I don't know what to do/think

[Pres19]

Okay I wanna start with a little background about what's goin on and how it happened.

I'm in a relationship and have been for a year. Everything was good at first but then I noticed he was trying to talk to other women. Now he never said anything bad to these women but the problem was he lied about knowing them. Well I forgave him because he never tried to tell him he was single or anything. (I read the messages myself)

A few months later after everything was going good again I met a guy on FB. I was reading my bible one night and felt the need to send this guy on my "people you may know" list some of these verses.
He sent me back a long message saying how thankful he was because he was about to head to a party and start goin back to his old way of drinking and doin drugs. (The verses I sent him were about not loving the world and having a new life in Jesus)
Because of this we became very good friends (he lives down the street from me) our whole relationship is about God. We only talk about things that have to do with the Lord, bible or prayer.
He has a gf. They have problems all the time because she doesn't trust him and she doesn't really wanna sever God.

Okay now..
I've been having dreams about him every night for 6 months now. (I've known him for 8)
They aren't sexual but in my dreams we are in a relationship.
Its a beautiful one all about God. We pray together, study together, help out with the church and not a day goes by in theses dreams when we don't seek God about our relationship.

Well the past 3-4 months my bf and I have been fighting a lot.
I found him talking to other women again. He lies to me about everything. He won't let me have any guy friends. Blames me for him talking to other women. And I'm soooooo tired of it. Plus he doesn't respect my faith in God anymore. (That's killing me)
I'm going to leave him but I know I have to wait and seek God for strength because if not I'll break up with him then take him right back as soon as he tells me he is sorry and loves me. (Just like last time)

Now my friend came to me today and told me he left his gf because he can't stand being with a women who doesn't care for God.
He asked me to pray with him and I did. I felt kinda weird because I know in a way I was happy to hear he left her. But I became worried that maybe now that he is single I might cross the line with him because of theses dreams .

I don't wanna lose my friend over theses dreams.
Should I tell him about them?
I don't wanna feel guilty about theses dreams because I'm still in a "relationship"
I don't know what to do. I'm so confused and I didn't know who to turn to about this...
Sorry for taken up your time but I need help..

 

[faroukfarouk]

Okay I wanna start with a little background about what's goin on and how it happened.

I'm in a relationship and have been for a year. Everything was good at first but then I noticed he was trying to talk to other women. Now he never said anything bad to these women but the problem was he lied about knowing them. Well I forgave him because he never tried to tell him he was single or anything. (I read the messages myself)

A few months later after everything was going good again I met a guy on FB. I was reading my bible one night and felt the need to send this guy on my "people you may know" list some of these verses.
He sent me back a long message saying how thankful he was because he was about to head to a party and start goin back to his old way of drinking and doin drugs. (The verses I sent him were about not loving the world and having a new life in Jesus)
Because of this we became very good friends (he lives down the street from me) our whole relationship is about God. We only talk about things that have to do with the Lord, bible or prayer.
He has a gf. They have problems all the time because she doesn't trust him and she doesn't really wanna sever God.

Okay now..
I've been having dreams about him every night for 6 months now. (I've known him for 8)
They aren't sexual but in my dreams we are in a relationship.
Its a beautiful one all about God. We pray together, study together, help out with the church and not a day goes by in theses dreams when we don't seek God about our relationship.

Well the past 3-4 months my bf and I have been fighting a lot.
I found him talking to other women again. He lies to me about everything. He won't let me have any guy friends. Blames me for him talking to other women. And I'm soooooo tired of it. Plus he doesn't respect my faith in God anymore. (That's killing me)
I'm going to leave him but I know I have to wait and seek God for strength because if not I'll break up with him then take him right back as soon as he tells me he is sorry and loves me. (Just like last time)

Now my friend came to me today and told me he left his gf because he can't stand being with a women who doesn't care for God.
He asked me to pray with him and I did. I felt kinda weird because I know in a way I was happy to hear he left her. But I became worried that maybe now that he is single I might cross the line with him because of theses dreams .

I don't wanna lose my friend over theses dreams.
Should I tell him about them?
I don't wanna feel guilty about theses dreams because I'm still in a "relationship"
I don't know what to do. I'm so confused and I didn't know who to turn to about this...
Sorry for taken up your time but I need help..

Hi Prestley:

My two cents:

1) Don't worry about dreams.

2) Reading the Bible and praying on your own is great; often it's great also to read the Bible and praying with other people.

3) Unless you know the guy really well and think that he is a consistent servant of the Lord Jesus and has proven to be so over a very long period, and he says he wants to be your husband and you want him to be, too, be cautious.

Blessings.

 

[Ugly]

It's just a dream. Forget about it and continue on in your life without giving them another concern.

 

[Pres19]

I guess I should have been more clear..
It's not really the dreams I'm worried about.. its the feelings I feel like I'm starting to have because of them.
I feel guilty for not telling him.
I feel ashamed because I'm still in a relationship.
I'm afraid that if these feelings get the best of me I might end up losing the only real friend I have.

