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A
I will be blunt....if you aren't having sex, you are allowing Satan a foothold in your marriage.
It's probably more complicated than that, but that's a basic one from scripture....
1 Cor 7
2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control
It's probably more complicated than that, but that's a basic one from scripture....
1 Cor 7
2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control
I think you have to dig deep here and make your decision. I don't know what the right thing to do for you is. I would be hurt. I feel like my Husband and I are just friends sometimes because marriage can be like that. We do still good around and have fun together. I know he loves me. I don't know your husband so it's hard for me to say what kind of person he is, and the person I see might be different from the one you live with.
In other words this isn't a cut and dry decision. Are you going to be able to live without his financial help? Do you have a group of supportive people to help you?
In other words this isn't a cut and dry decision. Are you going to be able to live without his financial help? Do you have a group of supportive people to help you?
Counselors are not always right. Especially if they are lied to. I wonder how many people are completely honest with their councilors. Probably not as many as would suggest they are all seriously seeking help and willing to go to any lengths to change. That comes when one hits bottom. Usually very serious consequences are required before someone hits bottom. If nothing changes, nothing changes.
A
Dear sister lilli, I can sense your deep frustration and wounded heart. Honey, you will not find wise counseling you need on this thread. As you can see, you're only going to get every man's personal opinion and some harsh "rebukes". But the Lord shows mercy and kindness. I pray Father God guide you to a worthy professional counselor who isn't a religious fanatic and who deals with marital issues and behavior patterns. Someone who will listen and help you to see clearly.
I advise you to ask people at your church or your place of work for some recommendations of marital counselors. Or just go online and Google information.
Please know when you hurt, the whole body of Christ hurts. I pray the Lord heal you and give you insight and wisdom to make changes in your life that bring peace and joy in him. Blessings to you!
I advise you to ask people at your church or your place of work for some recommendations of marital counselors. Or just go online and Google information.
Please know when you hurt, the whole body of Christ hurts. I pray the Lord heal you and give you insight and wisdom to make changes in your life that bring peace and joy in him. Blessings to you!
It's debated with christians that either you can't divorce... or it's okay to divorce after adultery.
You didn't say he does adultery so no-matter how you look at it. This isn't a case where divorce is permissible. You two got married for better or for WORSE. So, the bottom line is I think you should stay.
Now, at this rate, I think you should get some Christian social support. Maybe, an accountability partner can help?
Either way, your op doesn't show any grounds for divorce.
You didn't say he does adultery so no-matter how you look at it. This isn't a case where divorce is permissible. You two got married for better or for WORSE. So, the bottom line is I think you should stay.
Now, at this rate, I think you should get some Christian social support. Maybe, an accountability partner can help?
Either way, your op doesn't show any grounds for divorce.
R
Hey! I would love to try and speak to you and help you the best I can using scripture, and experience.
Matthew 19:4-6.
I'm sure I'm preaching to the choir when I mention Marriage + God.
It's a done deal and in HIS eyes that's it.
Till death do us part, OR IF your partner has cheated on you.
IF none of that has happened then from a biblical point, you're not to divorce. Christ has made that clear. IF you disagree then by all means, let me know, but really, God is STRICT on marriage.
Sorry for sounding harsh.
OK, back to you.
To sum up what I've read it sounds like your husband needs to find Christ again.
Go back to where it all began, with Christ.
Yes, sounds weird, but you'd be surprised.
Remember: Christ should be your #1 priority in a Marriage.
If you're -your hubby- giving into sin and recycling old habits then perhaps get your Husband should seek council in his God, not in Man.
Christ can do what we cannot. It's fact. It's truth.
PRAY. PRAY. PRAY. PRAY. PRAY. PRAY. PRAY...
Remember, if he loves himself, he will love you.
I understand from your story that he's involved in church, if that is the case then he better stop that and tend to his house first!
No point being a hypocrite, we all know what God's view on these type of people(s) are.
He should not tend to other people - in this case, but he should tend to you and your Marriage, really.
When the two come together as one, He's (God) actually behind you guys pushing you on! He's cheering for you, he is on your side (your Marriage).
God doesn't like it when Marriages lose, if he did then he'd give us a scripture to say that divorcing is OK -- He hasn't.
Don't give up when it gets tough because ultimately, you both lose, and if your Husband still plays a role in church, he should stop it. Really. I emphasize that.
He must admit that he's not following God with all his heart.
He must ask for forgiveness and for your's!
You're giving him time to change, and that's good, he should do with that and act quick!
Don't think for a second that God wants you to divorce him OR for him to divorce you.
