I need advice about my kids

[Buzzy]

I have an 18 year old daughter whio I had leave the house about a month ago. She didnt want to go to school or get job she only wanted to be messing around with her friends. I told her that she is more than welcome to come home if she agrees to follow the rules of my home. She not not decided yet. Am I being to hard on her?

 

[AnandaHya]

NO God set rules and boundaries for what we needed to do to come back home to Him. Heaven is our home. Stand FIRM!

http://christianchat.com/prayer-req...arfare-raising-children-disciples-christ.html

http://christianchat.com/bible-discussion-forum/20866-gods-chastening-godly-fear.html

Thats what I think on the subject. Just click the links

 

[lightbliss]

I don't think you were being too harsh.

I mean, depending on what career she wants to pursue, she doesn't have to go to college. But, if that were the case, I'm sure she'd make that clear. I'm assuming you mean college, not high-school.

As for the job, perhaps she can't get one, so she doesn't want to try anymore? I've applied and sent inquires to at least 8 workplaces since I've been 18 (almost 8 months) and I've yet to get any calls back, not even to inform me that I didn't get the job (which, after several weeks, is apparent). But then again, I'm sure you'd know if she were trying to get a job... or not, depending on your relationship with her (I pretty much tell my mom everything).

There is nothing wrong with hanging out with friends, to a point. I guess, it depends on how they influence her and vice versa; is she doing the "bad things" they do? And if spending time with them distracts her from doing what she's supposed to do; didn't pick up little sister from violin practice because she was with her friends.

I think that, maybe, instead of sending her away, you should have talked with her about your/her expectations. Even if she doesn't go to school or get a job, she still can lead a responsible life. If she is being irresponsible because, perhaps, if you feel this way, she's only getting on your nerves.

Regardless of your plan of actions, she's an adult now (although, not necessarily a grown-up), so getting her back into your house isn't going to be easy. Once we (older teens - young adults) have a little bit of freedom, we run with it, and many run fast.

It all comes down to communication.

 

[dmdave17]

I have an 18 year old daughter whio I had leave the house about a month ago. She didnt want to go to school or get job she only wanted to be messing around with her friends. I told her that she is more than welcome to come home if she agrees to follow the rules of my home. She not not decided yet. Am I being to hard on her?

Not as long as you did what you did in love, and with calm rationality. I did the same thing as you when my daughter was 16, but I did it in anger and stubbornness. Many times I have regretted my actions. What she learned in the few months she was out of our house just about destroyed 16 years of upbringing.

One thing I can tell you for sure is, she needs to know that you want her to come back. You need to show her that every day of her life. Be firm. Don't go back on your ultimatum. But make certain that she knows she still has a place in your home if she decides to accept your terms.

Finally, pray for her; morning, noon and night. Pray that God keeps her safe from harm, and that she is not led astray when she is away from your influence.

God help you in your hour of suffering.

 

[choZn]

I don't think you are asking for anything unreasonable. Having said that, as a mother of a daughter turning 18 next month, I know this hasn't been easy for you. It is important to keep the lines of communication open. It would be defeating the purpose if you are funding her exile.
Also, depending on how long she has been 18 and a graduate she may just still be trying to figure out which direction she wants to take. She could be needing a little extra help and guidance as she tries to sort it all out. Not everyone knows what they want to do with the rest of their life at the time they graduate high school. Todays kids are also hearing about what a tough economy/ job market they are entering and they see grown adults struggling. If adults are despairing, how much more intimidating this must be for our young people.
Either way, I have prayed already for you and your daughter. She needs you and you need peace. May God grant you both guidance and srength to find your way through this.

 

[Blackson]

I have an 18 year old daughter whio I had leave the house about a month ago. She didnt want to go to school or get job she only wanted to be messing around with her friends. I told her that she is more than welcome to come home if she agrees to follow the rules of my home. She not not decided yet. Am I being to hard on her?

In my post for the past week, I asked what was the use of having children in our families. One respondent unashamedly said that children are a blessed gift God has given to the parents. Yes, They are a blessing to us.

Therefore a blessing must remain a blessing, not otherwise. YOU are not being hasrsh as long as you are doing it out of love. We (parents) have the responsibility to watch over our children. I can encourage you that raising children is part of the ministries God has given every parent. It is the wish of every parent to see his or her children grow up into responsible citizen of their respective communities.

 

[Blackson]

I have an 18 year old daughter whio I had leave the house about a month ago. She didnt want to go to school or get job she only wanted to be messing around with her friends. I told her that she is more than welcome to come home if she agrees to follow the rules of my home. She not not decided yet. Am I being to hard on her?

But just for a moment! The Bible tells us that a man will reap what he sows ( Job 4:8; Gal.6:7). My sister what has been your life in the past. Sometimes we parents need to look back at our past and check our past life. Some times the Lord just need us to renounce all those things we had been doing so that He canl heal our households.

