My husband and the drama that follows PART 3!!!

[kaylagrl]

I'm sorry,you may not want to hear my response but here goes.Not trying to hurt you or put you. down.Just the truth as I see it.You are covering for your husband.And so is his mother.God cant work with both of you in the way babying him.I have lost several relatives close to me,my aunt like an older sister to me died of stomach cancer at the age of 43,my grandmother died of a brain tumor,my other grandmother died of cancer of the womb. This was all in close proximity of each other.I did not go out and sell drugs because of it.That is a cop out.People have been through horrifying things and never resorted to drug dealing.Why is drug dealing? Because it's fast money and a lot of it.If he had any character as a man he would look after his wife and children,not run home to mommy.
Not that it is my business but my guess is he gets the benefits of sleeping with you when he stays over? Of course he'll keep coming back.You're being his soft place to fall when he needs a wake up call.God does not expect you to stay in an abusive situation.You have every right to leave him and by doing so you'd give him the wake up call he needs.But I will tell you what God did call you to do,raise up your children in the admonition of the Lord.They are your focus and not only are you putting them in danger you are setting a bad example.Stop making excuses for this man! Allow him to grow up and wise up.He will not change with you in the way.Why should he? He has his mommy when he gets mad at you and you as a soft place to fall when things arent going right for him.Neither of you is helping him in a good way.You are being used.Shut off the phone and leave it off.If he comes to see you you give him an ultimatum,go to marriage counseling and counseling for himself.Give up the drug dealing and if he doesnt agree to this you take your children and walk.That is the right thing to do for your children,yourself AND him.And yes,I am married.I hope you choose to make the right choice and stop babying this man.

 

[christianwife87]

I totally agree with you on a lot of the things you've said, but I honestly don't feel like I'm making excuses for him, I just know that he isn't the same after his dad passed and based off of the things that my husband has shared with me, he and his father were not really close. His father was extremely distant as if he didn't want or love his son, but even after my husband and I married, my husband had been trying his hardest to get the relationship that he wanted with his dad, only to have his dad reject him. Now I don't know what that feels like and I'm not going to pretend that I do, all I know that everyone has a different reaction and him being a grown man as well as a husband and father it is not an excuse at all. Him not having closure and a close relationship with his father has only opened up a whole new realm of issues with him. Also I think that it is also a spiritual thing because honestly it makes no sense for him do any of the things he does, but I believe the devil takes advantage at a weak moment, and I do believe that is the problem. But again I agree that everyone including me have to step back and let God handle it.
Thank you for your response.

 

[santuzza]

Your floating down a river called DENIAL.

Despite EVERYTHING you've listed here, you need to protect your children -- that means moving away from this admitted drug dealer. End of story. Stop making excuses and get out of there. You know, if the police and child protective services find out, you WILL lose custody of your children. What kind of mother allows her children to associate with drug dealers???

 

[christianwife87]

Thank you for your response, I'm agreeing with the majority of the comments, how is that denial? Don't pick and choose what you want to comment on, take fact that that "drug dealer" is still their father, and if you are reading clearly he is not in the house, I don't know how many times I have to repeat myself. You don't have to respect me but you can at least be Christian enough to not be disrespectful, you don't know me or my husband. What type of Christian response are you giving?

 

[santuzza]

It doesn't matter one whit if this drug dealer is the father -- he's a DRUG DEALER!!! You don't need any other reason to get away from him. You admitted in earlier posts that he has come back to you -- I assume he's staying overnight -- with the kids -- a known DRUG DEALER in the same house as your kids. You are endangering your kids and you deny that. You make excuses for him. To me that is denial. And it is the most loving and Christian thing I can say to you because you are going down the WRONG PATH. You're asking for advice, I'm giving advice -- leave him and never look back until he changes his ways.

To be honest, if I knew your name and address I would call the police right now to report that you are allowing your kids to associate with a drug dealer. You are seriously endangering your children, and you are just as much at fault as the father because you are not protecting them.

