Unbiblical Remarriage - In need of guidance.

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oldethennew

Senior Member
Feb 28, 2016
9,453
1,796
113
#21
STOP 'serving and obeying satan and his ways in this world -
'Great Peace have they that Love Thy Law, and nothing shall offend them'.
 

3angelsmsg

Junior Member
Mar 1, 2018
169
140
43
#22
Oh my friend, I think it is best you stay single. Since in your first marriage you were the person that transgressed in the marriage. Were you a christian at the time?

Your 1st husband can marry again with someone else. But I think God prefers reconciliation and restoration.

Even as single person, you could live a life of satisfactory. Many times we think I should marry to be happy in life.

Oh my friend, look to Jesus. Mark 9:23
 

laughingheart

Senior Member
Sep 21, 2016
455
420
63
#23
Sweet woman, please take a deep breath. You have been through a great deal. You have been honest and broken before God. Please understand one thing. You are forgiven. God doesn't say, "I forgave you but I don't really forgive you. I want you to suffer and beg and feel lesser and lowly for the rest of your life." No. This is not his way. He forgives all our sins based on his nature rather than our merit. We can't pay it off and for some people, they can't accept that. We are all hopeless sinners. In Christ we are all made new. You are new. You are not obliged to go back to either man. You are free. You feel badly for some things and have done your best to make amends. Let it rest there. Do not let any person put you under a burden that denies the full forgiveness of Christ. Please be kind to yourself. Lay this at the foot of the cross and please believe that it belongs there. This is not yours to carry anymore. Bless you and big hugs.
 

Alessia

New member
Dec 26, 2018
13
10
3
41
Romania
#24
I believe doing right by God would be for you to find a way to reconcile with your husband ( your first one ) if he wants you back. And be there for your family.
 

PennEd

Senior Member
Apr 22, 2013
7,784
3,973
113
#25
I come to you today seeking some advice. Here is my story:
I divorced my first husband in 2017. I was unfaithful. I make no excuses. I destroyed my family. I remarried shortly after to a man who was also unfaithful to his vows. Shortly after (actually immediately after) my second husband became extremely abusive. Emotional abuse progressed to his infidelity, sexual abuse, control, relentless accusations.. he began to act out on paranoid delusions stating that I was unfaithful with at least 30 different men.. that I was poising him and drugging children. Physical abuse. Involuntary mental health commitment. It all ended with complete abandonment about nine months after we wed. This man he turned into is just not the man that I knew. I remember when I was younger I was baptized, but I had no faith up until this point. I questioned Gods existence. I never paid any mind to how a Christian should live. This led me to self-medicating as I couldn’t take the depression anymore. My heart was shattered. I had lost everything. It was at that lowest point I called out to God for help, I truly believe he saved me. I have to forever live with the fact that my selfishness caused so much pain. I have asked God for forgiveness. I have apologized to my first husband and done all that I can to restore what he lost as a result of our divorce. Apologized to my children. I have also apologized to the wife my ex-husband left behind.

My abusive ex has moved away, back with family (his abuse came with legal consequences). He believed that divorcing me and moving back home would solve the problems that he was facing, as if God was punishing him for his adultery and the only way to solve the problem was to get rid of me. His family, including his ex wife, enabled his behavior by downplaying his mental health struggles and blocked every attempt I made to get him help. (even though they warned me ahead of time that he struggled with severe depression and antisocial disorders). He was cold in his abandonment, and refused to even communicate for a while, yet maintained that he was devoting his life to God. Which I fully support, I’ve prayed that God would intervene in his life. He has apologized to me for the things he had done, but had no desire to reconcile or do anything to make things right (as he believes divorcing me. Recently, a concerned friend reached out to me because he had posted some things online that she thought I should know. He posted that his health was failing, he was unable to keep his job, that the doctors tell him his symptoms are all in his head and he was to the point where he prayed God would call him home. This broke my heart, despite the pain he put me through I don’t wish him harm. I think understanding his struggles a little better allowed me to get to a place of forgiveness with him.

My question (sorry if I got off track, I feel the backstory is important), is where do I go from here in regards to upholding the vows made before God? I know that the remarriage was adultery, but I also don’t believe that breaking a second vow was the answer. I know that scripture doesn’t allow me and my first spouse to reconcile. Is reconciliation the desired outcome between me and my second spouse? I want to make it clear that I am not at a point of even wanting that. I want God to continue his work in both of us. If that is not the outcome should I remain unmarried from here on out? I am new to understanding this and am open to seeing how others interpret the situation. Should I still be fighting for this failed marriage?

Your repentance, brokenness before the Lord, confession, and honesty all seem to be genuine.

You have asked for guidance. I am merely a brother in Christ, who sees a sister in pain, so I will tell you what I think.
First, and foremost, UTTERLY forget your 2nd husband. Pray for him, but have ZERO contact with him. Let the Lord deal with him.

