My husband cheated I forgive him only to find that he cheated again (Advice please)

[atwhatcost]

Everything in my previous reply is based on what the OP told us. And no where in that reply have I called him a creep OR any other name, so stop making stuff up. And I'm not "telllng her" what to do. I simply gave suggestions. So stop making stuff up and making assumptions. The OP's post makes it very clear "what is up" with him and this situation. And no, an adulterer is NOT "a good guy." He is a hurtful one.. And again, nowhere in my reply have I said that either the OP or hubby are either right or wrong..

I think you need glasses, Lynn. And to learn to re-read posts before you reply. I based my reply on the facts given, which are plenty. You based yours on judging other posters and saying that she's made "questionable choices" since being saved.

Yeap. Everything is based on what she told us. No one tells everything. Even when we think we tell everything, we don't tell everything. And what I say is for the asker's benefit, not mine. Of course they were questionable choices. Any doubt? And any doubt we've all made them? Why? Because we walk in our will, not God's will.

Two absolutes for you -- all wives with problems in their marriage should retreat and all babies ever conceived must be born, no matter what. That's not God. That's you.

As for glasses? Have them -- both bifocals and computer glasses.

 

[atwhatcost]

And again, you're off judging him before all the facts are in. And you're telling a stranger what to do before all the facts are in. And again, the woman is always right and the guy is always a creep. Granted, this guy may well be a creep, but we don't even know what's up yet. Is there any such thing as a truy good guy to you?

Absolutely there is. One who is honest and faithful, and doesn't cheat on me constantly and lie to me about it when confronted.

But not the lady's husband who was doing missionary work in another country, met a family, helped them out, came home and then the single mother was hitting on him. He's not a truly good guy to you either. See my point? Always the guy's fault. Always always, even when it wasn't.

 

[Jenizona]

well I actually didn't get pregnant in the beginning of college mam, lol it was actually my last year and I was just about to walk the stage which I did, my baby is only one years old, so I think you maybe read something wrong, and also you asked me where god was in all of this but that's not the only thing you where asking you were questioning my belief , that's when I felt the need to tell you that god was there since day one, um , and its not that I'm not listening to my family I just haven't went to them about my problems, and I didn't turn to god because I felt bad I turned to him because I wanted to get back right with god its a difference, and I clearly said up here that I repented several times , so please do not say I didn't go to him to repent, and I didn't freak out when I got pregnant mam lol , I felt bad because we were not married at the time I'm sure you understand that Since your a Christian and your saved like me , and once I cried out to god when I first got pregnant and asked for forgiveness he forgave me and I had a happy pregnancy after god showed me he forgave me and still loved me even though I messed up ok? and its not that I'm not listening to god , like I said I got up here for some spiritual positive advice, its nothing wrong with that, and when your a Christians and your born again then you guys aren't necessarily strangers you should know that , we are suppose to be sisters and brothers in Christ right? lol right just like when you go to church and get a word, or get your pastors input on something we all are his children , that's why I came to a chritain chat room and not a regular worldly chat room ,,, that's ALL

OnlyGodCan, don't feel like you need to defend or explain yourself to someone who doesn't know you, and who is being overly critical. Just take the advice that sounds God-focused, from the people who sound as if they understand. You will always get resistance out there, and if you decide to go through with a divorce, you will find very judgmental Christians in many churches. It's sad, but as I heard once regarding divorce, Christians tend to "shoot their wounded." Please, for now, be in the Word on a daily basis, and yes, seek Godly counsel on this forum and from Christian leaders in your church, that's a good place to start. And just be aware that you will meet a lot of naysayers (negative people), learn to distance yourself from them. If people can't "speak the truth in love" as the Bible tells us to do, just learn to avoid them. Best wishes and stay in prayer! You can get through this!

 

[Galahad]

Everything in my previous reply is based on what the OP told us. And no where in that reply have I called him a creep OR any other name, so stop making stuff up. And I'm not "telllng her" what to do. I simply gave suggestions. So stop making stuff up and making assumptions. The OP's post makes it very clear "what is up" with him and this situation. And no, an adulterer is NOT "a good guy." He is a hurtful one.. And again, nowhere in my reply have I said that either the OP or hubby are either right or wrong..

I think you need glasses, Lynn. And to learn to re-read posts before you reply. I based my reply on the facts given, which are plenty. You based yours on judging other posters and saying that she's made "questionable choices" since being saved.

Oh blueladybug if I thought waiting for all the facts to come my way through online forums was a necessity, I'd be unable to respond. And anyone who criticized me for "not having all the facts" would be guilty of their own criticism.
Now knock it off with what you did or did not do. You read a post. You respond to the info. given. Your response was very good.

But I am not sure, I don't have all the facts myself! So then, from what I read, it was very good. Unless you want to add more facts?