 

[faroukfarouk]

I guess I should have been more clear..
It's not really the dreams I'm worried about.. its the feelings I feel like I'm starting to have because of them.
I feel guilty for not telling him.
I feel ashamed because I'm still in a relationship.
I'm afraid that if these feelings get the best of me I might end up losing the only real friend I have.

It's good to remember that being friendly does not necessarily mean marriage later and that certain boundaries do usefully apply. I'm a bit older than you and there are some Christian women - some married, some not - whom I have known for decades, and when I talk with them - often in a group setting - we talk about the Lord and various practical matters, but there are boundaries which don't get crossed, either now that I'm married or before we were married.

Christian friendship is something that matures over the decades; and it's very close to what John in his First Epistle calls fellowship. When we are younger, sometimes feelings can get a bit intense, I know, but it's good to keep level-headed (as I think you seem to be, when I read your many, Scripture-minded posts).

(Hope this makes some sense.)

Blessings.

 

[brokenclay]

Hello Sister. It almost seems like you two should swap partners. Both of you are dating unbelievers. And if there has been sex involved, then the motives are in question. God is not old fashioned. He is a righteous and holy God. He wants us to be set apart for his use. You are only 19 and are easily influenced. So don't let your feelings lead you. Feelings change. You and this brother need to be patient. Yes. Be friends. Be open about your dreams and expectations. Let him get to know you and get to know him. Test: Ask God to speak to you once each day from the bible. Trust God. Not your new friend. Your Father in heaven, knows what's best for you. blessings. Larry

 

[ashmar]

Hi,
I'm not trying to come down on other peoples comments, but you must remember God uses many ways to speak to us. Just like in the bible where Joseph interpereted dreams for the pharaoh you cannot just blow these off as unimportant. The bible also calls us to be equally yoked meaning we are not supposed to be with people who do not share our spiritual walk with Christ. Of course no one can share your exact relationship, but we are supposed to be with those who are born again believers and walk with Christ. I also think it is important for you to strengthen your walk with God. Before you get into another relationship evaluate your last relationship and how you ended up there. Did you seek God before making your decision with your current boyfriend. I know its hard not to let your feelings get in the way of your thinking, but maybe it is best that you make a choice to continue your friendship with no expectations of anything else. In the meantime ask God to show you what he is trying to tell you. Pray and be specific on what it is you want to know. Just like with talking to friends or family when we are vague we get vague answers. As for the dreams I think you should wait for God to reveal to you the meaning before you share them with your friend. Also in the meantime, if you choose to stay with your current boyfriend regardless of whether or not he is a believer you still have to honor your relationship with him. I hope this helps

 

[presidente]

A dating relationship isn't a real serious commitment, not usually. I mean, it's not like marriage. You should care about another person's feelings and be careful not to hurt people.

Your bf doesn't respect your relationship with God, you say? Is he an unbeliever? If he is, why would you date him? Don't you plan to marry a Christian? Missionary dating doesn't usually work. I know one man who was kind of raised nominally a Christian but had never put his faith in Christ who did so after dating a Christian girl. But you can find a lot more women who date non Christian men and end up married to non Christians years later. I've read that men have a higher chance of winning their wives than wives their husbands, and children have a higher chance of winning a parent to Christ than a wife winning her husband.

Don't marry an unbeliever. It's a big deal if you have to submit to a man who doesn't love Jesus. You may be torn between going to church and following your husband's lead, putting you in ethical dilemma's that you'll have to sort out. You may end up telling your children about Christ, with your husband following up on that by trying to destroy their faith. That sounds bad now, but not as bad as it would if actually had the children, knew them, and loved them very much.

My advice is, don't date an unbeliever. Dating is supposed to lead to marriage. You may not realize this...I didn't at your age... but our entire dating culture is really messed up and wrong. We have this idea that it is acceptable for couples to date without any intention of marrying. Very young couples will date basically for entertainment, getting enjoyment off of types of affection and emotional connection that used to be reserved for marriage or relationships that led up to marriage. People think it is okay for young people to make out when they aren't married and don't have any plans to be. The Song of Solomon says not to awaken love until it so desires. You have to be very careful to keep your body pure as a single Christian. Dating an unbeliever (or someone who claims to be a believer) who doesn't take what the Bible says about sex seriously puts you in even more temptation.

About this other guy, I can't tell you for sure what the dreams mean. It's possible it's a message for you. But my wife dreamed about this tall skinny guy before she met me. After dreaming about him, she met him in real life for the first time and it was the guy from the dream. So she guessed maybe he was 'the one' after he showed an interest in her. Another fellow she liked didn't ask her out, so she dated this guy for a while. But he ended up having other girlfriends and doing things he shouldn't. When we got to know each other, we were a lot more thorough about figuring out if marriage was the Lord's will. At least I was. She didn't tell me this, but she was probably more sure of it from right after that first conversation of ours. If you dream about someone, that doesn't mean you are supposed to marry. Maybe my wife dreamed about that guy because she was supposed to pray for him or minister to him in some way.

