Please help me...

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Lucy68

Senior Member
#41
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
0
#41
TinyTee said:
Unfortunately I have no good news. My husband told her she could stay here but under strict conditions. But he never told me he did this until recently. She is being put out of where she is now... Again... And it gets worse, she replied that she can't do "all of that" referring to the conditions. She said she has a place to stay but she needs my Husband to pay the person every week and my husband agreed. He said it's either that or with us. Sigh... Is he serious? Is she serious? I need some prayer warriors. This is too much. I'm in tears as I type this....
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I know it doesn't seem fair but at least she isn't living with you. Your husband can fulfill what he sees as his obligation without your own family being harmed. Good for him that he came up with those conditions; too bad she couldn't agree to them. Maybe he can put some conditions on the rent payment. Like 'we'll pay your rent for ___months IF you're actively looking for work; or something like that. At least she has to do something to show some self-responsibility.

Praying for you!
 
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GreekChristian777

Guest
#42
#42
Wow. I didn't read all the posts, but does no one see that it is our duty to help the person struggling with sin? We are to help them stop sinning.

Galatians 6:1-3 says Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer[a] is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself. 2 Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ. 3 If you think you are too important to help someone, you are only fooling yourself. You are not that important.

I think it is our job to love everyone and help them become clean. Jesus sacrifice His life for us. Shouldn't we sacrifice our lives for those who need us?
 
2Tim3vs16

2Tim3vs16

Banned
#43
Mar 20, 2013
154
10
0
#43
I don't know what post you're talking about. But I do appreciate the love you are feeling toward someone who might need it. Also, that you are bringing it to other peoples attention that you are not seeing their Christian love. Love is the second commandment after Love God with your whole heart, whole mind, and whole soul. Don't let what others are doing or not doing discourage you. You're on the right track, we are commanded to be lifting up one another and encouraging one another, "inciting one another to love and fine works". That's part of what "living in righteousness" means. Loving is not selfish. You don't seem to be either.

God be with you
 
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TinyTee

Guest
#44
#44
GreekChristian777... I know I'm late but let me address you for a moment. Maybe you misunderstood but we have certainly loved and still do love this woman. The key words in that scripture is "gently" and "humbly". We have did all we could and she exhausted ALL efforts. We are a praying family and have been praying every since. She is still struggling but she is still not in our home. If God wanted her here, she would be here and it would be nothing I could do about it. We have done it all. We payed for a roof over her head with one stipulation, she had to find a job and continue payments. That meant us sacrificing our lifestyle for her. 6 months later, NO job, NO effort. Took her to AA, 1 week later, NO more, NO effort. Gave and still give her money, fed her, clothed her. And if that's not Love, then I don't know what is......... But in the same breath, I get what you mean and I thank you for your feedback
 
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TinyTee

Guest
#45
#45
Lucy68...You are right and thank you so much for your prayers.
 
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TinyTee

Guest
#46
#46
Caduceus and Ladylynn... Thank you for your feedback and prayers.
 
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Share55

Guest
#47
#47
Hi TinyTee
I agree with My_adonai_ and his references are correct. When God puts someone in your life it is for a reason.

First off you should drop the negative conversation in your life.
Marriage is a blessing from God
Children are a blessing from God
A woman who takes good care of her home is a blessing
A man and wife who care for their home with love is a blessing

I did step away from my faith with this one because I don't want to lose my family. I don't want her to come in and ruin us. And the question is what if she come here and it don't work? Then my husband will have to choose. I don't want him in that situation. He constantly tells me we come first but how can he kick his mom out with no where to go. Our hearts are too big to do that which means we will be miserable... but I guess it goes back to what you said "don't worry". Thank you again :)

