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U
Well, when you stop telling people to kidnap their estranged spouse, maybe then i'll ease off. But you have 100% discredited everything you say, to me, by telling a man to kidnap his wife and cast demons out of her because he did something to ruin his marriage and she won't come back to him.
Second, you can't put time limits on fixing marital problems, especially abuse. To say she just needs to go back after two years, whether things are fixed or not isn't 'reconciling' anything. That's just postponing future abuses, and possibly going back to worse because he will have had two years of his anger to build over her leaving. If she just goes back after two years he has no reason to change, to work things out, because he knows she'll just have to come back no matter what.
Lastly, i have personally known a number of abused women. I have talked with, and counseled them one on one. This has been going on for years. I've also studied some psychology and researched domestic abuse. So i'm not speaking out of opinions, but from proven facts and experiences. Men who abuse very rarely ever change out of their abusive patterns. This is proven fact. I believe the rate of change for abusers is less than 10%. And yes, i know God can change people, but God can't force people to change, people have to want to change. And abusers do not want to change, in fact, they don't even think they are doing anything wrong. Abusers are blame shifters. They never take responsibility for their abuse, its always someone elses fault. If they can never own up to their wrongs, they can never change.
So i'm curious, other than encouraging kidnapping, what experience do you have with domestic abuse that you can give to validate your opinions?
Second, you can't put time limits on fixing marital problems, especially abuse. To say she just needs to go back after two years, whether things are fixed or not isn't 'reconciling' anything. That's just postponing future abuses, and possibly going back to worse because he will have had two years of his anger to build over her leaving. If she just goes back after two years he has no reason to change, to work things out, because he knows she'll just have to come back no matter what.
Lastly, i have personally known a number of abused women. I have talked with, and counseled them one on one. This has been going on for years. I've also studied some psychology and researched domestic abuse. So i'm not speaking out of opinions, but from proven facts and experiences. Men who abuse very rarely ever change out of their abusive patterns. This is proven fact. I believe the rate of change for abusers is less than 10%. And yes, i know God can change people, but God can't force people to change, people have to want to change. And abusers do not want to change, in fact, they don't even think they are doing anything wrong. Abusers are blame shifters. They never take responsibility for their abuse, its always someone elses fault. If they can never own up to their wrongs, they can never change.
So i'm curious, other than encouraging kidnapping, what experience do you have with domestic abuse that you can give to validate your opinions?
S
Honey when I read the title of this thread I started to write what came to my mind before even reading what you had wrote but then stopped and came read what you wrote lol. You know something that I am figuring out, the thought that popped into my mind when I read this was the closer you get to God the less tolerance you have for that abusive stuff be it physical or emotional or verbally or mental. I think God puts that inside of us, the urge to flee. I think our God doesn't want us to be with someone that does those things to us. So if you have that feeling inside of you telling you to get out and run as fast as you can....its prolly the Holy Spirit and you should prolly listen or both of you seek help from God and Professionals. I know how hard it is to leave the man that you love. It is near impossible and only with God that I could ever do it. I know abuse and I know that it will make a survivor out of you and it will make you a much stronger person. One thing I notice is that you are very pretty. Insecure guys cannot stand that so they keep you locked away in a tower all to themselves making it a prison. God frees His children from those you know. Talks about it all throughout the Bible it surely does.
I lift you up in prayer darling and ask that our Lord brings you clarity and that he puts a hedge of protection around you keep you safe from harm. I pray and ask that God brings his healing touch to your husbands mind so that you two can heal and over come this if it be the Lords will, I ask on Jesus name Amen.
I lift you up in prayer darling and ask that our Lord brings you clarity and that he puts a hedge of protection around you keep you safe from harm. I pray and ask that God brings his healing touch to your husbands mind so that you two can heal and over come this if it be the Lords will, I ask on Jesus name Amen.
C
I have NEVER seen or heard any christian councellor would go against bibilical teaching encourage the spouce a leave a marriage. and I also NEVER heard a person who have read or know about phychology who jump the gun at issues without trying to fix the problem.
The councellor, pastor or phychologists that I've meet and known before would first try to provide solution rather than jump to conclusion and if that solution not workable, find other alternative.
The councellor, pastor or phychologists that I've meet and known before would first try to provide solution rather than jump to conclusion and if that solution not workable, find other alternative.
C
Darling 818 needs the help of a phychologist to help her to overcome what she has gone through. Emotional abuse normally would require more time to heal and the help of her counsellor or church pastor to act as a mediator to resolve her marriage problem. BY ASKING/SUGGESTING/REQUESTING HER TO LEAVE THE MARRIAGE is NOT BIBILICAL.