Attacking a post by blueladybug is like...well, I don't know. It's just not right. You don't attack blueladybug. It's like calling apple pie, Chevrolet, and baseball sinful. It just doesn't match up.

 

[atwhatcost]

well I actually didn't get pregnant in the beginning of college mam, lol it was actually my last year and I was just about to walk the stage which I did, my baby is only one years old, so I think you maybe read something wrong, and also you asked me where god was in all of this but that's not the only thing you where asking you were questioning my belief , that's when I felt the need to tell you that god was there since day one, um , and its not that I'm not listening to my family I just haven't went to them about my problems, and I didn't turn to god because I felt bad I turned to him because I wanted to get back right with god its a difference, and I clearly said up here that I repented several times , so please do not say I didn't go to him to repent, and I didn't freak out when I got pregnant mam lol , I felt bad because we were not married at the time I'm sure you understand that Since your a Christian and your saved like me , and once I cried out to god when I first got pregnant and asked for forgiveness he forgave me and I had a happy pregnancy after god showed me he forgave me and still loved me even though I messed up ok? and its not that I'm not listening to god , like I said I got up here for some spiritual positive advice, its nothing wrong with that, and when your a Christians and your born again then you guys aren't necessarily strangers you should know that , we are suppose to be sisters and brothers in Christ right? lol right just like when you go to church and get a word, or get your pastors input on something we all are his children , that's why I came to a chritain chat room and not a regular worldly chat room ,,, that's ALL

Sorry, got the scenario wrong from this:

hey I have been going through a lot with my husband lately , we both graduated from college not to long ago,...

And your age. My bad. The difference is "not so long ago." I tend to think "not too long ago" was the 1990's. You're younger, so I compressed not too long ago too short. lol (After all, most 21 year olds are still in college, so you're obviously a smart cookie to be finished already.)

Also, rather assumed you repented from having sex before marriage back when you first found out you were pregnant. (That was the freaking out I assumed you went thorough. That and there isn't quite anything else like finding out your pregnant before you planned on having kids. It's not a cold shower. It's an ice shower. From what I understand, even women who are trying to get pregnant freak when they find out they are. lol) I figured you did that back then because you are a believer.

But that was at least 16 months ago. In all that has happened since, when you wrote about it, God didn't come into what you said. You forgave your hubby the first time? Based on what? That's where God should have come into that story. Sometimes he tells spouses to leave. Sometimes he tells them to stay. Something happened there, but you didn't show God there. You showed no base on why you forgave. There is base because there is God. He answers those prayers, but you gave him no voice in your story. (He might well have answered, but it didn't come out in the story.)

He answers if this is the guy you should marry, but he had no voice in that story.

Did you ask him if you should leave with hubby? If you did, he had no voice in that story. (You just don't go off without checking with God if you should leave your hometown. And this is why. I strongly suspect, although there's no way of knowing, that this guy stripped you of your support system to make sure he is your only support so he could do exactly what he's doing and you have very little choice but to stick by him. I could be absolutely wrong there, but it is a possibility. After all, by now it's only you, him and your baby. This is important stuff for women. Not quite as important to men. But it is most definitely something to find out from God before the fact.)

He answers what you should do when you find out another woman thinks she's your husband's girlfriend. No voice. It happened again. No voice.

You repented for one thing? What else have you been asking God? Where are his answers? It's more than asking and giving forgiveness, but there is nothing you've said that indicates you've been doing the more. Or did you just come back? (I don't think so, since you repented over a year ago.)

As for getting words from church or pastor? Nope. I don't go for that. I seek God in his Word. I check the Bible for my answers and do a lot of praying. Of course, I also get advice from my hubby, but I don't recommend that for you for obvious reasons. This is also why it's important for women to stick with family. That submitting thingy we do? That's not bowing down to men. That's being protected by men. We are the weaker vessels. We really are. Not to say a coffee cup can't hold the same amount of liquid as a coffee mug. It's saying we're a bit more fragile than men. So, if we're married, our covering/protection is through our hubby. When he can't/won't come through, then it's our family -- Dad, uncle, big brother, whoever is qualified through God and picks up the mantle to protect us. If no one in the family is a believer, then it's time for a pastor and wife. Also why it wasn't a good idea to take off with a guy that you aren't sure is even a believer.

Either you've kept mum about God in this full story, or you didn't find out what he had to tell you.

What does he have to tell you? It's in that Bible. Do a word search on marriage, husband, wife, women and men (Titus is good for that last part), and divorce. And pray while doing the research. God is capable of impressing on you what to do next. It's amazing too, because two people can read the exact same passages and find God telling them two different things. (I know this because hubby was married before. She cheated on him. He did this. God told him to stick with her. She cheated again. He did this again. God told him to leave. I wouldn't have married a divorced guy had I not known how hard he worked at listening to God when he was absolutely crushed by his wife. And because of that, I also understand how crushed you are, but God has answers for you.)

