Is It a Sin to Have a Favorite Child? What About a Favorite Parent, Sibling, Cousin, etc.?

[Randy4u2c]

Hey Everyone,

A recent thread has really had me thinking.

It seems to be a general consensus that while most parents seem to gravitate to a child who is most like them and show him/her favoritism, the expression of that favoritism can be very damaging to the family. (Several stories in the Bible illustrate this -- Joseph, whose brothers wanted to kill him and sold him into slavery instead; Esau, favored by his father, and Jacob, favored by his mother, which literally tore the family apart.)

I think just about every human being has experienced feeling closer to and "favoring" one person over another, but the general conclusion is that it's not right, even a sin, to outwardly show extreme favoritism to a child (sometimes a parent might even favor their child over their spouse, etc.)

I understand that the concern in this situation is how the favoritism affects the child, parents, siblings, and family development -- but what about when a child favors a parent, sibling, cousin, etc.?

Is it considered "wrong" in the same way, and for the same reasons? Why or why not?

I'm at an age where almost all my peers are having to think about how to best care for aging parents, grandparents, step-parents, and in-laws. And it's interesting to me so see how this plays out after the culmination of decades of how someone was treated by their family -- especially when one parent or parental figure is favored over another.

For example, an adult child might choose to throw all their efforts and resources into caring for the parent/grandparent who cared for them the most, leaving the others to survive on their own, or perhaps choosing to not have any contact with them at all.

In my own case, I am adopted, and see my adoptive parents as being my "real" and only parents. If for some reason my biological parents found me (there's no record so I'm not anticipating this -- it's just something I've pondered,) my first loyalty, of course, would be to the people who have loved me through thick and thin, sent me to Christian schools, paid for all the medical complications that arose during my early years, etc.

But the Bible says, "Honor your father and mother." (Exodus 20:12, as well as other various passages.)

I have often wondered what God would require of me in the case of honoring my biological father and mother, if they were ever part of my life.

I am also of an age where, if I got married, I know most Christians I talk to believe a prenuptial agreement means you don't trust your spouse -- but I would have a legal document in place stating that if I died and my parents were still alive, part of what I left would be designated to their care. And it's not because I'm someone who is somehow so attached to her parents that she can't do anything without them. It's because I can only try to understand the love it took to take a stranger's child into their home and make her their very own (after all, isn't that what God does for us?) And I know I could never repay such a selfless act, but I believe in at least trying my best to return at least some of the love I was given as best as I can.

What about for you?

* Do you favor a certain parent, or one parental figure over another? Do you think this is right or wrong, and why? What about if you favor a sibling, cousin, friend, etc.?

* Does your favoritism show? (Do you spend extra time, love, money on that person?) How does it affect others around you?

* When your favored parent/parental figure needs care, does your favoritism show in how you allocate your resources? (Do you put more into that person rather than the other parent?)

* What consequences have you seen favoritism have on you, your families, and others? (Tell us about stories of those you know if this doesn't apply to you personally.)

* Is such favoritism Biblical? Why or why not? And as Christians, what would we be doing about it?

I'm looking forward to hearing what others think and have gone through regarding this as well.

Consider Romans 9:13, As it is written, "Jacob I have loved, but Esau I have hated." That is a quote by God from Malachi 1:2-3. Apparently Esau was not thought to highly of by God for not caring about his birthright.

 

[Tall_Timbers]

I've got 4 children who are all adults now. I love them all. I guess I don't really favor one over another. As far as siblings, I do have a favorite sister. For some reason or another she and I just get along real well. I try to visit her in North Carolina each spring. I used to fly to visit her when I lived in Alaska. Now it is a 3 day drive each way. She's worth it. Plus, where she lives there is really good food in local restaurants and I'm a bit of a foodie.

 

[Karlon]

I've got 4 children who are all adults now. I love them all. I guess I don't really favor one over another. As far as siblings, I do have a favorite sister. For some reason or another she and I just get along real well. I try to visit her in North Carolina each spring. I used to fly to visit her when I lived in Alaska. Now it is a 3 day drive each way. She's worth it. Plus, where she lives there is really good food in local restaurants and I'm a bit of a foodie.

wow! that's a lot of love Tall Timbers for your sister. very much teaching that is.

