No Children

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Kate913

Guest
#21
#21
Bluezote said:
Hello Everyone,

I am a thiry something year old woman who has been married for just over 5 years. My husband and I have decided not to have children. This is not a common decision for married people esspecially Christian married people. But I am sure it is God's will for my husband and I to not have children.

I am great with kids, or so I have been told. I love them. I grew up around them. My family is very large and I became an aunt for the first time when I was 7. I adore kids. I have been a nanny 3 times for different families and a sunday school teacher, T.A. and sub teacher in my past. But i have never had the desire to be a mother.


When deciding to date and get married to my husband we discussed this and he does not want children either. Had he wanted them we may not have started dateing. I would not want to hold him back from something that important. Scince we got married his feelings on the matter have gone back and forth esspecially after his own fathers recent death. We prayerfully discussed the topic and I prayed for God to change my heart if it was His will for us to have children. My heart has not changed and my husband has realized that his desire for kids is a sentimental one brought on by being the only male in the family now and passing on the family name.

I have found that it is hard to find people who understand our decision or support it. I have felt pressure from his side of the family to become a mother. My side of the family knows very well where I stand on the matter.

I thought I would start a thread for anyone else who has made the same decision and needs support or just wants to chat about family topics that do not involve children. I see many many groups for mothers and fathers. There are tons of Christian devotionals for married women but most of them are for mothers. It is hard to find any christian divotionals for women who are single or do not have children. It is also hard to find christian chat rooms for anyone over a certain age that does not include kids.

I just wanna talk about everyday life. Movies, books, chores, marriage, dogs, ect...
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Indeed I have heard many people say this, but I would like to remind you that all throughout the bible God controlled the openning and closing of a womans wombs. I just want to encourage you to go to the word and see if it does not say this very thing....trust in the lord. Let him be inn control. We do not need to try and control things...God does not need us to, but rather Trust in Him because He knows better for us then we know for ourselves. Maybe he does not want you to have children...or maybe he does and will use a pregnancy to change your heart about it. Either way, offer yourself as an empty vessel and allow Him to do whatever he wishes with you, both spritually and physically.
With Christs Love,
Kate
 
santuzza

santuzza

Senior Member
#22
Feb 12, 2013
1,609
38
48
#22
My hubby and I have been married for 19 years and no kids. It wasn't necessarily our choice -- we tried for a while but it never happened. We never had the funds to spend on fertility treatments, so we just went with the flow. We figured God did not want us to have kids. And we're okay with that. Yes, it has been hard at times, but if I look very honestly at myself, I know that God did what was best.

When I was younger, I didn't want to have kids. I only had an inkling of that desire once I met my husband and he wanted them. But I think his desire was just because everyone else in his family had kids. He has been very cool about being childless.

So, I don't think it was bad that we did not pursue a bunch of medical procedures to try to make us pregnant. I've met some people who thought that was a mistake on our part and that we should have tried everything possible to have kids. My question to that was: why? I think God made it clear what our paths were and are.

I agree that it would be nice to have a thread for those of us who are childless. It's not all sad and weepy. I love my life and I love the freedom I and my husband have.
 
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mancho

Guest
#23
#23
Are there any encouraging words for a struggling Christian
 
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Ugly

Guest
#24
#24
mancho said:
Are there any encouraging words for a struggling Christian
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I would suggest you create your own thread for your own needs, rather than moving in on someone elses post who needs their own help.
 
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ukkez

Guest
#25
#25
il be married for 5 year this dec, seemed to have gone quick, we have no babies, my hubby want them though, iv said about waiting off a bit coz of finishing education, but for me i am happy right now, its nice having freedom, but iv found alot of friends i havent spoke to since thev had babies, there to busy now and have new friends with kids, but there lost is other peoples gain.
 
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HollyHobbie

Guest
#26
#26
ukkez said:
il be married for 5 year this dec, seemed to have gone quick, we have no babies, my hubby want them though, iv said about waiting off a bit coz of finishing education, but for me i am happy right now, its nice having freedom, but iv found alot of friends i havent spoke to since thev had babies, there to busy now and have new friends with kids, but there lost is other peoples gain.
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All I am going to say (and I have children) is that the choice is ultimately up to you and God. I don't condemn those who choose not to have children..My advice is don't let people bother you. :)
 
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colalella2891

Guest
#27
#27
Outsider said:
Yeah, I'm serious!
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Outsider said:
You're telling me that homosexuality is a sin because God said so. But why would God make it a sin?
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Sorry bro, that's the way it is. It's not what God intended when He joined two people together. Man and woman is what He had in mind.

