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Daszed... I could write a post very similar entitled Satan has my husband except he has separated from me and my kids to check out the grass on the other side (single life with no responsibilities and a life of ungodly desires drinking, immorality, single life, partying... There is always an endless supply of "neighbours" for our spouses to tempt and lead astray. Ungodly people that are more than willing to be used for Satan's purpose of claiming people that are not anchored in the Lord. If we are not filled with God, Satan will always step up to fill those places. My husband has also had a VERY traumatic past and has not dealt with his issues. His mother had a hard time with the abuse, addictions and finally death of her husband (his father) and the suicide of her older son at age 18 (my husband's brother) and was not able to help herself let alone my husband growing up.
We have been together for 19 years and married for 11. I have to say that even though we didn't fight, I could never get him to open up to me about anything important and it was a lonely and stressful marriage trying to "save" a spouse who didn't know how to be intimate or want the Lord and who no matter what I did or didn't do, he was never really happy or felt like he loved me enough to be happy in our marriage. I have grown in my faith over the 11 years of being married yes but I never shoved it in his face. He never told me I could NOT take the kids to church but when I did it definately would create a tension in the home. The closer I got to God the further my husband seemed to be from me. What we are going through is a clash of light and dark daszed. Do not back down on taking the kids to church. You can not save your wife by compromising and not taking them to church you are only compromising on the responsibility that you have to teach your children to have a relationship with the Lord and their salvation. If this creates separation between you and your wife you need to realize that you are not battling with flesh (your wife) you are battling evil attacking your family and strongholds from her past.
The last 5 years he has left every spring only to come back but this time I know he is truly gone and has hardened his heart to me and the kids. I always pray for him and for weeks before he finally left after being years of emotionally unavailable and argumentative and secretive with his online habits (his addictions are lust and porn) and texts and "going for coffee with friends" without us and being at the gym 7 days a week etc. I broke down and cried God I can't do this anymore please remove anything ungodly from our lives and heal our family and marriage. Shortly after this he left and I felt myself frustrated with God saying that's not what I asked of you! How could you let this happen?!
Things are still very raw and so painful but honestly I have been seeing that God has a plan for me and my kids and we are WAY less stressed in our home even though we are grieving him leaving. You can NOT let your kids be in this situation anymore. I know that you want your wife to come around but nothing you can do can make that happen. God loves you and your kids. He has a plan for you and them. You are watching you being disrespected in your home and your kids have a mother who is not emotionally or mentally or spiritually there for them and not putting up boundaries is telling them that that is okay to put up with. Kids are smart and what they are seeing is damaging them. It's painful to be separated but you also have a responsibility to those kids to protect them from your wife's behavior and I don't just mean physical. God also loves your wife even more than you do. He has a plan for her as well and I have just recently come to "hear" God telling me to let my husband go and put up boundaries, take care of my kids and stop trying to get in God's way to do what He needs to do in my spouse's life. NOTHING you are going to say or do is going to make her change only God can change a heart of stone to flesh. Boundaries are hard on everyone but if you want God to work in her life and your life and in your kids' lives you have to let this go and give it to God. I'm not saying go out and get a divorce. Stay faithful to your marriage but separate yourself and the kids and let God work in her life.
I have been breaking commandment #1 since my husband has left... "no other gods before me". I have made wanting my husband to come home and come to the Lord an idol. I pray for him constantly obsessing over it. I have been praying and praying and obsessing and weeping and begging etc. etc. to God PLEASE change my spouse's heart and bring him back PLEASE. Because I believe this is praying in God's will and afterall God wants everyone to be saved and hates divorce right? Yes but... Is the wanting your wife to miraculously change and "come around" and "snap out of it" becoming more important to you than praising and worshiping and trusting God? Or are you praying with a heart that wants to not be going through this. God also has a plan for you and instead of focusing all your energy on your wayward spouse, draw near to God. This situation you are in is not good. Separating you and your kids from this behavior hurts and hurts badly. Oh please trust me I know it hurts so bad. It gets all consuming. Knowing that your spouse has had a hard past and you see them falling to rock bottom hurts very badly. Cutting off all needless contact except basic contact regarding any legal matters and things to do with the kids is painful. You have already said that playing hard ball hasn't worked, being the nice guy hasn't worked. You need to put up boundaries and let go and let God do His thing no matter what that is. You need to step back brother and let God do a work in her. This is not healthy for you and not for your children.