 

[keepingthingsreal]

Jacob was actually the reason for what happened to Joseph. Had he not favored Joseph so much his brothers wouldn't have sold him.

True, and that is because he loved Rachel, Joseph's mother, more than he loved Leah. The Bible actually states that Leah was hated.

Gen 29:30
And he went in also unto Rachel, and he loved also Rachel more than Leah, and served with him yet seven other years.
Gen 29:31
And when the LORD saw that Leah was hated, he opened her womb: but Rachel was barren.

If you want to read an account of two wives vying for their husband's love and attention, then Genesis chapters 29 and 30 is a good place to find it.

 

[Grock89]

Hey Everyone,

A recent thread has really had me thinking.

It seems to be a general consensus that while most parents seem to gravitate to a child who is most like them and show him/her favoritism, the expression of that favoritism can be very damaging to the family. (Several stories in the Bible illustrate this -- Joseph, whose brothers wanted to kill him and sold him into slavery instead; Esau, favored by his father, and Jacob, favored by his mother, which literally tore the family apart.)

I think just about every human being has experienced feeling closer to and "favoring" one person over another, but the general conclusion is that it's not right, even a sin, to outwardly show extreme favoritism to a child (sometimes a parent might even favor their child over their spouse, etc.)

I understand that the concern in this situation is how the favoritism affects the child, parents, siblings, and family development -- but what about when a child favors a parent, sibling, cousin, etc.?

Is it considered "wrong" in the same way, and for the same reasons? Why or why not?

I'm at an age where almost all my peers are having to think about how to best care for aging parents, grandparents, step-parents, and in-laws. And it's interesting to me so see how this plays out after the culmination of decades of how someone was treated by their family -- especially when one parent or parental figure is favored over another.

For example, an adult child might choose to throw all their efforts and resources into caring for the parent/grandparent who cared for them the most, leaving the others to survive on their own, or perhaps choosing to not have any contact with them at all.

In my own case, I am adopted, and see my adoptive parents as being my "real" and only parents. If for some reason my biological parents found me (there's no record so I'm not anticipating this -- it's just something I've pondered,) my first loyalty, of course, would be to the people who have loved me through thick and thin, sent me to Christian schools, paid for all the medical complications that arose during my early years, etc.

But the Bible says, "Honor your father and mother." (Exodus 20:12, as well as other various passages.)

I have often wondered what God would require of me in the case of honoring my biological father and mother, if they were ever part of my life.

I am also of an age where, if I got married, I know most Christians I talk to believe a prenuptial agreement means you don't trust your spouse -- but I would have a legal document in place stating that if I died and my parents were still alive, part of what I left would be designated to their care. And it's not because I'm someone who is somehow so attached to her parents that she can't do anything without them. It's because I can only try to understand the love it took to take a stranger's child into their home and make her their very own (after all, isn't that what God does for us?) And I know I could never repay such a selfless act, but I believe in at least trying my best to return at least some of the love I was given as best as I can.

What about for you?

* Do you favor a certain parent, or one parental figure over another? Do you think this is right or wrong, and why? What about if you favor a sibling, cousin, friend, etc.?

* Does your favoritism show? (Do you spend extra time, love, money on that person?) How does it affect others around you?

* When your favored parent/parental figure needs care, does your favoritism show in how you allocate your resources? (Do you put more into that person rather than the other parent?)

* What consequences have you seen favoritism have on you, your families, and others? (Tell us about stories of those you know if this doesn't apply to you personally.)

* Is such favoritism Biblical? Why or why not? And as Christians, what would we be doing about it?

I'm looking forward to hearing what others think and have gone through regarding this as well.

For me the sin is the jealousy....favouritism can be shown but how is it responded by the other sibling or the other party? My parents have favourites but Its never really bothered me I know they love me all the same the wrong thing about it is if they show favouritism and neglect another sibling or put sibli

Hey Everyone,

A recent thread has really had me thinking.

