Ok, im a 32 year old man married to a wife and we have 4 children. She always told me she wanted 4 and now we have 4. Recently she told me however that she hates having 4 children. I am thinking about switching roles with her, so our children can grow up securely. I'm wondering about people's thoughts on this. She would go to work and I would stay home and raise the children. The only thing that bothers me about this, is that I am not sure it is Biblical. The man is supposed to be the one who makes the living. She however is clearly discontent with her role. I think I handle the children well and would be able to raise them while she works. There is so much education that they need and she just doesn't seem to handle raising them well. The house stays a mess because she continually gets overwhelmed. I am thinking that she would be happier working.
Role Reversal
- Thread starter humbledbygrace25
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U
The ultimate goal of a household is that everyone is happy in their role. Not that every whim needs to be pandered to, but in a more broad sense. While i would suggest that, typically, the male being the bread winner is the more ideal role, if there is an obvious issue with this, and both parents would be happier, or at least content, with a switching of the roles, and this brings a more solid foundation to the marriage and the lives of the children, then i think it is a judgment call the man should consider. Sometimes what is meant in an ideal world isn't what works in a fallen world.
L
from your description, it sounds like she could be overwhelmed with it all
switching your roles would be a huge change (obviously) and actually no guarantees that way either
can you possibly get your wife to open up and really talk about how she feels ? saying she wishes she did not have four children (hates it actually) sounds very harsh
does your church offer biblical counselling? or possibly able to recommend someone? that may help
also, is there any possibility of having a sitter or family member take care of the children a couple of afternoon's a week to give your wife a break?
or even a part-time job for her with a sitter to give her a change
I guess you will have to figure it out either way, but please consider some other options before making this huge change
switching your roles would be a huge change (obviously) and actually no guarantees that way either
can you possibly get your wife to open up and really talk about how she feels ? saying she wishes she did not have four children (hates it actually) sounds very harsh
does your church offer biblical counselling? or possibly able to recommend someone? that may help
also, is there any possibility of having a sitter or family member take care of the children a couple of afternoon's a week to give your wife a break?
or even a part-time job for her with a sitter to give her a change
I guess you will have to figure it out either way, but please consider some other options before making this huge change
N
Do all things in prayer. It might take trying a few different things until you find the dynamic that works for your family, and over the years you will need to tweak it, so give staying home a try with your wife working. You may be onto something.
Please, if she still doesn't seem happy, you might look into some counseling for postpartum depression for her.
Peace!
Please, if she still doesn't seem happy, you might look into some counseling for postpartum depression for her.
Peace!
I think that your wife is getting worn out and she probably is overwhelmed. I'm not sure that a change of scenery by having her work is going to alleviate the problem. Does she say that she wants to go to work or was that your idea? I don't see anything unbiblical about you being a stay at home dad.
S
The man should be the breadwinner but it's not always possible for the wife to stay home with things costing so much. If the children are better off it wouldn't be wrong for you to stay home. But it would be a good idea if your wife's frustration with the role of staying home could be helped first. I stayed home for 9 years with my children, my son was not quite 2 when I had a set of twin girls. It is overwhelming and there were days the home was not as clean as I would have liked. Some days it was non-stop bickering or something else going on. Knowing how to handle it always is the best way rather than running from it so to speak.
B
Their are always two sides to every story. Lets not place all the problems at hand on her. Lets take a step back and evaluate. While you are out working. Raising four children is a job within itself. It is hard for one women attend to four children and make sure the home is not in dishevel. She is overwhelmed....
When was the last time you two went on a actual date? Like you two alone and enjoying each other?
The role is not the man to souly go to work, make money, come home and be waited on hand and foot is long gone with the wind my friend. If anything you two need to discuss with open minds about what your life goals are. You will find that she may have different plans than you think. What ever her goals or aspirations are. Be supportive. Don't crush them because you can not do them yourself. You need to listen with the intent to understand. Not to respond.
