Question for the married members:

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Didymous

Senior Member
Feb 22, 2018
5,047
2,062
113
#21
I was foolish enough to marry an unbeliever, so none of that really applies to us. I"m just waiting until can pay for the divorce. I do pray for her every day, however-mainly for her salvation.
 

TabinRivCA

Well-known member
Oct 23, 2018
5,224
4,938
113
#22
........or sometimes it's something as simple as "you like butterflies and I found this butterfly necklace and thought of you" ( I have A LOT of butterfly jewelry now, lol).

So my mans not one to hold hands when we're out, or be all mushy, or flowers or WHATEVER. And the past few years it kinda started getting me down. UNTIL one day the Lord reminded me that he wasn't like that before we got married so why in the world would I expect him to be like that now? And then the Lord started pointing everyday little things out to me that my husband does or says that ARE HIS OWN PERSONAL UNIQUE WAYS of saying "I LOVE YOU!"

Dunno, maybe this subject is just for me.......... or maybe it's meant to pull someone else outta there comfort zone, or open someone else eyes or whatever. Would love to hear others stories.
I'm twice a widow and have picked up a few tidbits. I think holding hands is one of the most romantic looks between a couple as well as never losing respect.
Once in a while, a couple should sit down and write a couple of things they wish the other would consider either changing or doing. I hope you and he start holding hands soon!
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
31,371
9,439
113
65
Florida
#23
I'm twice a widow and have picked up a few tidbits. I think holding hands is one of the most romantic looks between a couple as well as never losing respect.
Once in a while, a couple should sit down and write a couple of things they wish the other would consider either changing or doing. I hope you and he start holding hands soon!
My wife and I exchange notes each morning during my work week.
 
Jul 27, 2018
102
115
43
The Garden of Weeden
#24
My husband realized I truly love him when we were in an argument. He stormed out to the shop to work and think, and I clean when angry, so I was scrubbing the devil out of the sink. In his anger he wasn't paying attention to what he was doing and cut himself on some metal. He came inside, dripping blood all over my freshly scrubbed sink. and I quietly got up, took his injured hand, and cleaned it. Then I put a bandaid on it and walked away. He said that was when he knew I would love him no matter what.
We've had plenty of arguments, and our share of bad times, but sticking it out and working it out, makes the good times even sweeter.
 

Godsgirl83

Well-known member
Apr 1, 2019
4,690
3,247
113
#25
My husband realized I truly love him when we were in an argument. He stormed out to the shop to work and think, and I clean when angry, so I was scrubbing the devil out of the sink. In his anger he wasn't paying attention to what he was doing and cut himself on some metal. He came inside, dripping blood all over my freshly scrubbed sink. and I quietly got up, took his injured hand, and cleaned it. Then I put a bandaid on it and walked away. He said that was when he knew I would love him no matter what.
We've had plenty of arguments, and our share of bad times, but sticking it out and working it out, makes the good times even sweeter.
Thanks for sharing! I'm smiling while reading this, cuz we've had THOSE moments too;) Sometimes I jokingly tell my hubby I think he likes making me mad because that's when the house is cleanest, lol.
 

gramabrendab

Junior Member
Jan 5, 2017
5
1
3
#26
Thank you so much for asking. This really started me to thinking. For me it is that he listens. I mean really listens to what I have to say and communicates with me. I also really like it when he takes the position as head of the household and seeks God's answers to the problems in our lives. Then when he respects me as his help meet, that is the pinnacle of our relationship. Putting God at the head is the best thing we ever did. Together with Him we make an awesome threesome.

Our daily devotion and prayer time together is so special and gives us the power to move on in our lives and carry out God's plan. My husband and I are so very different, we know when we agree on something, it is God speaking to each of us and us listening.

My married son says "study the "Love Languages" book." He and his wife found that her "love language" was gifts, so he tries to remember that and his is "touch" so she tries to remember that. This is real respect and honoring.

I think respect really comes down to supporting one another and realizing that we are each special and different and trying to honor that. Unity comes from bonding and bonding comes from like mindedness and understanding another form of respect.

I really was so blessed to read the posts. Thanks for sharing.
 

Godsgirl83

Well-known member
Apr 1, 2019
4,690
3,247
113
#27
Thank you so much for asking. This really started me to thinking. For me it is that he listens. I mean really listens to what I have to say and communicates with me. I also really like it when he takes the position as head of the household and seeks God's answers to the problems in our lives. Then when he respects me as his help meet, that is the pinnacle of our relationship. Putting God at the head is the best thing we ever did. Together with Him we make an awesome threesome.

Our daily devotion and prayer time together is so special and gives us the power to move on in our lives and carry out God's plan. My husband and I are so very different, we know when we agree on something, it is God speaking to each of us and us listening.