Sorry if that sounds "disrespectful" to you. Respect is earned -- it's not a right.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Thank you for your response, I'm agreeing with the majority of the comments, how is that denial? Don't pick and choose what you want to comment on, take fact that that "drug dealer" is still their father, and if you are reading clearly he is not in the house, I don't know how many times I have to repeat myself. You don't have to respect me but you can at least be Christian enough to not be disrespectful, you don't know me or my husband. What type of Christian response are you giving?

I agree with santuzza. Regardless of the fact that he is your kids' father, the fact is that he is still a drug dealer. He's not in the house and that's a good thing. KEEPING him out of your house is the next step. Associating with drug dealers is NEVER a good idea, even though he's your husband. When I first moved out on my own, I met alot of "friends" that I didn't know were drug dealers. Time and again when the po-po came around, they would quickly hand me their drugs b4 the cops came and ask me to hide them. I could've gotten in sooo much trouble! I always refused, of course, but you get my drift. What if he's there with you and the cops show up for some reason, and he hides his drugs in your house without your knowlege? Not only would you be considered an possible accomplice, the cops would most likely also call CPS on you. It's not worth the risk, cw87!! Get him out of your and your kids lives before he gets you into trouble. What if he owed a "customer" some money and he couldn't pay and they decide to hurt YOU/your kids to teach him a lesson?!! These are scenarios that very truly could happen. Think of your kids, not your drug dealer husband. The kids are more important.

 

[Jimbone]

It doesn't matter one whit if this drug dealer is the father -- he's a DRUG DEALER!!! You don't need any other reason to get away from him. You admitted in earlier posts that he has come back to you -- I assume he's staying overnight -- with the kids -- a known DRUG DEALER in the same house as your kids. You are endangering your kids and you deny that. You make excuses for him. To me that is denial. And it is the most loving and Christian thing I can say to you because you are going down the WRONG PATH. You're asking for advice, I'm giving advice -- leave him and never look back until he changes his ways.

To be honest, if I knew your name and address I would call the police right now to report that you are allowing your kids to associate with a drug dealer. You are seriously endangering your children, and you are just as much at fault as the father because you are not protecting them.

Sorry if that sounds "disrespectful" to you. Respect is earned -- it's not a right.

I don't think it really sounds "disrespectful", but it does feel like it's coming from someone completely ignorant of this side of life. I've been the "drug dealer", and I loved my kids. Was I doing the right things? Absolutely not, but what would you know about it? Do you know this woman? Do you know the husband? Well do you know anything about the situation you are so quick to "call the cops" on? So quick to lock the kids father up, yet know NOTHING about what he may be going through. Should he sell drugs from his kids house? of course not, but I've know a few folks to make bad choices right after a parent died. Do you not think God can change him? I am really shocked how many "Christians" are so quick to say "take the kids and run for the hills", before even acknowledging the God is the ONLY one that can fix this, and we have a sister here that need that hope and support from fellow believers. Now I'm not saying the guy WILL change, or that she should just stick around praying no matter what, but I do see a sister trying as hard as she can to hold her family together, and she is looking to God for the answers. She ask fellow Christians and they all say "leave him there is no hope" so quick. I mean ya'll may be very right, but she wants this to work, so maybe a little hope and prayer from us might be better then just telling her to forget him and go.

I have to admit it doesn't look very good for her relationship by worldly standards, but God's remade me and I KNOW what He can do in our heart, and there is hope for her and for him in His mighty name. I will keep her in my prayers.

 

[santuzza]

Jimbone, I never said there was no hope. And you'll notice I never recommended divorce. What I said was to keep away UNTIL HE CHANGES HIS WAYS. That means that God has to intervene in his life.

And yes, I can judge because God gave me wisdom and discernment. There is right and there is wrong. Staying around a wrong situation will NEVER make it right. This guy has got to hit rock bottom so that he needs to look to God and God alone, but as long as he's getting his way, there is no reason for him to change.

You don't know my life experiences either, Jimbone, so you don't know what wisdom I may possess.

 

[Jimbone]

Jimbone, I never said there was no hope. And you'll notice I never recommended divorce. What I said was to keep away UNTIL HE CHANGES HIS WAYS. That means that God has to intervene in his life.

And yes, I can judge because God gave me wisdom and discernment. There is right and there is wrong. Staying around a wrong situation will NEVER make it right. This guy has got to hit rock bottom so that he needs to look to God and God alone, but as long as he's getting his way, there is no reason for him to change.

