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J
God created marriage so He does not want us to give up on our spouse, even when it seems hopeless. Pray for your husband daily, talk to God and read His word. God wants you to move closer to him as he works in your marriage. Take a look at Rejoice Marriage Ministries website, I have found it to be very comforting. Charlyne and her family will send you daily emails with great messages and scripture. They also have podcasts on the site for support and strength. Hope this resource gives you some peace as you go through this tough time. "Be still, God is in control."
I went to a christian high school, we didn't have a cheerleading squad..lol.. Would you rather she stay and her and the kids be miserable all their lives? God doesn't want that for them. I DID say if he's up for counseling, then do it. I ALSO said, if they've tried everything and nothing's working, then walk away. Why is it that people here forget that God ALWAYS uses divorce to introduce something better into a person's life? Surely what God has waiting for her, is better than the mess she's in right now.. And this thread was created 6 days ago and the OP hasn't returned to post, so this is another hit and run thread. :/ Oh, and no I'm not mad at any men, nor do I abhor the institution of marriage. I don't think highly of it, but I don't hate it either.. Yes, I do pray before I answer and sometimes the hard truth is what I'm put upon to give.. After all, Jesus could be harsh too. The spoken truth is better than hidden love, even if it isn't what someone wants to hear.
Fair enough response.
I can't tell you what to say and think.
IMHO I just think that you offer the divorce option up there to much. Its bad enough that our divorce rate is about the same as the worlds. We should be trying to embolden those in marital crisis to do their best to invigorate their marriage.
The bible says God hates divorce.
You always speaking about it, your consistently advising people to do something that God hates.
I can't speak for how your led by the spirit, and I am not questioning it. it just seems to me you seem to always get around to divorce rather then encouraging to try and work it out.
In fact I don't ever recall you encouraging anyone to stay together.
Don't get mad at me for saying all this.
I can't tell you what to say and think.
IMHO I just think that you offer the divorce option up there to much. Its bad enough that our divorce rate is about the same as the worlds. We should be trying to embolden those in marital crisis to do their best to invigorate their marriage.
The bible says God hates divorce.
You always speaking about it, your consistently advising people to do something that God hates.
I can't speak for how your led by the spirit, and I am not questioning it. it just seems to me you seem to always get around to divorce rather then encouraging to try and work it out.
In fact I don't ever recall you encouraging anyone to stay together.
Don't get mad at me for saying all this.
D
Since it is a hit and run, this is a good time to talk about this. Yes, God has a lot to say about marriage. Your answer usually is divorce. Have you ever read Hosea? Why in the world would God have his prophet marry a whore? (Sorry, but prostitute sounds so high-class.) Because it was the only way God could show us what it's like to be the spouse cheated on, instead of the spouse doing the cheating. We ARE Gomer! Every time we put our desires above God's we cheat on him.
So? Should Hosea divorce Gomer now knowing Hosea is God and we are Gomer? And should God divorce us so the kids don't grow up miserable?
Yeah, God has a lot to say on marriage. His bride hurts him deeply every day -- many, many times every day -- but he still loves us. That kind of love ought to spark us to compassion, not judgement.
So? Should Hosea divorce Gomer now knowing Hosea is God and we are Gomer? And should God divorce us so the kids don't grow up miserable?
Yeah, God has a lot to say on marriage. His bride hurts him deeply every day -- many, many times every day -- but he still loves us. That kind of love ought to spark us to compassion, not judgement.
Would you rather I tell them to stay and work it out, even if the other spouse isn't willing to put any effort into trying? A one-sided marriage WILL fail if only ONE spouse is willing to stick it out, but the other has already said goodbye.. God will not help someone who refuses His help. God won't force this husband into stopping his behavior. This husband seems content to continue living how he's living, doesn't seem to want to change, or work things out OR want help from ANYONE including God. Until or unless he wants to change, this marriage will only get worse. Yes, God hates divorce, BUT he ALWAYS uses it to bring something better to these people. 
I'm NOT going to advise her to stay and get ignored and treated like dirt.
I'm NOT going to advise her to stay and get ignored and treated like dirt.
I have compassion for those who choose to be proactive and get themselves out of a bad situation, rather than stay stuck in it of their own accord. That applies to anything, drugs, alcohol, cheating.. If he's willing to get help, then good, i hope it works and they can make amends. But if he doesn't change and she still stays and is miserable, then she's on her own to change her situation.