C
I can NEVER take her (Darling 818) place but i can appreciate her problem. As a mature and responsible christian, we should NOT encourage any other part in a marriage to abandon the marriage NOR MATTER what the circumstances are. The bible said divorce is ONLY allowed on condition of dealth of a spouse and NOT when a spouse is abused.
S
I say pray on it and God will direct you in the right path. It helps to talk to someone about this and you are doing the right thing by reaching out here, this website is amazing and the people here are even more so. You know I got out of an abusive relationship with my Daughters father. God completely healed me from ALL the damage that was done to me. I don't much put to much stock in any human being when it comes to the healing of my heart and mind and soul because they are just human beings trying to make sense out of this world as we are. God is the only true healer for his children. He WILL pick you up and He WILL put you back together again and this time around you will be clay in the potters hands and he will put all the broken pieces back together again.
I want you to remember something ok. Some people are really broken inside and it causes them to pass on the pain to others around them. Sound like your husband by chance? If you really love your husband do NOT cease praying for Him. God can grab him up and change him in a blink of an eye. Keep coming back here and requesting prayers for this.
I understand where chuinchoy is coming from but I also know that its easy to say that stuff when you are at a safe distance away and you are not the one getting beat on. That changes things. You are still in my prayers darling.
This verse just popped up into my mind that I just finished reading this morning that I think I need to share with you.
Psalms 27: 11 Teach me thy way, O Lord, and lead me in a plain path (point out) because of mine enemies.
I want you to remember something ok. Some people are really broken inside and it causes them to pass on the pain to others around them. Sound like your husband by chance? If you really love your husband do NOT cease praying for Him. God can grab him up and change him in a blink of an eye. Keep coming back here and requesting prayers for this.
I understand where chuinchoy is coming from but I also know that its easy to say that stuff when you are at a safe distance away and you are not the one getting beat on. That changes things. You are still in my prayers darling.
This verse just popped up into my mind that I just finished reading this morning that I think I need to share with you.
Psalms 27: 11 Teach me thy way, O Lord, and lead me in a plain path (point out) because of mine enemies.
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Stop drop to your knees and pray that Jesus will guide you in waht to do. Number 1 and formost take it to GOD. Its easy for people to tell you to get up and leave, but did they take your feelings for your husband in concidaration.
Physical abuse should never be tolorated at all, not matter waht. no where in the Bible does it say "woman be a punching bag for your husbands".
The emotional truma its more of a concern for me. physical scars heal fast and the pain goes away. the emotional truma that comes from the mental and verbal abuse id tramadict. All advice here are good, but You still have to take it to your church leaders and have them help you. ultomately you have to take all nessesary steps to protect your self. Jehivah wants the best for his children, not the worst.
Only one sin is unforgivable and you know it, as long as you let God lead you rought he Holy Spirit on what to do them you will not break Gods laws, or requirements. Be still and ready tolisten to the leading and act on it when you get your answer.
will be keeping you in prayer
Physical abuse should never be tolorated at all, not matter waht. no where in the Bible does it say "woman be a punching bag for your husbands".
The emotional truma its more of a concern for me. physical scars heal fast and the pain goes away. the emotional truma that comes from the mental and verbal abuse id tramadict. All advice here are good, but You still have to take it to your church leaders and have them help you. ultomately you have to take all nessesary steps to protect your self. Jehivah wants the best for his children, not the worst.
Only one sin is unforgivable and you know it, as long as you let God lead you rought he Holy Spirit on what to do them you will not break Gods laws, or requirements. Be still and ready tolisten to the leading and act on it when you get your answer.
will be keeping you in prayer
J
You need to get the Church involved and theirs Church discipline. He must be confronted and told to repent. However if things don't get better then perhaps a lady from the Church or some family will assist you by taking you in. Hopefully if you go to this extreme your husband will subsequently repent of the error of his ways by the grace of God. This doesn't mean you should divorce him though, nor does it necessarily mean it is permitted, as it would be a rather weak argument, since the Bible doesn't list this.
Also keep in mind that their have been godly Christian ladies through out history who have chosen to stay with wicked men and endure the suffering by the grace of God.
Also keep in mind that their have been godly Christian ladies through out history who have chosen to stay with wicked men and endure the suffering by the grace of God.
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H
Leaving a situation where you are being abused is not "the easy way out" it is far easier to stay and worry than to work up the courage to leave. Leaving is hard,not going back is even harder. I havebeen in abusive relationships and situations, and my mother had to walk away from a 25 yr severely abusive marriage. she left before but went back and it made things faaaar worse. Ugly is right - it will be hard and he will promise everything, he will be kind, and try to manipulate you into staying. Leave. Even if you wonder about his sincerity. If he is truly sincere then he will continue to be kind to you months after you leave. DO NOT RETURN. set a time limit of at least 5 months for yourself if you cannot make yourself determined to leave for good. 5 months with hardly any contact, no in person contact at all.
