more or less took my side, my father took my sisters. My sister,her husband and my father began to talk about me behind my back. They began saying I was the reason my parents were having marriage issues. And finally my sister blamed me for her broken relationship with her mother. I fell into a deep depression. I couldn't understand why my sister would turn on me.

Jump ahead a couple years and I got married. My sister and BIL did not accept my husband into the family so we just stayed out of their way and lived our lives. But I was still close to my mother and my hubby and I took her on trips with us and she spent quite a lot of time with us going out together. My nephews adore my husband and when my sister visits we always take the boys out to spoil them and do special things. My sister doesn't call my mother, she visits with her kids a couple times a year. We only live a couple hours from each other. But even though her husband and I made peace and she still calls me for support there's still this unspoken line of she, her husband and my father are on one side and myself, my husband and my mother are on the other side. I cannot understand what the issue is. It comes up often between my parents and they argue endlessly about it. I told them a couple months ago that they have to stop playing my sister and I against each other. Which my father does. I told them that she needed our support, that she needed to trust me. She's going through hell in her marriage and I need her to know that I am there the second she needs me. And I believes she knows that, she calls and tells me not to tell our parents what's going on, she doesn't want to upset them. But on the other hand there is a wall between us. I'm utterly confused as to how to break this cycle in the family. For now I feel to step back. Maybe it will bring my sister and my mother close again. I just don't know. I just know it's tearing me up. smh

Everyone has family drama to one degree or another, and it sounds like your family has its fair share too. Take heart from that at least, your not alone with drama.

Do whatever you feel is right, but don't take the entire burden on your shoulders.... don't tear yourself up.