Husband would rather masturbate than have sex with me

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nimbus3852

Guest
#41
No, it doesn't state salvation by works.

In all the years I've been a Christian I don't think I've ever seen someone argue against that passage.


I'm not a hebrew roots type, I don't advocate salvation by works, and I'd appreciate it if you would stop and think before posting next time.
Read the passage please. Note the part with threat of hell. This is Old Testament teaching, and it is not part of the New Covenant.
 

ServantStrike

Senior Member
Aug 27, 2013
3,461
56
0
#42
Read the passage please. Note the part with threat of hell. This is Old Testament teaching, and it is not part of the New Covenant.
The threat of hell doesn't mean that it refers to the Old Covenant. Christ will tell many "Christians" these very words.

Matthew 7
And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, you that work iniquity.

I would not think it would be an either/or situation.

I enjoy porn with my wife on occasion. We are both okay with it.

And one's interpretation of the bible is quite relevant, I should think. Because that is where a lot of Christians find their value system.


Romans 6
1 What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound?

[SUP]2 [/SUP]God forbid. How shall we, that are dead to sin, live any longer therein?
[SUP]3 [/SUP]Know ye not, that so many of us as were baptized into Jesus Christ were baptized into his death?
[SUP]4 [/SUP]Therefore we are buried with him by baptism into death: that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life.

God forbid. That's the exact verbiage.

Christ himself says anyone who looks upon another woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. That's not the old covenant, that's the new covenant.

You can tell yourself that your behavior is acceptable all you want, but it isn't. You're using grace as a free license to sin, which is absolutely horrifying.

I think you are mired in sexual sin. It explains why you were so fascinated with the spoils of war and carrying women off in another thread, and why you openly admit to watching pornography.


Op, ignore this man, he's giving you horrible advice.

Ladies, ignore this man. He does not represent what a Christian man should be. Most of us would never pressure you for pornography in the bedroom!
 
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nimbus3852

Guest
#43
I don't care about sex.

The life free of false guilt is far more desirable.
 

Fenner

Senior Member
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
108
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#44
I don't care about sex.

The life free of false guilt is far more desirable.

That's fine to each his own, however she had some serious questions regarding her husband, she doesn't want to debate the Bible.
 
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zaoman32

Guest
#45
please stop feeding the troll...
 

ServantStrike

Senior Member
Aug 27, 2013
3,461
56
0
#46
please stop feeding the troll...
Oh come on now, teaching like that can't just stand unchallenged. Think of all the poor fools who could read it and believe it to be the truth?

I would never have bothered were it not for what he's teaching being so dangerous.
 
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Missachu

Guest
#47
Don't feel like you have to settle for what small,insignificant contribution crumb of love he eventually gives you. Leave him. No body can survive living like that. He knows exactly what he's doing to you. He's just playing games and you shouldn't have to play them if your the mother of his child. He's not a man, he's a little boy. He needs to grow up on his own because you catering to him just feeds his addiction more.
 
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zaoman32

Guest
#48
Oh come on now, teaching like that can't just stand unchallenged. Think of all the poor fools who could read it and believe it to be the truth?

I would never have bothered were it not for what he's teaching being so dangerous.
They're in here constantly and easy to recognize, most people (especially on here) aren't going to be deceived by them. Correct once, and as they start an argument, ignore. There's no point, all you're going to do is cause a huge fight, make them laugh because your getting bent out of shape, and make a joke of the whole thread.

Again, Do. Not. Feed. The. Troll.
 
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Mastersman

Guest
#49
Is this what the Bible says? I know what your husband is doing is wrong and hurtful, but have you ever hurt him and needed His forgiveness? How about asking him about his behavior and see IF you both can let God repair what has gone wrong in your marriage. It is a given He wants to and will, the only variables are you 2.
 

PennEd

Senior Member
Apr 22, 2013
9,507
5,925
113
#50
What should I do if my husband would rather masturbate (with or without porn) than have sex with me? I've been dealing with this for the last 6 years, our entire marriage. When I first found out he was looking at porn during our first year of marriage (on a daily basis), I confronted him and he promised he would stop. That lasted a while I believe but he continues to go back to it. Recently after I had a baby, 4 months past and not once did he even try to initiate sex. So I told him I knew he was doing something and he admitted to looking at porn again. He is no longer allowed (I feel like his mother saying that) to take his phone in the restroom with him but I know he is still masturbating often even without porn. I don't think he sees anything wrong with it as long as he's not looking at porn. I don't know what to do. I take care of myself and I'm an attractive and confident woman but it's starting to really effect my self esteem and self worth. We are rarely intimate and when we are it's usually because I initiate it and it's all about him, there is never any focus on me. I don't really care about the pleasure for myself but I NEED that intimacy and closeness with my husband. I have told him how I feel and it will change for a little bit and then it goes right back to the way it was. I am now starting to obsess about it, every time we are out I feel like he's looking at other women, when we are home watching tv and a pretty woman comes on tv I wonder what he's thinking about, when he goes into the bathroom I wonder what he's doing. And when we are intimate I can't help to wonder if he's even thinking of me. I hate it. Am I being ridiculous to let this bother me so much? Any suggestions as what I should do? I know he would not be open to counseling at this point.


