Question about an abusive marraige

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darling818

Guest
#1
#1
I am young and married. We both attend a Pentecostal church here where we live. But no one knows about the physical abuse and emotional abuse I go through. I have confided in people at my job about it but I don't want to bring it into the church at all because I don't want to ruin my husbands relationship with God at all, ecspecially since this is the first church he has ever gotten close to. The thing is he was being very abusive physically. And now he is so abusive emotionally. He hasen't put his hand on me in a while but I know it will happen again. I am so scared and the things he says to me are unreal. I need help. I want to get away from this situation. He has isolated me from my family and friends and even if they were talking to me I live 10 hours away from them. I love my job and my church. I teach the childrens church sometimes and I love those kids and never want to leave them either. I dont know what to do about my husband. I love him with all my heart but I can't go through this. I wanna leave but I am so scared God won't forgive me if we get a divorce. I love God so much and I would endure anything for him but I don't know. I wanna leave but I don't want God to leave me. I need some advice from someone who has a strong relationship with God and who knows about this first hand. Can someone please give me advice on what to do.
 
AAAPlus

AAAPlus

Senior Member
#2
Aug 2, 2011
601
10
18
#2
Get out of that situation. It's only going to get worse if you stay.
 
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darling818

Guest
#3
#3
I want to. The only thing holding me back is what God would think of me. If I would be forgiven. I want to be happy, but it's not worth losing my relationship with God.
 
Nautilus

Nautilus

Senior Member
#4
Jun 29, 2012
6,488
53
48
#4
Yes you will be forgiven, do you honestly think God would want you living in such a dangerous and unhealthy environment. Besides its a little hard to live for God when your beast of a husband goes too far and you end up hospitalized or worse from his abuse.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#5
#5
Stop thinking so much about 'rules and regulations' and start thinking about the heart of God. Do you believe for one minute God intends that you should stay in an abusive marriage? I know there are proponents that insist only through adultery i'm not convinced of that.
You should know first that abusers have a very, very low rate of change. So the chances are slim he will stop.
I say get away from him, permanently, break all ties with the man and never look back. God did not create you, or marriage, as a platform for violence.

Also, a common mistake for abused women is to be overly concerned about their abuser and/or his reputation. Don't let yourself fall into that trap. You do what you have to to get out and get help. If he doesn't want his reputation ruined then he shouldn't be hitting you and abusing you to begin with. I'm not saying to seek to ruin him, but don't let that stop you from doing what you need to either.
 
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darling818

Guest
#6
#6
Thank you both. I didn't have anyone to talk to about this, at least no one who has faith in God. I have friends that will let me come stay with them until i find somewhere to live. Now the only thing is, trying to find somewhere for my dog. I love her so much but my friend can't have dogs where they live so now I just need to find a home for her.
 
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Aqua_Girl09

Guest
#7
#7
Get out as SOON as possible. you're saying how you're attched to you lifestyle but if you have kids with him its going to three times harder. and i TOTALLY understand giving up your dog. i had mine for 7 years and had to give him up a few months ago cause i moved. T-T.

I put him on craigs list and someone called me within ten mins to get him. so i KNOW he went to a nice home and not some shelter that might younenize him.

I'm praying for your safety and sucess. ^-^
 
AAAPlus

AAAPlus

Senior Member
#8
Aug 2, 2011
601
10
18
#8
I'm praying for you. God bless.
 
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darling818

Guest
#9
#9
Thank you so much about the advice for my dog. I didn't even think of craigslist! I love her so much idk what I am going to do with out her. She is like my baby. I can't have children due to heart problems. But honestly now I am thanking God for my heart problems because you're right with a child it would have been so much harder.
 
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FormerPooky

Guest
#11
#11
God loves you and wants the best for you, not to be beaten up.
 
lookwhatthelordhasdone

lookwhatthelordhasdone

Senior Member
#12
Oct 11, 2012
1,026
10
38
#12
Hey, this is what I say.

If you're worried about what God would think of you getting a divorce, then the answer is simple.

Don't.

You don't have to get a divorce to leave the house and move to another one on your own. You guys are still married, and as long as you don't commit adultery, I don't see anything wrong with it. Move with your family ten hours away, to have protection of distance. Tell the police what is going on and get him arrested. Then get a restraining order if you can. (I don't know if you can or not since you are married to him.)

And Honey, God knows we're sinners. He's going to think of you the same way tomorrow as he will today. In the Bible it says that even our best good deed is filthy rags in the eyes of God.

Do not hide your husband's sin for him. Bring it out in to the light and in the truth.

John 3:20-21

For everyone that does evil hates the light, neither comes to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed. But he that does truth comes to the light, that his deeds may be made manifest, that they are worked in God.

