Is being a submissive wife really taboo?

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T

Tintin

Guest
#41

Part of BDSM (specifically the DS bit) refers to Dominance/submission. A couple's engagement with D/s runs on a continuum. So, some couples may involve themselves with it strictly "in the bedroom." For others they make it a 24/7 lifestyle.

There are several reasons that I identified her relationship as BDSM. For example, her calling her husband "master" is total BDSM stuff. Also, the fact that he chooses what she should wear for the day, etc. This is all part of a 24/7 BDSM relationship.

Clearly, the bible doesn't demand that couples establish this kind of a relationship in order to fulfill the recommendations for a biblical marriage. A man being the "head of the household" doesn't mean he makes every decision (nor, in most cases, is it practically possible).

The creation of this kind of relationship demands a lot of specific kind of work on the part of the people involved--work not necessary in a typical marriage. Essentially, it's the creation of a relationship that is rooted in power dynamics. Personally, I have my own feelings about the theological soundness of basing a relationship on power dynamics. I think that the bible encourages Christians to base their relationships on Christ and on being Christlike. This (to me) philosophically conflicts with the approach of BDSM. There are practitioners that identify as Christians and I don't know how they reconcile the biblical verses regarding humility and the "first shall be last" with their lifestyle choices...or if they even bother to examine the underlying philosophies to find any conflict.

However, it IS important that people know that this is NOT a reflection of what the bible demands of husbands and wives. It's possible that it's even a distortion of what the bible demands. While on the surface it uses some similar terms "submissive," "he is the head," "pleasing my husband," the relationship is not rooted in love or Christ, but in power dynamics. The people may love each other, the people may identify as Christians, but the ROOT of their relationship is power.
Thank you for taking the time to explain things to me. God bless you, sister.
 
Nov 25, 2014
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#42
Am I the only one here who read Eph 5:22-23? No, it should not be taboo for the wife to be subject to her husband.....however this only will turn out well if he truly loves you as Christ loves the Church. In fact I think about how fantastic it would be if women actually supported their husbands completely. The husbands just might man up and do something mighty if they felt fit to lead instead of lacking courage because even their own wife doesn't have enough confidence in him that he should be respected. Maybe even his kids would follow suit and admire that sort of man. Perhaps they would seek approval from him striving for similar qualities that they revere. Or we can just beat that woman who finds joy in striving to be a Proverbs 31 woman, so we can all go back to castrating the men and boys of today until there is nothing special or sacred about being male anymore.
Here's what you're missing. A woman isn't required to treat her husband like he's her master...nor is she required to call him master. Additionally, supporting one's husband does not demand that you allow him to make every decision for you no matter how minute (which, let's be frank, would be odious for most men and completely diminutizing for most women). For example, I know how to dress myself. I've managed to do so for some years now. I don't need my husband to pick out which clothes I should wear each morning.

Thus, the question becomes, "Why would a couple do this?" And the answer is this: They are creating a relationship based on POWER and not based on JESUS.

The fact that Christians who know Jesus intuitively recognize this and come against it isn't problematic.

There is NOTHING within any scripture that demands that a woman be a slave to her husband. And there are certainly specific scriptures that would seem to contradict the idea that a man be a slave-master to his wife. For example, a man is told to love his wife as Christ loves the Church. Christ sacrificed himself on a cross for the Church? Christ didn't micromanage his disciples. He knew them intimately and loved them because of their gifts and flaws both. He KNEW that Peter's impulsivity led him to claim that Jesus was Lord just as it would lead him to deny Christ. He loved Peter.

The idea that a husband would lord it over a woman and try to force her into being some kind of ideal that he has in his head instead of sacrificially loving her is not in keeping with scripture nor the example of Christ.

The lenses that you wear regarding the treatment of men in modern western culture have prevented you from seeing the clear folly of the original post.

It's not a post about "am I really being a Christian wife?" It's a post presenting the BDSM lifestyle as a norm and asking for the approval of Christians. It's a post that is manipulating scripture to support life choices that are not really based in scripture.
 
