Husband's female friend wanting advice and what to do if this happens again

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
E

Erekson714

Guest
#21
#21
I say just leave the girl alone, don't get involved in giving someone advice on their relationship.
 
Nautilus

Nautilus

Senior Member
#22
Jun 29, 2012
6,488
53
48
#22
Apparently having opposite sex friends is bad in marriage? I mean really? This is too much.
 
S

ServantStrike

Guest
#23
#23
maxwel said:
Servantstrike,

You seem like a nice guy, so I'm not trying to be argumentative, I'm just trying to clarify a few things.


1. Psychologists and Psychiatrists are generally not Christians, and if they are, they're generally not giving Biblical counseling... so they are irrelevant to this discussion. We're only talking about how Christians should be doing counseling.
(If I was unclear about that, then I'm sorry.)


2. Pastors, who have any wisdom and discernment, are VERY careful about HOW they counsel a woman.

A. First of all, they're meeting her at their office, a professional environment, not here and there and all over.

B. Next, that office is usually a place where others are around, so there can be witnesses to anything occurring.

C. Most pastors, when counseling with a woman, will be in an office with windows, and usually leave their own office door open during the session. These measures protect the pastor from ever being accused of anything inappropriate.

D. Whenever possible, a good pastor will turn a woman over to another mature Christian woman for further counsel, and mentoring.

E. A good pastor will never give marital or relationship counseling without both parties present.



So basically, psychologists and psychiatrists aren't germane to this topic, and pastors do sometimes counsel a women, but with a great many precautions in place.
Click to expand...
When you quantify it like that, then yes I agree with you. Whenever posible, A man should avoid being behind closed doors with a woman who is not his wife, simply to avoid the appearance of impropriety.

I was under the impression you were advocating that men can never help women and women can never help men.
 
Stephen63

Stephen63

Banned
#24
Aug 15, 2009
9,745
179
0
#24
Ugly said:
And you know this from firsthand knowledge of personal experience through the majority of these people? Or just another broad statement that you can't actually verify?
Click to expand...
Hmmm...... I can say I know....... don't go to a secular counselor, psychiatrist, or psychologist with marriage problems. They can lead you astray.

Find a good pastor/ christian counselor, and then only a reputable one.
 
Stephen63

Stephen63

Banned
#25
Aug 15, 2009
9,745
179
0
#25
To the Op, my advice is like some of the others...... listening is good, but not good enough. Besides, you'd be surprised to find out how many christians have been lulled into a bad situation because of the opposite sex. A christian could be totally ooogly & the devil will still send one of his 'disciples' to make them sexually fall. It's a very old con game. The truth surfaces very quickly when the christian 'recommends' someone of the same sex to counsel with them. Immediately they run. Case closed.
 
S

spunkycat08

Senior Member
#27
Dec 7, 2013
403
2
18
#27
Another thought of mine is that she is emotionally needy.

Considering that, how do you *general you* deal with that... especially when you are in a committed relationship or are married?
 
T

tripsin

Guest
#28
#28
Nautilus said:
Apparently having opposite sex friends is bad in marriage? I mean really? This is too much.
Click to expand...
No. It is not too much. Yes you can have a 'friend' of the opposite sex even if you are married. But, it is not appropriate to meet with them without someone else present. Preferably the spouse.

Sexual attraction and thoughts are the number one gimmick Satan uses to break up marriages, because they usually (almost always) lead to the act itself. "Avoid the near occasion of sin."
 
Nautilus

Nautilus

Senior Member
#29
Jun 29, 2012
6,488
53
48
#29
because every time Im near a female its clearly only about sex? What about oh I dont know trusting your spouse unless they give you a reason not to?
 
T

tripsin

Guest
#30
#30
Nautilus said:
because every time Im near a female its clearly only about sex? What about oh I dont know trusting your spouse unless they give you a reason not to?
Click to expand...
Are all of your encounters with females 'friends.' A 'friend' implies somewhat of a more intimate relationship.
 
Nautilus

Nautilus

Senior Member
#32
Jun 29, 2012
6,488
53
48
#32
tripsin said:
Are all of your encounters with females 'friends.' A 'friend' implies somewhat of a more intimate relationship.
Click to expand...
A good number are. and you know what I dont do...become tempted to sin with them, because oh I don't know the whole discipline and self-control aspect I guess..yet this thread makes it sound like contact with members of the opposite sex once your married is somehow the worst thing someone can do.
 