My married son says "study the "Love Languages" book." He and his wife found that her "love language" was gifts, so he tries to remember that and his is "touch" so she tries to remember that. This is real respect and honoring.

I think respect really comes down to supporting one another and realizing that we are each special and different and trying to honor that. Unity comes from bonding and bonding comes from like mindedness and understanding another form of respect.

I really was so blessed to read the posts. Thanks for sharing.
Thank You for sharing! "help meet" that is term I haven't heard in a VERY LONG TIME (except the occasional times my hubby uses it).
 

Godsgirl83

Well-known member
Apr 1, 2019
4,690
3,247
113
#28
I quietly got up, took his injured hand, and cleaned it. Then I put a bandaid on it and walked away.
Garden, thank you for sharing this.
I have to say that since reading this, the scenario often runs through my mind, especially when I'm feeling cranky/crabby and not loving....
and it causes me to realize that, take a deep breath, and change.
 

GardenofWeeden

Active member
Jul 27, 2018
102
115
43
The Garden of Weeden
#29
Garden, thank you for sharing this.
I have to say that since reading this, the scenario often runs through my mind, especially when I'm feeling cranky/crabby and not loving....
and it causes me to realize that, take a deep breath, and change.
I'm glad it helps you.
 

Reformyourself

Well-known member
Apr 29, 2020
777
256
63
#30
I was foolish enough to marry an unbeliever, so none of that really applies to us. I"m just waiting until can pay for the divorce. I do pray for her every day, however-mainly for her salvation.
If she gets saved, you could be reconciled.😁 do not doubt, only believe Thomas, which is called didymous (be careful what you wish for). We are 30 years-I’d be out by now 😂
 

Blade

Active member
Nov 19, 2019
249
101
43
#31
Hmm well first took time to get here. As a man.. I pause now and think what the lord asks expects and I make sure that ..this may sound come out wrong but.. its not the reason I do it. I mean "I am told to so thats why I do it". I have to say Him showing me what LOVE really is.. well made all the difference in the world. It was to never (its ok to think of self) think of me and what I want and expect from her. To always want to try to do what makes her happy.. pleases her. I am far from perfect in this. Yet I do it.. and never want expect anything in return.

If I am home and she comes home from work.. show her how happy I am to see her.. and to share something personal ..a which I NEVER DO HELLO! We always take a shower together. Been with her since 1984. Its hard for me .. lol . I am one of those that does NOT wake up HAPPY! And I LOVE being alone. Oh and she LOVES to be with people.. a never ending WAR! lol joking.

For me this love only comes from Him. A fight.. and He showed me something. Love never thinks of self.. love never sees fault. That love.. what happened.. was something that came from Him. Something we can experience. Lol..yeah in that moment.. man ALL I wanted to only please her in everything. Her? Made saying awful things (my past is worse).. yet.. so strange.. didn't effect me at all. I was so happy.. if this was it for ever.. I was going to treat her as if she was treating me like a King. I am awful with words. And.. that love..that I believe is never us.. lifted.. yet.. I always love that moment. Well I've never had a love for anything anyone were... I am not part of it you know what I mean? To ONLY think of the other.. never your self. Just how Christ treats us...
 

Reformyourself

Well-known member
Apr 29, 2020
777
256
63
#32
Actually, I always do the dishes each day, along with taking out the trash, getting the mail, feeding the cats and changing their litter pans and going grocery shopping. While these chores have to be done I perform them faithfully because of the love that I have for my wife. Of course, I work full-time too to provide the necessary household income. I also try to say something positive to her each day in regards to compliments and for our future together.
 

Reformyourself

Well-known member
Apr 29, 2020
777
256
63
#33
Thank you so much for asking. This really started me to thinking. For me it is that he listens. I mean really listens to what I have to say and communicates with me. I also really like it when he takes the position as head of the household and seeks God's answers to the problems in our lives. Then when he respects me as his help meet, that is the pinnacle of our relationship. Putting God at the head is the best thing we ever did. Together with Him we make an awesome threesome.

Our daily devotion and prayer time together is so special and gives us the power to move on in our lives and carry out God's plan. My husband and I are so very different, we know when we agree on something, it is God speaking to each of us and us listening.

My married son says "study the "Love Languages" book." He and his wife found that her "love language" was gifts, so he tries to remember that and his is "touch" so she tries to remember that. This is real respect and honoring.

I think respect really comes down to supporting one another and realizing that we are each special and different and trying to honor that. Unity comes from bonding and bonding comes from like mindedness and understanding another form of respect.

