Marriage

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Feb 2, 2018
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#1
*I just recently got married 5 months ago and I found out my husband has been talking to another woman and giving her money on the side for months. This lady texted me through Facebook messenger and when I confronted him about it, he lied about the whole thing. She even sent me screenshots of all the transactions and other naughty messages that were sent to her. He even said that they were all photoshopped, which I don't believe at all. As a Christian, I don't believe in getting a divorce. It's just hard to be with someone that has been hiding things behind your back while you're doing everything to be a great spouse. All trust is lost at this point. Has anyone ever experienced something similar to my situation??
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
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#2
Is hubby a Christian? If not, then why are you unequally yoked with him? Yes, there are many here like you. This forum is full of them..

Hubby is a liar, and has completely lost your trust. Without trust, you don't truly have a marriage. Sounds like the woman has a conscience, something that your hubby obviously lacks.
 

stand2

Senior Member
Dec 6, 2017
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#3
Hi DB, and welcome to CC ! Loss of trust in a marriage is commonly a fatal blow to any chance of success, particularly when it occurs so early on. After eight years of marriage, I divorced my wife almost entirely due to lack of trust. After the divorce, she accepted Christ as her savior and became a responsible woman and mother to our children. We were remarried two years later and have been married ever since (40 yrs). However, this is more the exception tan the rule. For a man to put his wife aside for another so soon in marriage spells 360 degree danger (bad husband, bad father etc.). In my state, couples married less than a year can have the marriage annulled, which is far easier than divorce and the preferred path of short failed marriages. All of this being said, I am sorry that may have to go through a very rough emotional period. Constant prayer and companionship with fellow Christians is a must for keeping up spiritual strength. I will pray for God to guide you and bless you in the decisions you must make, and I am sure many others on this site will do the same. Feel free to "dump" on us anytime. Take advantage of the knowledge and experiences of the members. Many have "been there/done that" folks who can empathise with your situation.......God Bless you DB.........AMEN.
 
Feb 2, 2018
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#4
Yes he is a Christian. He never showed any signs of cheating at all.
 
Feb 2, 2018
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#5
Thank you. Like I said before he never showed any signs of messing with someone else. And I feel like a man will not give a woman money for no reason. My spirit still doesn't sit well with that. I know that something else was going on physically but he completely denies it.
 

notuptome

Senior Member
May 17, 2013
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#6
Why would the other woman rat him out? You are in a difficult position. If you and your husband have a church that you attend I would suggest you go to the pastor and request some mediation in the matter. Someone needs to discuss the matter with what is at least three parties in the situation.

Without a doubt something is going on here and you need to know exactly what that entails.

Nu 32:23 But if ye will not do so, behold, ye have sinned against the LORD: and be sure your sin will find you out.

For the cause of Christ
Roger
 
Feb 2, 2018
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#7
Thank you. Supposedly she tried to blackmail him and he didn't do what she wanted, so she told me. I know that something else was going on but he won't tell me.
 

Ruthwashere

Junior Member
Jan 26, 2018
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Hello beloved. I had a similar experience. I wasn't a believer at the time but my ex was giving money to a female friend from high school....so he said. It really hurt my feelings and I expressed that. However, afterwards, I felt really vulnerable about the marriage. It wasn't good because I'd lost the trust but not only that, I rarely spoke up about how I was (really) feeling, not wanting to loose him. Please consider yourself in this marriage. YOU have a voice and you matter. YOU both made a covenant and honoring that is "speaking the truth in love." I pray you will suggest counseling and full disclosure so that the enemy will not have a foothold. You have a right to question anything that appears (off) as the word instructs us to be wise and discerning. Praying that your husband will be open to male accountability and that you have some sisters in the faith to pray with concerning this. Once I became a believer, I praised GOD for prayer partners and accountability. Satan could no longer hold my past or my fears over me because there is POWER in PRAYER! Praying for you both because the enemy hates marriage. Be strong and courageous and fervent in prayer beloved!
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#9
*I just recently got married 5 months ago and I found out my husband has been talking to another woman and giving her money on the side for months. This lady texted me through Facebook messenger and when I confronted him about it, he lied about the whole thing. She even sent me screenshots of all the transactions and other naughty messages that were sent to her. He even said that they were all photoshopped, which I don't believe at all. As a Christian, I don't believe in getting a divorce. It's just hard to be with someone that has been hiding things behind your back while you're doing everything to be a great spouse. All trust is lost at this point. Has anyone ever experienced something similar to my situation??
How are you with annulment?
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#10
Thank you. Supposedly she tried to blackmail him and he didn't do what she wanted, so she told me. I know that something else was going on but he won't tell me.
And, wow! You're stuck between a blackmailer and husband. How do you trust either side?

