Just learned 32yr old son was abused as child

[Ariel82]

I am really struggling with the knowledge that my 32 yr old son was molested and raped when he was a child by the a 'grandfather' .I have known about this for 2 years now and it really bothers me. This same man molested and raped a friend of my son's, too. That boy ended up comitting suicide! My son has had numerous health problems and food and pronogaphy addictions among other problems and has sought out counseling on his own.
My husband and I brought all 3 of our children up in the church and to have a relationship with Jesus and we were VERY careful about who our children were ever alone with. My oldest son, however, is from a previous marriage and there was joint custody so my son spent time away from me. This is when these terrible things happened. I really need help..probably professional help.

I'm not going to read the other response and I'm sorry if I repeat anything, but I wanted to say I feel your pain and you will be in my prayers.

You have to realize its not your fault. Its heart breaking what happens sometimes and we can't control the world. We have to pray and ask God to help us as best we can. My suggestion would be to focus on how you can help your son over come what has been done to him.

Is the counseling working for him? He's 32 now and it should not happen to him anymore. I would if possible say your sorry that he had to go through it and if you could you would do anything to have had it not happen. Show him your love and support and help him as much as possible.

Some things only God and time can heal.

How old was he when this happened?

My son is 7 and he just joined tiger scouts. they had use talk to him about safety prevention and what to do if people asked them to get naked or do other things that they should not. It saddens me that we have to talk to our kids about such things, but I would rather them be protected and know what to do then spare myself an uncomfortable moment.

Many of the people I know sadly were molested as children. some still have nightmares and problems dealing with it.

I don't know but they all find ways to cope. hopefully your son will as well.

Perhaps a close friend or your pastor will have wiser words to tell you.

May God bless you and keep you.

Remember you gave your son a very value thing many people don't have: a mother's love.

Don't focus on what you can't change or the negative. Focus on the good things about your son and your time together.

 

[mommy_of_goober]

About four years ago I finally confessed to both my parents that my mother's close, oldest brother had been sexual abusing me from before I could remember until about a year before I confessed it. Confessing to my parents finally was a huge, huge, huge weight off of me, especially when I saw the careful way they handled it. My mom did break down crying but she was very discreet for me and my dad who is a pastor and experienced with matters such as these advised my mother to write a letter expressing everything to her brother. She did this and I found out later he denied everything, however, an aunt married to another brother of my mom's told the whole family that he had been inappropriate with her as well. I knew my parents believed me right off, but it was nice to have the support of my family.

Since I confessed I didn't have to worry about being pushed to see this uncle and I was able to move out of state which helped with the healing process. I know that my mom has not seen her brother since four years ago when I confessed and it's confusing to my grandmother what is going on, but she is has expressed how grateful she is to me that I told her and our relationship got even closer and I felt more comfortable to be open with both my parents.

My parents also paid for counseling for me with a special sexual abuse counselor. Sometimes I was hesitant to see a counselor but they were kind enough to gently push me towards it and once I started therapy I started to feel so much better. I was always sick as a kid and teenager which my parents didn't understand why, with the counseling I started to realize how much of the pain I was experiencing was related to me pushing the abuse memories into the back of my head instead of dealing with them.

A couple of things that are really encouraging for me are, one GOD reading the bible (psalms!), praying, expressing to Him how I feel
Finding that I am definitely not alone.
That I have support of family.
Finally realizing it wasn't my fault!
Learning how to heal.

Hope this helps with some insights.

Everyday is a journey with God. We run, walk, stray, crawl, hobble, jump with Him always by our side. And we can say anything we want to Him in confidence and He'll listen, heal, guide and provide for us along the way.

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. 12 Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. 13 And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you, says the Lord, and I will bring you back from your captivity;
Jeremiah 29 *This promise applies to the sexual abuse victims as well!

you are a brave girl! and you are right, it wasn't your fault! being molested at 3 1/2 was not my only experience with that kind of evil.. I was also touched by an older cousin when I was 16, and I too blamed my self and thought it was my fault for not saying no or trying to stop him. I know now that it wasn't my fault that i was too scared to do anything, and him being an adult should have known better! I think a lot of people blame themselves when this happens to them, even if they do absolutely everything they can to stop it! but God knows our hearts! he loves us and is always beside us! he also praises those who trust in him and a have faith! I know it took a lot of courage to tell someone what happened to you! so I know God is happy with how strong you are!

when I told my dad what my cousin from his side of the family did, he believed me and comforted me.. but when the rest of the family heard, they all came together and confronted me, they made me say what I was accusing him of doing to his face, and then they all proceeded to ask me questions and poke holes in my story, and basically call me a liar. in the end my fathers side of the family disowned me. every time i came to see my father and if they were around not only would they not talk to me but they wouldn't even look at me, they pretended i wasn't there.

but that experience made me realize a little bit of what Jesus went threw, having the ones he loved interrogating him, calling him names, hating him, and then disowning him! It hurt me so much that my own family could do that to me, and for a long time I hated them, but then I realized that what I went threw was in some ways so similar to what Jesus went threw, and I just couldn't understand how he could still love those who hurt him so much! how could he forgive them, and us!? but he did, so I knew i had too as well, and it still hurts me to this day, it has been almost 6 years since then and they still don't talk to me. but God calls us to forgive, even those who hurt us the most, we have too, because God forgave us!

 

[pickles]

LynnMarie, one of my children came to my husband and I three years ago with this same information.
Like you, we did everything to protecy our children, but heartbreakingly, this terrible thing still happened.
My child was also in counciling and thankfully, has found healing help in this and in Jesus.
I know the emotions you are going through, and will go through in the days to come.
Please know you did not in any way fail your child, and that your son will find healing.
I would recoment if you believe you need, counciling also, as I know how much it hurts and how helpless you are feeling.
the thing is, your son is getting help, and all he needs is your loving care and understanding.
Even if he is unwilling to speak much to you about what has happened.
Your son, as well as all your family are in my prayers in Jesus Christ is lord for all His healing love and care as you all heal in this.

Hugs and God bless
pickles