Need prayer for marriage

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
G

GreenNnice

Guest
#21
#21
Stephen said:
Thank you GreenNnice. He is a wonderful and magnificant God.
Click to expand...
Yes, He is, and, His eye is on you, lion, fervently follow Him, He is your King . Magnifecent, indeed, wonderful beyond words, He is Lord, He has risen from the dead and He is Lord. Every knee shall bow, every tongue confess, that Jeee-sus Christ, is Lord. :)

Sing to mighty Jesus many songs now, as He leads, the Lord leads , God bless you, Stephen. God is going to work, this out, warrior, you just stay mighty in prayer, k, He will bring this, too, to pass, remember always to pray, too, in your prayers, 'The Lord's Prayer' elements, I especially try to remember to say, 'Thy will be done.' Brother, all to Jesus, surrender all, He will give you soo much in return. I want you to Google: cee cee winans I surrender all and play that song. Godtube.com is a good place to view songs too.This song played in a Christian bookstore arcade time of my life that just caused me to begin to change, toward a way that my Christian self never was before, went on a mission trip, etc. By faith, do what He asks you to, Yes, only with Him, you will greatly get through this, Keep those eyes on Jesus :)
 
S

Stephen

Guest
#22
#22
Thank you so much GreenNnice. And to all who have prayed for my family. The fellowship of believers is crucial in our walk as even though we live in the spirit we are still shackled by the flesh. I have moments of great peace and then I cry out to God with great sadness watching my wife do these things. I fear for her and what she is doing with her life and most of all her spirit. It leaves me so confused when I think back to a day when she seemed so strong in her faith.

She called me this morning on her way to work and said she would go to counseling but she wanted to go first by herself so she could explain what she wants to accomplish. The first time we went to counseling she told the counselor the same thing. Basically, "I am divorcing and I am only here to help my husband understand that."

I don't understand how over the last several months everything seemed so great with her telling me how happy she is with us back together. Then about 6 weeks ago she begins acting down. I would ask her about it and she would just say "you know I get blue and stressed around the holidays." Then about 3 weeks ago she stayed in bed almost all day crying saying that she isn't happy but has no good reason and not to take it personal its nothing I'm doing. At that time I suggested going to see the counselor to talk through her feelings. She was open to it but didn't schedule right away and then had to cancel her first appointment.

The husband side of me that wants to always fix things is left confused because there doesn't seem to be anything for me to fix? The only comment from her is that there is nothing I'm doing and that she just doesn't feel happy being married to me and can't explain it.

I really need the encouragement, advise, and especially prayer of my brothers and sisters during this time.
Thank you all so much
 
Stephen63

Stephen63

Banned
#23
Aug 15, 2009
9,745
179
0
#23
Stephen said:
Talked with my wife last night hoping for some answers and signs that she wants to work on things. Sadly, she told me that she will soon move out and separate. She will pay the bills for me and the boys to stay in the home until we can sell it. Her reason is that she isn't happy being with me but can't say exactly why.
Breaking my heart she says I'm a "good husband and father and I will meet someone remarry and be happy". She says she knows I love her with all my heart but it just won't work. She tells me she has grown and is now an independent woman.
Please pray for her and our family. I feel so sad and confused because I thought we had a wonderful relationship rarely arguing over the 15years and now it seems to be over. To make the situation even worse is that our sons are only 4 and 6. My heart aches for the pain they will have to endure if this happens.
Click to expand...
Stephen said:
Thank you hopesprings for prayer and encouraging words.
I will not give up on my wife or stray from our vows. I didn't last year when this happend and my faith is only greater now than it was then. I am waiting for the Christian counselor who saw us last year to call me back. I hope to get an appointment and that she will go with me.

All I can say about the unhappiness from what she has said and it's that we just have different personalities and she can't be herself. Very difficult for me to understand as we have many common interests ie working out together, family time and kidding around a lot with each other.

