Pregnant & recently single-heartbroken need men’s perspective

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neverhopeless911

neverhopeless911

Member
#41
Mar 16, 2021
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#41
Roughsoul1991 said:
He is scared of commitment. He loves when it benefits him but runs when it doesn't go his way. God could just as easily bring another man into your life to fill the role of husband and father. It doesn't take a biological connection to be a father figure. It hurts I know but spend this time focusing on God. The stress is bad for baby too especially in a high-risk pregnancy.

Breath, get some ice cream, a bubble bath, watch a funny movie and celebrate the life within you both you and the child. Feel their kicks, hiccups, and squirming. Take that feeling and hold it, cherish it, let that love fill you.
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I agree 100 percent with this! Which is exactly why I blocked him from contacting me, I don’t need to be insulted or made to feel worse or to stress, I’ve had enough of it. I’m going to take your advice, let him live his life just the way he desires. We have different agendas. & I’m okay with that now. I’m content. Yesterday I had terrible anxiety and today I woke up feeling Gods peace. Praise God.
 
neverhopeless911

neverhopeless911

Member
#42
Mar 16, 2021
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#42
Live4Him said:
I don't mean for this to sound harsh, but, presently, there's really nothing to rationalize.

Jesus said that we'll know a tree by its fruit, and, right now, his fruit is bad. This doesn't mean that God cannot get a hold of him somewhere down the line, but there's simply no rationalization for his present behavior as you have described it here.

I'll offer the same advice to you that I follow all of the time myself.

When you don't know what to do, do what you do know to do.

In other words, your boyfriend has his own free will, and, aside from praying for him, there's really nothing else that you can do right now as far as him potentially loving you or your children are concerned.

With such being the case, focus on your own betterment right now and the betterment of your children.

Move forward with your baptism, continue to seek God's grace via prayer, and continue to seek support and prayer from other Christians, whether here or elsewhere.
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This is my focus from now on, my family, bc all we have is each other. I will not be worried about what he does with his life, he can live it as he pleases without us. Thank you for your p.o.v.
 
Roughsoul1991

Roughsoul1991

Senior Member
#43
Sep 17, 2016
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#43
neverhopeless911 said:
I agree 100 percent with this! Which is exactly why I blocked him from contacting me, I don’t need to be insulted or made to feel worse or to stress, I’ve had enough of it. I’m going to take your advice, let him live his life just the way he desires. We have different agendas. & I’m okay with that now. I’m content. Yesterday I had terrible anxiety and today I woke up feeling Gods peace. Praise God.
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Praise God! For answering our prayers. Stay close to Him and that peace will remain.

This situation hits home for me as I lead a men's group who focuses on discipleship while bringing in the youth boys. Boys who have no father or a father who isn't around. It makes me righteously angry to see so many men run from their Biblical calling. It is sad but those men are the same men we wish to help also. Helping men reach their Biblical calling. It is sad to see the mothers struggle.

It is sad but I know it isn't beyond God's reach. If he can turn dry bones into life or water into wine, He can work in any situation. I pray your church or people will respond to help you. It is easy to pray but I pray for faith in action also.
 
neverhopeless911

neverhopeless911

Member
#44
Mar 16, 2021
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#44
Yes praise God! 🙌🏻
I can relate bc it angers me and hurts me when men can walk away so easily from their children. I was abandoned by my father when I was a little girl, 6 years old, him and my mom divorced after 17 years of marriage due to infidelity from his part. I still remember the day he left, I remember our first sad Christmas like it was yesterday I remember what I was wearing and how sad I was feeling, I remember crying feeling jealous of all the little kids who were lucky to have their dad.... going through this w him brings back that pain and makes me feel for my children. I always tell him, and I feel this, if I was man I would treat my woman like a Queen, I would give her everything! I would be a good man!!! to her and my kids! I honestly think if he wanted to be a great man he could, he just doesn’t care to be, and it makes me wonder if it’s bc his dad was absent and was not kind to his mom and left her with all the responsibility of home and kids.
 
Roughsoul1991

Roughsoul1991

Senior Member
#45
Sep 17, 2016
8,848
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#45
neverhopeless911 said:
Yes praise God! 🙌🏻
I can relate bc it angers me and hurts me when men can walk away so easily from their children. I was abandoned by my father when I was a little girl, 6 years old, him and my mom divorced after 17 years of marriage due to infidelity from his part. I still remember the day he left, I remember our first sad Christmas like it was yesterday I remember what I was wearing and how sad I was feeling, I remember crying feeling jealous of all the little kids who were lucky to have their dad.... going through this w him brings back that pain and makes me feel for my children. I always tell him, and I feel this, if I was man I would treat my woman like a Queen, I would give her everything! I would be a good man!!! to her and my kids! I honestly think if he wanted to be a great man he could, he just doesn’t care to be, and it makes me wonder if it’s bc his dad was absent and was not kind to his mom and left her with all the responsibility of home and kids.
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So sad and yes it is a very unfortunate trend that a boy without a father tends to statistically fall down a very dangerous path. For your kids, if a good man doesn't come along then you will need to place them near good male role models. Check out trail life USA for your sons. Or a sport with a good coach. For your daughter make sure she can also be influenced by good male role models. If you have a grandpa still living, let them spend time with them. Or any friends you have may have a good male bf or husband who will equally include your kids on play dates etc.
 
