My daughter & her Nana

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Jun 15, 2016
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#1
I'll make this as short as I can.
I'm trying to figure out if allowing my daughter stay nights at her Nana's is mentally safe for my daughter.
So I was married we had a little girl together but eventually divorced. Our daughter is almost 5 now. Since last Summer she's been living with me due to poor choices my ex wife is still making. With that it seems to be a lot of mental illness in that part of my daughters family and I do not say that lightly. I'm serious. From suicide attempts, to my ex and her mother calling each other out of their names so on and so on.
A little more history
I am in a state where I know know no one but my ex and her family. I've made a friends in the year I've been here and now have a girlfriend who is absolutely wonderful to me and my daughter. She's such a blessing.
I struggle however with sending my daughter to her Nana's now because not only of all the things she's put me through, ways she's spoken to me, the disrespect, the lies, even calling cops on me for no reason (there has always been a little racism from her as she is Hispanic I am black) she did voice to me finally that she does not like me. It initially kinda hurt my feelings lol I don't know I've done to anyone but you know it is what it is and it's okay.
However I've been told by others in that family that she's now into other religions which okay, but personally I really fear that she's into witchcraft ( a witch) and I also fear that she might try and coach my daughter into something that could ruin me as her father. That's the type of people they are. I've been arrested before and accused of abuse by them which was later dropped and dismissed but still I wouldn't put anything past her. The last time she asked for my daughter two months ago, when I asked what her plans were with her she asked me why does it matter.

So I now fear leaving my daughter with her.

Give me your input
 

TamLynn

A heart at rest
Nov 27, 2014
818
834
93
#2
Hmmm... This is a tough one. Since you suspect there may be witchcraft or other evil influences I would be very careful about what you allow your child to be exposed to.
Does your daughter even want to visit with her?
If she does then I'd suggest supervised visits.
If your going to the park, ask Nana if she'd like to join you. In my community they have a few 'playgroup' type activities where children and their caregivers can go interact with other children / caregivers. Is there anything like that they could do together? That way you have a 'crowd of witnesses' so to speak. (You could meet her there with your child and pick her up when it's over).
If you have sole custody, and she doesn't want to tell you what they'll be doing when she's visiting, I'd be inclined to deny the visits.
She's not even 5 years old. You have every right to know what they'll be doing! I wouldn't let my 12 year old go to her father's overnight if I didn't know the plan.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
33,571
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#3
Based on your post if that was my daughter I would be very fearful to allow her to enter that toxic environment. If Nana had her head screwed on straight I probably would consider it, but Nana is a nutcase and probably will remain so for years to come.
 
Jun 15, 2016
71
10
8
#4
Hmmm... This is a tough one. Since you suspect there may be witchcraft or other evil influences I would be very careful about what you allow your child to be exposed to.
Does your daughter even want to visit with her?
If she does then I'd suggest supervised visits.
If your going to the park, ask Nana if she'd like to join you. In my community they have a few 'playgroup' type activities where children and their caregivers can go interact with other children / caregivers. Is there anything like that they could do together? That way you have a 'crowd of witnesses' so to speak. (You could meet her there with your child and pick her up when it's over).
If you have sole custody, and she doesn't want to tell you what they'll be doing when she's visiting, I'd be inclined to deny the visits.
She's not even 5 years old. You have every right to know what they'll be doing! I wouldn't let my 12 year old go to her father's overnight if I didn't know the plan.
Yes I agree with this and appreciate your response. I do have full custody and control so I'm trying to be careful. Thank you great advice.
 
Jun 15, 2016
71
10
8
#5
Based on your post if that was my daughter I would be very fearful to allow her to enter that toxic environment. If Nana had her head screwed on straight I probably would consider it, but Nana is a nutcase and probably will remain so for years to come.
Yes agreed thank you much
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#6
A racist, mentally ill woman that has gone out of her way to screw with your life and lied to get you arrested and you're even Considering sending your 5 year old there? Seriously. Perhaps the nana isn't the only one with a screw lose.
 