I pray for my husband everyday and miss him terribly and I wish I could help him with his problems but I can't. I have made myself sick trying for years. Only God can at this point. I want to text him and call him and look up on him all the time. I can't. You can't. You can't control her at all no matter how hard you try. You can only control your reactions to her behaviour (and a calm, brief and firm reaction is best. As few words and least exposure as possible) Focus on drawing near to God first. Focus on getting those kids to church and giving them a more stable and peaceful life right now. Get as involved with your church as you possibly can. Drop ungodly counsel and dive into Christian support.
Lord I pray for daszed and his children and his wife. I pray that you remove any ungodly counsel from deceiving her ears and thoughts and heart. Lord I know that you love this family and everyone in it. I know that you mourn and weep for the divisions spiritually, emotionally and physically in today's marriages and families. You love us and you love our spouses and our families. Help us to be able to seek you first and not try to control and manipulate these situations for what WE want to see happen but to draw near to you and trust in YOUR will not our own, to pray for our families and marriages and lay them at the cross (and not pick them back up after we are done praying
). I pray that you will prepare her heart and my husband's heart, that you will confuse the enemy and thwart plans of evil, that everything that has been intended for harm, may you use it for good for your glory and healing of our marriages and families. I pray that daszed will have a great sense of presence of the holy spirit with him bring him comfort, peace, revelation and wisdom to lead his family. I pray for a hedge of thorns around our spouses like Hosea prayed over Gomer. I pray that as she seeks for things ungodly to fill spaces in her that belong to only YOU Lord God, that she will not find anything to satisfy and as she wanders I pray that you put light on her path and open doors for her that lead to you. Lord you give everyone free will and will never force someone to come to you and I know it saddens you even more than it does us when loved ones refuse you. I also know that you are faithful God and that you fight our battles and that as long as our spouses have breath in them from you Lord that you will never give up on them calling them to You. Please send a messenger to her to speak Your truth to her that she may begin to see a clear difference between light and dark, a life that is alive or a life that is dead. May sin begin to make her very uncomfortable as you convict her and may your truth and loving kindness draw her in to repentance. Keep daszed strong give him peace and rest (and me too cause I need it too lol) ." Amen
We have been together for 19 years and married for 11. I have to say that even though we didn't fight, I could never get him to open up to me about anything important and it was a lonely and stressful marriage trying to "save" a spouse who didn't know how to be intimate or want the Lord and who no matter what I did or didn't do, he was never really happy or felt like he loved me enough to be happy in our marriage. I have grown in my faith over the 11 years of being married yes but I never shoved it in his face. He never told me I could NOT take the kids to church but when I did it definately would create a tension in the home. The closer I got to God the further my husband seemed to be from me. What we are going through is a clash of light and dark daszed. Do not back down on taking the kids to church. You can not save your wife by compromising and not taking them to church you are only compromising on the responsibility that you have to teach your children to have a relationship with the Lord and their salvation. If this creates separation between you and your wife you need to realize that you are not battling with flesh (your wife) you are battling evil attacking your family and strongholds from her past.
The last 5 years he has left every spring only to come back but this time I know he is truly gone and has hardened his heart to me and the kids. I always pray for him and for weeks before he finally left after being years of emotionally unavailable and argumentative and secretive with his online habits (his addictions are lust and porn) and texts and "going for coffee with friends" without us and being at the gym 7 days a week etc. I broke down and cried God I can't do this anymore please remove anything ungodly from our lives and heal our family and marriage. Shortly after this he left and I felt myself frustrated with God saying that's not what I asked of you! How could you let this happen?!