Unless he's physically -all forms- abused you or cheated on you then I know God wants you guys to be together.
Don't let the devil take your joy. Pray, and pray hard.
Get him to repent and turn from his ways. It will be a choice that will go in the right direction for you both, trust me.
PS:
If ALL else fails and he continues in his sin and constant rejection of you then you have a right to leave. But that's the LAST option.
You can leave knowing you tried EVERYTHING and that it was your Husband's will to sin, not yours.
Be well.
Matthew 19:4-6.
I'm sure I'm preaching to the choir when I mention Marriage + God.
It's a done deal and in HIS eyes that's it.
Till death do us part, OR IF your partner has cheated on you.
IF none of that has happened then from a biblical point, you're not to divorce. Christ has made that clear. IF you disagree then by all means, let me know, but really, God is STRICT on marriage.
Sorry for sounding harsh.
OK, back to you.
To sum up what I've read it sounds like your husband needs to find Christ again.
Go back to where it all began, with Christ.
Yes, sounds weird, but you'd be surprised.
Remember: Christ should be your #1 priority in a Marriage.
If you're -your hubby- giving into sin and recycling old habits then perhaps get your Husband should seek council in his God, not in Man.
Christ can do what we cannot. It's fact. It's truth.
PRAY. PRAY. PRAY. PRAY. PRAY. PRAY. PRAY...
Remember, if he loves himself, he will love you.
I understand from your story that he's involved in church, if that is the case then he better stop that and tend to his house first!
No point being a hypocrite, we all know what God's view on these type of people(s) are.
He should not tend to other people - in this case, but he should tend to you and your Marriage, really.
When the two come together as one, He's (God) actually behind you guys pushing you on! He's cheering for you, he is on your side (your Marriage).
God doesn't like it when Marriages lose, if he did then he'd give us a scripture to say that divorcing is OK -- He hasn't.
Don't give up when it gets tough because ultimately, you both lose, and if your Husband still plays a role in church, he should stop it. Really. I emphasize that.
He must admit that he's not following God with all his heart.
He must ask for forgiveness and for your's!
You're giving him time to change, and that's good, he should do with that and act quick!
Don't think for a second that God wants you to divorce him OR for him to divorce you.
Unless he's physically -all forms- abused you or cheated on you then I know God wants you guys to be together.
Don't let the devil take your joy. Pray, and pray hard.
Get him to repent and turn from his ways. It will be a choice that will go in the right direction for you both, trust me.
PS:
If ALL else fails and he continues in his sin and constant rejection of you then you have a right to leave. But that's the LAST option.
You can leave knowing you tried EVERYTHING and that it was your Husband's will to sin, not yours.
Be well.
T
My parents both had disfunctional families growing up. They in turn, It seems clear to me, stayed together just for us kids of theirs. They would quarrel almost nightly at a time, with my father threatening to leave us. My mom was never a cheater. She stayed for the sake of her kids. Looking back, in spite of all the difficulty, I am glad they stayed together.
G
My husband - an elder in our church - was a model of godliness in public, but the children and I lived in fear of him at home. He had a volatile temper and bullying us was his favorite method of control. If bullying didn't work, he became physically violent - throwing things. He never hit me, but as our son grew into a teenager, he was at the receiving end of my husband's abuse. My husband was also addicted to pornography. I discovered a stash of Playboy magazines about three years into our marriage, and once I learned how to check a computer's browsing history, I realized he spent hours on it.
When I found out that a good friend - a deacon in our church - was having an online affair and wanted to leave her husband, I said the same thing to her that someone said above: happiness isn't the goal, but holiness. I said it out of self-righteousness; at this time my own marital problems were hidden away from the world and seemingly manageable. I think, unconsciously, my attitude was that if I had to stick it out in an unhappy marriage because divorce was wrong, then so should she. I was bitter inside and was too proud to realize it.
Over the next few years, as my husband left the church, quit his job, and became more and more abusive, I learned what real misery is. I often looked back upon my words to that friend and wished so badly that I had allowed myself to truly see her pain and reach out to her in love and compassion instead of smug, thinly veiled condemnation. Of course, sin is sin - but often we ignore the deep, soul-crushing pain that often obscures people's view of Christ and drives them into things like porn and adultery that temporarily relieve the unbearable misery. When I reached out to my friends, they gave the same pat response that I had given the first one - yeah, marriage is tough, but divorce was wrong, and I needed to stick it out and focus on becoming holy. No one wanted to acknowledge or minister to the pain that was wearing me down and eating away at my soul.