You don't know my life experiences either, Jimbone, so you don't know what wisdom I may possess.

Nope I don't know you, but I can read your comment and I don't see your advice to be very helpful, loving, hopeful, compassionate, or constructive at all. Of course that's just my opinion, maybe she saw it as super helpful. All that said I can't say I disagree with you completely, it just didn't come off like that the first time I read it.

 

[christianwife87]

It doesn't matter one whit if this drug dealer is the father -- he's a DRUG DEALER!!! You don't need any other reason to get away from him. You admitted in earlier posts that he has come back to you -- I assume he's staying overnight -- with the kids -- a known DRUG DEALER in the same house as your kids. You are endangering your kids and you deny that. You make excuses for him. To me that is denial. And it is the most loving and Christian thing I can say to you because you are going down the WRONG PATH. You're asking for advice, I'm giving advice -- leave him and never look back until he changes his ways.

To be honest, if I knew your name and address I would call the police right now to report that you are allowing your kids to associate with a drug dealer. You are seriously endangering your children, and you are just as much at fault as the father because you are not protecting them.

Sorry if that sounds "disrespectful" to you. Respect is earned -- it's not a right.

One thing I cannot stand is someone that picks a chooses what they want to respond to, it is clear in writing that he is nowhere around me, and if he wants to make those decisions that is fine for him, not for me. My kids don't have to suffer not seeing their father and you don't know him or me, so drug dealer or not, he would never bring drugs into my house and I would never allow it. As dangerous as it may seem to you or your sidekick, wouldn't it be the dumbest thing you ever did to call the police or CPS if you knew that could put your life in jeopardy as well? You would then be the focused target, so be real careful about what you think you might do when it comes to someone's children, because if you throw yourself in the line of fire you are likely to get shot too. Please don't read to deep into this, I can just tell by your response you select what you feel like responding to and then you carelessly respond. Also you are speaking as if everything is current as if he is here now? There is no denial here, just like everyone else has said, he is in God's hands now. I'm curious to know are you married? Any kids? Now let's be real clear, I don't care if you respect me or not, I would like to think you would conduct yourself like a real christian, and not someone who comes in offending and insulting, letting the enemy use you. I will be praying for you.

 

[christianwife87]

Jimbone, I never said there was no hope. And you'll notice I never recommended divorce. What I said was to keep away UNTIL HE CHANGES HIS WAYS. That means that God has to intervene in his life.

And yes, I can judge because God gave me wisdom and discernment. There is right and there is wrong. Staying around a wrong situation will NEVER make it right. This guy has got to hit rock bottom so that he needs to look to God and God alone, but as long as he's getting his way, there is no reason for him to change.

You don't know my life experiences either, Jimbone, so you don't know what wisdom I may possess.

Who gave you any authority to judge? You are a sinner like me, so how can you? Where is this wisdom? You may think you have it but in this case I don't see it. The way you responded, it seems as if you came to stir up some drama, and that is not wise at all. Do you think God would've responded like you did? I highly doubt it, don't let the enemy confuse you, get off your high horse and let that pride go, you seem angry, you don't even know the full details of my situation you only know what was written so how can you provide "wise" advice? Don't you think it would've been more wise to refer my situation back to God instead of throwing you own personal opinion in? God knows every detail, you dont. Your responses don't show any wisdom, just a fool who is quick with words but slow to think. But like I said in previous comments I fully agree that my husband has to hit rock bottom. Thanks for you response, you seem like you just want to argue though.

The bible says judge not, les ye be judged.
Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone.

 

[seekingknowledge1225]

I have been where you are only my husband was not just a dealer he was an abuser. I stayed 15 years not all 15 were horrible. We were together and I was a non believer at the time. Then when I turned to God a lot changed. Drugs are life ruiners! We have two children together are no longer married. My only regret is that I did not leave sooner. I believed in the one you marry is the one you stay with until you die. Unfortunately it does not always pan out that way. God has a bigger brighter future for you and your children. Stay strong I know it is ruff... God bless you.