You need to read, and meditate on the Book of Hosea. It is true that in the Law, you should not remarry your 1st husband. However Jesus came to fulfill the Law. You have sinned, confessed your sin, and desire to make things right. I believe there is Grace from the Lord for you to reconcile with your 1st husband if he will have you. (Tell him to read Hosea as well).

But I also think Angela is right, in that whatever drove you to be unfaithful to begin with may still be lurking in your dead flesh. So maybe you should find a trustworthy Christian WOMAN counselor to draw out and confront that sinful desire.

May God Bless, guide and restore you fully. In Jesus Name.
 

FleeJenn

New member
Aug 5, 2019
11
14
3
#26
I come to you today seeking some advice. Here is my story:
I divorced my first husband in 2017. I was unfaithful. I make no excuses. I destroyed my family. I remarried shortly after to a man who was also unfaithful to his vows. Shortly after (actually immediately after) my second husband became extremely abusive. Emotional abuse progressed to his infidelity, sexual abuse, control, relentless accusations.. he began to act out on paranoid delusions stating that I was unfaithful with at least 30 different men.. that I was poising him and drugging children. Physical abuse. Involuntary mental health commitment. It all ended with complete abandonment about nine months after we wed. This man he turned into is just not the man that I knew. I remember when I was younger I was baptized, but I had no faith up until this point. I questioned Gods existence. I never paid any mind to how a Christian should live. This led me to self-medicating as I couldn’t take the depression anymore. My heart was shattered. I had lost everything. It was at that lowest point I called out to God for help, I truly believe he saved me. I have to forever live with the fact that my selfishness caused so much pain. I have asked God for forgiveness. I have apologized to my first husband and done all that I can to restore what he lost as a result of our divorce. Apologized to my children. I have also apologized to the wife my ex-husband left behind.

My abusive ex has moved away, back with family (his abuse came with legal consequences). He believed that divorcing me and moving back home would solve the problems that he was facing, as if God was punishing him for his adultery and the only way to solve the problem was to get rid of me. His family, including his ex wife, enabled his behavior by downplaying his mental health struggles and blocked every attempt I made to get him help. (even though they warned me ahead of time that he struggled with severe depression and antisocial disorders). He was cold in his abandonment, and refused to even communicate for a while, yet maintained that he was devoting his life to God. Which I fully support, I’ve prayed that God would intervene in his life. He has apologized to me for the things he had done, but had no desire to reconcile or do anything to make things right (as he believes divorcing me. Recently, a concerned friend reached out to me because he had posted some things online that she thought I should know. He posted that his health was failing, he was unable to keep his job, that the doctors tell him his symptoms are all in his head and he was to the point where he prayed God would call him home. This broke my heart, despite the pain he put me through I don’t wish him harm. I think understanding his struggles a little better allowed me to get to a place of forgiveness with him.

My question (sorry if I got off track, I feel the backstory is important), is where do I go from here in regards to upholding the vows made before God? I know that the remarriage was adultery, but I also don’t believe that breaking a second vow was the answer. I know that scripture doesn’t allow me and my first spouse to reconcile. Is reconciliation the desired outcome between me and my second spouse? I want to make it clear that I am not at a point of even wanting that. I want God to continue his work in both of us. If that is not the outcome should I remain unmarried from here on out? I am new to understanding this and am open to seeing how others interpret the situation. Should I still be fighting for this failed marriage?
Advice? Don't do anything in the midst of turmoil. You must spend time with God. He has answers for you but you will not be able to hear in the midst of the maelstrom.

God will by and by give you an answer of peace (Genesis chapter 41).

When we make major decisions in the midst of a storm we are prone to err. Wait upon God for the, answer of peace.


Advice is
 

3angelsmsg

Junior Member
Mar 1, 2018
169
140
43
#27
My dear sister..... Psalms 23:2-4, God is leading you to the green pastures and beside the still waters.

The difficulty is sometimes is blessing but many time we do not see it that way.

No person on earth can make us happy. Happiness comes with getting to know God better. And being right with Him.
 

presidente

Senior Member
May 29, 2013
4,537
304
83
#28
I come to you today seeking some advice. Here is my story:
I divorced my first husband in 2017. I was unfaithful. I make no excuses. I destroyed my family. I remarried shortly after to a man who was also unfaithful to his vows. Shortly after (actually immediately after) my second husband became extremely abusive. Emotional abuse progressed to his infidelity, sexual abuse, control, relentless accusations.. he began to act out on paranoid delusions stating that I was unfaithful with at least 30 different men.. that I was poising him and drugging children. Physical abuse. Involuntary mental health commitment. It all ended with complete abandonment about nine months after we wed. This man he turned into is just not the man that I knew. I remember when I was younger I was baptized, but I had no faith up until this point. I questioned Gods existence. I never paid any mind to how a Christian should live. This led me to self-medicating as I couldn’t take the depression anymore. My heart was shattered. I had lost everything. It was at that lowest point I called out to God for help, I truly believe he saved me. I have to forever live with the fact that my selfishness caused so much pain. I have asked God for forgiveness. I have apologized to my first husband and done all that I can to restore what he lost as a result of our divorce. Apologized to my children. I have also apologized to the wife my ex-husband left behind.

