Is my husband cheating on me?

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Whackado

Junior Member
Sep 7, 2017
25
3
0
#1
My husband has been back in contact with his old GF from high school for almost a year. We are 40 now and they dated over 20 years ago. I told him I'm not comfortable with how often they text each other. They text throughout the day and evening. I can't imagine how much they have to say to one another in a day. He certainly is not that attentive to my texts. He still texts her. There has been no change with our intimacy, but I'm sick of him disregarding the way I feel. I'm not normally a jealous person, but she took her kids (without her husband) and met up with my husband and daughter for a day of fun together. He didn't mention who she was or anything about her until I found out and asked questions. I don't want to be unnecessarily jealous, but this does not settled well with me. We were out with friends tonight and he was obviously texting her literally behind my back. He thought i could not see him texting. Any thoughts?
 

Tommy379

Senior Member
Jan 12, 2016
6,438
417
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#2
Adultery..... stand your ground.
 

Whackado

Junior Member
Sep 7, 2017
25
3
0
#3
I've talked to him. I'm worried if I keep bringing it up it's going to cause more issues. I've been praying that her husband starts to notice and takes issue with how much they talk. There is enough geographical difference to make it difficult to meet up, but not impossible. I'm just tired of laying awake at night worrying and feeling like he does not care.
 

Tommy379

Senior Member
Jan 12, 2016
6,438
417
83
#4
I've talked to him. I'm worried if I keep bringing it up it's going to cause more issues. I've been praying that her husband starts to notice and takes issue with how much they talk. There is enough geographical difference to make it difficult to meet up, but not impossible. I'm just tired of laying awake at night worrying and feeling like he does not care.
All I can tell you is this; I wouldn't be talking to an old girlfriend if I was married.
 

Whackado

Junior Member
Sep 7, 2017
25
3
0
#5
Yeah. I wouldn't talk to an old boyfriend if it upset him in any way. I feel like she holds more importance to him than I do sometimes.
 

Ugly

Senior Member
Apr 19, 2011
20,679
639
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#6
Do you have a pastor that can talk to him?
 

Whackado

Junior Member
Sep 7, 2017
25
3
0
#7
Maybe. He thinks he is not doing anything wrong. I don't think the relationship is physical. He's the type that doesn't like to be "punished" without cause. In general he does not like to be accused of something he is not doing.
 

notuptome

Senior Member
May 17, 2013
11,864
624
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#8
Maybe. He thinks he is not doing anything wrong. I don't think the relationship is physical. He's the type that doesn't like to be "punished" without cause. In general he does not like to be accused of something he is not doing.
Is the old gf and her husband professing Christians?

Your pastor is not demonstrating a great deal of wisdom here. If your husband was witnessing to her to win her to the Lord he would likely enlist your help.

James 1:13 ¶ Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man:
14 But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed.
15 Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.
16 Do not err, my beloved brethren.


For the cause of Christ
Roger
 
Dec 28, 2016
6,004
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#9
If everything were innocent he should have had you and her husband, all of you meet together.
 

EarnestQ

Senior Member
Apr 28, 2016
2,482
239
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#10
If everything were innocent, he would invite you to participate in the texting and relationship. Whatever it is, it has gone too far to be purely innocent. Get your pastor involved. See a therapist, by yourself if he won't go with you.
 

jenniferand2

Senior Member
Mar 19, 2016
1,432
32
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#11
You are not wrong for being concerned. I agree with you that he should not be investing this much time with this person especially after you told him it bothers you.. Therefore he has no respect for you and your wishes. I would boldly sit down and ask him what she has going n that is more interesting then I have going on for you???? Ask him what are you getting by talking to her that you do not get from me.... Maybe he has gotten so used to the mundane life of marriage that she complements him laughs at his stupid jokes that you are used to... even if he is not physical with this person yet!!!! He is treading on that path... I seriously would set down and say look we have some problems going on and ask him what it is he is missing in the relationship. He should also give you time to explain what you would like to see more in the relationship..... Most relationships end up in the trash because of lack of communication, lack of respect, and just getting wrapped up in life circle and not spending quality time on building and keeping your relationship strong.. We all have those major rush of feeling when we first find someone we think is the one... After time faults start to show and if you all just brush these faults aside and not address them it does get in the way.. If your hubby is unwilling to communicate what it is he is missing or says I don't know that is a cop out... I think you both need to very seriously address the issues of talking about what your missing in the relationship and focus on trying to fix it. I would also set the rules down that he needs to end communication with this woman pronto. If he says he does not want to or if he does not work on the things you guys need to work on then chances are he is not willing to make the marriage work and he has already checked out and is just waiting on the ball to drop so to speak.. Talk talk and talk more.. DO Not let it be okay for him to continue to talk to her at all it will destroy you guys trying to rebuild you as a couple trust me............
 