 

[Blackson]

I have an 18 year old daughter whio I had leave the house about a month ago. She didnt want to go to school or get job she only wanted to be messing around with her friends. I told her that she is more than welcome to come home if she agrees to follow the rules of my home. She not not decided yet. Am I being to hard on her?

Just for a moment! my dear, the Bible says that whatever a man sows that shall he reap (Gal.6:7, Job4:8) What did you sow in the past? How obedient were you to your parents or any authority?

Sometimes we parents need to look back and check how we had lived. The Lord needs us sometimes just to renounce all those things so that He can heal our households. It doe not matter we have been believers for a long time but our past remains a seed sown unless we renounce them.

That is a feeling that came in my heart soon after posting the last post.

 

[wolfywolfs]

I have an 18 year old daughter whio I had leave the house about a month ago. She didnt want to go to school or get job she only wanted to be messing around with her friends. I told her that she is more than welcome to come home if she agrees to follow the rules of my home. She not not decided yet. Am I being to hard on her?

shes got to learn she not a kid anymore this is the best way to do it

 

[zeroturbulence]

I have an 18 year old daughter whio I had leave the house about a month ago. She didnt want to go to school or get job she only wanted to be messing around with her friends. I told her that she is more than welcome to come home if she agrees to follow the rules of my home. She not not decided yet. Am I being to hard on her?

I think the real question its whether or not you took the best course of action. I think you probably could have handled it with a bit more patience and faith but I don't have kids so I don't know. I imagine that if it were me, I would try to help her get a job and show her what positive things she would attain by becoming more responsible, instead of focusing on the negative things that would happen if she didn't become responsible. But I'm not a parent so I don't know. To me it just sounds like you were more interested in getting rid of her than in helping her.

 

[shemaiah]

wow! Everything has been said. You were not being hard. The best parenthood, is one with restrictions. See will soon see the importance of your rules. If give her freedom, sooner or later she will realise that you were not a good parent coz you hid her from reality. I will pray for you!

 

[KisDawn]

It really depends on why she is acting out. If she's doing it because of an underling condition I'd first put her into counseling and see a psychologist. Maybe she's suffering from depression or something else that is causing her to act this way. If that's ruled out then it sounds like she's rebelling just to rebel, then what you did is reasonable. I hope this makes sense.

 

[Seriously_Cool_Wife]

I think the Bible says that if a man will not work, then let him not eat. It's reasonable to teach her that she cannot sit on her hands and goof off. Allowing her to do that, allows too much free time for boredom and other sin to slip in.

I would have responded the same. You cannot be a healthy 18 year old and sit back doing nothing. It's not good for you or for our family.... so sorry, yes... I would set a deadline of expectation and let her leave if she didn't want to comply.

 

[AnandaHya]

I think the real question its whether or not you took the best course of action. I think you probably could have handled it with a bit more patience and faith but I don't have kids so I don't know. I imagine that if it were me, I would try to help her get a job and show her what positive things she would attain by becoming more responsible, instead of focusing on the negative things that would happen if she didn't become responsible. But I'm not a parent so I don't know. To me it just sounds like you were more interested in getting rid of her than in helping her.

like you said you don't have children so you wouldn't understand how she is feeling guilty and needs encouragement to stand firm. i have a feeling you might be living at home or wished your parents were nicer too you or something.

trust me, don't give in. they will see it as a weakness and take advantage of your kindness. that is what i've seen happen again and again. if they think they can get away with it, they will do wrong and evil. that is what I did. if i thought i could get away with it i would have done alot more bad things. however my faith that God sees all even if my mother did not helped me avoid peer pressure. you have to stand firm otherwise you give your power to her friends and do you will want to do that?

my kids are currently 2 and 5 years old

 

[AnandaHya]

ok they won't let me edit

do you want the devil to have more power over your daughter by giving up and not standing firm?
like you said she's running and goofy off with her friends.

If she's depressed or feeling bad then she should, she has mistreated you and God is afflicting her to have her change her ways. Evil people enjoy doing evil and causing pain. I pray that your daughter has not harden her heart to that extent that she doesn't feel bad if you tell you how much her behavior is hurting you and that its sinning not only against
you but against God for God tells us to honor our parents.

make no provisions for the lust of the flesh. don't be deceived or made to feel guilty

 

[zeroturbulence]

like you said you don't have children so you wouldn't understand how she is feeling guilty and needs encouragement to stand firm. i have a feeling you might be living at home or wished your parents were nicer too you or something.

trust me, don't give in. they will see it as a weakness and take advantage of your kindness. that is what i've seen happen again and again. if they think they can get away with it, they will do wrong and evil. that is what I did. if i thought i could get away with it i would have done alot more bad things. however my faith that God sees all even if my mother did not helped me avoid peer pressure. you have to stand firm otherwise you give your power to her friends and do you will want to do that?

my kids are currently 2 and 5 years old

Ok, the thing is I had a good friend who was kicked out of his house at 18 because all he wanted to do was goof of with his friends and his friends were kind of crazy because they were all star wrestlers of their high school, but anyway my friend ended up living in these woods for some time because no one would accept him in an apartment because he had no credit history. He did have a job at a big hardware and lumber store but he had to live on the streets and in the woods for a long time. We even let him stay at our house for awhile because my dad felt sorry for him. Anyway, I just really hope that this woman's daughter has someone who will take her in or maybe she can get an apartment because the street is no place for a young woman to live. I do not wish that on ANYONE so that is why I am against her kicking her daughter out at 18.