It seems to be a general consensus that while most parents seem to gravitate to a child who is most like them and show him/her favoritism, the expression of that favoritism can be very damaging to the family. (Several stories in the Bible illustrate this -- Joseph, whose brothers wanted to kill him and sold him into slavery instead; Esau, favored by his father, and Jacob, favored by his mother, which literally tore the family apart.)

I think just about every human being has experienced feeling closer to and "favoring" one person over another, but the general conclusion is that it's not right, even a sin, to outwardly show extreme favoritism to a child (sometimes a parent might even favor their child over their spouse, etc.)

I understand that the concern in this situation is how the favoritism affects the child, parents, siblings, and family development -- but what about when a child favors a parent, sibling, cousin, etc.?

Is it considered "wrong" in the same way, and for the same reasons? Why or why not?

I'm at an age where almost all my peers are having to think about how to best care for aging parents, grandparents, step-parents, and in-laws. And it's interesting to me so see how this plays out after the culmination of decades of how someone was treated by their family -- especially when one parent or parental figure is favored over another.

For example, an adult child might choose to throw all their efforts and resources into caring for the parent/grandparent who cared for them the most, leaving the others to survive on their own, or perhaps choosing to not have any contact with them at all.

In my own case, I am adopted, and see my adoptive parents as being my "real" and only parents. If for some reason my biological parents found me (there's no record so I'm not anticipating this -- it's just something I've pondered,) my first loyalty, of course, would be to the people who have loved me through thick and thin, sent me to Christian schools, paid for all the medical complications that arose during my early years, etc.

But the Bible says, "Honor your father and mother." (Exodus 20:12, as well as other various passages.)

I have often wondered what God would require of me in the case of honoring my biological father and mother, if they were ever part of my life.

I am also of an age where, if I got married, I know most Christians I talk to believe a prenuptial agreement means you don't trust your spouse -- but I would have a legal document in place stating that if I died and my parents were still alive, part of what I left would be designated to their care. And it's not because I'm someone who is somehow so attached to her parents that she can't do anything without them. It's because I can only try to understand the love it took to take a stranger's child into their home and make her their very own (after all, isn't that what God does for us?) And I know I could never repay such a selfless act, but I believe in at least trying my best to return at least some of the love I was given as best as I can.

What about for you?

* Do you favor a certain parent, or one parental figure over another? Do you think this is right or wrong, and why? What about if you favor a sibling, cousin, friend, etc.?

* Does your favoritism show? (Do you spend extra time, love, money on that person?) How does it affect others around you?

* When your favored parent/parental figure needs care, does your favoritism show in how you allocate your resources? (Do you put more into that person rather than the other parent?)

* What consequences have you seen favoritism have on you, your families, and others? (Tell us about stories of those you know if this doesn't apply to you personally.)

* Is such favoritism Biblical? Why or why not? And as Christians, what would we be doing about it?

I'm looking forward to hearing what others think and have gone through regarding this as well.

Well for me I think it's the response of the other party that matters the jealousy is the sin in my opinion it's the one that leads to all the drama ..plus also how are the parents having or showing the favouritism? Is it by comparing the two siblings or the two parties or putting them against each other or over indulging one and neglecting the other completely? My parents show an inclination to diff siblings and you can see it but it doesn't bother me because despite the favourite they still love me they still care for me though you find they spend more time with the other two but they don't neglect to show or tell me they love me so I don't really feel angry or jealous because I know they love me at the end of the day...so I'm secure in that...but if it was otherwise as I said earlier that would be very toxic and wrong and would eventually bring more harm than good

 

[keepingthingsreal]

Is such favoritism Biblical? Why or why not? And as Christians, what would we be doing about it?

When I think of a parent/child relationship, the first place that my mind goes is to the relationship between God the Father and Jesus his son. In that instance, yes, there is favoritism, but there is a reason why Jesus is his beloved son in whom he is well pleased, and that reason has everything to do with his perfect obedience or sinless perfection. Of course, none of us, left solely to ourselves, could ever meet that standard.