As for the children thing, don't let other people persuade you. Having children is something that YOU have to want for yourself. If God wants it for you, then you'd want it. I don't really think God would force people to reproduce if they don't really want to deep down.
 
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BishopSEH

Guest
#28
#28
I just can't wrap my mind around not wanting children any more than I can understand aborting one. My wife and I are going on our 16th year of marriage and not having children is our one hearts sorrow. To have the ability to create life and to not do so, seems to me to be a waste of life. Where is the legacy? Where is the passing of wisdom? Where is the provision for the next generation?

It is a fact that the global birth rate has taken a serious decline. The most accepted time frame is that between the years 2030 and 2050 the senior population will go even to and then surpass the working population. This means there will be more in need and less to provide for that need. This I, and many other believe will lead to the greatest tragedy since Roe v. Wade. The loss of so many of the next and following generations will lead to the "abortion" of the "weak", "infirm" and "elderly" for the sake of the young. Instead of enjoying the senior years of life, Grandparents will be asked to voluntarily die so that their assets can be used by the young who can "make a difference", who can "give" rather than "take".

Like the OP my wife and I have children's ministries, she nannies and we both have opened our home to any child in our community that has need of the love we have for children. The difference is, ours is the result of God's choice and not our own. After five miscarriages and an adoption system that is closer to human trafficing than it is a way to find homes for children that have none, we have thrown in the towel with the heaviest of hearts. For this reason we both consider that to abort or to decide not to participate in the design of God to "go forth and multiply" to be the height of selfishness.

Sure our lives are easier and less expensive because we don't have kids but I and my wife would trade it in a second to have a child or many. For the life of me, I just can't not understand.

In Christ,

Bishop SEH
 
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colalella2891

Guest
#29
#29
^^I don't really see how you can compare abortion to not wanting kids... They're two completely different scenarios.
 
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BishopSEH

Guest
#30
#30
Not in the over all sense. I grant abortion is murder BUT, and I stress that, both remove life. Both lower the population. Both are done, when a person is capable of creating life, for selfish reasons. I of course, make room for abortions that are necessary as in the mother will absolutely die if she doesn't and the child is not far enough along to survive under our current medical capabilities. If you can create life you should. If you don't want to raise the child you can still bring great joy to someone that wants to and most likely can not create themselves.

In Christ,

Bishop SEH
 
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Water1944

Guest
#31
#31
How in the world did you get there? Is this what it means to derail??
 
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Water1944

Guest
#33
#33
With all due respect, I disagree. All I wished for growing up, was to be a mother and be a teacher. Praise be to God that I was able to do both. I have respect for others that do not feel the same. There is no comparing abortion to making the choice not to have children. Abortion kills children God has already created. I don't always understand the plan that God has for us, Bishop, maybe you have a better way to explain that than I ever could.I wish you have been given children, clearly you and your wife had open hearts ready to have them. Praise be to God that He has given you the many blessings of the the children you opened your home to.
 
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Water1944

Guest
#34
#34
destiny, Praise be to God, that He has give you a mom and aunt that give you love and support. Another story to show us God provides and love is love.
 
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BishopSEH

Guest
#35
#35
I am by no means trying to derail this thread. If you can not create life your perspective changes. To many in our situation there is little difference as a life that could, isn't. I granted that there are differences but again the net result is still the same. Less children, less love and less hope. You don't have to agree with me and I have not asked anyone to do so. I am however sharing what I believe and why. The Bible teaches blessed is the man who quiver is full. Try having an empty one and hearing people throw away the greatest gift we can have in the world. Every time I open this thread and ones like it, its like being stabbed in the gut. I won't condemn someone for their choice, even those that choose something as awful as abortion, but I will not praise it either.

Just curious, did you read both my posts or just the last one? The last was a response colaella. My first was to the comments in the OP but they tie together.

In Christ,

Bishop SEH
 
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colalella2891

Guest
#36
#36
BishopSEH said:
Not in the over all sense. I grant abortion is murder BUT, and I stress that, both remove life. Both lower the population. Both are done, when a person is capable of creating life, for selfish reasons. I of course, make room for abortions that are necessary as in the mother will absolutely die if she doesn't and the child is not far enough along to survive under our current medical capabilities. If you can create life you should. If you don't want to raise the child you can still bring great joy to someone that wants to and most likely can not create themselves.

In Christ,

Bishop SEH
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Lol it's not technically a derailment, it's still about "no children" right??? :cool:

I definitely agree that people should not get abortions. And yes, if they get pregnant and they don't want the baby then they should look into adoption. However, I don't think it's selfish to say that people who choose not to procreate are selfish... That's a bit harsh in my opinion. Children are a major responsibility, and if someone isn't up for it and they have kids anyway, then the child won't be cared for properly.