Long story short - after 19 years, I divorced my husband. I could no longer justify staying with him "for the sake of the kids", because the effect he had on them was undeniable. They were depressed, withdrawn, and had lost all interest in Christianity. In fact, they had no interest in anything but video games. They too were living in unbearable pain, and trying whatever they could to mitigate it - in their case, gaming. I am so thankful they didn't turn to drugs or alcohol! Our home was not a safe haven for them; I couldn't protect them from his violent temper; and I realized that the example we were setting for them in our marriage could be catastrophic for them, if it was the only example they had.
My now ex-husband went through a tremendous ordeal with his physical health right after our divorce (he nearly died on 3 different occasions), and I have seen a true miracle born out in him. He has been brought to real repentance over his behavior, and has sought to repair his relationship with God, the kids and me. Our children have become bright, engaging, and involved in life once again, and our daughter accepted Jesus as her Savior. Two years ago I hated my ex, and now we have something we never really had - a genuine friendship. Our relationship has a level of trust, honesty, support, and respect that it never had, and I marvel at what God is doing in his life, as well as in my own.
I know some may vehemently disagree with me, but God uses even divorce for good. It brought my ex to a real relationship with and hunger for Him. It gave my children a dad that they no longer feared and hated (yes, they confessed to me that they hated him during those dark years). It healed relationships that I thought were damaged beyond all hope of repair. And it taught me why "love one another" is the greatest commandment after "love the LORD your God". Loving means reaching out to people in pain, even if it's someone having an affair, or a porn addiction, or who can't peel their grasp off the fifth of vodka. It means being steadfast and unwavering in our love, even if we hate what they're doing to themselves and those around them. It means being sensitive to even the faintest cry for help, and being sensitive to the Spirit's direction in how we respond. I hope that the OP and her husband have people who love them like that, and who are willing to be the hands and feet of Jesus in ministering to them in their pain.
When I found out that a good friend - a deacon in our church - was having an online affair and wanted to leave her husband, I said the same thing to her that someone said above: happiness isn't the goal, but holiness. I said it out of self-righteousness; at this time my own marital problems were hidden away from the world and seemingly manageable. I think, unconsciously, my attitude was that if I had to stick it out in an unhappy marriage because divorce was wrong, then so should she. I was bitter inside and was too proud to realize it.
Over the next few years, as my husband left the church, quit his job, and became more and more abusive, I learned what real misery is. I often looked back upon my words to that friend and wished so badly that I had allowed myself to truly see her pain and reach out to her in love and compassion instead of smug, thinly veiled condemnation. Of course, sin is sin - but often we ignore the deep, soul-crushing pain that often obscures people's view of Christ and drives them into things like porn and adultery that temporarily relieve the unbearable misery. When I reached out to my friends, they gave the same pat response that I had given the first one - yeah, marriage is tough, but divorce was wrong, and I needed to stick it out and focus on becoming holy. No one wanted to acknowledge or minister to the pain that was wearing me down and eating away at my soul.
Long story short - after 19 years, I divorced my husband. I could no longer justify staying with him "for the sake of the kids", because the effect he had on them was undeniable. They were depressed, withdrawn, and had lost all interest in Christianity. In fact, they had no interest in anything but video games. They too were living in unbearable pain, and trying whatever they could to mitigate it - in their case, gaming. I am so thankful they didn't turn to drugs or alcohol! Our home was not a safe haven for them; I couldn't protect them from his violent temper; and I realized that the example we were setting for them in our marriage could be catastrophic for them, if it was the only example they had.
My now ex-husband went through a tremendous ordeal with his physical health right after our divorce (he nearly died on 3 different occasions), and I have seen a true miracle born out in him. He has been brought to real repentance over his behavior, and has sought to repair his relationship with God, the kids and me. Our children have become bright, engaging, and involved in life once again, and our daughter accepted Jesus as her Savior. Two years ago I hated my ex, and now we have something we never really had - a genuine friendship. Our relationship has a level of trust, honesty, support, and respect that it never had, and I marvel at what God is doing in his life, as well as in my own.
I know some may vehemently disagree with me, but God uses even divorce for good. It brought my ex to a real relationship with and hunger for Him. It gave my children a dad that they no longer feared and hated (yes, they confessed to me that they hated him during those dark years). It healed relationships that I thought were damaged beyond all hope of repair. And it taught me why "love one another" is the greatest commandment after "love the LORD your God". Loving means reaching out to people in pain, even if it's someone having an affair, or a porn addiction, or who can't peel their grasp off the fifth of vodka. It means being steadfast and unwavering in our love, even if we hate what they're doing to themselves and those around them. It means being sensitive to even the faintest cry for help, and being sensitive to the Spirit's direction in how we respond. I hope that the OP and her husband have people who love them like that, and who are willing to be the hands and feet of Jesus in ministering to them in their pain.