I do know that she has been having difficulty with her thyroid and is currently taking medication. About 2 months ago she spent an entire day in bed crying. She would only say she is not happy with her life but she knows she should be. I don't know if she is depressed and that is causing these thoughts or what.

I love my wife and children and even though I trust God I have moments of battling fear and heartache.
Click to expand...
Stephen said:
Yes...Fireproof is an excellent movie with great advice. We saw it when it first came out and both loved and I have also read the book. I always look for ways to communicate my love to her and avoid offending her and says as much. She always tells people I treat her like a princess...I gas and wash her car every week, care for her when not feeling well, fix dinner, whatever it takes. She says she has no doubt I love her but she just want to be married to me anymore and that I will be a great husband to someone else. My wife also adds that she has no desire to ever be married again.
Click to expand...

When I see the statements in bold, I can only come to 2 logical explanations of why she would do this. There may be others, but just hear me out. This is only a speculation.
1. She could be going through early menopause. That could explain why she doesn't want another man in her life. That could explain severe mood swings and depression. Some women don't know how to feel about themselves during this time and even feel guilty that they cannot fulfill all their functions as a wife. Sometimes they feel unworthy of affection.
2. It's possible she got out with her friends and got into a relationship with a guy who promised her the world and then dumped her. This could also explain the same feelings as well as the depression. The guilt alone for being unfaithful to her family could put her into a tailspin. This could also explain why she still complements you as a good husband. This could also explain why she doesn't want another man in her life. It is possible she does not trust herself anymore. Low self-esteem comes from making stupid decisions in life.

Again, these are only speculations to consider. I hope you find the root cause of this problem. Even if it cannot be fixed, sometimes knowing the cause can bring some peace of mind.
 
S

Stephen

Guest
#24
#24
Stephen63 thank you for your thoughts on the situation. The menopause thing couild be a factor as her mother went through that in her mid-late 30's. But your speculation on another man got my attention most. About 2-3 years into marriage there was a relationship with another that according to her just stopped at becoming sexual. I knew something was going on because she behaved like she is now, pulling away, staying out late, conversations with new friends, etc.

We worked through it and after the incident she really focused on her relationship with God and things were really good. Early last year similar behavior began and in march she wanted out of the marriage. Divorce filed, dates set, then suddenly around October she changed her mind and wanted to work it out. So we did and all has been amazing until the last 7 weeks or so.

I try to avoid thinking she is having an affair but I'm no fool. I know these things happen with people one would never suspect of doing such a thing. She works as a professional in a field male dominated so there is plenty of interaction with other men. In addition to that there is every indication she is not walking as closely to Christ as she once did.

I pray this is not the case.
Thank you again for your thoughts
 
Stephen63

Stephen63

Banned
#25
Aug 15, 2009
9,745
179
0
#25
Stephen said:
Stephen63 thank you for your thoughts on the situation. The menopause thing couild be a factor as her mother went through that in her mid-late 30's. But your speculation on another man got my attention most. About 2-3 years into marriage there was a relationship with another that according to her just stopped at becoming sexual. I knew something was going on because she behaved like she is now, pulling away, staying out late, conversations with new friends, etc.

We worked through it and after the incident she really focused on her relationship with God and things were really good. Early last year similar behavior began and in march she wanted out of the marriage. Divorce filed, dates set, then suddenly around October she changed her mind and wanted to work it out. So we did and all has been amazing until the last 7 weeks or so.

I try to avoid thinking she is having an affair but I'm no fool. I know these things happen with people one would never suspect of doing such a thing. She works as a professional in a field male dominated so there is plenty of interaction with other men. In addition to that there is every indication she is not walking as closely to Christ as she once did.

I pray this is not the case.
Thank you again for your thoughts
Click to expand...
It strikes me as odd that she doesn't want to be married to another man, yet seems to have other relationships. There does seem to be a pattern....... perhaps working up the corporate ladder, or the possibility of being a sexual addict. There's also another possibility..... Since she she has played in sin, it could well be she is possessed. I know how that sounds, but there are all types of possessions..... I know personally of two possessed women who became homosexuals after the fact. I grew up with them in church. They both had boyfriends, one of them married my best friend and had a son. She had previously had a demon cast out of her. As time went on though, she became possessed again and became a practicing homosexual. She left her husband and son twice, then finally divorced him. She is still a homosexual to this day.
 