Having kids is a desire that God has to give you, and some people don't have that desire. The same goes for getting married. Are people who stay single for the rest of their lives bad people? In the Word, Paul never got married, so he probably didn't have kids either. He definitely wasn't selfish.
 
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BishopSEH

Guest
#37
#37
colalella2891 said:
Lol it's not technically a derailment, it's still about "no children" right??? :cool:

I definitely agree that people should not get abortions. And yes, if they get pregnant and they don't want the baby then they should look into adoption. However, I don't think it's selfish to say that people who choose not to procreate are selfish... That's a bit harsh in my opinion. Children are a major responsibility, and if someone isn't up for it and they have kids anyway, then the child won't be cared for properly.

Having kids is a desire that God has to give you, and some people don't have that desire. The same goes for getting married. Are people who stay single for the rest of their lives bad people? In the Word, Paul never got married, so he probably didn't have kids either. He definitely wasn't selfish.
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Paul may have been married do to his station as a Pharisee as that is one of their cardinal rules. Many theologians think the Paul is a widower and his wife died. No one has posited if Paul had kids or if he even had the chance to. In 1 Cor 7 paul makes a number of exhortations regarding marriage and sex. it is just after talking about sex that Paul in verse 7 that he says he wishes we could all remain as he is. As he is in regards to what? That husbands and wives should not deny each other except for a time then come back together.

Some also think Paul is actually married but has not divorced his wife because under the new covenant, unless she commits adultery, he can not. But as an apostle he must travel and do to the danger he would not take her with him but instead leave her to take care of his families tent making business. But this is all based on how the passage reads and there is no direct evidence to support Paul being single, married or widowed only that he does not have a wife with him as Peter did.

When the Lord does not want a married couple to have kids there are two ways He stops it. One he makes them barren. Cruel to us from our point of view but as God, well within his perview. The other is a gift of the Holy Spirit called Voluntary Celibacy. In this case the Holy Spirit helps a person abstain from sex altogether.

In the case of the OP, neither is the case. They simply don't want kids. Well I don't want to pay taxes but the bible says I must. I don't want to work but the bible says if I don't then I don't eat and I am not ready to give up food. The bible also says be fruitful and multiply. Now where does it say, unless you don't want to. It doesn't, not in one single place. There is a reason God gave us, his creation this gift and it is meant to be used.

Yes kids are a real responsibility. But what a responsibility. They bring such joy to the world and with them, great gifts. Of course culture says wait or don;t have them at all. Use your money on yourself. Hook up don't marry. Its ok to be gay and practice it. Culture says all these things. God says be fruitful and multiply. I pray they change their mind and bring a child or five into the world. Who knows what gifts God will give them. Sure they could have the anti-Christ but thats not likely. They could have the next billy graham or the next einstien or the next mother teresa. Or they could have a son or daughter that simply grows up loves the Lord and lives a good and godly life and quietly impacts his or her own little slice of the world.

Again, from the point if view of a family that has been denied it appears to be a selfish reason not to have kids. Thats the way I see and the way I call it. Note I have not directly interacted with the OP or anyone else that thinks that not having kids is a good thing. All I have done is show the other side. I didn't have to read that post but I did. I didn't have to respond but I did. You have the same choice. Feel free to skip my posts if you don't agree with them. You won't hurt my feelings in the slightest. What i have done I have done because I believe with my whole heart that the greatest thing we can do is create the next generation and raise them in the fear and admonition of the Lord, that they may one day past that onto their children. We are stone tossed into a pond but you never know the effect the ripples have. I really don't think the best plan is to stop throwing the stones in which is what happens when there are less children.

In Christ,

Bishop SEH
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#38
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#38
I think it's best if she doesn't want children not to have them. Not everyone has that desire. I wish God would make the many irresponsible parents I've come across barren. I'm sorry that you and your wife haven't been able conceive. It sounds like you've opened your home and hearts to many children who need that love and guidance in their lives.
 
river_stone

river_stone

Member
#39
May 27, 2012
34
0
6
#39
bishop has JESUS CHRIST cleansed your heart and forgiven you? Does that collar hold you closer to God than me? Must traditions be followed to be saved? What blind eyes many hold to the simple gospel message......work for it, work for it, bishop nothing you will do will be enough!!!! Include mary on the side if you like for help
 
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Water1944

Guest
#40
#40
river_stone, at the least re-read the posts, at most, have some respect even when you don't agree. This is a christian site after all.
 
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