God has chosen to operate His work from the basis of faith. "The Law of the Spirit of Life in Christ Jesus" (Romans 8:2) is God's prescribed order of victory for the Believer over sin, the world, the flesh, and the Devil. This means that the Believer must maintained Faith exclusively in Christ and His Finished Work, i.e., The Cross, i.e., The Blood of Jesus. This allows the Holy Spirit to help us and change us into Christlikeness. The Holy Spirit only works in the parameters of Jesus Christ and His Finished Work at Calvary's Cross. Only the Holy Spirit can mortify the deeds of the flesh (Romans 8:13).
Paul tells us this in the 5th Chapter of Galatians. The entire Book of Galatians, but especially the 5th Chapter, is a warning from Paul to the Church at Galatia, which is also meant for us. The warning is that if they place their faith in anything except “Christ and Him Crucified,” that “Christ shall profit you nothing” (Gal. 5:2).
The Apostle goes on to say that if the Believer doesn’t adhere to the Way of the Spirit, which is the Way of the Cross, then works of the flesh will manifest themselves. He said:
“Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the Kingdom of God” (Gal. 5:19-21).
Now let me say it again, because it is so very important:
If the Believer doesn’t understand the Cross of Christ, as it regards Sanctification, then, in some way, one or more of these “works of the flesh” are going to manifest themselves in his life. As stated, such is inevitable! The first four, “Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, and lasciviousness,” are obvious and easily understood. But the modern Christian quickly dismisses “idolatry, witchcraft, and heresies,” thinking they do not really apply today.
Let us address that:
First of all, any suggested way of victory other than the Cross of Christ, such as the “Purpose Driven Life,” the “Government of Twelve,” the “Word of Faith,” or “Denominationalism,” etc., constitutes idolatry. In effect, it is the same as Old Testament times, when Israel would begin to worship idols instead of Jehovah. To be sure, Israel actually referred to these idols as Jehovah; but the Lord definitely did not look at it in the same manner! And neither does He look any differently at modern idolatry! Furthermore, all of this constitutes “heresies,” in which the modern Church abounds.
Let me say it more clearly:
Any doctrine, way, scheme, or direction made up by men, which means it is devised by men and not by God, is constituted by the Lord as “heresy,” which is a “work of the flesh.” Let me say it again, and because it is so very, very important! Any way other than “Christ and Him Crucified” is, in the eyes of God, “heresy.” Once one begins to understand these “works of the flesh,” these things become more obvious.
When a Believer faith waivers it frustrates the grace of God. And if the Believer continues in this sin they fall from grace (Christ will be of no benefit to you). Gods plan is clear; The Just (Righteous) shall by faith. Hebrews 10:38
The Apostle goes on to say that if the Believer doesn’t adhere to the Way of the Spirit, which is the Way of the Cross, then works of the flesh will manifest themselves. He said:
“Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the Kingdom of God” (Gal. 5:19-21).
Now let me say it again, because it is so very important:
If the Believer doesn’t understand the Cross of Christ, as it regards Sanctification, then, in some way, one or more of these “works of the flesh” are going to manifest themselves in his life. As stated, such is inevitable! The first four, “Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, and lasciviousness,” are obvious and easily understood. But the modern Christian quickly dismisses “idolatry, witchcraft, and heresies,” thinking they do not really apply today.
Let us address that:
First of all, any suggested way of victory other than the Cross of Christ, such as the “Purpose Driven Life,” the “Government of Twelve,” the “Word of Faith,” or “Denominationalism,” etc., constitutes idolatry. In effect, it is the same as Old Testament times, when Israel would begin to worship idols instead of Jehovah. To be sure, Israel actually referred to these idols as Jehovah; but the Lord definitely did not look at it in the same manner! And neither does He look any differently at modern idolatry! Furthermore, all of this constitutes “heresies,” in which the modern Church abounds.
Let me say it more clearly:
Any doctrine, way, scheme, or direction made up by men, which means it is devised by men and not by God, is constituted by the Lord as “heresy,” which is a “work of the flesh.” Let me say it again, and because it is so very, very important! Any way other than “Christ and Him Crucified” is, in the eyes of God, “heresy.” Once one begins to understand these “works of the flesh,” these things become more obvious.
When a Believer faith waivers it frustrates the grace of God. And if the Believer continues in this sin they fall from grace (Christ will be of no benefit to you). Gods plan is clear; The Just (Righteous) shall by faith. Hebrews 10:38