Need help, wife has lost interest

[I_am_Canadian]

[QUOTE =“Dan58，帖子：3760126，成员：180845”]听起来不像你的“妻子”准备结婚或能够承诺。你写道“ 在我的挣扎中，她向我展示了基督的爱 ”。新闻一闪而过，犯下通奸并没有向你展示基督的爱..而她对无聊或不满意的抱怨也不是欺骗的借口。如果她真的认为你是一个好朋友，她会背后的坏男孩作弊吗？我会把她当成一个坏习惯。[/ QUOTE]
是

Hey I ran your post through Google Translate. This is what came up.
Post: 3760126, member: 180845"] doesn't sound like your "wife" is ready to marry or can promise. You write "In my struggle, she showed me the love of Christ." The news flashed past, Making adultery does not show you the love of Christ. And her complaint of boredom or dissatisfaction is not an excuse for deception. If she really thinks you are a good friend, will she be cheating on the bad boy behind me? Think of her as a bad habit.


Amen
阿門

(P.S. Chinese is not a language I can speak, so I am copy and pasting from Google Translate.) It has 2 Chinese Options, Traditional and simplified, I used traditional.

 

[VincentG]

Any and all suggestions are welcome. I need help healing (and perhaps saving) my marriage. Last week my wife told me she had an affair. A one time incident with a man she knows from out of state. Obviously I was devastated. But the more devastating thing is that in the wake of the incident, she's less interested in saving our marriage than I am. She said that for some time she hasn't viewed me romantically, but more as her best friend. I don't know how to respond to that, because most advice to men in struggling marriages I have found is to more-or-less be a friend to her: do things for her (chores, favors, gifts), without wanting anything in return. But that's a big part of what has gotten me into the situation I am. I do most of the household chores, and the more I try to be caring and attentive, the less she sees me as a romantic partner, and the more she sees me as her friend.
The issue is not about physical appearance either. I go to the gym every day and keep myself healthy. I had long-hair, which she didn't like; so I cut it off -- and she liked it less. I'm obviously not without fault. I'm 28, and like many in my generation I have struggled with pornography (On and off since age 10). She knew about it from very early in our relationship, and I know that it has contributed to her not wanting to be intimate. Yet, throughout my struggles she has shown me the love of Christ, and a spirit of forgiveness I wouldn't have thought possible. So I'm doing all that I can to return the favor -- but again, by being kind, gentle, and forgiving through this I'm being her friend; someone she can't view as a romantic partner.
We've been married for 5 years, and together for 8. She was my first sexual partner, and I waited until our wedding night. Prior to me she had a few sexual partners - one for several years who was not very good to her.
I mention this because whenever we've had sex, I have been fully satisfied, but she has admitted to being bored and unsatisfied. She gravitates toward fantasies of "bad boys," which could describe all her past partners and the person she most recently got involved with.
Her heart is more kind and loving than anyone I've ever known though, and not only do I fear losing her over this. If our marriage fails, I fear she will run into the arms of an emotionally or even physically abusive new partner. I don't want this for the love of my life. And I am fully committed to the vows I took on my wedding day.
I'm trying every day to give it to God and have faith that He will heal our marriage. I am re-dedicated to giving up porn once and for all: I'm seeing a counselor, and reading books on the topic. When she first told me of the incident, she made an appointment with a marriage counselor, but is now saying she doesn't want to go.
Any suggestions on what I can do?

I think you need to toughen up ... you're doing too many chores and favors for her...she probably wants a man that puts his foot down a little tough and spontaneous take her camping somewhere or something where she has to totally depend on you...she will see you as her hero so to say... then "I" think she will find you romantic not just a "Freind" who does the chores and other stuff she ask without an argument. Honestly JMO..

 

[marakorpa]

Any and all suggestions are welcome. I need help healing (and perhaps saving) my marriage. Last week my wife told me she had an affair. A one time incident with a man she knows from out of state. Obviously I was devastated. But the more devastating thing is that in the wake of the incident, she's less interested in saving our marriage than I am. She said that for some time she hasn't viewed me romantically, but more as her best friend. I don't know how to respond to that, because most advice to men in struggling marriages I have found is to more-or-less be a friend to her: do things for her (chores, favors, gifts), without wanting anything in return. But that's a big part of what has gotten me into the situation I am. I do most of the household chores, and the more I try to be caring and attentive, the less she sees me as a romantic partner, and the more she sees me as her friend.
The issue is not about physical appearance either. I go to the gym every day and keep myself healthy. I had long-hair, which she didn't like; so I cut it off -- and she liked it less. I'm obviously not without fault. I'm 28, and like many in my generation I have struggled with pornography (On and off since age 10). She knew about it from very early in our relationship, and I know that it has contributed to her not wanting to be intimate. Yet, throughout my struggles she has shown me the love of Christ, and a spirit of forgiveness I wouldn't have thought possible. So I'm doing all that I can to return the favor -- but again, by being kind, gentle, and forgiving through this I'm being her friend; someone she can't view as a romantic partner.
We've been married for 5 years, and together for 8. She was my first sexual partner, and I waited until our wedding night. Prior to me she had a few sexual partners - one for several years who was not very good to her.
I mention this because whenever we've had sex, I have been fully satisfied, but she has admitted to being bored and unsatisfied. She gravitates toward fantasies of "bad boys," which could describe all her past partners and the person she most recently got involved with.
Her heart is more kind and loving than anyone I've ever known though, and not only do I fear losing her over this. If our marriage fails, I fear she will run into the arms of an emotionally or even physically abusive new partner. I don't want this for the love of my life. And I am fully committed to the vows I took on my wedding day.
I'm trying every day to give it to God and have faith that He will heal our marriage. I am re-dedicated to giving up porn once and for all: I'm seeing a counselor, and reading books on the topic. When she first told me of the incident, she made an appointment with a marriage counselor, but is now saying she doesn't want to go.
Any suggestions on what I can do?

Pack your bag and go, Man. Once they commit adultery the game is over. every time you might have sex with her she will be comparing you to the other bloke.
whatever you do, do not blame yourself, women are more decided than men and we often hang in for the Wah'me sessions that end up making you look like a complete wimp.

My ex asked me what I felt about divorce, my answer, "I'm doing nothing else his week".

You go on about whom she might 'run into the arms of'. It sounds like there won't be enough arms for her once she unties the knot and here is where you should be very wary or she and the 'arms' she runs into will end up with all you have got.
She must have aged better than you, and you have sunk into the dormant existence of work, home play...work home play while she is with her girlfriends and her "Arms" getting a feel for a different existence......................Pack up a go man, find another woman and enjoy..Get yourself a Porn Starlett, you are only 28, a baby and a certain choice for a cougar on the roam.

And that is from a Christian point of view at least in so far as the Christian outlook I have seen here.