I'd consider a private investigator to see what's really going on with him, because how stupid is he to know he wouldn't give in to blackmail, and yet didn't head it off at the pass by telling you? Is he really that stupid? And, if not, isn't it time for you to find out who you did marry?
 

Nehemiah6

Senior Member
Jul 18, 2017
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#11
As a Christian, I don't believe in getting a divorce.
Since you have every right to get a divorce according to Scripture, you are setting yourself up for a failed marriage from the start. If you have the facts, then you are better off to terminate this sham marriage now.
 
Feb 2, 2018
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#12
Yeah I thought about getting a private investigator but that would cost so much. I just want him to be honest. He told me that she was trash and illiterate but yet he was sending her money on the side. I don't even know if she is the only woman. And he works in the oil industry and is always gone so I don't know what to think.
 
Feb 2, 2018
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#13
I thought about ending it but I'm trying to work it out with him. It just seems like I wasted my time and I feel so ashamed.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
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#14
I agree with Nehemiah. This marriage is a total sham. :( If she WAS black mailing him, she would NOT tell YOU about it... You have the proof of what's going on, she showed you texts and pictures.. Get an annulment, at the very least.
 
Feb 2, 2018
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#15
He wanted me to delete all the screenshots but something told me to keep it. I still have it in my phone as proof.
 

Angela53510

Senior Member
Jan 24, 2011
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#16
My question is, how do you know this woman really got these messages for your husband? Maybe he rejected her a long time ago, before you met, and she promised herself she would get back at him, when he married by destroying his wife’s trust in him.

This whole situation sounds just weird to me, and photoshop is just so easy to do these days. My DIL does photoshop, a lot of touch ups of her kids, nothing evil. But she says you can do anything you want these days with photoshop. Texts and things would be incredibly easy. Maybe he texted her goodbye 3 years ago. She kept the heading from him and then photoshopped it into this.

Now, I am not saying your husband isn’t guilty, but nor can I believe anything this woman says, either. Apparently, an expert can go into the pixels and detect photoshopping (correct me if I am wrong on this!). Perhaps you need to start there, instead of with trashing your marriage, when your husband has shown no signs of cheating.

If they are forgeries, you may have done immense damage to your relationship. If they are real, then time to get out now, while you are ahead. Don’t make the mistake of becoming dependent on him, until you straighten out this mess, one way or another. But do figure out if these are real, or you are being duped by a jealous woman.
 
Feb 2, 2018
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#17
No he admitted to sending money to her. And these messages are recent like last week. And when I confronted him about it he lied and then confessed later. The lady wouldn't go through all that trouble to do this. At least I don't think so.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
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#18
She would, if she wanted you to know what a scoundrel he is...


No he admitted to sending money to her. And these messages are recent like last week. And when I confronted him about it he lied and then confessed later. The lady wouldn't go through all that trouble to do this. At least I don't think so.
 
Feb 2, 2018
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#19
Yeah once he lied, I can't trust him any longer. He should of been honest with me in the first place. We are trying to save money to buy a house and yet he is sending someone else our money.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
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#20
You are only in for life-long heart break if you stay with him. A leopard can't change it's spots...

Yeah once he lied, I can't trust him any longer. He should of been honest with me in the first place. We are trying to save money to buy a house and yet he is sending someone else our money.