My abusive ex has moved away, back with family (his abuse came with legal consequences). He believed that divorcing me and moving back home would solve the problems that he was facing, as if God was punishing him for his adultery and the only way to solve the problem was to get rid of me. His family, including his ex wife, enabled his behavior by downplaying his mental health struggles and blocked every attempt I made to get him help. (even though they warned me ahead of time that he struggled with severe depression and antisocial disorders). He was cold in his abandonment, and refused to even communicate for a while, yet maintained that he was devoting his life to God. Which I fully support, I’ve prayed that God would intervene in his life. He has apologized to me for the things he had done, but had no desire to reconcile or do anything to make things right (as he believes divorcing me. Recently, a concerned friend reached out to me because he had posted some things online that she thought I should know. He posted that his health was failing, he was unable to keep his job, that the doctors tell him his symptoms are all in his head and he was to the point where he prayed God would call him home. This broke my heart, despite the pain he put me through I don’t wish him harm. I think understanding his struggles a little better allowed me to get to a place of forgiveness with him.

My question (sorry if I got off track, I feel the backstory is important), is where do I go from here in regards to upholding the vows made before God? I know that the remarriage was adultery, but I also don’t believe that breaking a second vow was the answer. I know that scripture doesn’t allow me and my first spouse to reconcile. Is reconciliation the desired outcome between me and my second spouse? I want to make it clear that I am not at a point of even wanting that. I want God to continue his work in both of us. If that is not the outcome should I remain unmarried from here on out? I am new to understanding this and am open to seeing how others interpret the situation. Should I still be fighting for this failed marriage?

Based on I Corinthians 7 and Matthew 19, if I were in my shoes, I might resolve to be celibate for the rest of my life or until the previous spouse or spouses died.

The vows issue is a tough one, though. 'Marriage vows' are something we have in our culture, not really part of Biblical marriage per se, as I understand it. If you make a vow in the name of the Lord, or a vow to the Lord you should keep it. But I would argue that most of the Protestant marriage vows I have heard are not 'vows' in the Biblical sense. They are more along the 'yea' or 'nay' type of thing, where you agree to take the other person for life without swearing an oath. I believe Roman Catholics swear an oath.

Of course, we should keep our agreements, but an oath or vow is more serious. Jesus said swear not at all, and James wrote that in His epistle.

If he divorced you and wants to have nothing to do with you, there is not much you can do about a commitment to stay with him for life. But you can prevent future sinful decisions, and focus on serving the Lord.

I had an aunt who got divorced and remarried a number of times. One of her husbands was an old boyfriend from school she reconnected with. He'd just divorced his wife he'd been married to for decades. Then he married my aunt, divorced her, and went back to his first wife. That's an awful thing to go through.

The Old Testament forbade a woman from divorcing her husband and going back to him if she had married a man who'd divorced her or died in the meantime. It did not have a law preventing men from going back to a first wife. Jesus revealed a higher standard in Matthew 19 about divorce and remarriage.
 

NOV25

New member
Nov 23, 2019
5
3
3
#29
My question (sorry if I got off track, I feel the backstory is important), is where do I go from here in regards to upholding the vows made before God? I know that the remarriage was adultery, but I also don’t believe that breaking a second vow was the answer. I know that scripture doesn’t allow me and my first spouse to reconcile. Is reconciliation the desired outcome between me and my second spouse? I want to make it clear that I am not at a point of even wanting that. I want God to continue his work in both of us. If that is not the outcome should I remain unmarried from here on out? I am new to understanding this and am open to seeing how others interpret the situation. Should I still be fighting for this failed marriage?[/QUOTE]

I understand how tough this is for you but let's look on the bright side, God is still working in you. He has placed in you a desire to seek His will and in my opinion that's exactly what you need to do. But consider this, for a time try to set aside seeking His will in regards to your marriage situation and seek His will just because you love Him. Seek not for your own comfort or prosperity but that you may be a good and faithful servant, a living sacrifice. In other words, what would he have you do to further the kingdom, to serve the church? Continue to focus on these things through fervent prayer and study, He will respond. Clarity will come, restoration will occur and joy will overflow. Remember, Matthew 22:37 is the key, achieve this and your question will be answered.