At the same time, however, if we are now truly in Christ, then the Father loves us with the same love wherewith he loves Jesus, so there is no partiality. As Jesus prayed:

Jhn 17:20
Neither pray I for these alone, but for them also which shall believe on me through their word;
Jhn 17:21
That they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us: that the world may believe that thou hast sent me.
Jhn 17:22
And the glory which thou gavest me I have given them; that they may be one, even as we are one:
Jhn 17:23
I in them, and thou in me, that they may be made perfect in one; and that the world may know that thou hast sent me, and hast loved them, as thou hast loved me.
Jhn 17:24
Father, I will that they also, whom thou hast given me, be with me where I am; that they may behold my glory, which thou hast given me: for thou lovedst me before the foundation of the world.
Jhn 17:25
O righteous Father, the world hath not known thee: but I have known thee, and these have known that thou hast sent me.
Jhn 17:26
And I have declared unto them thy name, and will declare it: that the love wherewith thou hast loved me may be in them, and I in them.

For some, love is a difficult thing to define or gauge, but it need not be that way. In other words, the Bible tells us that God is love. If we read the word, and if we gain a full understanding of who God is, then we will similarly gain a full understanding of what love is because God is love.

Sometimes love manifests in an obvious way; like through kindness.

At other times, love manifests in a less obvious way; like through chastening.

In other words, depending on the people involved, and depending on the specific situation at any given moment in time, love may need to manifest itself in different ways, but it is still love.

Should parents love their children equally? Yes, they should, but, again, such manifestations of love may differ depending upon the child or depending upon the specific situation.

In my particular case, I know that God loves me as his child, and he has chastened and/or scourged me many times, for my own potential good, to show me his love for me. At other times, he has gently comforted me when the rest of the world has completely abandoned me.

Anyhow, my point is that we might need to first determine what love truly is before we seek to determine whether or not anybody is truly giving it or receiving it.

 

[Louhija]

It is as it is.
Things are as they are.
I think the bad thing is if they are treated differently and unfairly something my partner and I know of.

I never felt loved by my family I was raised with but like a kinda hated black sheep that they at best could pretend to like .
I was a outsider and treated differently and my nervous system not ok around them etc

But I believe one has a soul family who love and value one and wish one the best.

When one sibling is made to look and feel perfect while the other constantly criticised as worthless and unloved it’s not ok behaviour .

Some go together better than others.

 

[Louhija]

For me the sin is the jealousy....favouritism can be shown but how is it responded by the other sibling or the other party? My parents have favourites but Its never really bothered me I know they love me all the same the wrong thing about it is if they show favouritism and neglect another sibling or put sibli

Well for me I think it's the response of the other party that matters the jealousy is the sin in my opinion it's the one that leads to all the drama ..plus also how are the parents having or showing the favouritism? Is it by comparing the two siblings or the two parties or putting them against each other or over indulging one and neglecting the other completely? My parents show an inclination to diff siblings and you can see it but it doesn't bother me because despite the favourite they still love me they still care for me though you find they spend more time with the other two but they don't neglect to show or tell me they love me so I don't really feel angry or jealous because I know they love me at the end of the day...so I'm secure in that...but if it was otherwise as I said earlier that would be very toxic and wrong and would eventually bring more harm than good

Triangulation is horrible a thing.

Jealousy is horrible and can make people disgusting behaved and shockingly cruel and lie to incite hate and get flying monkeys etc

Restraining order may be needed on jealous hateful malicious one.🤪😋

 

[Seasons]

Triangulation is horrible a thing.

Jealousy is horrible and can make people disgusting behaved and shockingly cruel and lie to incite hate and get flying monkeys etc

Restraining order may be needed on jealous hateful malicious one.🤪😋

wow 🤩 indeed

 

[Seasons]

It is as it is.
Things are as they are.
I think the bad thing is if they are treated differently and unfairly something my partner and I know of.

I never felt loved by my family I was raised with but like a kinda hated black sheep that they at best could pretend to like .
I was a outsider and treated differently and my nervous system not ok around them etc

But I believe one has a soul family who love and value one and wish one the best.

When one sibling is made to look and feel perfect while the other constantly criticised as worthless and unloved it’s not ok behaviour .

Some go together better than others.

it’s all a plan