When God gives you a challenge the step up to the plate because when God calls you He equips you for that calling. Keep your eye on Jesus and pay no heed to the naysayers.
Do not already say 'which means we will be miserable' but let your peace settle on your home and all that enter therein. Sometimes when we know we are going to be in an unexpected situation our spirit gets all riled up and those present can feel it and misinterpret it.
It is like my son when he had a son. He packed him as a baby so much that the baby really bonded with him and every time my son moved the baby started crying. I told him that when he put the baby down to sleep sing or talk soothingly to him or when he had to leave the house to keep his mind busy because the baby was sensing his anxiety of the baby crying when he left and would of course cry.
When I had people come visit me who used coarse language, talked disrespectfully of others or what ever I would play gospel music. I could understand people who didn't walk with God and mild expletives slipped out were forgiven but not tolerated to be used freely in my home.
I set ground rules of no smoking/alcohol or other drugs, no foul language, display of anger, no violent tv or sexually explicit anything and if they didn't like it there is the door.
If you can get your husband to set basic ground rules (don't be so finicky) that he is agreeable on to be set up before hand so she knows what to expect then it isn't so hard. Do it out of love.
This one woman had a stepdaughter that hated her and when making funeral arrangements I told her that as soon as the stepdaughter walked into the room to go give her a hug. It worked perfectly. What she said behind her back stayed there but she was totally calm without making any scenes at any of the meetings or funeral. You know the adage 'a spoonful of honey makes the medicine go down in a most delightful way.'
Always be respectful and courteous but firm. Keep telling yourself you love her and tell her too. You need to have a change of heart towards her else your relationship 'will go through nothing but trouble'. God calls us not to love those we love but to love the unlovable.

I pray God's peace on your home and in your relationships.
 
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Lucy68

Senior Member
#48
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
0
#48
There is a saying that it's better to teach a person to fish than to just keep giving them fish...or something like that ;).

Even Paul taught that if one wants to eat, one must work. There are genuinely situations where people are unable to help themselves but many people need to learn the satisfaction, and necessity, of being self-responsible. This is real freedom. God put Adam and Eve in the Garden and gave them work to do. Without work we become lazy, selfish, and drain the people around us.

As with my own daughter, it is life's lessons that are the greatest teacher. And having these along with love, encouragement and a nudging toward Christ, they are producing wonderful fruit in her life and soul.

Continued prayers sent your way, tinytee :).
 
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woka

Guest
#49
#49
For me the first thing that comes to mind is your husband not his mom. I would think that is she has a severe drinking problem then this must of gone on for some time, possibly when he was still at home?

If this is the case then his reaction is totally normal, firstly she is a women and he is a man and the Lord created him to be protective, so he is living up to that role.

Secondly is she drank when he was a child, then he is use to the manipulation but does not see it as such, his mom has a wonderful ability to make everyone feel sorry for her and that it is her who is the victim in all of this.

I speak from experience as I have shared here before, I have a lot of addiction and alchol abuse in my family including my mother in law.

The way I handled it was to absolutely love her firstly with every fibre of my being, and secondly to allow my husband to make all decision concerning her, but in that if he was the decision maker he was the person responsible. Because you are his wife you first priority is your husband, submission to him is to abide by his decision. I know by reading this you might be getting a bit heated ut hear me out..........

When I loved my hubby mom unconditionally, when I allowed her to do what she needed to do, and I would not take responsibility for her action's, if she drank and fell down and cut her eyes open, I would phone my husband to come and sort it out, I let him live the consequences of the decision he made.

I never said to him, hey love you wanted her here so get on with it, I was supportive and listened, I told him how hard I know it is for him, that I was there for him and the decision he made but not to pick up the pieces.

I know this might sound a bit extreme, but the more I tried to stop him from making the decision, and giving him my point the more he put his heels in. Today she is somebody that he sees every 4 year's very sad really, and has no desire to have her in his life. He could see this for himself because I supported him when he needed it. It takes a lot believe me a LOT to be sweet and supportive. But when he felt like I was in his corner which I was he could see it for what it was.

I really hope this helps.

God Bless
 
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Trisha1

Guest
#50
#50
I like the idea of trying to help herwithout having her move in. Everyone needs a helping hand at times. Encourage her, but tell her she needs to sober up and get employment.
Your husband is wise if he doesn't lose his resolve. Paying her way for a short time might be alright, but after a few months she should be showing some improvement in ridding herself of bad habits and some move toward employment. Even flipping burgers is better than no job at all.
 
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TinyTee

Guest
#51
#51
Wow... Awesome advice!
 
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