So, no. Really not our advice you seek, nor a church's advice. Seek God's advice. And, if need be, repent of other things.

Don't think I'm talking down to you. I've sinned much much worse than you have for much much longer. God has been very kind and gracious to you. You see that every time you look at your child. Your child is no mistake. I am not asking you to repent of him/her. That was God's plan. But have you really seeked God in all things? It got here, quite probably because you did not. Unless you are Hosea! (Hey, God told Hosea to marry a prostitute, so it isn't like it's impossible that God might have put you in this very position. But, if he had, I think you would have been praising him nonstop, instead of pulling him out of the story.)

Also check with God on when to let your family know, because I strongly suspect you will need them greatly. We're still strangers. Family is family, warts and all.

On here, all you get is advice on leaving him. Might be God's advice too, but that's all the advice most give all the time on here. Better to get God's advice. It's less painful. Not saying he doesn't bring us into pain, but he covers us when he does. That's something you don't get from strangers.

Oh, and no need to call me mam. I'm not kidding. I'm a woman, but no lady. lol Lynn is fine.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Oh blueladybug if I thought waiting for all the facts to come my way through online forums was a necessity, I'd be unable to respond. And anyone who criticized me for "not having all the facts" would be guilty of their own criticism.
Now knock it off with what you did or did not do. You read a post. You respond to the info. given. Your response was very good.

But I am not sure, I don't have all the facts myself! So then, from what I read, it was very good. Unless you want to add more facts?

Attacking a post by blueladybug is like...well, I don't know. It's just not right. You don't attack blueladybug. It's like calling apple pie, Chevrolet, and baseball sinful. It just doesn't match up.

Galahad, I've had worse people than atwhatcost critique my posts..lol.. When an OP posts something, they often ask for advice and insight. They have to expect differing opinions. And the people who post replies have to expect their replies to get judged by other posters. I find rather often, though, that atwhatcost and others attack the ones whose replies and opinions are different than their own. When someone posts here and presents facts, we in turn have to reply to what those facts are. And everything in my replies thus far, have been what the OP originally presented to us. NOTHING in my replies has been made up or exaggerated, or turned into anything than what the OP presented. I have not called her hubby any names, THAT was atwhatcost who repeatedly called him a "creep." I have not assumed that he's sleeping around, because that is a fact that the OP told us. I have not told her to "retreat", as atwhatcost has assumed. I have not even told her to file for divorce. Myself and another poster HAVE advised her to leave him for a few days and see if that helps. That is NOT a call to retreat.

That is something that many people facing divorce have done to cool down and gain perspective. God DOES use divorce sometimes to introduce something better into both people's lives. This is something that some people here don't want to hear, but it is true. Do we know if they will divorce? NO. Only God knows that. Only God can fix this relationship, and if he chooses not to, then there is a reason. The OP's husband HAS committed adultery more than once. That is a valid reason for divorce in His eyes.

 

[atwhatcost]

Oh blueladybug if I thought waiting for all the facts to come my way through online forums was a necessity, I'd be unable to respond. And anyone who criticized me for "not having all the facts" would be guilty of their own criticism.
Now knock it off with what you did or did not do. You read a post. You respond to the info. given. Your response was very good.

But I am not sure, I don't have all the facts myself! So then, from what I read, it was very good. Unless you want to add more facts?

Attacking a post by blueladybug is like...well, I don't know. It's just not right. You don't attack blueladybug. It's like calling apple pie, Chevrolet, and baseball sinful. It just doesn't match up.

Of course "it's just not right." How many people who consistently do wrong to others believe what they're doing now is wrong? Blue_ladybug just has a little dink in her armor. You are your armor. You say whatever pops into your head and immediately assume that it has to be right.

My facts? This is you on all your post all the time. First time you ever said anything to me you told me I wasn't a Christian simply because I wanted to glean everything I could about the Israelites crossing the Red Sea and asked OH a question. At least Blue isn't guided by self most of the time. This is merely a small blind spot. Your car has no windows so it's all a blind spot.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Of course "it's just not right." How many people who consistently do wrong to others believe what they're doing now is wrong? Blue_ladybug just has a little dink in her armor. You are your armor. You say whatever pops into your head and immediately assume that it has to be right.

My facts? This is you on all your post all the time. First time you ever said anything to me you told me I wasn't a Christian simply because I wanted to glean everything I could about the Israelites crossing the Red Sea and asked OH a question. At least Blue isn't guided by self most of the time. This is merely a small blind spot. Your car has no windows so it's all a blind spot.

LOL.. "a little dink"? Honey, I have several dings in my armor. It's called life and situations. You have several dings in your armor as well. WE ALL DO.