W

wwjd_kilden

Guest
#43
Okay...here's what makes me nuts. When people who are into certain kinds of BDSM try to "spiritualize" or make religious their predilection.

If this is the lifestyle that you have chosen and you are determined to live it, why do you need our approval? If you know that your lifestyle choices put you in a definite subculture in relation to the larger society, why then do you seek out the approval of that larger society?

This indicates to me one of two things:
1. You really aren't as certain of your decisions as you would imply OR
2. You think that the larger society should conform to your way of thinking.

You made the choice, so live with it. If it cuts you off from connecting with the larger society, then you'll have to adapt to that. Surely there are plenty of people within the BDSM subculture that you could seek out for connection and approval of your life choices.



Amen -
 
Nov 26, 2012
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#44
PoetMary, I can agree with what you are saying and realize that she is a bit off center with how far she takes things. If she wasn't even partially conflicted she wouldn't be seeking approval. Perhaps it is the Holy Spirit working in her. Some people are all or nothing, no middle ground. Hopefully her husband is a God fearing/loving Christian man who will give her the love and respect she deserves. If he is as loving and dominant as she is respectful and submissive then albeit, not the relationship I desire, it might work for both of them. BDSM refers to Bondage Dominance Sadism and Masochism based on sexual needs for arousal. S/D is more of a relationship lifestyle. It would most likely carry over into the bedroom as a woman would give herself completely to someone, needing to be dominated. It actually seems more primal as a woman would seek a strong male to give her strong offspring. Given the HUGE popularity of the Fifty Shades of Grey series among women it appears women abroad desire a more dominant partner. That's why we need to quit castrating the men and boys in society. Males hardly know what it means to take a stand anymore. Make no mistake it is planned. Psychologically through the media and biologically through our food sources, what makes man, MAN is being erased.
 

Joidevivre

Senior Member
Jul 15, 2014
3,838
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#45
I visited a home once, and at first glance I saw a picture of Jesus sitting on a rock, with children all around Him.

Second glance showed a painting of the husband on the rock, and the children were his own and his wife was kneeling down with the kids before him. It creeped me out. And, frankly, I felt so sorry for the wife.

These were Seventh Day Adventists.
 
R

Rosesrock

Guest
#46
PoetMary, I can agree with what you are saying and realize that she is a bit off center with how far she takes things. If she wasn't even partially conflicted she wouldn't be seeking approval. Perhaps it is the Holy Spirit working in her. Some people are all or nothing, no middle ground. Hopefully her husband is a God fearing/loving Christian man who will give her the love and respect she deserves. If he is as loving and dominant as she is respectful and submissive then albeit, not the relationship I desire, it might work for both of them. BDSM refers to Bondage Dominance Sadism and Masochism based on sexual needs for arousal. S/D is more of a relationship lifestyle. It would most likely carry over into the bedroom as a woman would give herself completely to someone, needing to be dominated. It actually seems more primal as a woman would seek a strong male to give her strong offspring. Given the HUGE popularity of the Fifty Shades of Grey series among women it appears women abroad desire a more dominant partner. That's why we need to quit castrating the men and boys in society. Males hardly know what it means to take a stand anymore. Make no mistake it is planned. Psychologically through the media and biologically through our food sources, what makes man, MAN is being erased.
I suggest they study song of soloman

50 shades was a movie....and a bad stab at entertainment.
This has Zero to do with a biblicially submissive wife.
Ill will tred carefully here and not go too far, but submissive wife doesn't automatically mean sub in bedroom ;)
 
Nov 26, 2012
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#47
I suggest they study song of soloman

50 shades was a movie....and a bad stab at entertainment.
This has Zero to do with a biblicially submissive wife.
Ill will tred carefully here and not go too far, but submissive wife doesn't automatically mean sub in bedroom ;)
I wasn't suggesting the Fifty Shades of Grey Women's Bible Study (don't look for it I think I made it up). My comment was that it stirred something in most women. I don't think this is marriage as God intended, however, I will say it is a bit closer than some of the contrary posters are calling ideal. From my perspective, Man receives calling from God. If he is married it is a calling on them both, no longer two but one. Together, each with their own set of gifts work together to accomplish the calling on their life. Just as Christ is head of Church Man is head of house, leading with sacrificial love.
 