Oh and his parents did end up regretting what they had done. He ended up working odd jobs for the rest of his life but he died tragically when he was only 29.

 

[ChristianTeen]

I have an 18 year old daughter whio I had leave the house about a month ago. She didnt want to go to school or get job she only wanted to be messing around with her friends. I told her that she is more than welcome to come home if she agrees to follow the rules of my home. She not not decided yet. Am I being to hard on her?

I also agree that you did the right thing. However, maybe that's what she was looking for. Freedom. Perhaps she doesn't want to come home, which is why she's telling you she's undecided. I know a girl who is in pretty much the same shoes as your daughter is. She doesn't want to come home, and is enjoying her freedom. She did end up getting a job to pay her rent and bills and stuff, and though her parents have offered to let her move back in, she doesn't want to. She parties as much as she had at home, and doesn't really have to answer to anyone. Maybe this is what your daughter wants.

 

[AnandaHya]

Ok, the thing is I had a good friend who was kicked out of his house at 18 because all he wanted to do was goof of with his friends and his friends were kind of crazy because they were all star wrestlers of their high school, but anyway my friend ended up living in these woods for some time because no one would accept him in an apartment because he had no credit history. He did have a job at a big hardware and lumber store but he had to live on the streets and in the woods for a long time. We even let him stay at our house for awhile because my dad felt sorry for him. Anyway, I just really hope that this woman's daughter has someone who will take her in or maybe she can get an apartment because the street is no place for a young woman to live. I do not wish that on ANYONE so that is why I am against her kicking her daughter out at 18.

Oh and his parents did end up regretting what they had done. He ended up working odd jobs for the rest of his life but he died tragically when he was only 29.

I'm sorry he had to go through that. Why didn't he go to a homeless shelter? local church group? I still think she needs to stay firm with the rules and if she does let her move back in CHARGE RENT. Its about responsibility.
if she doesn't have money then make her do chores and house work, volunteer in a soup kitchen, read to the elderly. she still should DO something. the world isn't about money and goofying off. she doesn't have a paying job to make a difference and help people.

 

[Seriously_Cool_Wife]

My daughter, when she was just turned 7.... asked me one day in the car... "Mommy... will you let me stay for my birthday... or will I have to move out on my birthday when I turn 18?".... LOL!

My answer? "Honey, you can wait until after you eat a piece of your cake..."

LOL!!!


I don't know if it will make an impact when they turn 18 or not... as they will make their own choices regardless... but I hope to be able to raise my kids with the concept that they DO have to work and earn a place in the world... but that it's a good thing and they should enjoy striving to get there.

However, my oldest is now 9... so I have a long way to go to see if that concept helps us when we get there.

((((Side note))))) I DID give her a better answer after a few moments of letting her stew in that one... about eating a piece of her cake first... LOL! But the look on her face was priceless!!!

I did finally tell her that she and her siblings were welcome to stay as long as they needed or as long as God told them to. They just had to understand that even as adults... they would still be the "children" in the home and would have to be willing to live by the standards and rules their father and I set. That by that time, we wouldn't punnish and discipline, they would just have to comply in exchange for living there. I told her that she would have the option of doing things her own way if she decided to move out, but that her dad and I would always pray that she would make God's way her way, too.....

But the bottom line, if my sweet children, as much as I love them... are following a path toward destruction... my supporting their physical needs and habits won't help them... so yes... I would draw clear lines in the sand and follow through.

But pray always... I didn't mention that in my first post. Pick up the book "Power of a praying parent"

 

[Ramon]

I have an 18 year old daughter whio I had leave the house about a month ago. She didnt want to go to school or get job she only wanted to be messing around with her friends. I told her that she is more than welcome to come home if she agrees to follow the rules of my home. She not not decided yet. Am I being to hard on her?

May the Lord bless you greatly!!!!!! This is awesome buzzy!! Don't you see?!!! This is exactly how God waits for us. He wants us to come back home, he waits. Remember the parable of the son who left and spoiled his life. And the father just waited to see him, and when he did finally come he RAN TO HIM!!! This is so lovely isn't it? Isn't it? And the son was so humble, he said I am not worthy to be my father's son, but I will be like a slave, a servant. But the father decorated him with royal clothes and threw him a feast. This is beautiful. Yes you are doing well. We cannot come into the house of God and have our own way. You are doing just fine. May Jesus bless you love.