 

[christianwife87]

I agree with santuzza. Regardless of the fact that he is your kids' father, the fact is that he is still a drug dealer. He's not in the house and that's a good thing. KEEPING him out of your house is the next step. Associating with drug dealers is NEVER a good idea, even though he's your husband. When I first moved out on my own, I met alot of "friends" that I didn't know were drug dealers. Time and again when the po-po came around, they would quickly hand me their drugs b4 the cops came and ask me to hide them. I could've gotten in sooo much trouble! I always refused, of course, but you get my drift. What if he's there with you and the cops show up for some reason, and he hides his drugs in your house without your knowlege? Not only would you be considered an possible accomplice, the cops would most likely also call CPS on you. It's not worth the risk, cw87!! Get him out of your and your kids lives before he gets you into trouble. What if he owed a "customer" some money and he couldn't pay and they decide to hurt YOU/your kids to teach him a lesson?!! These are scenarios that very truly could happen. Think of your kids, not your drug dealer husband. The kids are more important.

I was actually a drug dealer myself so I'm fully aware of the possibilities. I've also dealt with other drug dealers so I know how they think. It's way more to the story then I willing to disclose, that's why I agree to what everyone is saying as far as releasing him into the world and giving him to God. But this santuzza is clearly blind, she is repeating what some others have said, but they didn't respond how she did, they responded like Christians, it's a difference between being strait forward then just being ignorant. Like I said to her it's no point in repeating myself just read! Plain and simple! Read before you respond. It's starting to get really annoying to see this back and forth, I came to this site for Christian advice for high hopes that the Holy Spirit would speak through people, not for there harsh words and foolishness. What a big let down. I might as well join a regular site because a lot of the responses on this site are not of God and contradicts what the word of God says. This is ridiculous.

 

[christianwife87]

I have been where you are only my husband was not just a dealer he was an abuser. I stayed 15 years not all 15 were horrible. We were together and I was a non believer at the time. Then when I turned to God a lot changed. Drugs are life ruiners! We have two children together are no longer married. My only regret is that I did not leave sooner. I believed in the one you marry is the one you stay with until you die. Unfortunately it does not always pan out that way. God has a bigger brighter future for you and your children. Stay strong I know it is ruff... God bless you.

Thank you for your response, I am sorry to hear about your marriage too, my husband and I have been through the abuse as well, thankfully he had an encounter with God and he stopped, it has been a long time since he's been abusive. I do believe God has a beautiful plan for my kids and I, even my husband as well, even if it doesn't work out (really hoping it will) I just want him to be right with God in the end. God bless you.

 

[kaylagrl]

I totally agree with you on a lot of the things you've said, but I honestly don't feel like I'm making excuses for him, I just know that he isn't the same after his dad passed and based off of the things that my husband has shared with me, he and his father were not really close. His father was extremely distant as if he didn't want or love his son, but even after my husband and I married, my husband had been trying his hardest to get the relationship that he wanted with his dad, only to have his dad reject him. Now I don't know what that feels like and I'm not going to pretend that I do, all I know that everyone has a different reaction and him being a grown man as well as a husband and father it is not an excuse at all. Him not having closure and a close relationship with his father has only opened up a whole new realm of issues with him. Also I think that it is also a spiritual thing because honestly it makes no sense for him do any of the things he does, but I believe the devil takes advantage at a weak moment, and I do believe that is the problem. But again I agree that everyone including me have to step back and let God handle it.
Thank you for your response.

Its hard to set limits with someone we love.We can all give opinions here but none of us know your husband personally. From what you have said we give advice.But he may have had a mental break down when his father died if what he is doing is so out of character.The devil does hit us at our weakest.It happened to me and I went off the path God had for me and lost my way.I am still slowly finding my way home.So maybe I was too harsh in what I said. But God is really the only one that can change us,speak to us.It may take something really horrible happening,like his losing you,to wake him up.But really only you know what should be done. If you really listen you will know.I hope things will change for the better and your husband will see what he has to lose and do what is right for you and your children.

 

[Crimson_Lark]

Ok apart from the other conversations on this thread, let me ask you this:
(You don't need to post your answer, this is just to help you clarify your thoughts.)