Please believe me that God will forgive you. he puts in our hearts and minds the love we have for others, and he shows us the door out when we are in abusive situations. if you do not take his open door it may be a while before you find another one.
God loves you and wants you to be safe. Why do you think he died for you? <3
whatever you take with you when you leave, take a bible. read it every day.
I will be praying fervently for you
Please believe me that God will forgive you. he puts in our hearts and minds the love we have for others, and he shows us the door out when we are in abusive situations. if you do not take his open door it may be a while before you find another one.
God loves you and wants you to be safe. Why do you think he died for you? <3
whatever you take with you when you leave, take a bible. read it every day.
I will be praying fervently for you
H
Chuinchoy - have you ever dealt with an abuser? If the abuser has the person around that they are abusing, even if they DO choose to receive counceling and actually authentically try to fix themselves (which is RARE), it is faaaaar too tempting to continue abusing them. their problems with abuse may stem from a number of person issues including insecurities or feelings of being unloved, or needed to control someone/something, but no matter the base, they are hurting someone. We are not to tempt others to sin, and abuse IS sin, and therefore BIBLICALLY we are to leave an abusive relationship.
I
To be mistreated by being beaten and abused like this goes against God's ways. We are to "walk in love" toward one another especially in marriage.
The bible says that when an "unbeliever" is not pleased to dwell with you..to let him go. If a person uses you for a punching bag, I would not call that pleased. I also do not believe it is the will of God for you to be beaten and abused. Many abusers don't stop but end up murdering their spouce and sometimes their children as well. He needs help, but not from you.
God is not mad at you and he will never leave you or forsake you..even until the end of the world! You can forgive him more and pray in love much better away from this type of violence. 1 Corinthians 7:13
The bible says that when an "unbeliever" is not pleased to dwell with you..to let him go. If a person uses you for a punching bag, I would not call that pleased. I also do not believe it is the will of God for you to be beaten and abused. Many abusers don't stop but end up murdering their spouce and sometimes their children as well. He needs help, but not from you.
God is not mad at you and he will never leave you or forsake you..even until the end of the world! You can forgive him more and pray in love much better away from this type of violence. 1 Corinthians 7:13
C
I do understand and fully appreciate how diificult it is to go through an abusive marriage. Thats why professional help is needed. The person abused should seek phychologist help to came out from the 'nightmare' so that he/she could be healed to live a normal life again. God might personally heal the person or through the help of professional ie a phychologist. If not, the abused would be scars for the rest of her/his life.
While the abuser should get help also. Do you all know why a person became abusive? It is completely human that you don't hit the person that you profess to love with your life, right? But in this case, why darling husband hits her? Many times it got to do with the way her husband was brought up. It could be because Darling husband's father used to hit his wife. Thats why Darling husband felt that it is alright to hit Darling or it could be due to some phychological problems where only after consultation with a phychologist can be known and helped.
Chruch pastors, elders played an important role to work with the professionals to make sure that what the professional said is working fine.
By taking the easy way out of leaving the marriage, you will have social problems like;
1) The abuser and abused deprive of the oppertunity to be healed and the problem continues......
2) The child would be deprived of a happy and healthy home to grow up and thus contributing to a healthy society.
I believed thats why God never said abuse can be a reason for divorce. I guess thats why there are so many broken marriages in US today. You take the easy way out by leaving the marriage rather than giving it an oppertunity to be reconciled.
While the abuser should get help also. Do you all know why a person became abusive? It is completely human that you don't hit the person that you profess to love with your life, right? But in this case, why darling husband hits her? Many times it got to do with the way her husband was brought up. It could be because Darling husband's father used to hit his wife. Thats why Darling husband felt that it is alright to hit Darling or it could be due to some phychological problems where only after consultation with a phychologist can be known and helped.
Chruch pastors, elders played an important role to work with the professionals to make sure that what the professional said is working fine.
By taking the easy way out of leaving the marriage, you will have social problems like;
1) The abuser and abused deprive of the oppertunity to be healed and the problem continues......
2) The child would be deprived of a happy and healthy home to grow up and thus contributing to a healthy society.
I believed thats why God never said abuse can be a reason for divorce. I guess thats why there are so many broken marriages in US today. You take the easy way out by leaving the marriage rather than giving it an oppertunity to be reconciled.
C
ESPECIALLY DEDICATED TO UGLY
I do not and will not settle our difference in opinion on SOMEONE ELSE THREAD. Thats is very rude isn't it so? Here, Darling is asking for advice to resolve her problem but we used this platform to settle our difference in opinion? I can talk about it in other platform. perhaps.
