Rebuilding a 'marriage' after infidelity

[blue_ladybug]

You need to make a clean break. That's why you're all over the place. If you're done with him and his antics, make that clear by doing something about it. In the long run, it's gonna hurt you AND the kids MORE to stay in this mess, rather than leaving and saving yourselves more hurt..

 

[beachin]

Thanks my sweet. I actually had a horrible night last night (it's now night again here). I cried again for the first time in weeks. I had this overwhelming feeling of resentment. I said very hurtful things. And I am ambivalent about taking them back. I hate that I am so hateful. I hate that I am so easily hurtful. I was tapped on the shoulder at work three weeks ago so I am relieving into a regional managers position and my head just hasn't been in it. I have done nothing whilst in this role. Another set of expectations upon me! My head is all over the shop! My older brother has just found what he thinks is love, and it's lifted my spirits. He's 35 and NEVER had a girlfriend. I am so excited so that had done me wonders. I was soooo excited the first thing I wanted to do was message my husband at work and say "OMG! guess what?!?!" Then that made me sad because I don't want to afford him my good spirits. What is wrong with me?!?!!!

There is nothing wrong with you. This situation can be very overwhelming and it is a lot to take in. The loss of trust is something to be grieved, which is why you wanting to reach out to him with "happy" news, but feeling like you can't is so difficult. It's a hard, in-between place to be. I will pray for you and your spouse. Nobody else can make any decisions for you about what is right for you and your family. You need to just continue seeking help and be praying for wisdom. My advice would also be, even though it is right and good to focus on trying to repair your marriage, also focus on you. This time can be a time where you really draw close to God and grow and strengthen as a person, which will be a blessing regardless of if you stay married or not.

 

[LozzLana]

There is nothing wrong with you. This situation can be very overwhelming and it is a lot to take in. The loss of trust is something to be grieved, which is why you wanting to reach out to him with "happy" news, but feeling like you can't is so difficult. It's a hard, in-between place to be. I will pray for you and your spouse. Nobody else can make any decisions for you about what is right for you and your family. You need to just continue seeking help and be praying for wisdom. My advice would also be, even though it is right and good to focus on trying to repair your marriage, also focus on you. This time can be a time where you really draw close to God and grow and strengthen as a person, which will be a blessing regardless of if you stay married or not.

First and foremost, thank you for support over the last few days. I am very appreciative. I am actually going out tonight with my eldest son's Godmother, I am dressed and waiting to be picked up. We're seeing a comedian. I have been reluctant all week because Friday evenings are something my husband and I always looked forward to (well I know I did!). We finally get to see each other after working opposite hours all week. I can tell my husband is wanting me home so we can talk because he's not liking how far apart our interactions and conversations are. I have been withdrawn. My husband said he will stay awake and eagerly await my return tonight. I haven't seen him all week because I am asleep when he gets home and he's asleep when I go to work. I am hoping a good belly laugh tonight will lift my mood.

I hope you are well. I thank you for your prayers.

 

[Lady_Red]

Sound like right now you are spiraling. I know this very well. I was shocked and embarrassed that my husband had committed such acts. We were teachers at our church and very active. I felt so embarrassed and didn't want people to pads judgment on our marriage. I want to resolve our differences and move on as a family. Just get over this hurdle. Looking back now, I see where I forced my husband to go to counseling with me and restore weekends and etc. When, he really didn't want to change. One minute he said he loved me and wanted to work it out and then the next I was to blame for everything wrong in his life. You are not responsible for his misery and his actions. My husband denied me relations all the time to the point I thought I was going to explode because it had been so long since we had been together. Men at my job were constantly flirting and being extremely nice and I couldn't understand why my husband couldn't desire me when these strangers did. I was so tempted to cheat but what did I do? I told my husband about the men at my work. Asked him to pray with me and then went to my supervisor and told them what was going on. I also told the men flat out I will not cheat on my husband. I was so tempted and yet my response was to run to God, my husband and my supervisor. So, no matter what your husband's reasons are for infidelity, he made that choice.

I have forgiven my husband 5 of the 6 times he has cheated. Totally forgave and loved him. I can say I also forgive him the 6th time but the difference is I am walking away now. He has never attempted to change and work on our marriage. I am not at all saying people cannot change because God is great and there is nothing in this world that God cannot change. Just because my husband didn't does not mean your husband will end up like mine. Proof is in his actions and what he says. More so on his actions. My husband can say whatever he wants but his follow through and actions are what matter most.

People who say you cannot learn to trust again have not experienced God's ability to restore. I have felt that and know it can happen. Unfortunately, God cannot force someone to stop sinning. It is their choice.

 

[kaylagrl]

Thanks my sweet. I actually had a horrible night last night (it's now night again here). I cried again for the first time in weeks. I had this overwhelming feeling of resentment. I said very hurtful things. And I am ambivalent about taking them back. I hate that I am so hateful. I hate that I am so easily hurtful. I was tapped on the shoulder at work three weeks ago so I am relieving into a regional managers position and my head just hasn't been in it. I have done nothing whilst in this role. Another set of expectations upon me! My head is all over the shop! My older brother has just found what he thinks is love, and it's lifted my spirits. He's 35 and NEVER had a girlfriend. I am so excited so that had done me wonders. I was soooo excited the first thing I wanted to do was message my husband at work and say "OMG! guess what?!?!" Then that made me sad because I don't want to afford him my good spirits. What is wrong with me?!?!!!

Ive heard it said that a divorce is like a death in the family. You grieve over what was lost, you grieve over "what could have been". You've been deeply hurt and you are in shock. There is no way your mind is going to function as if nothing happened. You feel betrayed,you're asking why and maybe thinking its your fault. So many things going on at once. You have to try and take care of yourself during this time. Self care right now is the most important thing. Realize you are in crisis mode right now and your mind is reacting to all of this. The best thing right now is to pray and read the Bible, Psalms is a good book when you are going through trials. The writer CS Lewis said "God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains" Turn to Him and He will help you through this. Take care of yourself sister. I will keep check on you.