Things are still very raw and so painful but honestly I have been seeing that God has a plan for me and my kids and we are WAY less stressed in our home even though we are grieving him leaving. You can NOT let your kids be in this situation anymore. I know that you want your wife to come around but nothing you can do can make that happen. God loves you and your kids. He has a plan for you and them. You are watching you being disrespected in your home and your kids have a mother who is not emotionally or mentally or spiritually there for them and not putting up boundaries is telling them that that is okay to put up with. Kids are smart and what they are seeing is damaging them. It's painful to be separated but you also have a responsibility to those kids to protect them from your wife's behavior and I don't just mean physical. God also loves your wife even more than you do. He has a plan for her as well and I have just recently come to "hear" God telling me to let my husband go and put up boundaries, take care of my kids and stop trying to get in God's way to do what He needs to do in my spouse's life. NOTHING you are going to say or do is going to make her change only God can change a heart of stone to flesh. Boundaries are hard on everyone but if you want God to work in her life and your life and in your kids' lives you have to let this go and give it to God. I'm not saying go out and get a divorce. Stay faithful to your marriage but separate yourself and the kids and let God work in her life.
I have been breaking commandment #1 since my husband has left... "no other gods before me". I have made wanting my husband to come home and come to the Lord an idol. I pray for him constantly obsessing over it. I have been praying and praying and obsessing and weeping and begging etc. etc. to God PLEASE change my spouse's heart and bring him back PLEASE. Because I believe this is praying in God's will and afterall God wants everyone to be saved and hates divorce right? Yes but... Is the wanting your wife to miraculously change and "come around" and "snap out of it" becoming more important to you than praising and worshiping and trusting God? Or are you praying with a heart that wants to not be going through this. God also has a plan for you and instead of focusing all your energy on your wayward spouse, draw near to God. This situation you are in is not good. Separating you and your kids from this behavior hurts and hurts badly. Oh please trust me I know it hurts so bad. It gets all consuming. Knowing that your spouse has had a hard past and you see them falling to rock bottom hurts very badly. Cutting off all needless contact except basic contact regarding any legal matters and things to do with the kids is painful. You have already said that playing hard ball hasn't worked, being the nice guy hasn't worked. You need to put up boundaries and let go and let God do His thing no matter what that is. You need to step back brother and let God do a work in her. This is not healthy for you and not for your children.
I pray for my husband everyday and miss him terribly and I wish I could help him with his problems but I can't. I have made myself sick trying for years. Only God can at this point. I want to text him and call him and look up on him all the time. I can't. You can't. You can't control her at all no matter how hard you try. You can only control your reactions to her behaviour (and a calm, brief and firm reaction is best. As few words and least exposure as possible) Focus on drawing near to God first. Focus on getting those kids to church and giving them a more stable and peaceful life right now. Get as involved with your church as you possibly can. Drop ungodly counsel and dive into Christian support.
Lord I pray for daszed and his children and his wife. I pray that you remove any ungodly counsel from deceiving her ears and thoughts and heart. Lord I know that you love this family and everyone in it. I know that you mourn and weep for the divisions spiritually, emotionally and physically in today's marriages and families. You love us and you love our spouses and our families. Help us to be able to seek you first and not try to control and manipulate these situations for what WE want to see happen but to draw near to you and trust in YOUR will not our own, to pray for our families and marriages and lay them at the cross (and not pick them back up after we are done praying
). I pray that you will prepare her heart and my husband's heart, that you will confuse the enemy and thwart plans of evil, that everything that has been intended for harm, may you use it for good for your glory and healing of our marriages and families. I pray that daszed will have a great sense of presence of the holy spirit with him bring him comfort, peace, revelation and wisdom to lead his family. I pray for a hedge of thorns around our spouses like Hosea prayed over Gomer. I pray that as she seeks for things ungodly to fill spaces in her that belong to only YOU Lord God, that she will not find anything to satisfy and as she wanders I pray that you put light on her path and open doors for her that lead to you. Lord you give everyone free will and will never force someone to come to you and I know it saddens you even more than it does us when loved ones refuse you. I also know that you are faithful God and that you fight our battles and that as long as our spouses have breath in them from you Lord that you will never give up on them calling them to You. Please send a messenger to her to speak Your truth to her that she may begin to see a clear difference between light and dark, a life that is alive or a life that is dead. May sin begin to make her very uncomfortable as you convict her and may your truth and loving kindness draw her in to repentance. Keep daszed strong give him peace and rest (and me too cause I need it too lol) ." Amen