S

Stephen

Guest
#26
#26
Talked with my mother-in-law and she was in her early thirties when she began having issues with menopause and so did her mother. My wife also takes levothyroxine and synthroid for her thyroid which has been giving her problems lately.
If this is early menopause how can I suggest to her that this could be a problem without her thinking I'm just trying to blame her for feeling this way?

I can't imagine that these factors could be so strong as to encourage someone to divorce though.

On the possession possibility....I have no experience with it and do not know how to detect it or address it? Do you have some suggestions?
 
Stephen63

Stephen63

Banned
#27
Aug 15, 2009
9,745
179
0
#27
Stephen said:
On the possession possibility....I have no experience with it and do not know how to detect it or address it? Do you have some suggestions?
Click to expand...
The only thing I can suggest is to pray for God's favor and confront her directly with the question of why she doesn't want to talk about it. If it's a medical problem, she might open up. Other than that, prayer is the best option for getting an answer. God moves in mysterious ways...... He could show you Himself, or cause someone else to reveal it to you. God is touched by the feelings of our infirmities...... even the emotional ones. Stay before Him in prayer.
 
S

Stephen

Guest
#28
#28
Well I must admit there was a pastor who tried to speak with her about all of this the last time and he confessed to me he felt a sinister spirit. So, I can't say I haven't heard this before. The pastor I'm speaking of comes from a baptist church and encouraged me to pray for her with that in mind. In fact, the last couple of nights I have started praying in that manner.

I guess I am struggling with the possession possibility because I see my wife as a Christian and possessed with the Holy Spirit and not capable of being possessed by the adversary or one of his minions. I am also a student in the medical field so I see physiological disturbances as the culprit for most of our woes. This is why it so important to seek the counsel of other believers.

I'm so worried for my wife right now.
 
C

chuinchoy

Guest
#29
#29
In order to solve a problem, you need to know the root-cause. What cause the problem? then comes solution. what you are going to do. It is pointless to guess because it can be true or false. If true, then congratulation, you got it right. If false, then unnecessarily worries.

I would suggest that nor matter what it takes, you have to find out why she wants a divorce. There MUST be a reason. We normally do things with a reason, right? GOD BLESS.
 
S

Stephen

Guest
#30
#30
Thank you chuinchoy,

I wish she would say why. But she won't, so unfortunately a part of me goes off wondering and I struggle to restrain it. I agree to solve a problem you need to know its cause and with me being a "lets fix it" kinda person that makes this even more difficult to handle.

To go from a seamingly happy content relationship in which she praises to wanting a separation unfortunately for me is very strange.

Monday is the first counseling session but last I was told she is going alone the first time. Her request. So, I hope to get answers soon.
 
S

Stephen

Guest
#31
#31
Well my wife and I are going to counseling on Monday. She wants to talk with him in private for a few minutes before I go in....Please pray her heart softens. I'm really not feeling very hopeful as tonight when I tried to talk about her unhappiness and carefully mentioned previous episodes she laughed in my face. She says she is confident she wants out and there is no working on it.
I then talked about our faith and marriage vows and asked her to pray together. She was alright with me praying so we did. But I tell you I didn't really sense her committment to it.
Oh brothers and sisters I am struggling and feeling weak.
 
S

shekaniah

Guest
#32
#32
Father send a flood gate of truth, grace, love and light into their marriage.
Give the counselor wisdom and insight, in Jesus Name Amen

Keep us posted :)
 
S

Stephen

Guest
#33
#33
Thank you shekaniah. I will.
 
