Seperation....

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Mybrokenheart

Junior Member
Jan 29, 2018
10
0
0
#1
I have been married for 25 years and we are separating. This is the hardest thing I have ever done. But with that said it needs to be done. We have things we need to work on, he has depression, gambling problems, doesn't know if he loves me anymore or not and on and on. We will be living in separate cities but not that far from each other. My heart is breaking but I know as I said this needs to be done. We won't be able to go any further without it, whether it be together or apart. I feel like my life is unraveling but there is nothing I can do, I have given it to God. My husband is a in-believer. This will be a financial burden on us both so that is even more to deal with. But we cannot go on like we are. We have decided to talk to each about 3 times a week and face to face once a week. We are continuing to see counselors. Does anybody have advice?
 

MichaelOwen

Senior Member
Nov 6, 2017
833
143
43
#2
I have been married for 25 years and we are separating. This is the hardest thing I have ever done. But with that said it needs to be done. We have things we need to work on, he has depression, gambling problems, doesn't know if he loves me anymore or not and on and on. We will be living in separate cities but not that far from each other. My heart is breaking but I know as I said this needs to be done. We won't be able to go any further without it, whether it be together or apart. I feel like my life is unraveling but there is nothing I can do, I have given it to God. My husband is a in-believer. This will be a financial burden on us both so that is even more to deal with. But we cannot go on like we are. We have decided to talk to each about 3 times a week and face to face once a week. We are continuing to see counselors. Does anybody have advice?
Continue on your journey and keep Jesus out front, let Him lead you in the path He has for you. He'll heal your broken heart and He can and will mend any broken pieces or problems you may have in your marriage, about all, let love continue between you and your husband. It may be difficult, but love is the greatest commandment given to us. And keep up your faith, Christ has overcome more than we ever could, and God delivered Him, and if He was delivered, believe me, you will be delivered. I will definitely be praying for you and your husband that Christ will strengthen and bless your marriage and make you both whole again.
 

Tommy379

Senior Member
Jan 12, 2016
7,015
732
113
#3
I've been going to marriage counseling for a couple of years. My counselor told me, once a couple separate, the chances of coming back together are very low. I think he was preparing me for that reality when my wife left. He said wjat people commonly call 'trial separation' almost always lead to divorce.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
23,627
2,095
113
63
Florida
#4
From my own experience I would say that separation is usually the beginning of the end of the marriage. I feel bad for you and pray that God provides clarity of thought and comfort for you and your husband on how to best proceed with your lives if your marriage ultimately ends. We tried the counseling too but only made it through the first session. She didn't like what she heard and stormed out of the room. She was history with the slamming of the door. These things happen.
 

oldethennew

Senior Member
Feb 28, 2016
7,758
601
113
#5
Tourist is so very right in his post - and by the way, your so called marriage is a sham
that you both emotionally bought into, 'without' God's approval' -

try and learn how to be REAL in this fallen-world, it will be one of your greatest challenges
as a human being...
 

Mybrokenheart

Junior Member
Jan 29, 2018
10
0
0
#6
What in the world are you talking about? that my so called marriage is a sham that you both emotionally bought into, 'without' God's approval'- !!! you are a unkind person and you call yourself a Christian! I think not!
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
63,504
2,211
113
#7
It's true. You married an unbeliever who has problems beyond your control to deal with.. So, since you are unequally yoked to an unbeliever, your marriage IS a sham(bles). If your marriage were good, you wouldn't be going through a separation right now.

What in the world are you talking about? that my so called marriage is a sham that you both emotionally bought into, 'without' God's approval'- !!! you are a unkind person and you call yourself a Christian! I think not!
 
F

finaldesire

Guest
#8
I have been married for 25 years and we are separating. This is the hardest thing I have ever done. But with that said it needs to be done. We have things we need to work on, he has depression, gambling problems, doesn't know if he loves me anymore or not and on and on. We will be living in separate cities but not that far from each other. My heart is breaking but I know as I said this needs to be done. We won't be able to go any further without it, whether it be together or apart. I feel like my life is unraveling but there is nothing I can do, I have given it to God. My husband is a in-believer. This will be a financial burden on us both so that is even more to deal with. But we cannot go on like we are. We have decided to talk to each about 3 times a week and face to face once a week. We are continuing to see counselors. Does anybody have advice?
Did you mean un-believer?
 
