My husband led me to the Lord. But he wasn't going to church ever. I knew I had to be in church, and dragged him along with me. He thanked me for that. He was basically too shy to go to church on his own. Apparently he saved his tithes for years and years. He dumped all the money in an offering basket, one week, but would give his name so he never got an income tax receipt0. His loss!
I was very on fire for God! Went to every meeting dragging my husband. I always read my Bible daily, and so was he. Then one day, he stopped reading regularly then, not at all!
Should I have followed him, as he fell away from God? Of course not, nor did he want me too. He had some very erroneous beliefs about soteriology. He literally began to think he had lost his salvation. I began to wonder if I had, too. It was such a bad time, and I felt far from God.
About that point, I learned about eternal security. I started memorizing Bible passages, and really studying how we are saved. I knew I was not capable of earning my salvation, and I knew God had saved me, nothing if my own will! So if God had saved me, did he make a mistake? Did he picked the wrong person? Was he wrong?
Of course not! God is mighty and sovereign. He never let me slip away, even when I turned my back in him, when I was depressed from RA, and Word Faith people telling me I didn't have enough faith to be healed. My husband spent a lot of years far from God. I prayed for him diligently to come back to God. We started attending Baptist churches with excellent preachers and theology. But he never grew at all. Being in church was just a ritual to earn brownie posts to go to heaven. He really was working to be saved. Yet, 25 years earlier, he shared the gospel and God saved me.
At least he still went to church, but he was so intimidated. Meanwhile, I was in seminary, studying the Bible, under the influence of godly professors, and so many wonderful talks with the other students and God's call in their lives. -at least he was going to church, right? Then he started drinking, and trying to act out evil things. Should I have followed him then?
I did not! He had abdicated his responsibility as head of the house. My path was to follow God. From the day God saved me, I never lost the importance of God's miracle in saving a wicked sinner like me.
Since January I've been recovering from long COVID. I'm exhausted, in pain because my RA meds were not working, he wasn't going to church. Then one day he got up and started going in his own. He went on his own for months. I got on new meds, started improving. I went with him a few times, this Sunday I will be hopefully playing and singing in my worship team. I'm not totally better, but I am just going to push myself.
So, my husband did really change! It was God that led him back. I'd like to see him praying and reading his Bible more, but God is leading and changing him.
As for the OP, stop worrying about all the rigid thinking that he has to be the head of the house. Don't ever stop following God, and pray for him to either become on fire, or wake up to his need for God. Continue to model God's love and mercy! God answers prayer. Give God time to do a work in his life! Even if it takes 42 years, like it was for me!