PennEd

PennEd

Senior Member
#46
Apr 22, 2013
13,578
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#46
I’ve seen this scenario over and over.

It’s a classic “why buy the cow when the milk is free” situation.

As hard as it will be:

1.Kick him out until there is an immediate marriage

2. Make sure he is giving the appropriate child support. Get legal on him.

3. Whether it’s him, or a new suitor down the road, NO SEX til marriage!
 
neverhopeless911

neverhopeless911

Member
#47
Mar 16, 2021
35
26
8
#47
PennEd said:
I’ve seen this scenario over and over.

It’s a classic “why buy the cow when the milk is free” situation.

As hard as it will be:

1.Kick him out until there is an immediate marriage

2. Make sure he is giving the appropriate child support. Get legal on him.

3. Whether it’s him, or a new suitor down the road, NO SEX til marriage!
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I agree
 
neverhopeless911

neverhopeless911

Member
#48
Mar 16, 2021
35
26
8
#48
Roughsoul1991 said:
So sad and yes it is a very unfortunate trend that a boy without a father tends to statistically fall down a very dangerous path. For your kids, if a good man doesn't come along then you will need to place them near good male role models. Check out trail life USA for your sons. Or a sport with a good coach. For your daughter make sure she can also be influenced by good male role models. If you have a grandpa still living, let them spend time with them. Or any friends you have may have a good male bf or husband who will equally include your kids on play dates etc.
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Thank you for your advice, will definitely do my best to follow. Question though, I feel inclined to unblock him bc I don’t want to keep our toddler alienated from him, plus I don’t want him to use it against me in court, and I also really don’t feel right ignoring him when we have a child together but at the same time I don’t want him to disrespect me or stress me out more so how can I go about this to be fair with him and allow him to be there for my toddler if he wants to see him or ask about him? Any tips?
 
Roughsoul1991

Roughsoul1991

Senior Member
#49
Sep 17, 2016
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#49
neverhopeless911 said:
Thank you for your advice, will definitely do my best to follow. Question though, I feel inclined to unblock him bc I don’t want to keep our toddler alienated from him, plus I don’t want him to use it against me in court, and I also really don’t feel right ignoring him when we have a child together but at the same time I don’t want him to disrespect me or stress me out more so how can I go about this to be fair with him and allow him to be there for my toddler if he wants to see him or ask about him? Any tips?
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The best tip is to get everything through legal action. This way if he doesn't act right, you will be covered and he will lose his rights.

It really just boils down to what is best for the child. If his presence will be harmful to the child then it is best to legally protect the child.
 
neverhopeless911

neverhopeless911

Member
#50
Mar 16, 2021
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26
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#50
Roughsoul1991 said:
The best tip is to get everything through legal action. This way if he doesn't act right, you will be covered and he will lose his rights.

It really just boils down to what is best for the child. If his presence will be harmful to the child then it is best to legally protect the child.
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Thanks again 😊
 
Nehemiah6

Nehemiah6

Senior Member
#53
Jul 18, 2017
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#53
neverhopeless911 said:
...it just means I realize I am not perfect and I am no one to judge him or condemn him.
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You already judged him and condemned him in you original post, so how do you say that you are no one to judge him or condemn him? He has already condemned himself.

Since you wanted some sound advice, you received it. If it sounds harsh, then it is only because evildoers need to be harshly addressed. Jesus was not afraid to be harsh with evildoers.

But it looks like you do not really wish to face the reality of this evil man and how he has been conning you. And your being perfect has nothing to do with this either. If you truly want peace in your life, you will not allow this person to keep manipulating you.
 
neverhopeless911

neverhopeless911

Member
#54
Mar 16, 2021
35
26
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#54
Nehemiah6 said:
You already judged him and condemned him in you original post, so how do you say that you are no one to judge him or condemn him? He has already condemned himself.

Since you wanted some sound advice, you received it. If it sounds harsh, then it is only because evildoers need to be harshly addressed. Jesus was not afraid to be harsh with evildoers.

But it looks like you do not really wish to face the reality of this evil man and how he has been conning you. And your being perfect has nothing to do with this either. If you truly want peace in your life, you will not allow this person to keep manipulating you.
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Me stating facts about my situation does not mean I’m judging him, it’s simply stating factuality, Sir. Also, others on here have given me some very sound advice without being so aggressive and condemning in their delivery. I also believe you are mistaken and that “evil doers” do NOT need to be addressed harshly... where did you even get this from? Do we even follow the same God? Because my God says;

Matthew 5:38-40 NIV

Eye for Eye
38 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ 39 But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. 40 And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well.

So in your opinion my “evil” significant other doesn’t deserve forgiveness if he repents?

As Jesus said, who here can cast the first stone if he has never sinned before?

Can you cast the first stone?

Maybe his ways have been evil but it does not mean he can’t be touched by the Lord. So sad to see someone so full of anger, God wants us to love our enemies and those who hurt us regardless. I love that man, he is the father of my children and I will continue to pray for him and his repentance and I truly feel only God knows if his heart is evil or not only the lord knows his true intentions.
God bless you and thanks for your opinion.
 
Roughsoul1991

Roughsoul1991

Senior Member
#57
Sep 17, 2016
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#57
neverhopeless911 said:
Amen, some neighbors are not easy to love 😂 but I will work on this. ♥️🙏🏻
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Something we all are not perfect at. But the only way to improve it is by doing the first command. Keep growing closer to God and loving the hard neighbors will get easier.
 
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