OneFaith

Senior Member
Sep 5, 2016
2,218
347
83
#7
I'll make this as short as I can.
I'm trying to figure out if allowing my daughter stay nights at her Nana's is mentally safe for my daughter.
So I was married we had a little girl together but eventually divorced. Our daughter is almost 5 now. Since last Summer she's been living with me due to poor choices my ex wife is still making. With that it seems to be a lot of mental illness in that part of my daughters family and I do not say that lightly. I'm serious. From suicide attempts, to my ex and her mother calling each other out of their names so on and so on.
A little more history
I am in a state where I know know no one but my ex and her family. I've made a friends in the year I've been here and now have a girlfriend who is absolutely wonderful to me and my daughter. She's such a blessing.
I struggle however with sending my daughter to her Nana's now because not only of all the things she's put me through, ways she's spoken to me, the disrespect, the lies, even calling cops on me for no reason (there has always been a little racism from her as she is Hispanic I am black) she did voice to me finally that she does not like me. It initially kinda hurt my feelings lol I don't know I've done to anyone but you know it is what it is and it's okay.
However I've been told by others in that family that she's now into other religions which okay, but personally I really fear that she's into witchcraft ( a witch) and I also fear that she might try and coach my daughter into something that could ruin me as her father. That's the type of people they are. I've been arrested before and accused of abuse by them which was later dropped and dismissed but still I wouldn't put anything past her. The last time she asked for my daughter two months ago, when I asked what her plans were with her she asked me why does it matter.

So I now fear leaving my daughter with her.

Give me your input
I would need more details. In a town where I used to live they had a wiccan store. I went in and asked questions so that I knew what to pray about. They claim to be one with nature. They are like a cross between 60s hippies and Halloween fanatics. Since what they practice can be viewed as fiction/fantasy, there isn't much you could legally do about it, unless you can prove it brings physical, mental, or emotional harm to your daughter. Grandparents have a legal right to see their grandkids unless that right is taken away by the courts. You didn't even mention if her Nana has her practice these things with your daughter- it could just be the grandma's hobby.

I hate it, but the courts don't consider spiritual health. And her mother's family's trauma is not a consideration unless it effects your daughter personally. I have a family member who was convicted of murder and is serving a life sentence. That has nothing to do with me being a Christian or a good mom. If I were you i would shy away from the visits if I could, and talk to my daughter about spiritual right and wrong, and about if her Nana's hobby effects her. But flat out denying visitation may land the matter in court, resulting in her being there on a more frequent basis. Telling people no makes them want to do it all the more. Tough situation.
 

socalpoppy

Junior Member
May 7, 2018
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#8
I'll be praying for you for guidance from God. That is a tough situation. I like the idea of inviting Nana to events if she is interested in having time with your daughter before making any decision about letting her stay overnight.
 

socalpoppy

Junior Member
May 7, 2018
33
24
8
#9
A racist, mentally ill woman that has gone out of her way to screw with your life and lied to get you arrested and you're even Considering sending your 5 year old there? Seriously. Perhaps the nana isn't the only one with a screw lose.
I've seen a couple of your posts and think that you aren't using words to encourage, but to put down. Your last sentence is mean.
 

socalpoppy

Junior Member
May 7, 2018
33
24
8
#10
I've seen a couple of your posts and think that you aren't using words to encourage, but to put down. Your last sentence is mean.
Ugly, I apologize for posting this before reading any of your other posts besides the two that I saw. If I knew how to delete a post I would definitely have deleted my prior post. After reading two pages of your posts, I see that you don't commonly post mean things. Please accept my apology.
 
Mar 23, 2016
3,996
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#11
Since last Summer she's been living with me due to poor choices my ex wife is still making.
Is the current arrangement an informal agreement between you and your ex-wife or is there a court order which places custody of your daughter with you?
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#12
Ugly, I apologize for posting this before reading any of your other posts besides the two that I saw. If I knew how to delete a post I would definitely have deleted my prior post. After reading two pages of your posts, I see that you don't commonly post mean things. Please accept my apology.
It's ok. Lately I've not been doing well and letting myself lash out people that did nothing wrong. I appreciate both your responses.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
33,571
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Tennessee
#13
I've seen a couple of your posts and think that you aren't using words to encourage, but to put down. Your last sentence is mean.
Perhaps, but there may have been an element of truth to what he said. I have read thousands of his posts and always admired his honesty and candor. He's one of the most interesting peeps on this site and has told quite a story so far about the events that have helped define who he is today. I certainly respect his opinion.