If there was no hope of change on his end-absolutely none (i.e. he keeps his same level of commitment & attitude towards you, towards his family etc.) and there was no more physical intimacy (oxytocin can be deceptive)

Would do you still want to stay with this man?

 

[seekingknowledge1225]

Thank you. Let me clarify what I meant on abuse. I probably should have said abusing his own stash. He always smoked weed. I did to when we got together. Then I got pregnant and grew up. I was 18 when I had our first daughter. We were engaged a long time. When I got pregnant with my second daughter things changed after that. God found me and I answered. I left him because he was bad into cocaine. I prayed a lot . I told him he had a choice his family or his drugs. At this point he made the right choice. He moved back to where I was got into a program that was through the church I attended. I seen a change in him. He stayed in a program they had at the church he could not come home and stay the night, because we were not married. So we got married at that church. I thought things were going to be good. He got out of the program and they were good for a while. Then he started smoking weed again. Eventually throughout the years things got worse as did his drug problem. All of this time I prayed for him. I cried so much and didn't even realize just how miserable I really was. I thought "Where are you God"! He was there the whole time I realize this now looking back he heard me the whole time. All I wanted was for him to change and it was me God was changing through it all. I am still a work in ptogress as we all are but I know I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me. God knows "Your heart", bottom line. He sees what you are going through and anyone who makes their judgments on your situation He sees as well. It is easy for one who has not been through the storm to say what damage they see it may have caused. For the one actually in it they know the damage. I came to this site and so far I am disappointed by the lack of love and compassion people really have. It is a sad situation. Where there should be love and edifying one another. There is ignorance and judgement. Anyone can know the Scriptures, but unless you know the Author of it then the Scriptures are powerless . Anyway if you need a friend I am here message me anytime. May God bless and keep you.

 

[blue_ladybug]

I was actually a drug dealer myself so I'm fully aware of the possibilities. I've also dealt with other drug dealers so I know how they think. It's way more to the story then I willing to disclose, that's why I agree to what everyone is saying as far as releasing him into the world and giving him to God. But this santuzza is clearly blind, she is repeating what some others have said, but they didn't respond how she did, they responded like Christians, it's a difference between being strait forward then just being ignorant. Like I said to her it's no point in repeating myself just read! Plain and simple! Read before you respond. It's starting to get really annoying to see this back and forth, I came to this site for Christian advice for high hopes that the Holy Spirit would speak through people, not for there harsh words and foolishness. What a big let down. I might as well join a regular site because a lot of the responses on this site are not of God and contradicts what the word of God says. This is ridiculous.

​You've given him over to God. That's a good step in the right direction. Only God can change him, but on your hubby's part, he has to WANT to change as well. It doesn't sound like he wants to, to be honest. He needs to decide what's more important to him: God and his family, or the drugs and his mama. Right now he's chosen his mama and the drugs. That alone should clearly tell you what his priorities are, and what's most important to him.

 

[christianwife87]

Its hard to set limits with someone we love.We can all give opinions here but none of us know your husband personally. From what you have said we give advice.But he may have had a mental break down when his father died if what he is doing is so out of character.The devil does hit us at our weakest.It happened to me and I went off the path God had for me and lost my way.I am still slowly finding my way home.So maybe I was too harsh in what I said. But God is really the only one that can change us,speak to us.It may take something really horrible happening,like his losing you,to wake him up.But really only you know what should be done. If you really listen you will know.I hope things will change for the better and your husband will see what he has to lose and do what is right for you and your children.

Thank you for your response, it wasn't you, I totally agreed with your comments, I have stepped back, I've been praying and haven't really gotten an answer, and to me sometimes God not answering means to wait. I'm going to wait until God tells me to move. But I think I made a good choice letting him leave.

 

[kaylagrl]

Thank you for your response, it wasn't you, I totally agreed with your comments, I have stepped back, I've been praying and haven't really gotten an answer, and to me sometimes God not answering means to wait. I'm going to wait until God tells me to move. But I think I made a good choice letting him leave.

It sounds like in your heart you are somewhat at peace that you are doing the right thing in waiting.I think if we stop all the noise around us we can hear what our heart is saying and He is saying to us.Wishing you all the best.Hope you will keep us updated.