S

spunkycat08

Senior Member
#33
Dec 7, 2013
403
2
18
#33
tripsin said:
No. It is not too much. Yes you can have a 'friend' of the opposite sex even if you are married. But, it is not appropriate to meet with them without someone else present. Preferably the spouse.

Sexual attraction and thoughts are the number one gimmick Satan uses to break up marriages, because they usually (almost always) lead to the act itself. "Avoid the near occasion of sin."
Click to expand...
The pastor at our church feels the same way, and he is part of Generation X.
 
S

spunkycat08

Senior Member
#34
Dec 7, 2013
403
2
18
#34
I told my husband that I am more comfortable with him helping others by submitting prayer requests at our church. He agreed.
 
Nautilus

Nautilus

Senior Member
#35
Jun 29, 2012
6,488
53
48
#35
spunkycat08 said:
The pastor at our church feels the same way, and he is part of Generation X.
Click to expand...
You're part of generation X too.

Generation X, commonly abbreviated to Gen X, is the generation born after the Western Post–World War II baby boom. Demographers, historians and commentators use beginning birth dates from the early 1960s to the early 1980s.
 
homwardbound

homwardbound

Senior Member
#36
Oct 24, 2012
16,906
617
113
#36
spunkycat08 said:
I told my husband that I am more comfortable with him helping others by submitting prayer requests at our church. He agreed.
Click to expand...
Maybe just ask to be led as in Matt. 10:16-20
[h=3]Matthew 10:16-20[/h]Authorized (King James) Version (AKJV)

[SUP]16 [/SUP]Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves. [SUP]17 [/SUP]But beware of men: for they will deliver you up to the councils, and they will scourge you in their synagogues; [SUP]18 [/SUP]and ye shall be brought before governors and kings for my sake, for a testimony against them and the Gentiles. [SUP]19 [/SUP]But when they deliver you up, take no thought how or what ye shall speak: for it shall be given you in that same hour what ye shall speak. [SUP]20 [/SUP]For it is not ye that speak, but the Spirit of your Father which speaketh in you.

 
T

tripsin

Guest
#37
#37
Nautilus said:
A good number are. and you know what I dont do...become tempted to sin with them, because oh I don't know the whole discipline and self-control aspect I guess..yet this thread makes it sound like contact with members of the opposite sex once your married is somehow the worst thing someone can do.
Click to expand...
Does that mean you live by your will power and not by the Holy Spirit within you? Will power always fails. Try following the Ten Commandments. The Ten Commandments is the law - singular. That is why the Lord tells us if you break one you break them all. "For whoever shall keep the whole law, and yet stumble in one point, he is guilty of all." James 2.

Selah
 
M

mad4christ

Guest
#38
#38
I think he should av put a limit or a line to situation initially...in that give her a time frame when she should call no matter what...caz at times when u r going through problem and you are getting advice from the opp sex you might tend to fall in love or be obsess r something...she definitely has overstepped her line I would be mad yea..but I would suggest you not get involved although you already are unless he asks you to..Will pray
 
Nautilus

Nautilus

Senior Member
#39
Jun 29, 2012
6,488
53
48
#39
tripsin said:
Does that mean you live by your will power and not by the Holy Spirit within you? Will power always fails. Try following the Ten Commandments. The Ten Commandments is the law - singular. That is why the Lord tells us if you break one you break them all. "For whoever shall keep the whole law, and yet stumble in one point, he is guilty of all." James 2.

Selah
Click to expand...
And which commandment said Thou shalt not have opposite sex friends...oh wait none of them.
 
rachelsedge

rachelsedge

Senior Member
#40
Oct 15, 2012
3,659
81
48
34
#40
Here's the thing, Naut: even if neither of them, the married man nor the single female, feel attraction towards each other, they should not even be doing things that might imply (even if wrongly) that there is something (sin) going on.

Can a married person talk to someone and be friends with a person of the opposite sex? Of course. Should that married person spend time completely alone with the single person while talking about intimate things? Definitely not.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.