Would you rather I tell them to stay and work it out, even if the other spouse isn't willing to put any effort into trying? A one-sided marriage WILL fail if only ONE spouse is willing to stick it out, but the other has already said goodbye.. God will not help someone who refuses His help. God won't force this husband into stopping his behavior. This husband seems content to continue living how he's living, doesn't seem to want to change, or work things out OR want help from ANYONE including God. Until or unless he wants to change, this marriage will only get worse. Yes, God hates divorce, BUT he ALWAYS uses it to bring something better to these people. I'm NOT going to advise her to stay and get ignored and treated like dirt.
I'm NOT going to advise her to stay and get ignored and treated like dirt.
If he's watching porn, then he has cheated on you. God says that if any person looks on another with lust in their hearts, they have already committed adultery. And on top of that, he's lying to you and being hurtful. If he's committed adultery by watching porn, then you can believe he's probably committing it with the women he meets on the street. :/ I suggest you get yourself tested for any STD's, and stop having sex with him altogether. The LAST thing you need is to bring another kid into this sham of a marriage.
Have you tried counseling? Is HE willing to try counseling? Or is he content to keep living like this, ruining his wife and kid's lives along with his own? If he doesn't want to change, he won't. And you can't change him, and a counselor can't change him, even GOD can't change him UNLESS he WANTS to change and stop this horrid behavior. If you have tried everything and nothing is working, then do what's best for you and the kids and divorce this guy. You and those kids deserve alot better than what you're getting now. I guarantee God will bring something better into your lives. As far as hubby goes, if he prefers to stay and do what he's doing, then his life will be miserable, so don't let him drag you and the kids down with him.
Have you tried counseling? Is HE willing to try counseling? Or is he content to keep living like this, ruining his wife and kid's lives along with his own? If he doesn't want to change, he won't. And you can't change him, and a counselor can't change him, even GOD can't change him UNLESS he WANTS to change and stop this horrid behavior. If you have tried everything and nothing is working, then do what's best for you and the kids and divorce this guy. You and those kids deserve alot better than what you're getting now. I guarantee God will bring something better into your lives.
As far as hubby goes, if he prefers to stay and do what he's doing, then his life will be miserable, so don't let him drag you and the kids down with him.
Porn ofter involves masturbating, does it not? Masturbating is essentially having sex with yourself. Porn also involves lust of the mind and eyes. GOD says that if anyone looks upon another with lust in their heart, THEY HAVE ALREADY COMMITTED adultery with that person. People don't look at nekkid pics of each other for no reason. :/ So NO, what I said is NOT a lie. He is as guilty of cheating, as if he went to some whore on the street.
I do have the word abuse in my first sentence in the first post, after all. My first comment was in general because as noted by someone else, it comes across you're trigger happy for divorce. And to be fair (although it's not okay) ignoring someone and her/his feelings (which seems to be happening) doesn't line up with verbal/emotional abuse. A lot of women feel ignored by their husbands. By your definition, they should automatically get a divorce, because that's abuse in your eyes?
Its probably not getting worse, your just getting more angry over it. As long as he's not literally cheating, leave the struggle with him. It almost sounds more like jealousy? They're just pictures, and while an undesirable perversion, I don't think it warrants divorce.. jmo. (Cancel his broadband so he can't watch )
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Its probably not getting worse, your just getting more angry over it. As long as he's not literally cheating, leave the struggle with him. It almost sounds more like jealousy? They're just pictures, and while an undesirable perversion, I don't think it warrants divorce.. jmo. (Cancel his broadband so he can't watch )
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If it's everyday neglect, to the point where he doesn't talk to, answer, look at or acknowledge her, then that is called withholding affection which to some people, CAN feel like abuse. Abuse takes many forms, it isn't always physical or sexual.. She's already said he ignores her all the time, in favor of viewing his porn. Would YOU want to live with someone who totally ignores you and doesn't even acknowledge that you're in the same room with them? Or would be content with that and say "ok he's watching porn and I shouldn't interrupt him right now"? The wife is basically being treated like a doormat and she doesn't like it and is not okay with it. I'm not trigger happy for divorce, but I don't believe that a marriage can survive if only one party is trying and the other has given up on it and refuses help from God and counselors. Sorry, but I ain't gonna tell her, "sorry honey but you need to be miserable in this the rest of your life". :/