Trying to save my marriage

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.

Crimson_Lark

Senior Member
Apr 17, 2012
207
13
18
#21
Yes, I actually sat down and read some scripture and he said it was wrong of me to try to contradict him using verses if I didn’t actually believe in them. My argument is how am I supposed to come to an understanding if I can’t discuss the Bible and god with him without him thinking that I’m making fun of him. He wouldn’t say that if someone else who went to church with him opened a discussion on opposing views of scripture. I’m not against god or him believing in god. I’m against being pushed out of my own life due to not getting the same treatment that I give him.
I've been a Christian for a while and I am no stranger to people using Christianity as a tool. Sometimes it's not about faith or God, it's about using Christianity to get what they want. This is often identified when someone won't actually follow the bible but claims to be a Christian. Thinking through what could actually be motivating his conversion may be helpful.

On the chance that I'm wrong, there is a long shot option to try. Do you know any of the people who are connected to him who are christians? Could you contact one of them, meet them in person and ask them to advocate for you?

Even though you aren't a Christian, the bible is pretty clear, which it sounds like you already know. However on the off chance you don't have these scriptures, here they are: (I present these, not for him, but to solidify the truth that his actions would not be supported by the bible.)

1 Corinthians 7:10-13
[SUP]10 [/SUP]To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. [SUP]11 [/SUP]But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.

[SUP]12 [/SUP]To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. [SUP]13 [/SUP]And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him.


Matthew 19:8
[SUP]8 [/SUP]Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. [SUP]9 [/SUP]I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
 
Apr 2, 2018
3
0
0
#22
hi, I’m completely new to this and a little out of my comfort zone. I grew up in a baptist church but as an adult I’ve never considered myself religious. In fact there are things about religion that make me very uncomfortable, although I do not judge those who are religious. My husband and I have been together for 6 years. His entire family is in ministry, they don’t really call themselves anything but if I had to categorize it I’d say Pentecostal. They are very extreme in their beliefs which is something my husband grew up with and I did not. Well we have been having marital problems for a while now, I have my fair share of blame but he is a veteran with severe ptsd and a few other things I won’t mention. We have both been on the same page about religion since we met. I would even go as far to say he was an atheist. This past week I was out of town and he went to church and got saved. On its own does not bother me. It was totally out of character, but something that I can deal with. My problem lies here. He called me to tell me about this and says that he is going to minister with his dad and started quoting scripture at me. This coming from a man that didn’t even want to go to church on Easter. During this phone call it was very apparent that he had already erased me from the picture because I’m not “Christian”. He didn’t even give me a chance to think about anything. He keeps saying it wont work if I don’t believe in what he’s doing, but literally 3 days ago he didn’t believe it either. Keep in mind we have 2 kids under 5. I’m so sorry for the long post. I have no idea who to talk to about this. Any and all advice would be appreciated.
Precious, precious friend,

My heart goes out to you.
This must be a lot for you to take in all at once. I am so sorry you are going through this very confusing situation. I applaud you for wanting to work through this. You have a history with your husband, children with him, and I really believe it is God's will whenever possible that the marriage be saved.. To add to the passages that others have pointed out to you is Malachi 2:16 where it says: “The man who hates and divorces his wife,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “does violence to the one he should protect,” says the Lord Almighty. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful.”

[FONT=&quot]Other versions of the Bible quote that scripture as saying “’For I hate divorce,’ says the Lord.” It does not get much plainer than that.
[FONT=&quot]I am divorced – not my choice, but his, and I can tell you it wreaks untold havoc, not only on the husband and wife, but on the children. And it has devastating consequences not only in the short-term but years and years down the road. I can absolutely see why God hates divorce. I hate it too.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Honestly, at this time, I do not think you should continue to point out scripture to him, because he seems to get really defensive when you try that approach and he refuses to take in the truth of what you are saying.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Does he have a male friend he respects and you trust, who can speak truth into his life? Oftentimes when husbands cannot hear something from their wives or their families, a male friend who they really respect can get through to them in a way others cannot. The male friend may point out the exact same things you’ve been trying to point out to him, but he may be open to hearing what that friend has to say when he is not receptive to it coming from you.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I do think what a previous poster shared about reading Lee Stroebel’s Case for Christ might be something really good for you to do. I have not had a chance to read C.S, Lewis’ book, Mere Christianity before, but Lewis is a very respected resource. If your husband wants to know why you are reading these things, tell him it is because you love him and you want to learn more, so that you can get on the same page with him I think it might be a good thing if you spent some time reading the Bible. I remember when I was dating my husband, he was hugely into Tolkein. Because I wanted to be connected to him, I started reading Tolkein and taking notes and asking him about passages I did not understand. He relished being able to teach me new insights. It drew us closer together. There are a few specific books in the Bible that are my absolute favorites: John, James, and Romans. They are so rich with wisdom and knowledge. You might try reading them, making tes as you read them, and asking him questions about them.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I know this is a tough situation. When my marriage struggled, there were a couple of scriptures that I clung to. I hope they may be of comfort to you.too. They are:
Jeremiah 29:11:
For surely I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future and a hope."