Whackado

Junior Member
Sep 7, 2017
25
3
0
#12
I ended up messaging her on FB this morning. I was nice. I let her know I was aware that they text all the time and asked her opinion on what to do for his birthday. I am truly planning something and thought this would be a good ice breaker and maybe she would have some ideas. I said it would be nice to meet her and her husband/kids. She told me that he talks about me all the time. She is a stay at home mom. Maybe she is more available than I am for texting all the time. She was very nice. She seemed to try reassure me that she was happy in her marriage and that they are only friends in a very non-direct way. If he and I are not working, we are together. I have asked him about our relationship. He tells me all the time that he is so happy. He is always affectionate with me. We do have good communication. In fairness to my husband he said he would stop talking to her. I didn't want to be that jealous wife, so I told him he did not have to do that, so I guess he didn't. I lost my father rather quickly a couple of months ago and have been an insecure mess since. They have been texting for a year and it never bothered me before my dad died. In my gut, I do not feel that they are physically involved. It doesn't help that she is gorgeous and a size 2. I'm just feeling insecure about myself and I do not want to project those feelings on to someone (him or her) unjustly. I do not want to make accusations or jump to conclusions. That can be far more damaging than an actual affair.
 

EarnestQ

Senior Member
Apr 28, 2016
2,482
239
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#13
If it is innocent, you should be able to join in the texting. Ask them to include you in their conversations.
 

Huckleberry

Senior Member
Aug 25, 2013
1,634
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#14
Get your pastor involved.
Yeah, run out and tattle to your pastor!

No, an ultimatum is in order here.
Explain calmly but emphatically that his being "friends" with any
other women is not acceptable and that you will not tolerate it.
If he persists, let her have him.
Ironically, she probably wouldn't want him because he can't be trusted.
 

Dan58

Senior Member
Nov 13, 2013
1,818
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#15
Sounds like your over-reacting.. Don't get jealous until there's something to be jealous about.. And I don't know why everyone recommends talking to your Pastor, they aren't marriage counselors. Men and women can be friends, even if they're married. But if they are getting together, you ought to make yourself a part of that.. jmo
 
Nov 12, 2015
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#16
The point that I find most concerning is that he took your child together with him to meet up with her. Children were present so I am certain there were no untoward goings on physically, but he specifically chose not to tell you about it beforehand so that you also could have gone on the outing.

He wanted to meet with her and he knew you would have a problem with it, so he chose to not tell you. This was not innocent. It may be completely innocent in the woman's mind, who knows, but this was not innocence on his part - it was deception by omission, so he could do what he wanted to do despite knowing it would not sit well with you.

If his response to you being bothered by what would bother every woman on earth is anger,what's up with that??

This is very similar behavior as what my Husbland was doing before he told me (just months after saying he was happy, loved me and we were good) that he wanted a divorce. When I thought back to the time I caught him first, I remembered a blush rose up on his cheeks that was brief but noticeable, and then quickly disappeared as he started telling me how innocent it all was. That blush spoke volumes but I read it like a weekly circular that you glance at then toss.
 
Last edited:
Nov 12, 2015
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#17
And in my case, the texts were there too. Found him texting her the one time at 5 in the morning. He said it was work. Yeah, at 5 am.
 
Nov 12, 2015
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#18
And texting her even while having dinner with you?? He is greatly taking advantage of your trust.
 
Nov 12, 2015
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#19
It seems to be the norm that a spouse flirting around does not tell the spouse until they are certain they will be able to move into a new relationship. Why upend your current life for a maybe?
 

oldethennew

Senior Member
Feb 28, 2016
7,619
430
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#20
let him 'go', you are obviously not in any a priority, but just someone
who will 'take-care' of his immediate needs while away from her,
such as 'all of the work and drudgery that goes along with co-habiting',.
if not equally shared'..

we pray that our Heavenly sends you someone worthy and willing to share
'everything' with you in a True and Godly, united Marriage...