1st and foremost you MUST understand that your husbands sinful addiction has NOTHING to do with you. It doesn't matter how attractive or sexy you are, once this monster is unleashed it is almost impossible to get under control permanently WITHOUT the Holy Spirit.
Imagine how you feel when you are really turned on. Now imagine getting that feeling in almost an instant by a tv commercial, a magazine picture, a guy(for you) simply walking by or just THINKING about it,.... this is how many men feel who are trapped in a sex addiction.
This is how it was for me. The addiction only grows and is NEVER satisfied. No matter how much he tries to stop he won't be able to. The ONLY thing that ever worked for me was the realization that every second of every day we must make a choice to either feed our flesh (sinful desires) or feed our Spirit. We can't feed both at the same time. Feeding our Spirit through DAILY prayer, praying together as husband and wife, DAILY Scripture reading, fellowship with other Christians, and helping others in various ways will starve our fleshly desires. It IS NOT a once and done change of life.

I pray in Jesus name that this advice helps and you and your husband find a renewed love for each other.
 
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zaoman32

Guest
#51
Is this what the Bible says? I know what your husband is doing is wrong and hurtful, but have you ever hurt him and needed His forgiveness? How about asking him about his behavior and see IF you both can let God repair what has gone wrong in your marriage. It is a given He wants to and will, the only variables are you 2.
Wishful thinking doesn't always work. If he is consistently masturbating and promising to quit, and isn't, he probably isn't going to any time soon. That's just a fact, ask anyone who has dealt with an experience like this. The fact is, if he is willfully depriving his wife of sex for his own pleasure he is breaking his vows to honor, and he is completely going against the biblical behavior for husbands. He should not deprive her of sex, that is never ok unless it is mutual and for a short time.
 

Fenner

Senior Member
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
108
0
#52
They're in here constantly and easy to recognize, most people (especially on here) aren't going to be deceived by them. Correct once, and as they start an argument, ignore. There's no point, all you're going to do is cause a huge fight, make them laugh because your getting bent out of shape, and make a joke of the whole thread.

Again, Do. Not. Feed. The. Troll.
I was decived and a bit mad that he would turn her serious marital problem into a debate. But that happens in here. He is now going to be ignored, by me.
 
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zaoman32

Guest
#53
I was decived and a bit mad that he would turn her serious marital problem into a debate. But that happens in here. He is now going to be ignored, by me.
Which is exactly how you know he's a troll :D
 

Fenner

Senior Member
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
108
0
#54
I'm a terrible troll detector, I'm to trusting, seriously. I want to change people, even those that live under bridges.
 
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zaoman32

Guest
#55
It's ok Fenner, with a discriminatory attitude, some prejudice, and semi-bleak outlook I can teach you how to find them :D
 

Fenner

Senior Member
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
108
0
#56
Wonderful! Make a DVD, have an infomercial!
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#57
She is getting wrong advice based on Jewish Law. So Jewish Law should be understood, so the wrong advice can be discarded.
How about you create your own thread then and stop hijacking others threads.
 

Angela53510

Senior Member
Jan 24, 2011
11,269
2,430
113
#58
Just want to add I detest thread hijackers on a serious thread about personal issues. This is NOT the Bible Discussion Forum! Go there only at your own risk. LOL

As for the OP, you should have no shame. This is a serious addiction. When I was in Seminary, one of the other students confessed to a porno addiction. He had one of the professors as an accountability partner, and was quite open about the shambles it made of his marriage and life. It was totally revealing to me, as I never realized a dedicated Christian could have such a problem. It wasn't even because he didn't love God, it was because he was addicted to it.

I will pray that your husband will find help for this problem. He will not conquer it on his own and making promises to you. You do need to get some counseling, and also make your husband go for Christian counseling.

Even a secular psychiatrist I was once talking to about deviations, mentioned how debilitating this addiction is for men. He said it was hard for him to work with people like this, because they had no motivation to change, because of the way the world views pornography. He admitted though, that the Christians who had come to him had some success.

I will be praying for you to find the help you need to bring back intimacy into your marriage.
 

Agricola

Senior Member
Dec 10, 2012
2,638
88
48
#59
Getting back on track, First of all I would be inclined to check the restroom for hidden stash of images and even whole magazines. look everywhere, does the bath panel come off? hidden in plastic back in the cisterns?

Pornography destroys peoples perception as to what is normal, this can only really be sorted by councilling.
 
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Kbella82

Guest
#60
Thank you to everyone who replied seriously to my question. The responses didn't make me feel better as I hoped they would. But I guess I need to be honest with myself and realize that he probably can't change on his own. I was hoping maybe he could, of course he says he can. I'm not real sure what else to say to him at this point. He promises he's not looking at the porn anymore but I know he is still "taking care of himself" often. It's hard because it's something that he can hide from me if he wants to so how will I ever know if he's really telling me the truth? I hate the private browsing on the iPhone! It makes me so sad, this isn't something I ever thought I would have to deal with. I'm so moody with him because the hurt he's caused me is always in the back of my mind and I feel like I'm starting to resent him. I just don't understand why he would rather do that by himself than with me...how could that actually be more pleasurable and fulfilling? And it does make it hard because society makes everyone believe it is totally normal and those of us who feel it is wrong are made out to be controlling, jealous wives. My husband works hard to provide for our family and he's an amazing dad, he's a great person with a very tender and caring heart so I can't figure out why he's fallen into this. I'm pretty sure that he didn't have this addiction before we were married, so why would it start after we were married? I have so many questions and feel so betrayed. He says that he's not addicted and can stop but I really don't know what to believe. Thinking about it makes me feel sick, I wish I knew what was going on in his mind! He's sleeping next to me right now and all I can think about is whether or not he's dreaming about other women, it's something I will never know! But anyways, I'm just rambling now. Thanks again for your replies, it means a lot that complete strangers would take the time tell me about their experiences and give me opinions.