I'm scared she is hurt to bad to forgive me and to let go and not see me though the negative lense
You need to ask Him to love her in spite of any negativity that the devil tries to sow in your thoughts towards her. Since Jesus Christ is in you, trust Him as your Good Shepherd to help you put those negative thoughts down and to think on good things.
If you suffer grief, imagined or otherwise real... look to Jesus for help to take it as Jesus has done by His example.
1 Peter 2:[SUP]19 [/SUP]For this is thankworthy, if a man for conscience toward God endure grief, suffering wrongfully.[SUP]20 [/SUP]For what glory is it, if, when ye be buffeted for your faults, ye shall take it patiently? but if, when ye do well, and suffer for it, ye take it patiently, this is acceptable with God.[SUP] 21 [/SUP]For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps:[SUP] 22 [/SUP]Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth:[SUP]23 [/SUP]Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously:[SUP]24 [/SUP]Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed.[SUP]25 [/SUP]For ye were as sheep going astray; but are now returned unto the Shepherd and Bishop of your souls.
Ask Jesus to lead you by example in forgiving her so that by your example, the Lord may lead her to forgive you.
Matthew 6:[SUP]9 [/SUP]After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.[SUP] 10 [/SUP]Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.[SUP]11 [/SUP]Give us this day our daily bread.[SUP]12 [/SUP]And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.[SUP] 13 [/SUP]And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.[SUP]14 [/SUP]For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:[SUP]15 [/SUP]But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
We could not save ourselves, right? We had to surrender to call on God to save us. The same is true for following Him. When we acknowledge that we cannot do it, then we are calling on Him to help us to follow Him; and He will help us.
I have people that just want to go out of their way to defame to no end. Ego tripping maniacs that makes mountains out of molehills. The Lord Jesus Christ in me is helping me not to return revile for their slander. He is helping me to forgive them for they know not what they do as Jesus had done while on the cross. I trust Him to lead me away from temptations. I trust Him to carry me through the situation and He has. Looking back on it, I cannot fathom how I did not respond violently as I would have if Jesus had not carried me through it. I trust Jesus to not let the devil bother me in making me feel "stupid" for not comprehending in what they were doing as offensive and how they keep getting away with defrauding me as if I deserve it. Just sharing examples in what He has done and still doing for me in what I am trusting Him for as I need Him to help me forget the nagging of the devil to look at past offenses and bring them to the present as if I had not forgiven them.. even though they are not sorry that they had done it and does not look like they are going to stop any time soon.
It is easy to love when people love us back, but when you think about it; loving your wife when she does not love you back is when she needs Christ's love in you the most.
Matthew 5:[SUP]44 [/SUP]But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;[SUP] 45 [/SUP]That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.[SUP] 46 [/SUP]For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same?[SUP]47 [/SUP]And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so?[SUP]48 [/SUP]Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.
So love your wife; allow her to hang out with friends that are wives as well. If your wife does not like it if women were in the midst of you hanging out with the guys, then she can't have men hanging out in the midst with her with the women.
If it is a fireman social thing, and not a work thing, then you should be with her, even if it is not your kind of thing; suffer it gladly, brother. Even try to get your hang out with the guys to team up with her hang out with the ladies and go bowling or any other social outing.
But do trust the Lord to help YOU to forgive her by putting down all the negativity regardless of what she does, and love her in spite of her shortcomings as Christ loves you, and be thankful that she is not your enemy, but just a wife who needs your continual forgiveness and Christ's love in you to love her no matter what. No greater love than this; he who lays his life down for his friend.... so lay down your life for your wife and expect nothing in return, and you may find more joy in giving love rather than receiving love.