 

[Galahad]

LOL.. "a little dink"? Honey, I have several dings in my armor. It's called life and situations. You have several dings in your armor as well. WE ALL DO.

Galahad has many. I try to keep my armor shiny. Don't dare go to the round table with dull armor. Rarely go with my armor. But when I do, It's shiny. It is. And that's a fact.

 

[Galahad]

Of course "it's just not right." How many people who consistently do wrong to others believe what they're doing now is wrong? Blue_ladybug just has a little dink in her armor. You are your armor. You say whatever pops into your head and immediately assume that it has to be right.

My facts? This is you on all your post all the time. First time you ever said anything to me you told me I wasn't a Christian simply because I wanted to glean everything I could about the Israelites crossing the Red Sea and asked OH a question. At least Blue isn't guided by self most of the time. This is merely a small blind spot. Your car has no windows so it's all a blind spot.

You're right. You are. But I don't have all the facts, yet. I still like that little bear. He's just staring out at us. He's funny.

Galahad has no car. I ride a horse. No blind spot. Well, there is sometimes. Riding west, toward the setting sun. As beautiful as it is, there's a glare from time to time.

Live long and thrive. And may the wind be always at your back.

I suspect you didn't like the song "I am woman hear me roar." You're old enough to have heard it.

atwhatcost, just having fun. Come on. Smile. The sky ain't falling. Cheer up. Tallyho.

(Told you that you are right. All this just popped into my head. And so I am right. And I am right for saying you are right. So that makes us both right. It's good to be right with those who think you are wrong.)

 

[Galahad]

There are currently 10 users browsing this thread. (6 members and 4 guests)

• Galahad,
• Angela53510+,
• kaylagrl+,
• Pilkington,
• ray_james,
• tryin

And only one has LIKEd my last post. Thank you blueladybug.

 

[Galahad]

There are currently 10 users browsing this thread. (6 members and 4 guests)

• Galahad,
• Angela53510+,
• kaylagrl+,
• Pilkington,
• ray_james,
• tryin

And only one has LIKEd my last post. Thank you blueladybug.

Come on folks, jump in. Give it a try. Tryin, that was for you.

Okay. I've just been silly. That's all.

Blessings to all.

 

[blue_ladybug]

There are currently 10 users browsing this thread. (6 members and 4 guests)

• Galahad,
• Angela53510+,
• kaylagrl+,
• Pilkington,
• ray_james,
• tryin

And only one has LIKEd my last post. Thank you blueladybug.

No problem. Always happy to oblige..lol..

 

[kaylagrl]

There are currently 10 users browsing this thread. (6 members and 4 guests)

• Galahad,
• Angela53510+,
• kaylagrl+,
• Pilkington,
• ray_james,
• tryin

And only one has LIKEd my last post. Thank you blueladybug.

Aww Im sorry,I read it and liked it does it still count?

 

[Jenizona]

Are we supposed to "like" each other's posts? Sorry, newbie here!

 

[blue_ladybug]

Are we supposed to "like" each other's posts? Sorry, newbie here!

lol.. only if you enjoy reading the posts..

 

[BarlyGurl]

Are we supposed to "like" each other's posts? Sorry, newbie here!

Some people "like" posts to indicate they agree with your comment. some people "like" posts just because they like it. Some people "like" a post to indicate they are engaging you in a dialogue and usually a comment post follows. You just kinda figure out which is which as you go. You are under no obligation to give "likes" or respond to "likes" if you don't feel like it.

 

[kaylagrl]

I think the OP was pretty clear about what is going on. Her husband is cheating on her.Now she has since clarified her belief in God and her repentance, none of which changes the fact that she has a cheating husband and that needs to be dealt with.We only ever know the perspective of the person writing.Her husband isn't here to tell his side,true enough.But I doubt she would bear her soul about her life and her husband if she wasnt in distress.She doesnt give off the vibe of a troll in the least.So I take at face value what she is saying.And my advice is Christian counseling asap whether he agrees to go or he doesn't.She cannot stay with a man that is continuing to sleep around on her.Its dangerous to her health.She needs to pull away and let him know that his cheating is a deal breaker and if he wants her he needs to seek help for his addiction. If he is willing to seek help,great.If not she needs to leave him and continue to pray for him. The Bible allows for divorce in the case of unfaithfulness.

 

[tourist]

Leave that cheating louse of a husband, get your child and go home. Once there, file for divorce. A husband that loves his wife would not even consider cheating on her, let alone, actually doing it. You are fortunate that you discovered his true nature early in the marriage rather than years down the road. Welcome to CC.

 

[secularhermit]

Are we supposed to "like" each other's posts? Sorry, newbie here!

If you´ve pressed "LIKE" you´ve gonna learn what you´ve got...