P

psalm6819

Guest
#48
I've gotten the gasp and eye roll from pretty much every person I have this conversation with (Christian or not) when I say I am a submissive wife to my Master (husband). The truth is I have always had a submissive type of personality and spirit. I do my best everyday to submit to God and my Husband.
This means, I wake up and do my daily devotional and pray, I then kiss Master awake and make food while He chooses our clothes for the day. I sometimes will draw Him a shower then clean the house. It is these things, but mostly it is about listening to Him if He tells me no for something I trust that He has my best interest in mind. This is a rare occurrence though. Being a submissive wife to me is also not arguing withMaster if iI don't like something. There are times where He will for instance leave clothes about the house instead of putting them in the basket, instead of arguing I simply ask "I know you work a lot to give me and us a good life and home and you're tired at night but next time can you please put your clothes in the basket?" And He apologizes and picks up His own mess.

It is about trust, love and honesty. I don't understand why some people think that women being this way is somehow wrong.
Sister I'm praying that God will deliver you, this is not what the Lord intended. I've been where you are, Jesus frees us does not place us under more bondage.
 
R

Rosesrock

Guest
#49
I wasn't suggesting the Fifty Shades of Grey Women's Bible Study (don't look for it I think I made it up). My comment was that it stirred something in most women. I don't think this is marriage as God intended, however, I will say it is a bit closer than some of the contrary posters are calling ideal. From my perspective, Man receives calling from God. If he is married it is a calling on them both, no longer two but one. Together, each with their own set of gifts work together to accomplish the calling on their life. Just as Christ is head of Church Man is head of house, leading with sacrificial love.
Ok that made me laugh out loud..lol im SO suggesting that at my next leadership meeting,.....bahahah

Of course it 'stirred' up people, cause it's a sexual movie. The movie is trash. Un married virgin falls for a million dollar irrogant (supposed) to be good looking dude who's gonna teach her a thing or three.. pffftttt so far from the biblical standard, it turns my stomach....rant off

I think we agree, im just not ok with that lifestyle even being suggested that it's ok.

I dont understand any woman not searching scripture when it comes to this stuff. I was young once too, and very thankful i had super older mentors of the scripture. I guess that's why I'm worried for OP. She's the age of my oldest daughter. But aside from that...the older women are to teach the younger. Point them to Christ, the Word.
 
Dec 18, 2013
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#50
Sounds to me like you ought to have a very happy husband. As long as he understands how blessed he is with such a good wife, and reciprocates your outstanding affection, then this sounds like a great testimony of a marriage. Personally, I would not expect a woman to do half this stuff, and the idea of being called master would embarass me, but the idea of being kissed awake in the morning is frankly awesome, almost even romantically surreal. Praise Jesus and may you and your family be blessed.
 
R

Rosesrock

Guest
#51
Sounds to me like you ought to have a very happy husband. As long as he understands how blessed he is with such a good wife, and reciprocates your outstanding affection, then this sounds like a great testimony of a marriage. Personally, I would not expect a woman to do half this stuff, and the idea of being called master would embarass me, but the idea of being kissed awake in the morning is frankly awesome, almost even romantically surreal. Praise Jesus and may you and your family be blessed.
Don't fall into the romantic trap of what you think a great marriage looks like unless prayed over. What's the bible say, it all can look really pretty, but is God glorified? Eve was deceived by a gorgeous being, not the serpant we think of after the fall. Hey, i don't want to be a downer, but marriage isn't take, take and a list of what i do for him. It's about me learning who he is and what he needs, help he live the best life he can for the Lord.
Note: i tuck my husband in at night if we don't go to bed together. That's what he needs. I don't raise him to the level of my God, and im not expected to.
 
W

WolfGaming

Guest
#52
You can only serve one master. So, if your husband is your master, what role does Christ play?

Honestly, this sounds a bit trollish to me. If it isn't, consider the master thing. No man should be your master. Ever. Enough said.
ok that verse is about idolatry and yes if she is serving her husband more than God yes that is a sin but she is commanded to server and be submissive to her husband


Ephesians 5:23 22Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.…




so you see in what she said she is doing nothing wrong but obeying what God commanded and you see being this way to your spouse just makes a relashonship run better smother so long as you both got your eyes on God.
 
W

WolfGaming

Guest
#53
ok that verse is about idolatry and yes if she is serving her husband more than God yes that is a sin but she is commanded to server and be submissive to her husband


Ephesians 5:23 22Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.…




so you see in what she said she is doing nothing wrong but obeying what God commanded and you see being this way to your spouse just makes a relashonship run better smother so long as you both got your eyes on God.
so long as her spouse does not become more important that God it is not a sin to server you husband.
 
W

WolfGaming

Guest
#54
Here's what you're missing. A woman isn't required to treat her husband like he's her master...nor is she required to call him master. Additionally, supporting one's husband does not demand that you allow him to make every decision for you no matter how minute (which, let's be frank, would be odious for most men and completely diminutizing for most women). For example, I know how to dress myself. I've managed to do so for some years now. I don't need my husband to pick out which clothes I should wear each morning.

Thus, the question becomes, "Why would a couple do this?" And the answer is this: They are creating a relationship based on POWER and not based on JESUS.

The fact that Christians who know Jesus intuitively recognize this and come against it isn't problematic.

There is NOTHING within any scripture that demands that a woman be a slave to her husband. And there are certainly specific scriptures that would seem to contradict the idea that a man be a slave-master to his wife. For example, a man is told to love his wife as Christ loves the Church. Christ sacrificed himself on a cross for the Church? Christ didn't micromanage his disciples. He knew them intimately and loved them because of their gifts and flaws both. He KNEW that Peter's impulsivity led him to claim that Jesus was Lord just as it would lead him to deny Christ. He loved Peter.

The idea that a husband would lord it over a woman and try to force her into being some kind of ideal that he has in his head instead of sacrificially loving her is not in keeping with scripture nor the example of Christ.

The lenses that you wear regarding the treatment of men in modern western culture have prevented you from seeing the clear folly of the original post.

It's not a post about "am I really being a Christian wife?" It's a post presenting the BDSM lifestyle as a norm and asking for the approval of Christians. It's a post that is manipulating scripture to support life choices that are not really based in scripture.
man is not ment to rule over his wife ? ok what do you say about this verse and just know I am not trying to be against girls or anything like that so long as you are following God you should be in a way master over your wife look at this verse.



Genesis 3:16-17 16To the woman He said, "I will greatly multiply Your pain in childbirth, In pain you will bring forth children; Yet your desire will be for your husband, And he will rule over you." 17Then to Adam He said, "Because you have listened to the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree about which I commanded you, saying, 'You shall not eat from it'; Cursed is the ground because of you; In toil you will eat of it All the days of your life.…
 
Dec 18, 2013
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#55
Don't fall into the romantic trap of what you think a great marriage looks like unless prayed over. What's the bible say, it all can look really pretty, but is God glorified? Eve was deceived by a gorgeous being, not the serpant we think of after the fall. Hey, i don't want to be a downer, but marriage isn't take, take and a list of what i do for him. It's about me learning who he is and what he needs, help he live the best life he can for the Lord.
Note: i tuck my husband in at night if we don't go to bed together. That's what he needs. I don't raise him to the level of my God, and im not expected to.
That dragon's appearance as described in the Bible don't sound too pretty to me. That aside, I think from what this lady has said she sounds like a good wife. Most of what she detailed don't even seem as submission, seems like just as exceptional affection to me. As I said I just hope her husband understands what a good wife he has and reciprocates such affections.

I think these comments about BDSM are just wrong and frankly uncouth. Seems to me the only real gripe people have is her referring to her husband as "master".

Let me ask you all that are hung up on this part a simple Bible question.

Did Sarah obey and call Abraham, her husband, "lord"?

I shall even give thee a hint. You can search in Genesis or you may search in the New Testament in 1 Peter.
 
R

Rosesrock

Guest
#56
That dragon's appearance as described in the Bible don't sound too pretty to me. That aside, I think from what this lady has said she sounds like a good wife. Most of what she detailed don't even seem as submission, seems like just as exceptional affection to me. As I said I just hope her husband understands what a good wife he has and reciprocates such affections.

I think these comments about BDSM are just wrong and frankly uncouth. Seems to me the only real gripe people have is her referring to her husband as "master".

Let me ask you all that are hung up on this part a simple Bible question.

Did Sarah obey and call Abraham, her husband, "lord"?

I shall even give thee a hint. You can search in Genesis or you may search in the New Testament in 1 Peter.
#1 The OP asked if her lifestyle was taboo.
#2 I answered scriptually
#3 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. Eph 5:22 Own Husband, therefore if their set up makes them happy great, but I have a problem when mixed with scripture.
#4 Lord, is being used as respect....the OP said she put her husband on the SAME level as GOD.
 
Dec 18, 2013
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#57
#1 The OP asked if her lifestyle was taboo.
#2 I answered scriptually
#3 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. Eph 5:22 Own Husband, therefore if their set up makes them happy great, but I have a problem when mixed with scripture.
#4 Lord, is being used as respect....the OP said she put her husband on the SAME level as GOD.
1. Where does she ask this?
2. Prior to this post, which post did you post scripture and which scripture?
3. Aye a good point. I see no problem.
4. Where does she put her husband on the same level as God? Does the scripture in your 3rd point answer your 4th? What does goodly Peter say about Sarah obeying her husband and calling him lord? (1 Peter 3)
 
W

WolfGaming

Guest
#58
That dragon's appearance as described in the Bible don't sound too pretty to me. That aside, I think from what this lady has said she sounds like a good wife. Most of what she detailed don't even seem as submission, seems like just as exceptional affection to me. As I said I just hope her husband understands what a good wife he has and reciprocates such affections.

I think these comments about BDSM are just wrong and frankly uncouth. Seems to me the only real gripe people have is her referring to her husband as "master".

Let me ask you all that are hung up on this part a simple Bible question.

Did Sarah obey and call Abraham, her husband, "lord"?

I shall even give thee a hint. You can search in Genesis or you may search in the New Testament in 1 Peter.
LOL I just puled up a verse from genesis XD
 
R

Rosesrock

Guest
#59
1. Where does she ask this?
2. Prior to this post, which post did you post scripture and which scripture?
3. Aye a good point. I see no problem.
4. Where does she put her husband on the same level as God? Does the scripture in your 3rd point answer your 4th? What does goodly Peter say about Sarah obeying her husband and calling him lord? (1 Peter 3)
#1 in the title
#2 throughout my posts
1 peter 3:6 is refering to her obedience to abraham...in context sara was a very strongwelled, controlling woman, who also in turn did not wait to carry out God's promise to Abraham a nation, thus enter Hagar stage right.....this verse shows an example of her obedience to her husband, an acknowledgement if you will.
 
Dec 1, 2014
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#60
To each their own..as the saying goes..I see that you are only 22...and yes, some women have the personality trait of servitude, even to the point of low self esteem and feelings of unworthiness..which I sure hope is not the case here. I wonder what the benefits are with this arrangment. I am not condenscending you..it's just that most young people are living in the aftermath of the Women's Lib era that I grew up in. It makes me wonder if you have a Keisha girl gown hiding in your closet. Does hubby find his slippers by his recliner...all dinners done on time...all house cleaning up to date? God bless you for giving us a taste of yesteryear, sister!