marriage advice

[pastac]

Imo, its actually you he doesn't trust. Pretty girls get hit-on all the time, but you can easily reject the advance by saying "No thanks, I'm happily married". No harm, no foul. So I suspect your spouse doesn't trust you to ward-off the advances of another man? He shouldn't trust strangers because he doesn't know them, but he should be able to trust his wife. When you really trust your spouse, there's no need to isolate them from the opposite sex.

This is not a trust issue its a common sense issue. Do you trust devils? You don't know the person you are dealing with or your mate how then are you supposed to trust them. Trusting your mate has nothing to do with it.The devil will try to fool the very elect if possible!

 

[secularhermit]

I don't understand why both the husband and wife don't share the same friends when it comes to opposite sexes. There won't be any problem and there wouldn't be any hiding or deception.

Sometimes those friends aren´t the same beliefs, same likes, etc.

There was a time I chose to "share" with one of my ex-wife... It took me time she was having and affair with him. He was nice and I heard she was so used to talk about him (so that gave me a warn) and, because of that, it took me a full year to accept -as mine- a daughter she had (because i wasn´t sure I could get a blond daughter with blue eyes). After I accepted as mine, just for love (because children are innocent of their parents faults or sins, she died). That is one of the reason I got divorced: I loved that child but at the same time I sinned against her and at this world nothing will be hidden or covered.

Besides, I don´t really need friends, just one I probably missed.

 

[secularhermit]

I wonder why you don't want to simply honor your husbands wish? It is not an unreasonable request. You should avoid even the appearance of evil..and for some people (including your husband), driving around with other men doesn't look the best.

What type of message are you sending to your husband by having to ask others what to do in this situation? To me it looks like you are looking for reasons to ignore your husbands feelings.

Show your husband you respect his thoughts and feelings above people you don't know on the internet. You are not giving up something you need, there is no loss in not giving men rides in your car. However ignoring your husbands feelings is going to weaken your relationship with the person you should love and respect more then any other.

We don´t know the whole and real situation. I do know men who ask "that" though the have their friends inside their cars to give them a ride...
There are those so controlling and jealous, but those are the cheaters (they just judged according to what they knew).

Sometimes there´s a natural risks being jealous show but, those wife who work in a pagan enviroment are frequently wooed or enticed and some of them (even men) need the emotions of being liked as handsome or nice looking. It is the mind that seems to lack certain emotions "we" missed the moment we got married and it seems that some sort of low esteems longs to be seduced or liked again.

That area of the self need Christian attention, because it is real and it seems that, when a woman it loosing the possibililty of getting more babies, she seems to be emotionally pending on getting "attentions", as a woman. The endocrine system seems to fool men and women, the same time (or it is something evil running inside human veins) because I have observe it, and not only in the internet.

I think we, as Christians, need to discourage that attitude. There´s not problem in giving a ride, the problem is developing outsourced emotional intimations we don´t have in front of those we said we love. I have seen there is a tendency that women tend to love more people than we men and, at the same time, we men feel jealous (or endangered) the moment we are aware ladies love another man who is not us (as an example, I wish a dad knew he felt jealous when he saw his wife loved her own son more than him). That is the best example I know and lived.

 

[secularhermit]

I understand that Billy Graham has shared that he would not ever be alone in a room, car etc. with a woman other than his wife. Done out of respect to his wife, his vow to God and to avoid any inkling of temptation.

It was obvios! I also have a pastor friend who said the same and often tries to have her wife while councelling. He have had bad experiences, while being alone, so he made it that way to avoid the evil Satan have shown using people who approached him "to receive help".

 

[MrMyagi]

My wife and I have a policy regarding this very issue.

My wife works for a non profit and travels a lot during certain times of the year. Before she accepted the job, she specifically told the powers that be that she would not travel with men nor be put in situations where she would have to share a lot of extra time around men. They were very understanding due to being a Christian organization. It actually garnered her a lot of respect.

Our policy is not based on lack of trust with each other. It is in the knowing that others have motives of their own. I'll explain:

I spent most of my life in the entertainment industry. Half of that time was working in 'convention markets'; Chicago, Miami, Las Vegas, etc..... Putting is succinctly, I'm highly aware as to how people act when away from their spouses. There is a REASON for the marketing campaign, "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas".... People simply choose to act very differently when away from their spouses. And yes, that includes you women.... The things I personally know and have seen would scare the living daylights out of a spouse sitting and home wondering....

I'll keep it that simple for now...

You either follow the herd... or you follow God. The herd has all gone over the cliff these days. My wife and I refuse to follow the herd.