She doesn't hate your Children. She wishes she was better. She needs help and support to be successful. Ask yourself this "Do I get tired of doing the same thing day after day?" I say yes you do. Its Biblically ok for her to work and have a career or work. The man is supposed to provide and be the bread winner. All that prideful boast. You need to sit down with her and ask her and understand without the intention to dash her dreams. If you let those dreams grow you also benefit as well. She will be happier. You will be happier.
I don't think you need to switch the roles. You need to participate equally in all of the roles. Including God, careers, work, family, and Children. As a matter of fact you two need to participate in everything in life together. Not this one sided well "Im the man poke my chest out machismo stance".
Something to think about.
When was the last time you two went on a actual date? Like you two alone and enjoying each other?
The role is not the man to souly go to work, make money, come home and be waited on hand and foot is long gone with the wind my friend. If anything you two need to discuss with open minds about what your life goals are. You will find that she may have different plans than you think. What ever her goals or aspirations are. Be supportive. Don't crush them because you can not do them yourself. You need to listen with the intent to understand. Not to respond.
She doesn't hate your Children. She wishes she was better. She needs help and support to be successful. Ask yourself this "Do I get tired of doing the same thing day after day?" I say yes you do. Its Biblically ok for her to work and have a career or work. The man is supposed to provide and be the bread winner. All that prideful boast. You need to sit down with her and ask her and understand without the intention to dash her dreams. If you let those dreams grow you also benefit as well. She will be happier. You will be happier.
I don't think you need to switch the roles. You need to participate equally in all of the roles. Including God, careers, work, family, and Children. As a matter of fact you two need to participate in everything in life together. Not this one sided well "Im the man poke my chest out machismo stance".
Something to think about.
D
Where in the Bible does it say men are supposed to make a living?
I've got Proverbs 31, that shows a good woman making money as well as taking care of the house.
I find it easier to make a decision according to God's word by knowing his word. I'm also a bit concern that you're thinking about doing this, as if the two of you aren't considering doing this.
I've got Proverbs 31, that shows a good woman making money as well as taking care of the house.
I find it easier to make a decision according to God's word by knowing his word. I'm also a bit concern that you're thinking about doing this, as if the two of you aren't considering doing this.
I've worked full time as a teacher, stayed home full time as a mother with 4 children, worked part time and had a nanny who also cleaned house.
The easiest was part time with a nanny! But you have to get a good one!
I did enjoy being home full time. But cleaning was never just my job. A sign of successful parenting is getting kids to help clean and clean up! They need to learn to pick up after themselves and help in household chores, as young as 3 or 4. My grandkids having been cleaning up their toys, including organizing them, since they were 2 and 3. My daughter started helping with household chores at 3. All my kids started loading the dishwasher and washing the other dishes at age 5.
It it actually makes for less stress when kids know your expectations and do them.
As for your wife, she might need some counselling to help her. Sometimes being "overwhelmed" can be a sign of depression. So although I believe totally it is scriptural for a wife to work and a husband to stay home, be sure it is the right thing to do. Besides, taking care of 4 kids is a much harder job than working out of the home, in my opinion. Just make sure it is what she wants, before you quit your day job!
And kudos for caring enough to be willing to make this change! God is going to bless you for your love for your wife and family.
The easiest was part time with a nanny! But you have to get a good one!
I did enjoy being home full time. But cleaning was never just my job. A sign of successful parenting is getting kids to help clean and clean up! They need to learn to pick up after themselves and help in household chores, as young as 3 or 4. My grandkids having been cleaning up their toys, including organizing them, since they were 2 and 3. My daughter started helping with household chores at 3. All my kids started loading the dishwasher and washing the other dishes at age 5.
It it actually makes for less stress when kids know your expectations and do them.
As for your wife, she might need some counselling to help her. Sometimes being "overwhelmed" can be a sign of depression. So although I believe totally it is scriptural for a wife to work and a husband to stay home, be sure it is the right thing to do. Besides, taking care of 4 kids is a much harder job than working out of the home, in my opinion. Just make sure it is what she wants, before you quit your day job!
