My husband has been back in contact with his old GF from high school for almost a year. We are 40 now and they dated over 20 years ago. I told him I'm not comfortable with how often they text each other. They text throughout the day and evening. I can't imagine how much they have to say to one another in a day. He certainly is not that attentive to my texts. He still texts her. There has been no change with our intimacy, but I'm sick of him disregarding the way I feel. I'm not normally a jealous person, but she took her kids (without her husband) and met up with my husband and daughter for a day of fun together. He didn't mention who she was or anything about her until I found out and asked questions. I don't want to be unnecessarily jealous, but this does not settled well with me. We were out with friends tonight and he was obviously texting her literally behind my back. He thought i could not see him texting. Any thoughts?
Is my husband cheating on me?
- Thread starter Whackado
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I've talked to him. I'm worried if I keep bringing it up it's going to cause more issues. I've been praying that her husband starts to notice and takes issue with how much they talk. There is enough geographical difference to make it difficult to meet up, but not impossible. I'm just tired of laying awake at night worrying and feeling like he does not care.
Is the old gf and her husband professing Christians?
Your pastor is not demonstrating a great deal of wisdom here. If your husband was witnessing to her to win her to the Lord he would likely enlist your help.
James 1:13 ¶ Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man:
14 But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed.
15 Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.
16 Do not err, my beloved brethren.
For the cause of Christ
Roger
Your pastor is not demonstrating a great deal of wisdom here. If your husband was witnessing to her to win her to the Lord he would likely enlist your help.
James 1:13 ¶ Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man:
14 But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed.
15 Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.
16 Do not err, my beloved brethren.
For the cause of Christ
Roger
You are not wrong for being concerned. I agree with you that he should not be investing this much time with this person especially after you told him it bothers you.. Therefore he has no respect for you and your wishes. I would boldly sit down and ask him what she has going n that is more interesting then I have going on for you???? Ask him what are you getting by talking to her that you do not get from me.... Maybe he has gotten so used to the mundane life of marriage that she complements him laughs at his stupid jokes that you are used to... even if he is not physical with this person yet!!!! He is treading on that path... I seriously would set down and say look we have some problems going on and ask him what it is he is missing in the relationship. He should also give you time to explain what you would like to see more in the relationship..... Most relationships end up in the trash because of lack of communication, lack of respect, and just getting wrapped up in life circle and not spending quality time on building and keeping your relationship strong.. We all have those major rush of feeling when we first find someone we think is the one... After time faults start to show and if you all just brush these faults aside and not address them it does get in the way.. If your hubby is unwilling to communicate what it is he is missing or says I don't know that is a cop out... I think you both need to very seriously address the issues of talking about what your missing in the relationship and focus on trying to fix it. I would also set the rules down that he needs to end communication with this woman pronto. If he says he does not want to or if he does not work on the things you guys need to work on then chances are he is not willing to make the marriage work and he has already checked out and is just waiting on the ball to drop so to speak.. Talk talk and talk more.. DO Not let it be okay for him to continue to talk to her at all it will destroy you guys trying to rebuild you as a couple trust me............
I ended up messaging her on FB this morning. I was nice. I let her know I was aware that they text all the time and asked her opinion on what to do for his birthday. I am truly planning something and thought this would be a good ice breaker and maybe she would have some ideas. I said it would be nice to meet her and her husband/kids. She told me that he talks about me all the time. She is a stay at home mom. Maybe she is more available than I am for texting all the time. She was very nice. She seemed to try reassure me that she was happy in her marriage and that they are only friends in a very non-direct way. If he and I are not working, we are together. I have asked him about our relationship. He tells me all the time that he is so happy. He is always affectionate with me. We do have good communication. In fairness to my husband he said he would stop talking to her. I didn't want to be that jealous wife, so I told him he did not have to do that, so I guess he didn't. I lost my father rather quickly a couple of months ago and have been an insecure mess since. They have been texting for a year and it never bothered me before my dad died. In my gut, I do not feel that they are physically involved. It doesn't help that she is gorgeous and a size 2. I'm just feeling insecure about myself and I do not want to project those feelings on to someone (him or her) unjustly. I do not want to make accusations or jump to conclusions. That can be far more damaging than an actual affair.
H
Yeah, run out and tattle to your pastor!
No, an ultimatum is in order here.
Explain calmly but emphatically that his being "friends" with any
other women is not acceptable and that you will not tolerate it.
If he persists, let her have him.
Ironically, she probably wouldn't want him because he can't be trusted.
No, an ultimatum is in order here.
Explain calmly but emphatically that his being "friends" with any
other women is not acceptable and that you will not tolerate it.
If he persists, let her have him.
Ironically, she probably wouldn't want him because he can't be trusted.
Sounds like your over-reacting.. Don't get jealous until there's something to be jealous about.. And I don't know why everyone recommends talking to your Pastor, they aren't marriage counselors. Men and women can be friends, even if they're married. But if they are getting together, you ought to make yourself a part of that.. jmo
The point that I find most concerning is that he took your child together with him to meet up with her. Children were present so I am certain there were no untoward goings on physically, but he specifically chose not to tell you about it beforehand so that you also could have gone on the outing.
He wanted to meet with her and he knew you would have a problem with it, so he chose to not tell you. This was not innocent. It may be completely innocent in the woman's mind, who knows, but this was not innocence on his part - it was deception by omission, so he could do what he wanted to do despite knowing it would not sit well with you.
If his response to you being bothered by what would bother every woman on earth is anger,what's up with that??
This is very similar behavior as what my Husbland was doing before he told me (just months after saying he was happy, loved me and we were good) that he wanted a divorce. When I thought back to the time I caught him first, I remembered a blush rose up on his cheeks that was brief but noticeable, and then quickly disappeared as he started telling me how innocent it all was. That blush spoke volumes but I read it like a weekly circular that you glance at then toss.
He wanted to meet with her and he knew you would have a problem with it, so he chose to not tell you. This was not innocent. It may be completely innocent in the woman's mind, who knows, but this was not innocence on his part - it was deception by omission, so he could do what he wanted to do despite knowing it would not sit well with you.
If his response to you being bothered by what would bother every woman on earth is anger,what's up with that??
This is very similar behavior as what my Husbland was doing before he told me (just months after saying he was happy, loved me and we were good) that he wanted a divorce. When I thought back to the time I caught him first, I remembered a blush rose up on his cheeks that was brief but noticeable, and then quickly disappeared as he started telling me how innocent it all was. That blush spoke volumes but I read it like a weekly circular that you glance at then toss.
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let him 'go', you are obviously not in any a priority, but just someone
who will 'take-care' of his immediate needs while away from her,
such as 'all of the work and drudgery that goes along with co-habiting',.
if not equally shared'..
we pray that our Heavenly sends you someone worthy and willing to share
'everything' with you in a True and Godly, united Marriage...
who will 'take-care' of his immediate needs while away from her,
such as 'all of the work and drudgery that goes along with co-habiting',.
if not equally shared'..
we pray that our Heavenly sends you someone worthy and willing to share
'everything' with you in a True and Godly, united Marriage...