Stay strong, sister. If you ever need more advice on this or what to do, I've seen these situations before and can help.

God Bless!
 
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abair

Guest
#13
#13
sister i been there every thing he did is part of abuse cycle
he abuse you then he said he sory he need your help he is achange man become for a while different you feel safe you tell your self it worken then start to back to his ways abuse cycle
your right he will do it again and it gon be worse
all what you think about the kids and the God is Excuses your mind come up with to not face your fear from him if you leave
so if you conect your self with this situation you will give your self excuse to not face your fear
and all what you said about loving your husband is not really love yes you have feeling for him you cant describe it but it is not love you have Stockholm Syndrome
He has isolated me from my family and friends and even if they were talking to me I live 10 hours away from them
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that is not so far away if there is a women shulter in your place go to it then call your family to come and get you
honey you are in america you have all the help you need i know you think the opposite but that is the fear not the reality
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please consider contacting one of the agencies listed below to discuss ways to safely help them
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they even give you divorce attorneys if you do not have

if you want me to call for you im ready i will call your family call any one can help you
please leave
 
JimJimmers

JimJimmers

Senior Member
#14
Apr 26, 2012
2,584
70
48
#14
I wanted to tell you that God looks at the heart. You're not leaving your husband, lusting after other men. Jesus told us not to put away a spouse and marry another, except for the case of fornication, but to flee from an abuser is not a sin. And you don't have to file for divorce, like the other young lady said. It may be that he will file for divorce, and he is free to leave.

In addition, there are people on this site who have indeed committed adultery. Not by remarrying, but extra-marital affairs. Jesus said that every manner of sin will be forgiven on Judgement Day. Please don't ever think that you can't be forgiven, because you will need it one day, we all do! Jesus wants to help us through our struggles, not hold them against us.
 
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chuinchoy

Guest
#15
#15
I've known some men they hit their wives because they have inferior complex. They feel bad about themself that they are worthless/useless. Thus they vent their anger on their wife/child. If this is your case, then you should get phychology help.

I do agree that you should temporary leave the house to prevent the abuse BUT not for more than 2 years because otherwise your husband can claim abundonment and have valid grounds for divorce. Well, hope everything goes well for you and will prayed for you.
 
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chuinchoy

Guest
#16
#16
Church pastor would have gone through proper training on counselling. Thus i believe that he/she should be able to handle your situation properly. Go and talk to him/her and see what is the advice given.
 
flowerof3

flowerof3

Senior Member
#17
May 1, 2011
864
10
18
#17
i will keep you in my prayers. i understand about wanting a divorce but your confused about whether it is a sin , i completely understand that, but God did not put you here to be beaten or mentally abused,..the thought of knowing he's going to hit me again , not today , maybe not tomorrow but he will..i pray that you will go somewhere else maybe with a family member or friend but go , fear is a powerful and crippling emotion that can keep you in a bad situation , also you are not ruining your husband's relationship with God, he is because he is harming you , it's like your protecting him but you have to protect yourself.

i will pray for you and your husband , that he will get help and i will pray that you will be safe and realize that love does not hurt

i'm glad that you posted on here because on here you will not be judged

there one thing i really really hope you know and remember

GOD LOVES YOU
 
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Ugly

Guest
#18
#18
chuinchoy said:
I've known some men they hit their wives because they have inferior complex. They feel bad about themself that they are worthless/useless. Thus they vent their anger on their wife/child. If this is your case, then you should get phychology help.

I do agree that you should temporary leave the house to prevent the abuse BUT not for more than 2 years because otherwise your husband can claim abundonment and have valid grounds for divorce. Well, hope everything goes well for you and will prayed for you.
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Ignore this. You don't go back to him just because a time has passed. All that means is that in two years you'll end up abused it. Its nonsense thinking and fixes nothing.
Also, let me warn you, that when you leave him, DO NOT fall for your husbands manipulations. He will say and promise everything under the sun to get you back, most likely. He'll admit he's wrong, apologize, promise counseling, promise to go to church and put on a big show of how bad he feels. But within a month of going back he'll be right back into abuse. If you give any consideration at all to going back to an abuser he needs years to prove himself. To prove counseling, to prove his motives, prove he has changed. And even then you still run a risk. This is why i say leave and don't look back.
 
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chuinchoy

Guest
#19
#19
As a responsible christians, we should uphold what the bible says about marriage. We should encourage reconciliation rather than take the easy way out. Thats irresponsible.
 
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chuinchoy

Guest
#20
#20
In any resolution, we should try to look at the problem and find ways to TRY to resolve the problem rather than take the easy way out or make the situation WORSE.
 
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