I do not and will not settle our difference in opinion on SOMEONE ELSE THREAD. Thats is very rude isn't it so? Here, Darling is asking for advice to resolve her problem but we used this platform to settle our difference in opinion? I can talk about it in other platform. perhaps.
M
God would not put you in a situation with an abusive partner. Jesus didn't batter women. In fact men are called to love women as Christ loved the church. Christ died for the church, he gave his life for you and me. God does not want you or your children with an abuser. Only God can change him and honestly those things are usually learned from fathers and grandfathers. There is no easy fix. This is your life we are talking about. God loves you, and under no circumstances is it okay for you to be in emotional or physical abuse. That is satanic. Get out. This is what God wants for you, he would not want you to stay with a person who would hurt you and your children in the future. The marriage covenant is serious but in no way does God want you to suffer bodily harm or even emotional harm. That is a distortion of what marriage is, in fact it could be that you had been too young to make a correct choice about who to marry. That you really were under deception of who this person was when you married them. This is not irreconcilable differences this is protection and safety, it is not about a problem that can be fixed. Get out and find the person that God wants you to be with truly. If you stay and have children with this person you are the one who is responsible for the trauma he causes to your children, and therefore you even risk their salvation. How many people have fallen away from God and the love of God, because of horrible abusive fathers? Many. He would represent the idea of a father to your children, and would forever taint the idea of a father in your children's eyes. Do the right thing, get out and find the man God wants you to be with. Ask for forgiveness for making a covenant with the wrong person, Jesus forgives all sins and mistakes. But please do not misinterpret the scripture, you should not stay in this situation.
H
chuinchoy - you say that her leaving will deprive the child of a healthy happy home and contriubute to societal problems. but in THE VERY SAME COMMENT you say that the husbands abuse may stem from havinng seen his own father hit his mother. would you then not expect that to be an option for this child??? if her child grows up watching daddy hit mommy, because she did not leave, then the child may well grow up to be another abuser, or think that women are supposed to be hit. would you have her stay, continuing to be beat, whilst her child learns to abuse or BE abused (while being abused bc watching abuse is dmaging to a child)? and for what. so the husband MIGHT change. she needs to LEAVE IMMEDIATELY. if god fixes it then she can go back. but ONLY THEN.
S
I don't call leaving an abusive relationship the easy way out. There is no easy way out; however, noone deserves to be treated that way. God knows the heart and none of us were created to be beaten like a punching bag.
Stand strong sis and get out while you still can before it escalates into worse than it already has. God bless you and keep you safe in Jesus' name.
Stand strong sis and get out while you still can before it escalates into worse than it already has. God bless you and keep you safe in Jesus' name.
For a husband not to treat his wife with great love and respect is a great sin, the Lord Jesus expects your husband to love you as He loves the Church!
1Pet 3v7 with Eph 5v25 states:
'Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.'
Because your husband is treating you badly, God is NOT hearing his prayers, the Greek word for 'hindered' here is 'engkoptesthai' which is the present passive infinitive of 'egkoptoo' (Strongs NT:1465) and it means to cut into, hinder, to impede one's course by cutting off his way. God has simply cut of your husband's prayers to Him because of the way he is treating you.
It is NOT you that God is annoyed with it is your husband!
The Lord Jesus is full of love and compassion for you at this time and He feels ALL you pain, hurt and fear, also know that He is interceeding for your every second of every day for you, He also suffered physical violence upon His person during His earthly life. Isaiah 63v9, Heb 4v15, 7v25.
Pack your bags and leave, if he lays a hand on your again, go to the police and report him (not only for your own good, but in the long run, his also), also, use the court system if you need to get a restraining order against him, to stop him coming near you and bothering you.
Yahweh Shalom...
1Pet 3v7 with Eph 5v25 states:
'Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.'
Because your husband is treating you badly, God is NOT hearing his prayers, the Greek word for 'hindered' here is 'engkoptesthai' which is the present passive infinitive of 'egkoptoo' (Strongs NT:1465) and it means to cut into, hinder, to impede one's course by cutting off his way. God has simply cut of your husband's prayers to Him because of the way he is treating you.
It is NOT you that God is annoyed with it is your husband!
The Lord Jesus is full of love and compassion for you at this time and He feels ALL you pain, hurt and fear, also know that He is interceeding for your every second of every day for you, He also suffered physical violence upon His person during His earthly life. Isaiah 63v9, Heb 4v15, 7v25.
Pack your bags and leave, if he lays a hand on your again, go to the police and report him (not only for your own good, but in the long run, his also), also, use the court system if you need to get a restraining order against him, to stop him coming near you and bothering you.
Yahweh Shalom...