I really was so blessed to read the posts. Thanks for sharing.
I was blessed reading yours! Praise The Lord 🙏
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
7,237
2,638
113
#34
Im not married but its interesting to read this thread.
OP what hobby does your husband do that he likes your company for just wondering. Do you have your own hobbies that you want him to sit and watch too I just like to know. I wonder if there is some hobby you can do together. My dad has heaps of hobbies that my mum is not interested in at all but she never says anything against them. They might bore her to death but she just lets him go on about them. she might go to the odd thing like if his tramway is having a bbq she'll be invited to come along but otherwise the hobby is to keep himself occupied.

my hobby is gardening or reading but I cant imagine asking a spouse to watch me while I read or watch me garden if they dont like gardening too. I would want to share my hobby cos its somthing I enjoy doing or if they dont like it, just leave me alone to do it, and maybe bring me a cup of tea in my break lol
 
Jul 27, 2018
102
115
43
The Garden of Weeden
#35
Im not married but its interesting to read this thread.
OP what hobby does your husband do that he likes your company for just wondering. Do you have your own hobbies that you want him to sit and watch too I just like to know. I wonder if there is some hobby you can do together. My dad has heaps of hobbies that my mum is not interested in at all but she never says anything against them. They might bore her to death but she just lets him go on about them. she might go to the odd thing like if his tramway is having a bbq she'll be invited to come along but otherwise the hobby is to keep himself occupied.

my hobby is gardening or reading but I cant imagine asking a spouse to watch me while I read or watch me garden if they dont like gardening too. I would want to share my hobby cos its somthing I enjoy doing or if they dont like it, just leave me alone to do it, and maybe bring me a cup of tea in my break lol
I used to love to sit and watch my husband work in his shop. He would work on the machines, or on a car, and I would watch and maybe hand him tools, while we talked, but mostly it was quiet, and I just watched. He loved to sit in the kitchen and watch me can. He would measure sugar or ingredients sometimes. We'd talk if there was something important needing discussed, but mostly he would just watch. We learned a lot about each other this way.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
31,371
9,439
113
65
Florida
#36
My husband realized I truly love him when we were in an argument. He stormed out to the shop to work and think, and I clean when angry, so I was scrubbing the devil out of the sink. In his anger he wasn't paying attention to what he was doing and cut himself on some metal. He came inside, dripping blood all over my freshly scrubbed sink. and I quietly got up, took his injured hand, and cleaned it. Then I put a bandaid on it and walked away. He said that was when he knew I would love him no matter what.
We've had plenty of arguments, and our share of bad times, but sticking it out and working it out, makes the good times even sweeter.
A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down or at least that has been my own personal experience. Your post is worth considerable thought in regards to the little acts of unselfish love in marriage. It was spiritual in its content and profound in the application. It was outstanding.
 

posthuman

Senior Member
Jul 31, 2013
27,449
8,284
113
#37
Still, it would be nice for your husband to bring home flowers for you, even if just the one time. Candy too, 'cause you're his sweety.
I would be in trouble with my wife for either - flowers are supposed to grow in the ground, not be cut so they can die, or be put in a house where pollinators can't get to them. And she'd say the candy might make her gain weight or at best just be bad for her teeth :p
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
31,371
9,439
113
65
Florida
#38
I would be in trouble with my wife for either - flowers are supposed to grow in the ground, not be cut so they can die, or be put in a house where pollinators can't get to them. And she'd say the candy might make her gain weight or at best just be bad for her teeth :p
Husbands at times are in a conundrum in the attempts at pleasing their wife. Sometimes you can't win for losing. :)
 

Billyd

Senior Member
May 8, 2014
3,513
432
83
#39
I love to make money. Mama loves to spend it. That worked quite well until my health forced me to retire. Now we spend a lot more time together. That took a little adjustment, but it has become a lot of fun making up for all those days we spent on our separate challenges.

Don't get me wrong. We still have our self time. I spend a few hours a day in my "dog house" (shop) working on some type of project, and she spends the same time catching up on her favorite movies or going to Sonic with our son for their daily happy hour soda fix. Of course, they take the dog for her daily ice cream cone.

God has been great to us. We're approaching 60 years together, and I wouldn't trade our life together for anything.
 

Godsgirl83

Well-known member
Apr 1, 2019
4,690
3,247
113
#40
Husbands at times are in a conundrum in the attempts at pleasing their wife. Sometimes you can't win for losing. :)
Sometimes, I just have to get over myself, acknowledge that he's putting the effort in and go with it, even if that means I'm not 100% pleased with the situation......

guess what ladies:
if you make him feel like he's ALWAYS losing no matter what he does, he'll eventually give up TRYING, then it'll go from "I'm not happy with what he does" to "He never does ANYTHING" (then YOU'LL really be unhappy :( )