F

finaldesire

Guest
#9
What in the world are you talking about? that my so called marriage is a sham that you both emotionally bought into, 'without' God's approval'- !!! you are a unkind person and you call yourself a Christian! I think not!
Mybrokenheart, In the past God has approved of some strange relationships, well there's always a reason why he does that. Maybe you didn't understand the bible so much in those years, maybe you fell in love and got swept off your feet without thinking.

Why don't you tell us how it all started.
 

Mybrokenheart

Junior Member
Jan 29, 2018
10
0
0
#12
Michael Owen Thank you for your kind words, I appreciate them so much. Other people on this site are not so nice and that makes me very sad.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
23,627
2,095
113
63
Florida
#13
Michael Owen Thank you for your kind words, I appreciate them so much. Other people on this site are not so nice and that makes me very sad.
I'm sorry that you are under so much pain right now. That makes me very sad. I know how hard it is to see your marriage break down. I pray for God to comfort you.
 
R

renewed_hope

Guest
#14
It's true. You married an unbeliever who has problems beyond your control to deal with.. So, since you are unequally yoked to an unbeliever, your marriage IS a sham(bles). If your marriage were good, you wouldn't be going through a separation right now.
I kindly disagree. Yes they are unequally yolked, but that does not mean the marriage is not worth fighting for and is not a sham. I actually have to applaud her husband for wanting to keep open communication through this time, that doesn't happen all too often. Mybrokenheart just keep praying for your husband and no matter how he responds to you come back with a soft heart and word. God can be working on him.
 

Dan58

Senior Member
Nov 13, 2013
1,824
121
63
#15
We have things we need to work on, he has depression, gambling problems, doesn't know if he loves me anymore or not and on and on... I feel like my life is unraveling but there is nothing I can do
Sounds like he has things he needs to work on, not you.. His life is unraveling (gambling-depression), and that's not your fault. There is something you can do, and you've done it by separating from him. Self-preservation must take precedence over saving a relationship. Now the ball is in his court, he either pulls it together or continues on his destructive journey alone. Congrats on your bold move, separating was the right thing to do.. jmo
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#16
I have been married for 25 years and we are separating. This is the hardest thing I have ever done. But with that said it needs to be done. We have things we need to work on, he has depression, gambling problems, doesn't know if he loves me anymore or not and on and on. We will be living in separate cities but not that far from each other. My heart is breaking but I know as I said this needs to be done. We won't be able to go any further without it, whether it be together or apart. I feel like my life is unraveling but there is nothing I can do, I have given it to God. My husband is a in-believer. This will be a financial burden on us both so that is even more to deal with. But we cannot go on like we are. We have decided to talk to each about 3 times a week and face to face once a week. We are continuing to see counselors. Does anybody have advice?
Sorry. All you get on here is the same advice you already got.
 

TravelMum

Junior Member
Sep 13, 2017
6
0
0
#17
I can see why your heart feels broken right now. 25 years is a long time! I am glad to hear you are continuing to seek counselling and to communicate with each other. Marriage isn't easy for anyone. I know you said your husband is an un-believer, but even if he was, it would still require a decision every day of choosing to serve and love the each other. I have been through some difficult times in my marriage and I have had friends who dealt with some of the challenges you have described...even Christians. One thing that I've seen make a difference in my marriage and that of my friends is taking some time to focus on the marriage in intensity, whether through counselling, therapy, marriage retreat or program. Do you know of any programs or retreats that you could attend in your area? Some programs like this retreat, offer intensive help! Praying for you!!!
 