My wife will occasionally have a dream where she's single and her family wants to marry her off to some guy, and then before she gets married she'll remember that she has a husband.... stuff like that. She had them a lot early in our marriage and occasionally has a dream like that. That doesn't mean she is supposed to marry someone. Dreams can be from people's own hearts, and they can also be very symbolic.

I don't think you should dump your boyfriend for this other guy. I do think you should pray and consider whether you should be dating this boy. If you break up with him, the other man might not be interested in dating, either. Unless he's told you, you can't be completely sure. Is he the same age as you? If he's older and has a way of earning a living and it is feasible for him to marry, then if he wants to date you, that would make sense. If you both don't plan on marrying any time soon, then there is no rush to be dating anyone, IMO.

 

[Sirk]

Whatever you do...its not a good idea to jump from one relationship to the next. Obviously there are some things in your current relationship that are less than healthy...such as your boyfriend having a wandering eye so to speak and maybe some jealousy issues. In relationships we always except some un-health in another person whether we know it or not. A lot of times we try to work out "unfinished business" with our parents in a romantic partner. This isn't always the case but we often pick a romantic partner who is most like the parent we had the worst relationship with.

I understand your torn heart but you need to figure out what IN YOU was willing to except the flaws in the person you are with now and deal with that situation before you get "attached" emotionally to another man. Just my two cents. It sounds like you are trying to justify jumping out of the current relationship and into the next.

 

[Pres19]

Thanks everyone for the advice.
I wasn't planning on leaving my boyfriend for my friend though.
I'm leaving him because of the way he treats me.
Like I said I haven't yet because I know I don't have the strength to. If I try ill just run back to him.
Its not that I'm in love with him but rather he is the only guy I've ever had a real relationship with.
It isn't good anymore but still he is my first. I think that's why it's so hard.
As far as my friend goes he has shown interest in me.
But even so I know he won't want to jump into anything until he seeks God first.
He says he doesn't want to make another mistake. And the same goes for me that and I don't want to put anyone before God like I know I have in the past.
But I really want to thank all of you from the bottom of my heart.
Thank you for taken the time to give me some advice.

 

[TRUTH7]

Thanks everyone for the advice.
I wasn't planning on leaving my boyfriend for my friend though.
I'm leaving him because of the way he treats me.
Like I said I haven't yet because I know I don't have the strength to. If I try ill just run back to him.
Its not that I'm in love with him but rather he is the only guy I've ever had a real relationship with.
It isn't good anymore but still he is my first. I think that's why it's so hard.
As far as my friend goes he has shown interest in me.
But even so I know he won't want to jump into anything until he seeks God first.
He says he doesn't want to make another mistake. And the same goes for me that and I don't want to put anyone before God like I know I have in the past.
But I really want to thank all of you from the bottom of my heart.
Thank you for taken the time to give me some advice.

Good Sister, Always keep as friends, never do anything that you know the Lord's Will not in it.

 

[SunnySoul]

From my point of view, God is definitely trying to get your attention. You said it all...you don't want to end this relationship because it's your first and you're somewhat comfortable in it. But the signs you are explaining are clear to me. You can no longer be in that relationship. God wants you out of your comfort zone, He wants what is best for you and certainly not seeing you not being treated according to your worth! And God uses dreams to speak to us. This dream is coming back way too much to be ignored.
But you have time and it is important for a partner to be your best friend> God has to be first and you two seem wise enough to wait for His promptings.
Now if something happens, you guys can still date. If God is in the middle, you will both wait to be married to have sexual relationships and that's the key, whether it's him or another guy...
But ask for strength and break up...and if you let God fill that void, you will feel wonderful and delivered !

God bless you

 

[faroukfarouk]

Thanks everyone for the advice.
I wasn't planning on leaving my boyfriend for my friend though.
I'm leaving him because of the way he treats me.
Like I said I haven't yet because I know I don't have the strength to. If I try ill just run back to him.
Its not that I'm in love with him but rather he is the only guy I've ever had a real relationship with.
It isn't good anymore but still he is my first. I think that's why it's so hard.
As far as my friend goes he has shown interest in me.
But even so I know he won't want to jump into anything until he seeks God first.
He says he doesn't want to make another mistake. And the same goes for me that and I don't want to put anyone before God like I know I have in the past.
But I really want to thank all of you from the bottom of my heart.
Thank you for taken the time to give me some advice.

Prestley:

You can politely just keep him at arm's length, so to speak. For example, he doesn't need to know about what you are doing, as much as he maybe did before. He'll eventually get the message. Blessings.

 

[faroukfarouk]

..
Thank you for taken the time to give me some advice.

Prestley: YW; and for instance, one thing you could do is simply leave him out of your upcoming trip to the parlor, and have it done without telling him afterwards. While remaining perfectly polite to him if you see him, you would be showing him that you are a Christian woman who is an independent adult that makes her own decisions, big and small, and passes life's milestones without needing his input.

Blessings.