Husband's female friend wanting advice and what to do if this happens again

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.

Nautilus

Senior Member
Jun 29, 2012
6,488
53
48
#41
I'm still unsure how any of that creates an issue. I have a female friend who is married and since e both work in the same area we will sometimes go out for lunch or a drink on friday night. Noting untoward happens we are just friends. SOmetimes her husband joins us on fridays sometimes not. I fail to see how other people cant seem to maintain or think others can maintain such simple boundaries.
 

lydever91

Senior Member
Aug 5, 2011
491
14
18
#42
I think that he should have told her to talk to you and leave himself out of the whole situation.

My husband and I agreed long ago that if a woman needed help, I would help her. If a man needed help, he would help him.

As far as if there's a woman with a broken down car on the road, I'd want him to help her out. I was even sure to tell him that. I've been that woman before and it is scary. The guy who helped me though was Christian and talked about Jesus to me. I felt so dumb because I wasn't praying for help, I was just scared for myself. It didn't even come to mind to call my husband for some reason.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#43
I think that he should have told her to talk to you and leave himself out of the whole situation.

My husband and I agreed long ago that if a woman needed help, I would help her. If a man needed help, he would help him.

As far as if there's a woman with a broken down car on the road, I'd want him to help her out. I was even sure to tell him that. I've been that woman before and it is scary. The guy who helped me though was Christian and talked about Jesus to me. I felt so dumb because I wasn't praying for help, I was just scared for myself. It didn't even come to mind to call my husband for some reason.
I think the reason he helped is because the woman was His friend. It would seem odd if you went to a friend and that friend said 'don't talk to me, talk to my wife that you don't know'.
 

spunkycat08

Senior Member
Dec 7, 2013
403
2
18
#44
I'm still unsure how any of that creates an issue. I have a female friend who is married and since e both work in the same area we will sometimes go out for lunch or a drink on friday night. Noting untoward happens we are just friends. SOmetimes her husband joins us on fridays sometimes not. I fail to see how other people cant seem to maintain or think others can maintain such simple boundaries.
It would be ideal if everyone maintained simple boundaries. However, that is not always the case.
 

spunkycat08

Senior Member
Dec 7, 2013
403
2
18
#45
I think he should av put a limit or a line to situation initially...in that give her a time frame when she should call no matter what...caz at times when u r going through problem and you are getting advice from the opp sex you might tend to fall in love or be obsess r something...she definitely has overstepped her line I would be mad yea..but I would suggest you not get involved although you already are unless he asks you to..Will pray
Huh?

I read your reply, but I was not able understand what you posted.
 

spunkycat08

Senior Member
Dec 7, 2013
403
2
18
#46
I think the reason he helped is because the woman was His friend. It would seem odd if you went to a friend and that friend said 'don't talk to me, talk to my wife that you don't know'.
Another option would be to have the friend meet the wife.
 
A

AngelCakes

Guest
#47
the repeated calling and hanging up is kind of creepy and completely unnecessary if they are friends
imo
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#48
Another option would be to have the friend meet the wife.
Right, but my point was if a friend comes to you, your automatic response isn't going to be 'i can't help you, but here talk to my wife you've never met'.
 
A

Ariel82

Guest
#49
My husband makes a point to introduce me to all his close friends who are female and I make sure he meets any of the guys I was friends with before we met.

I know some ladies who just have to have male attention (even if it is just from a male friend). It props up their image of self worth and beauty. I'm not sure if she is like that or not, but the calling and hanging up without leaving a message is just strange. Especially if you know the guy is married.

From the sound of it if she had wanted to talk to a female friend she could have called your husband's ex, who introduced them in the first place.

On a side note, I think its sweet that your husband was open and honest with you about it all. :)

My husband says that some of my guy friends used to flirt with me (before we were married) and I would be oblivious. It might be the case with your husband: she is trying to flirt and he is totally oblivious.

Or she might just want to talk to a man who isn't a total jerk it reassure herself that there is at least one guy out there and maybe another one that God means for her to be with?