Sep 3, 2016
1,572
56
48
#18
I have been married for 25 years and we are separating. This is the hardest thing I have ever done. But with that said it needs to be done. We have things we need to work on, he has depression, gambling problems, doesn't know if he loves me anymore or not and on and on. We will be living in separate cities but not that far from each other. My heart is breaking but I know as I said this needs to be done. We won't be able to go any further without it, whether it be together or apart. I feel like my life is unraveling but there is nothing I can do, I have given it to God. My husband is a in-believer. This will be a financial burden on us both so that is even more to deal with. But we cannot go on like we are. We have decided to talk to each about 3 times a week and face to face once a week. We are continuing to see counselors. Does anybody have advice?
The problem is always sin. And the solution is only Jesus Christ and Him Crucified (The Cross, i.e., The Finished Work at Calvary Cross, i.e., The Blood of Jesus. If the sins are not dealt with, on your best day all you can do is patch it up temporary and not fix it; Why? Because only the Cross of Christ deals with sin!
 
Sep 3, 2016
1,572
56
48
#19
The problem is always sin. And the solution is only Jesus Christ and Him Crucified (The Cross, i.e., The Finished Work at Calvary Cross, i.e., The Blood of Jesus. If the sins are not dealt with, on your best day all you can do is patch it up temporary and not fix it; Why? Because only the Cross of Christ deals with sin!
If any born-again Christian Faith is not placed and maintained exclusively in Jesus Christ and the Cross of Calvary where the victory was won, the bible says we oppose our own selves and then taken captive by Satan at his will (2 Timothy 2:24-26). This is called the "Law of sin and death." The only law that is more powerful than the "Law of sin and death," is "The Law of the Spirit of Life in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:2)." Failure to place your Faith in who Jesus is and what Jesus has done, frustrates Grace and the Cross of Christ becomes of no benefit to you (Gal. 5:4).

Warning: Most advice you will receive is human wisdom, the world's point of view which immediately cancels Grace if you apply it (1 Cor. 1:19).
 
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Sep 3, 2016
1,572
56
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#20
God has chosen to operate His work from the basis of faith. "The Law of the Spirit of Life in Christ Jesus" (Romans 8:2) is God's prescribed order of victory for the Believer over sin, the world, the flesh, and the Devil. This means that the Believer must place and maintain proper Faith the size of a mustard seed exclusively in Christ (who He is) and His Finished Work (what He has done), i.e., The Cross, i.e., The Blood of Jesus. Why? Because whatsoever that is not faith is sin. By doing so this enters the Believer into justification and progressive sanctification that gives the Holy Spirit the legal means to keep all commandments and all laws that is impossible for us to do. The Holy Spirit renews the mind when Faith is placed and maintained in Christ and Him Crucified. Why? Because we are now operating in the spirit. The presenting of your body as a living sacrifice and the renewing of the mind is not a Christian discipline nor a work of labor, but an act of Faith to believe only - daily. No Believer can fix the flesh with the flesh. All fruits that are added to the leaves of the Believer most be done by the Holy Spirit or you enter the works of the flesh (Gal. 5:19-21).

The Holy Spirit, He Works strictly within the parameters of "The Finished Work" i.e., "The Cross of Christ" i.e., "The Blood of Jesus," which demands that our Faith be exclusively in the Cross of Christ. The reason is simple, that's were the price was paid, and the victory was forever won (Romans 6:1-14; 1 Cor. 2:2; Gal. 5; Gal. 6:14; Eph. 2:13-18; Col. 2:14-15).

For whatsoever is not of faith is sin. (Romans 14:23)

The Law Of The Spirit Of Life In Christ Jesus gives the Believer victory over sin, the world, the flesh, and the Devil.

Victory over sin:
Romans 8:2
Victory over the world: Galatians 6:14 ; 1 John 5:4
Victory over the flesh: Galatians 5:24
Victory over the Devil: Hebrews 2:14 ; Colossians 2:15

How does a Believer maintain Faith exclusively in Christ and the Cross? By just believing in Jesus (who He is - John 1:1;14;29) and what He accomplished at Calvary Cross. Romans 4:5 - Galatians 2:19-21 NKJV - 1 Corinthians 1:18-25 NKJV - Colossians 2:11-15 NKJV


 
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