Dear Joy of the Lord,
I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. I am also struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts. I finally went to my community mental health program and they have begun to give me help. Do you have any services like that in your town? My kids are almost grown and I'm divorced and very lonely. When people are around I'm a different person but my friends are married and mostly busy in the evenings. When you feel this bad you will do anything to feel better. I went through a period during my divorce when I talked to men online and sometimes met them. It was dangerous and something I normally wouldn't do but I was trying to feel better. I have actually felt like doing it again just for the attention. Hopefully I will be helped by the new treatment I am getting. It takes time though, lots of time to heal.If you want to email me please do if I can help. Thanks, Lori