and Romans 8:28:
"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, who are called according to His purpose."

May you be blessed and strengthened by this. I am praying for you, precious friend!
[/FONT]
[/FONT]
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
23,550
2,030
113
63
Florida
#23
Hopefully, he is just going through a phase and will come to his senses. What he has said to you is not spiritually sound about saying the marriage won't work if you don't believe in what he is doing. What is most important is to believe what God tells you. Guy gets saved yesterday and today he is an expert on spiritual matters regarding marriage? I think not. I feel that what happen to your husband is causing more harm than good. I know that you don't consider yourself religious but being religious has nothing to do with having an intimate personal relationship with God. Say a prayer to God for your husband to come to his senses as he obviously has gone overboard. Receiving salvation is one thing, becoming a religious fanatic overnight is another thing altogether. If you say a prayer for God to help you can add it to the one that I'm saying from the mental stability of your husband and your marriage.
 
Oct 19, 2016
613
65
28
#24
I’m so sorry to hear that, girl. Wish I could give you a hug. I know how difficult and painful it must be for you. Have you ever considered talking with a couple counselor? Do you think that's something that might be helpful for you personally? Do you think your husband might consider going with you? I just said a prayer for you and your husband, asking the Lord to bring healing and hope to your marriage. I know it’s not easy right now, but I urge you to stay strong. Love & hugs to you!
 
Feb 22, 2017
74
5
8
#25
Facing this kind of division in a marriage is tough, and I can feel the frustration and discouragement in your words. I wish I had an easy answer. But so much of the answer will come from your husband's choices on how he lives out and practices his new found faith. The fact that it's turned into a battle is not good at all, and it might be some time before he realizes that we don't use God's word as a vengeful weapon, but to the contrary; as a life-line to draw others closer to Him.

I know you probably don't feel like you have too many options for resolving this, but I feel strongly that you seek out answers for your own sake, for your own personal growth, and for your own peace of mind. Perhaps you'd like to consider seeking help from an outside source - someone who has no emotional ties to you or your husband, and someone who desires to protect your marriage.

It's so easy for couples to get into debates, and defend what they believe is the truth, but debates divide, they make us defensive, they make us determined to "win" an argument, and I don't believe that is the heart of Jesus at all. Your husband may feel he is in the right by "informing" you of what the Bible says, but the bigger picture involves his commitment to his marriage, and his vows to protect you, and his spoken word to God to love you unconditionally.

If it were me in your situation, I would try my best to seek out loving support from someone I look up to and respect, and then try to seek out Christian counseling as I mentioned before. Much of this conflict can only be resolved when the two of you find comfort in one another's presence and address how this is affecting your relationship. This is not an "I'm-right-you're-wrong" confrontation over what the Bible says, but more of recognizing a turning point has occurred and how you are both going to navigate your way through it as a couple. He may be listening to someone's "advice", and not thinking on his won, convinced he's saying the right things.

"Lord, I pray for my friend who is searching for hope and searching for answers to restore her marriage. I pray you will be the lamp unto her feet and the light unto her path, and reveal to her the truths you want her to cling to. I pray you will give this couple divine wisdom and discernment, and that you will be glorified in all that is said and done. In the name of Jesus I pray, amen."