S

Stephen

Guest
#34
#34
Hello Brothers and Sisters. We went to a Christian counselor yesterday, the same one we counseled with in April 2011, and I guess it went well. I came away with about the same explanation as to why my wife isn't happy and wants to separate as before. She says she isn't happy and can't be herself around me.

We are both type A and first born so we both like to lead and have ideas. But in counseling it became apparent to me that I have done most of the compromise . I have spent 15 years married changing my life and habits to please her and have rarely asked her to change anything.

I can't help but feeling taken advantage of, used, whatever you want to call it. I've had her own family tell me I let her walk on me but I saw it as trying to get along. But for me I look at the good in my wife and enjoy her for those reasons. I love her unconditionally. I'm saddened to think after everything I've done for her she now wants to separate because she "isn't happy". What if I developed some awful disease or disability would she have left me? Where's the commitment to the covenant.

I'm very saddened and not sure I know her. Sorry brothers and sisters for talking about my feelings. What is important spiritually here is that I think my wife is not growing in her relationship with the Lord. In the last 3 years she studies, prays, and attends church less and less. No longer does her circle of friends include women from church. I know I am a good husband and she stressed that in counseling so I am certain that she will not find happiness in leaving me or her family. I have mentioned to her during that time I was worried about her relationship with God and sometimes she nods her head a little "yes" other times she says no my relationship with God is fine and doesn't want to talk about anymore. But I've watched her let more and more of the world into her life and can't do anything to stop it. If I say anything then I'm "trying to control her."

I'm afraid in trying to find happiness she may tear her family apart. So, my situation is do I go along with her desire to separate and make myself as little a part of her life? Thereby, showing her what life is like without me. Not out of being revengeful but with the hope that she will realize how she has drifted from God and her family. Or, like last time we separated...I was telling her at least once a day how much I love her, texting, still gassing/cleaning her car, just as I did before but with a little extra effort.

Please continue to pray for our family. Thank you all.
 
S

Stephen

Guest
#35
#35
Any opinions on separation? Good or bad? How does a Christian do a separation? Just seems odd to me.
 
B

BarlyGurl

Guest
#36
#36
Stephen said:
Hello Brothers and Sisters. We went to a Christian counselor yesterday, the same one we counseled with in April 2011, and I guess it went well. I came away with about the same explanation as to why my wife isn't happy and wants to separate as before. She says she isn't happy and can't be herself around me.

We are both type A and first born so we both like to lead and have ideas. But in counseling it became apparent to me that I have done most of the compromise . I have spent 15 years married changing my life and habits to please her and have rarely asked her to change anything.

I can't help but feeling taken advantage of, used, whatever you want to call it. I've had her own family tell me I let her walk on me but I saw it as trying to get along. But for me I look at the good in my wife and enjoy her for those reasons. I love her unconditionally. I'm saddened to think after everything I've done for her she now wants to separate because she "isn't happy". What if I developed some awful disease or disability would she have left me? Where's the commitment to the covenant.

I'm very saddened and not sure I know her. Sorry brothers and sisters for talking about my feelings. What is important spiritually here is that I think my wife is not growing in her relationship with the Lord. In the last 3 years she studies, prays, and attends church less and less. No longer does her circle of friends include women from church. I know I am a good husband and she stressed that in counseling so I am certain that she will not find happiness in leaving me or her family. I have mentioned to her during that time I was worried about her relationship with God and sometimes she nods her head a little "yes" other times she says no my relationship with God is fine and doesn't want to talk about anymore. But I've watched her let more and more of the world into her life and can't do anything to stop it. If I say anything then I'm "trying to control her."

I'm afraid in trying to find happiness she may tear her family apart. So, my situation is do I go along with her desire to separate and make myself as little a part of her life? Thereby, showing her what life is like without me. Not out of being revengeful but with the hope that she will realize how she has drifted from God and her family. Or, like last time we separated...I was telling her at least once a day how much I love her, texting, still gassing/cleaning her car, just as I did before but with a little extra effort.