I don't know its hard to tell in the situation. I would just pray about it and trust that your husband will be given the wisdom to know what to do. I think trust is fundamental in any healthy relationship and you can show your trust in your husband and his judgement by allowing him to decide what to do.

However, I would point out that the girl probably has a crush on him and he needs to try not to do anything that might "lead her on". though I admit that with some people it doesn't take more than a smile but I guess that is why we have to pray.
 

homwardbound

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2012
16,906
617
113
#50
Another option would be to have the friend meet the wife.
Do you trust your husband or is jealousy in the way? Been married over 30 years and my wife has never been jealous over any other girlfriends, that I have known and that is exactly what they are Friends
Jealousy is a waste of energy that derails relationships. and I am not talking Godly Jealousy. there is a difference in the two. One is Spiritual and the other is selfish flesh
Talk to your Husband listen, don't accuse, and if he can't stand that is on him not you
Praying for you to see deeper into the light of God through this mess
 
B

Blackson

Guest
#51
I have always believed that if a woman wants to speak to a pastor, the pastor's wife should be present and the same if a man wishes to meet with the pastor's wife, then her husband should be present. In regards to what you've stated, maybe if you could be a part of the counseling/advising, it would be best. If not, I would say that he refer her to a therapist or to a female friend. There are emotional bonds that form even in the most careful of times. I would rather err on the side of caution than have something arise.

Now, before anyone says I'm 'paranoid' and 'stuffy', let me just say that a pastor who has led the church for many years, was vital in my foundational standards, recently had an affair on his wife. This man is in his 50's, the woman he cheated on his wife with is in her 20's, had been attending the church and was being counseled by him. He has since left his wife and his calling as a pastor in order to live with this woman.

No one is immune. We must step back from our pride and acknowledge our frailty and find ways to stay alert, awake and on guard.

A advising session once or twice is fine, I think, but if it is a continual thing, a daily thing, a constant thing, then a man should have his wife present.
Well spoken and nothing more to add here.Why? Avoid the appearance of evil.
 

lydever91

Senior Member
Aug 5, 2011
491
14
18
#52
No married person needs to be put in the position.

When Potiphar left and all other servants weren't in their house, only his wife and Joseph, she tried to seduce him.
She told him to sleep with her or don't. If he didn't, she would claim that he did.

He wasn't even putting himself in that position and he was blackmailed. Imagine what a woman nowadays would do to a man with current technology (facebook, youtube, twitter, etc...)

Couples need boundaries. Did the husband know the friend enough that she wouldn't try to seduce him and then lie about it if he wasn't interested?
 
J

jkalyna

Guest
#53
This is what I feel from a Christian perspective. I would not want any female calling our home in anyway. Ministries are the biggest ones that Satan attacks, with temptations, piety and lending a helping hand. Such friends in the love of the Lord, as here, where everything is open, and not hidden, is one thing, as in the Joy of the Lord. When things start going from a call, to othe things, it is an emotional soultie, that one party is depending on instead of leaning upon the Lord, this could go on forever, someone needs to put them in their place, and I'm glad things worked out, anybody taking the place of your mate's side as the best friend, it is not of the Lord, God gives not only a mate to you but your best friend, and there is no one who should take that place. I would never permit this. A little open door is a wide entrance for the enemey to come in and destroy your marriage. Lord Jesus may the might of your Power keep this marriage together, and remove all that is not from you. Amen
 

homwardbound

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2012
16,906
617
113
#54
No married person needs to be put in the position.

When Potiphar left and all other servants weren't in their house, only his wife and Joseph, she tried to seduce him.
She told him to sleep with her or don't. If he didn't, she would claim that he did.

He wasn't even putting himself in that position and he was blackmailed. Imagine what a woman nowadays would do to a man with current technology (facebook, youtube, twitter, etc...)