May the love of the Lord rest upon your heart. Please write back if you'd like to.
 

oldethennew

Senior Member
Feb 28, 2016
7,749
571
113
#26
unless it's a Godly Marriage', it can never be saved'...
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#27
Um, folks? She was here one day and hasn't returned. Why keep giving advice?
 

pam4him

Junior Member
Jan 10, 2017
20
1
3
#28
hi, I’m completely new to this and a little out of my comfort zone. I grew up in a baptist church but as an adult I’ve never considered myself religious. In fact there are things about religion that make me very uncomfortable, although I do not judge those who are religious. My husband and I have been together for 6 years. His entire family is in ministry, they don’t really call themselves anything but if I had to categorize it I’d say Pentecostal. They are very extreme in their beliefs which is something my husband grew up with and I did not. Well we have been having marital problems for a while now, I have my fair share of blame but he is a veteran with severe ptsd and a few other things I won’t mention. We have both been on the same page about religion since we met. I would even go as far to say he was an atheist. This past week I was out of town and he went to church and got saved. On its own does not bother me. It was totally out of character, but something that I can deal with. My problem lies here. He called me to tell me about this and says that he is going to minister with his dad and started quoting scripture at me. This coming from a man that didn’t even want to go to church on Easter. During this phone call it was very apparent that he had already erased me from the picture because I’m not “Christian”. He didn’t even give me a chance to think about anything. He keeps saying it wont work if I don’t believe in what he’s doing, but literally 3 days ago he didn’t believe it either. Keep in mind we have 2 kids under 5. I’m so sorry for the long post. I have no idea who to talk to about this. Any and all advice would be appreciated.
So sorry for the situation. Kudos on your tolerance and understanding of his salvation. God instituted marriage (Genesis 22:18-24). He even made a provision for instances of only one believer in the marriage (I Corinthians 7:10-16). I'm glad to hear you are not against God or believing in God. In a calm moment, perhaps ask what convinced him to be saved so you can better understand, and maybe make the decision for yourself and walk this path with him. If you're unsure about what he says, ask him to show you the scriptures that back up his statements. Assure him you truly are wanting to learn about what drew him to salvation. Another avenue might be marriage counseling. I wish there was a magic answer, but marriage takes understanding, struggle, growth for both, Christian or not. Prayers for wisdom, discernment and peace for you both.
 

wadeb

Junior Member
Apr 14, 2018
1
0
0
#29
Well you need to put in everything to save your marriage for your kids' sake. The secret is to talk to your husband and find out why he feels you might not be able to work things out because of his new found level of commitment. Then you can better understand how to express your point of view and work things out. I pray God gives you the strength and wisdom.
 
Apr 22, 2017
55
3
0
#30
What I have come to know in45+years of checking out by attending many denominations of christians and non christians to know first hand .One pentecostal drnomination WILLshed the inbeliever from the believer
giving them liberty for remarrige fairly fast. They are extremely subject to their paster Ask him if he
Is making this choice on his own or by Church leadership.He sounds as controlling as they are.The fact that you even dared to
put his choices in the light of scripture proves your born again experience as a child is real.Christ is light abd you came here seeking LIGHT. Jesus said they that love the light come to the light-you do.Wounds and offences have caused many a child of God to go their way.God loves you and your children.God does command marrying only in the Lord. GOD USED A DONKEY TO STOP BAALEM FROM HIS STRONGHEADED WAY..IF HE LOVES LIGHT HE'LL HEAR YOU. Concerning the miracles ,look at the signs following BAPTISM being born of the Spirit :(WE ARE TALKING ABOUT THE KINGDOM OF GOD HERE, NOT THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN. )
NO MAN BORN OF FLESH CAN DO THEM THEY ARE THE WORKS OF GOD.THAT WHICH IS BORN OF FLESH CAN'T BUT of SPIRIT BIRTH IT'S NATURAL.you were BEGOTTEN by the Word.Pentecostals are born of the spirit.One can see the kingdom of God the other can enter in (through much suffering). Begotten is by the word through the gospel. ,born again is the seal of God by the spirit confirming the blood sacrifice which you already have through obedience to the Gospel.Hope this helps.
 

CS1

Moderator
Staff member
May 23, 2012
2,781
311
83
#31
I'm sorry to hear about your situation. First off I can ask you some questions?


  1. Do you love him?
  2. Are you willing to stay with him
  3. 3. Does he love you and willing to stay with you?
Christians should not be unequally yoked however, God is for you marriage :) . If the group is UPC then you do have your hands full. But you need to speak with your Husband, and get help from the Pastor. Your father-in-law and husband should have a pastor over them. IF not then you need even more help. please try to speak to a local pastor and it would not be a bad idea to have someone with you who you trust.
 
Oct 14, 2017
67
2
8
#32
It sounds like he has found an excuse to cut ties with you. If he truly believed as he says... and has experienced the love of Christ... then he would want to share it with you instead of telling you things are over immediately.

That's what I'm getting. Real Christians don't just give up on their spouses.
 

soberxp

Senior Member
May 3, 2018
161
4
18
#33
121-Corinthians 7:12-14
But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.

13And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
14For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.