Please continue to pray for our family. Thank you all.
Click to expand...
I have a lot to say but the bottom line is... SHE is asking for a separation... Love her unconditionally and give her one. YOU being the GOd ordained leader of your home make the terms... She gets a X month separation living outside your home (kids stay with you) without the benefit of ANY financial support from you. THE final conclusion of the separation TIME would be the court date where the judge issues you a divorce. THE length of time she gets for separation is what ever your state says for divorce. SHe can live outside your home, provision and protection and decide to return to the marraige or become a divorced woman her choice... YOUR TIMELINE. If she doesn't like your terms you pretty much have your answer about where this is going. Stephen there are two things going on here... 1) she has already left the marriage she is just manipulating the process to her liking 2) living in the same house and going to counseling until the day you die is not going to make this woman love you, respect you or submit to your headship. LET HER GO... you are not under BONDAGE to the marriage covenant if she leaves... you are FREE. GOD has not given you a spirit of FEAR but a sound mind, YOur wife has free will... let her have it and work at preserving your "family" without her. Sorry if this comes off harsh... but continuing to cater to your wife... is inappropriate conduct for you, a bad witness, outside of God's order, leaves no room for God to work and makes you a contributer to the problem.
 
S

Stephen

Guest
#37
#37
BarlyGurl I don't count your comments as harsh. I am a sensitive kinda guy but not that sensitive. In fact in prayer and meditation I am guided to let her go and feel His protection, love and comfort as this situation unfolds. So, I have no plans to make it difficult for her to carry out her plans and separate. Where I have difficulty is I don't see how separation works in Christian marriage. I guess to me your either married or not married and if your unhappy in the marriage you get counseling and work things out for the greater Glory of God and your testimony.

With that said I know she is not working within God's direction and framework so I have to somehow remain true to Gods plan while not allowing her to take advantage of me. My other pickle is that I am not working as I was accepted into a full-time physical therapy program and wont graduate and able to work until October 2013. This was a choice we made while everything seemed to be going well and the field I have worked in for 18 years is almost non existent now so rec-careering was essential. She says she doesn't want to divorce until I get back to work so me and the boys can stay in the house, have insurance, and some money while i'm finishing coursework and clinicals. And she will live somewhere nearby so she can visit the boys.

I am completely prepared to raise our sons on my own if necessary to ensure they are brought up with the knowledge and instruction of our Faith. Going forward will be extremely difficult for them so please pray for them and continue to pray that my wife surrenders all to the Lord and His perfect will.
 
B

BarlyGurl

Guest
#38
#38
Stephen said:
Where I have difficulty is I don't see how separation works in Christian marriage. I guess to me your either married or not married and if your unhappy in the marriage you get counseling and work things out for the greater Glory of God and your testimony.

RIGHT... You are either married or not married...basically separation is LEGALITIES. I would recommend you continue to pray for reconcilliation but proceed in making your plans as though you are divorced. THis approach will protect you from becoming ensnared by further manipulations on her part... you can always change course if she decides to return to the marriage as opposed to trying to RECOVER if she does not. understand?
Please know I deeply empathize and sympathize with your situation...Like you I believe in honoring the commitment... unfortunately I was married to someone who did not. By your narative it APPEARS she is being somewhat fair and reasonable... please be aware that is also subject to change as time goes and her heat hardens. Be gentle as a lamb and wise as a sepent... God is on YOUR side.
Click to expand...
 
J

jo_ptrp

Guest
#39
#39
i am not yet married and i do not fully understand the complexity of the relationship of husband and wife but anyway i salute you stephen for being so faithful to your wife even she treats you like that.i'm praying for your family and God bless you more.
 
S

Stephen

Guest
#40
#40
Thank you jo_ptrp for the kind words and prayers. marriage is challenging even in the best circumstances but when God centered it is wonderful and can be a great testimony of our Faith to the rest of the world. One piece of advice to anyone seeking marriage.....pray and wait for God to bring that person into your life. He will provide a mate that will help you grow in the Faith and bring a lifetime of wonderful joy.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.