And kudos for caring enough to be willing to make this change! God is going to bless you for your love for your wife and family.
Wow,
Thank you everyone for your comments. It turns out that she is just really stressed out. She still wants to stay with the kids and work with them. This, however turns me to the next challenge. For some reason, the children will obey me, but they do not obey her. I think that consistency is something that her and I need to work on. Again, thank you for the great comments. I think I can definitely consider this thread closed, and answered. I am going to do my best to make sure that she does not have so much house work to do and to help her when I am home with the kids. Also I am going to try and work something out so her and I can spend some time together. Will keep you updated on things.
Thank you everyone for your comments. It turns out that she is just really stressed out. She still wants to stay with the kids and work with them. This, however turns me to the next challenge. For some reason, the children will obey me, but they do not obey her. I think that consistency is something that her and I need to work on. Again, thank you for the great comments. I think I can definitely consider this thread closed, and answered. I am going to do my best to make sure that she does not have so much house work to do and to help her when I am home with the kids. Also I am going to try and work something out so her and I can spend some time together. Will keep you updated on things.
Everybody is different! And where in the Bible does it say husbands only can work and women only can stay home with the children? Deborah was the leader of the nation of Israel's army and nation, and she was married (Judges 4:4). Sheerah, whether or not she was married is not mentioned, built important cities (1 Chronicles 7:24).
Do what suits each others needs!! It's YOUR marriage, nobody else's.
1 Corinthians 10:31 So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.
Do what suits each others needs!! It's YOUR marriage, nobody else's.
1 Corinthians 10:31 So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.
U
My brother had the same problem with his kids. While he was at work the kids went crazy while mom was in charge. Her biggest threat to them was 'i'm telling your father when he gets home'. She, too, stressed out easily, and this caused her to react emotionally to the kids, instead of providing consequences. She ended up yelling more than anything. But the second dad came home the kids started behaving. Dad provide real consequence and stayed in control of his emotions while doing so.
Some people are just not cut out to deal with kids. Some simply lack the skills, but can learn them, while others just don't have what is needed and can't learn it well enough to be effective. I'm guessing, since your wife shows a desire to stay home with them, that she can probably learn the right skills.
And yes, as Amber said, SuperNanny is a great resource haha. I have given the same recommendation to others in the past.
Some people are just not cut out to deal with kids. Some simply lack the skills, but can learn them, while others just don't have what is needed and can't learn it well enough to be effective. I'm guessing, since your wife shows a desire to stay home with them, that she can probably learn the right skills.
And yes, as Amber said, SuperNanny is a great resource haha. I have given the same recommendation to others in the past.
I actually do wonder about this. Are there any specific cases in Scripture where a man stayed home and watched the children? For some reason, I don't think it is a good idea. When voicing My desire to stay home with the children, inside I knew it was not a good idea. I Think there are gender roles in Scripture. Several texts, like the one about men wearing women's clothing, or about the roles of the woman. Just my thoughts. Any Scriptures in this area would be helpful.
Here's an interesting article that may help you
Is it biblically acceptable for a man to be a stay-at-home dad?
Is it biblically acceptable for a man to be a stay-at-home dad?
I work part-time and am home with my kid's majority of the time. I work during the school year at a preschool and one night a week at a laundromat. I'm home during the summer , except that one night per week. My Daughter listens to my Husband more than me. She'll fight with me until she can no longer take it. My son, occasionally he will get angry with me but out of the two he's the easy one.
What's funny is my Daughter is just like me. I think it's revenge from my parents, ha ha. She's going to a week long day camp in August. I'm really looking forward to the time alone with my son. We don't get enough of that.
What's funny is my Daughter is just like me. I think it's revenge from my parents, ha ha. She's going to a week long day camp in August. I'm really looking forward to the time alone with my son. We don't get enough of that.