Couples need boundaries. Did the husband know the friend enough that she wouldn't try to seduce him and then lie about it if he wasn't interested?
Flesh is flesh and Spirit is Spirit, and as that story goes, it was all to the leading of God continuing to fill God's promise to Abraham, go to where Joseph ended up serving on pharaoh's Court, and thus through joseph trusting God in all things, loving his neighbor as self, not warring against the evil for God turned it into good. And the Famine came and the House of Israel was saved and God still has a plan today in saving all that will put their trust in God through So. And is why it wise to trust God in all things good or bad no matter how they appear to look
Just saying trust no matter what. as Joseph did, what was it 13 years in Jail? It takes time Brothers and Sisters?
 

homwardbound

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2012
16,906
617
113
#55
  1. This is what I feel from a Christian perspective. I would not want any female calling our home in anyway. Ministries are the biggest ones that Satan attacks, with temptations, piety and lending a helping hand. Such friends in the love of the Lord, as here, where everything is open, and not hidden, is one thing, as in the Joy of the Lord. When things start going from a call, to othe things, it is an emotional soultie, that one party is depending on instead of leaning upon the Lord, this could go on forever, someone needs to put them in their place, and I'm glad things worked out, anybody taking the place of your mate's side as the best friend, it is not of the Lord, God gives not only a mate to you but your best friend, and there is no one who should take that place. I would never permit this. A little open door is a wide entrance for the enemey to come in and destroy your marriage. Lord Jesus may the might of your Power keep this marriage together, and remove all that is not from you. Amen
Amen Sister Amen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



  1. Matthew 19:6
  2. Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

Matthew 19:5-7 (in Context) Matthew 19 (Whole Chapter) Other Translations
Mark 10:9 What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

 

spunkycat08

Senior Member
Dec 7, 2013
403
2
18
#56
Several months ago she called our home phone number and left a message for him to call her. She sounded frustrated. So my husband called her, but he got her voice mail. She called from her cell phone. Eventually he was able to reach her. That is when he found out that her fiancé broke off their engagement. My husband does not know if her fiancé was living in Wisconsin or if he moved to where his female friend lives. Then a couple of days later she called again while both of us were at home. He let her know that he was married, and he gave her some encouragement. He let me know that she told him that she was happy for him regarding his marriage and that she would not cause problems in our marriage. The next night she called again, but my husband did not answer the phone. We have caller id, & he recognized her phone number. He let her phone call roll over to our answering machine, but she did not leave a message. For about 3 weeks she continued to call and not leave messages. She would call during the day when both of us were at work. Eventually she did stop calling.

For the part emphasized in pink...

After my husband told his female friend that he is married, she told him that she would not do anything to cause problems in our marriage, yet she continued to call him. She called him in the afternoon when neither one of us were at home, but she did not leave a message. The reason why we know she called is that we have caller id.

Why?
 

homwardbound

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2012
16,906
617
113
#57
The enemy has a plan, to steal, kill and destroy, but Christ's plan was to bring life and bring it abundantly
John 10:10 The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.

Who or what is the thief?
Could emotion(s) be the thief? Our thoughts, in what we think about a given situation?

The thief's Job has been accomplished, has caused commotion In you, you are adamant to why, why, why?
Which is, can, or has derailed you, just as when Eve listened to the serpent on eating that tree of evil, masquerading as good.
Please don't take a bite of it, and trust God above all of it.
Maybe ask God what you could learn, you already know why, evil wants you in a fight through being emotional.
That is how the enemy works, creates strife, through others and causes commotion, and things don't flow, anger, frustration and arguments derive from these sort of things.
Maybe think this, to her, eat your heart out Sister, I would be focused on thankfulness that your Husband has stood up and said he is married,
Have you put all your trust in God, no matter what?
Maybe this is what you are to learn out of this, you decide, you are loved, and guess what so is she.
The enemy causes and caused derailment, started way back, but Christ by the resurrection reversed that derailment if we see through to the resurrected Christ after receiving the purpose of the dead Christ first.
 
Last edited: