Is divorce ok?

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Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
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#21
There are people on this site, Christians they call themselves, but who knows? Anyway, there are people on this site who advocate for polygamy, and use the Bible to defend their views. Is this considered cheating? To have sex with multiple women and say God has blessed their marriages and sanctioned the taking of many wives? In my view, when the Scriptures say, honor the wife of your youth, that would not include the act of bedding other women. But what do I know? I know the law was not given to us. I also wonder if people believe that God looks upon the marriage vows of non-believers the same way He does believers. That would seem like saying infant baptism is good enough, when the formula is to repent and believe and then be baptized, but again, what do I know? I know I am forgiven.
 
Apr 19, 2019
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#22
I came to this chat group seeking some marriage support, but I see a lot of support for divorce. Is the general consensus that it is ok to divorce if you are unhappy? I really believe God has called me to serve my very pessimistic, emotionally withdrawn, spouse. I believe He will use this and has for the last almost 27 years. I just get tired and discouraged! I have seen God work through our 8 children, so I know He is honoring our commitment. Maybe some more encouragement to persevere and trust on here would be good. Hearing from those who have stayed with those spouses??? Are you out there??
Keep going strong, beautiful, what you've had for the now almost 27 years - and God turns it for good, as you know.
Your spouse may be in this mood at the moment, that will not last a lifetime, and when he is coming back to himself, things will get better. Let the light of God shine through you.

In marriage I do also believe that one are meant to live out the faithfulness and love that Christ has towards us, as he would never leave us, or forsake us.

He will not turn his back on you or any of your loved ones.
We are meant to follow His example, always growing as children of the Light, and you're doing well, serving your spouse, and your wonderful family. Keep loving your spouse, as you do - the greater your love is towards him, the clearer will the unwanted situation be visible before him, which also will lead him to a turn, that I do believe.

In times of trouble, draw near to God. Stay strong in this, and rely upon the love, comfort and strength that God can and will give you in this time of need. Let what has been, be put behind you every morning, and start every day anew.

Imagine also what heartache would follow a divorce, much, much, much worse than this temporary moment.
The grief a situation like that truly brings, that's a heartache difficult to bear.

You must never forsake your spouse, and you know this very well, so rely upon the love and strength of God towards you and your loved ones, when you feel it is lacking in your marriage, draw from His fountain, and bring lots of forgiveness and mercy into your marriage, let the past go every morning.

Divorce. Cross that thought off your list, and set your heart steadfastly on the love that can endure all things.
Your family are very blessed to have you, and you're a wonderful example in the love and faithfulness we are meant to show eachother, let nothing separate you.

With warm regards.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
33,735
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Tennessee
#23
I came to this chat group seeking some marriage support, but I see a lot of support for divorce. Is the general consensus that it is ok to divorce if you are unhappy? I really believe God has called me to serve my very pessimistic, emotionally withdrawn, spouse. I believe He will use this and has for the last almost 27 years. I just get tired and discouraged! I have seen God work through our 8 children, so I know He is honoring our commitment. Maybe some more encouragement to persevere and trust on here would be good. Hearing from those who have stayed with those spouses??? Are you out there??
I would say no, it would not be OK to divorce simply because you are unhappy. I don't even know if there is any scripture that states that marriage is suppose to make you happy.

After 27 years, 8 children and probably countless ups and downs you have this all set. No need to throw in the towel now. Marriage is a contract between the man, the woman, and God and is valid and enforced until death do you part. You will not find any happiness whatsoever as a result of divorce but most likely would even be more unhappy and probably depressed.

I have said a prayer for God to give you a certain measure of joy in your heart and renew your strength so you can continue to fight the good fight. Just remember to keep your eyes on the prize because it is a sure thing that the prize will not be found while on this earthly plain but rather in the heavenly storehouse of treasures.

It's not so bad if you think about it.
 

Coldel

New member
May 17, 2019
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#24
My husband and I have been married 27 years, and while it's been mostly a good life, there were times where divorce would have been easier than the hell we put each other through. For whatever reason, people (not necessarily in this site) have started trusting their emotions and feelings instead of relying on God to sustain us. I dunno why this has become more a normal thing, but I don't advocate for divorce in any marriage other than for the safety of one spouse, or because of cheating. The only way to honor the vow we make before God in marriage is to love the one another unconditionally, as Christ loves us. I don't love him in spite of his flaws, but because those flaws, those things that drive me BONKERS, are part of what makes him the man with whom I chose to spend the rest of my life, until death. Believe me, after 27 years there are a LOT of things that drive me insane, but one thing that keeps me here. I choose to love him daily. Love isn't an emotion or a feeling, it's a choice, or a verb if you will. We have to choose God, who is love, so that makes love a choice itself. And like you, God uses my faith in Love to move my husband often, just like He uses my husband to move me.

And before anyone replies with a disagreement about this, it's my opinion, and I really don't care if others agree or not.
I totally agree with you as I am experiencing similar things in my marriage of 20 years. I have been through depression more than once because of the problems but I choose to hang in there because I believe my God is a miracle working God. So I choose to have faith and with faith there is hope that all will be well. I am still holding on.
 

Godsgirl83

Well-known member
Apr 1, 2019
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#25
While it saddens me to see so many hurting in marriage:cry: I am glad for the ones stepping up saying "I hurt" "I need guidance" "I need help" Satan would love to see us all throw in the towel and miss out on Gods blessings! PRAISE GOD! Every time we stand up and fight for our marriages, it's like giving the devil a punch! It's like saying "You're NOT getting this one!"
Keep Standing!
 
May 17, 2019
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#26
I know the anguish of divorce. I noticed that, when I wrote my profile on this forum, there were 3 choices: single, married, separated.. and I hesitated to continue joining the forum... because I am divorced.

My family, especially my parents, were very concerned about me during my marriage. When I told my parents I needed to leave my husband, my mother said "don't change your mind"

My parents took turns staying with me for the first 6 weeks, because they were afraid I would go back.

When I talked with my father about how important my marriage vows were to me, he said "but you both took those vows... and you did not vow to be mistreated and abused"

We do not know what goes on in people's homes. We cannot expect someone to put her/his life at risk because they are married to their abuser.

I struggled so much for so long and felt so inadequate and guilty. The people in my church were wonderful, supportive and not one of them suggested I go back to the situation I left.

I hope you and your husband can work through your difficulties. But, I believe that our loving God does not want us to live in misery- that just doesn't make sense to me.
 

Godsgirl83

Well-known member
Apr 1, 2019
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#27
If your life (or your children's) is at risk, then it most certainly is time to seek help and get out. My husband, his father and grandfather would not be here had his great-grandmother not gotten away from an abusive drunk, and that was decades ago when divorce was unheard of!
 
May 17, 2019
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#28
If your life (or your children's) is at risk, then it most certainly is time to seek help and get out. My husband, his father and grandfather would not be here had his great-grandmother not gotten away from an abusive drunk, and that was decades ago when divorce was unheard of!
Godsgirl, I totally agree with you. That is something about your great-grandmother leaving, and I am sure she went through a lot of hardship because of it. It sounds as though she was a very brave woman
 
Apr 26, 2012
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#29
That sounds like an unusual situation after 27 years. That would be considered a valid marriage as long as he was faithful. could it be that he is so negative because he has done something wrong? Being negative and pessimistic is different than being verbally abusive, but being negative is a form of abusiveness since he is not honoring marriage vows and the Gospel which calls all Christians to be actively involved in being witnesses of salvation, and creating a spirit of heaviness in a relationship reflects an issue with divine relationship, or unresolved past issues. There is always hope. In the book, "The Bondage Breaker," Dr. Neil Anderson (or possibly one of his other books? "Victory Over the Darkness," and "Walking in Freedom," he describes a couple with a "hopeless" relationship both intent on a heated divorce, and he also thought that's what might be the outcome. But they surprised even him, who I personally refer to as, like Jesus, a "friend of sinners," It sounds like he is depressed, and could benefit from that ministry, or another local spiritual freedom ministry. Or definitely pastoral counseling. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't drown the horse. It is the other spouses responsibility after 27 years, to find out what the issue is, and put some consistent pressure on the reins leading the horse to the stream. Horses like water. I am pretty much terrified of horses, but, once many years ago, i rode one when I was younger. It was a hot day, and the horse decided it wanted to cool off in the small lake we were passing by. I tried to dissuade it, but the horse walked into the lake, with me on it, and rolled over in the water. The lady leading the riding horses assured me that the horse was one of her best horses and was surprised, and assured me that the horse was safe. I think I just walked back, I can't remember, but that began my fear of horses.

My family also had a horse that had an attitude, a mare, that really disliked men for some reason. And the horse knew all the tricks. She would grit her teeth for a half an hour to protest the reins and bit, then she would bloat her tummy to keep the saddle from being tightened. This way, when someone got on the horse, she could breathe out and loosen the saddle, and the person would just roll off, sometimes at high speeds.

Or she would bolt for the nearest low-lying tree branch to brush off her rider. So, I came to fear horses. Movies can sometimes confirm that horses sometimes just do what they want to do and can not be controlled, like the runaway horses. She was finally tamed by a lady and would not let anyone else ride.
And the Bible even says, "a horse is a vain hope for salvation; despite all its great strength it cannot save." (Psalm 33:17; NIV).
Many people put our hope in our cars, or things that are not reliable.
In this case, it sounds like your husband has become an unreliable horse.
Just keep leading him to water.
Keep increasing the positive leading, guided by the Holy Spirit.
Insist on pastoral help, marriage counseling, etc... It is his duty as a man of God after 27 years.
He is not only letting down his relationship with you, he is in danger of serious reprimanding in His relationship with the LORd.

If he doesn't deliver, it might require intervention, medical help, or other church/friends help.
sometimes a close male friend, a brother in the Lord, can confront him with his issues, and maybe risk being yelled at.
Men don't like to be told they are screwing things up. But, this is what God does.
"The Lord disciplines those whom He loves."

If he still doesn't deliver, just tell him you are going out. Or going on a vacation.
Take a vacation from your marriage.
Without him.

This helps with entitlement. He might think he is entitled to your company and is pretty much dishonoring your presence with his spirit of heaviness.
Anyway, be careful that he is not self-destructive, and it is safe to leave him alone.

Maybe this will help.
And this from a guy who was married for one year.
But, I have been in love before, and have seen what the hurricane of divorce does.
The bible even compares divorce to a "garment of violence," if it is a nasty, bitter divorce.
It's not that divorce is not allowed. It's just that we are called to the highest standards.
If it keeps up, he may drag you into a depression that might threaten your well-being and safety.
Then it would be grounds for a separation at least.
--from an expert single brother who knows very little about marriage.
But, Jesus was unmarried, except to the church, and understood relationships perfectly.
 

FrankLee

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2016
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#30
Marriage is a covenant instituted by God. He intends for it to last but often it does not. The family is a creation of God and is under the fiercest assault of all time here in America.

My wife was 23 and I 21 when we met. She was divorced but her less than faithful husband was involved in adulterous affairs many times so she parted from him as no love or Fidelity was exhibited by him in a year of marriage.

We will celebrate our 53rd year of being husband and wife the 27th of this month. Certainly God put us together.

There is forgiveness with God for those that have divorced without biblical grounds but as in all sin repentance must be genuine. Not just being sorry but making an about face and going the other direction.

For all who are facing marital turmoil seeking the face of God with your might is the best possible thing you can do.

He is not out to get you for your errors otherwise Jesus would ever have given himself for our redemption.

You can read. What does the Bible say about these things? I genuinely feel for everyone going through this. God is faithful who will direct you if you are constant in your dedication to him.

Though it seems like the end God has help for you.

Weeping may endure for the night but joy comes in the morning.
 
Apr 26, 2012
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#31
Marriage is a covenant instituted by God. He intends for it to last but often it does not. The family is a creation of God and is under the fiercest assault of all time here in America.

My wife was 23 and I 21 when we met. She was divorced but her less than faithful husband was involved in adulterous affairs many times so she parted from him as no love or Fidelity was exhibited by him in a year of marriage.

We will celebrate our 53rd year of being husband and wife the 27th of this month. Certainly God put us together.

There is forgiveness with God for those that have divorced without biblical grounds but as in all sin repentance must be genuine. Not just being sorry but making an about face and going the other direction.

For all who are facing marital turmoil seeking the face of God with your might is the best possible thing you can do.

He is not out to get you for your errors otherwise Jesus would ever have given himself for our redemption.

You can read. What does the Bible say about these things? I genuinely feel for everyone going through this. God is faithful who will direct you if you are constant in your dedication to him.

Though it seems like the end God has help for you.

Weeping may endure for the night but joy comes in the morning.
53 years is a miracle these days, congratulations! My parents were married "till death do ye part." My parents were married to the end, about the same time. They met during WWII, and my father was in the Navy on an aircraft carrier. Each day at a the same time, my father would go up on deck apparently to a place where you can look out at the sea, and they would pray together over the seas. This saved my father's life when his ship was hit under attack and apparently destroyed the place where he had just been. He felt powerless to help his wounded fellow sailors, and so decided to become a doctor. "All things work together for good..." When the enemies of God try to destroy a person or a marriage or anything, or anyone protected by God, they only succeed in destroying themselves, and assisting God in His divine victory.

This song is for you both-- you have earned it--

 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
33,735
11,463
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Tennessee
#32
I know the anguish of divorce. I noticed that, when I wrote my profile on this forum, there were 3 choices: single, married, separated.. and I hesitated to continue joining the forum... because I am divorced.

My family, especially my parents, were very concerned about me during my marriage. When I told my parents I needed to leave my husband, my mother said "don't change your mind"

My parents took turns staying with me for the first 6 weeks, because they were afraid I would go back.

When I talked with my father about how important my marriage vows were to me, he said "but you both took those vows... and you did not vow to be mistreated and abused"

We do not know what goes on in people's homes. We cannot expect someone to put her/his life at risk because they are married to their abuser.

I struggled so much for so long and felt so inadequate and guilty. The people in my church were wonderful, supportive and not one of them suggested I go back to the situation I left.

I hope you and your husband can work through your difficulties. But, I believe that our loving God does not want us to live in misery- that just doesn't make sense to me.
I fully concur with your estimate. No one needs to tolerate an abusive spouse. God wants us to have life and have it more abundantly and not to live in abject misery and fear. There are quite a few who have been through divorce that can relate to what you are saying, including myself. There is no need to fell inadequate or guilty about this.

The Single designation can mean several things, divorced, widowed or never married. It would be helpful if more explicit choices were available as options but that is the way it currently is. Once you get to know the regular contributing members you will readily know their status in most cases.
 

Godsgirl83

Well-known member
Apr 1, 2019
6,131
4,210
113
#33
When the enemies of God try to destroy a person or a marriage or anything, or anyone protected by God, they only succeed in destroying themselves, and assisting God in His divine victory.
(y)

Herald:
What a beautiful inspiring story! Thank you for sharing!
 
May 18, 2019
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#35
I came to this chat group seeking some marriage support, but I see a lot of support for divorce. Is the general consensus that it is ok to divorce if you are unhappy? I really believe God has called me to serve my very pessimistic, emotionally withdrawn, spouse. I believe He will use this and has for the last almost 27 years. I just get tired and discouraged! I have seen God work through our 8 children, so I know He is honoring our commitment. Maybe some more encouragement to persevere and trust on here would be good. Hearing from those who have stayed with those spouses??? Are you out there??
I could quite easily have provided a a rather subjective answer. I will instead answer your question the way I perceive (the biblical word for perception, to know and fully understand) you intended it. Marriage is a two-way thing - you clearly either are still in love and or respect either him or value the sanctity of marriage or supporting your marriage ('called to serve my husband'...last 27 years). By your spelling ('honor, not 'honour) it is likely you live in the USA, where in most English speaking countries and European countries marriage is seemingly viewed as 'a chore,' an oppressor' in the so-called modern age of 'freedom.' Do not look at others, instead look to God. Keep your eyes focused on Him and Him only. Read your bible, 'man cannot live on bread alone,' meaning other than what humans need to survive, we as Christians must stay in the word of God daily. The enemy, Jesus says, 'comes to 'kill, steal, and destroy.'

Taking the perspective of the biblical view, the bible says, if Jesus starts a good work in you, it will be completed (paraphrasing). You have seen evidence of God working in your life indirectly through your 8 children. So, ask the spirit to strengthen you and keep you strong in your faith. Ask God to soften your husband's heart towards you. Marriages don't just become difficult over-night, think about what you can do to revitalise it, you are no longer the same people who you were when you first married in all likelihood. Find out who he has become, for instance why is he 'pessimistic, emotionally-withdrawn. Consider marriage-counselling. Keep praying (Ephesians, 6: 18).