Visiting a grave

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tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
35,046
12,585
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Tennessee
#41
Before I met my wife, I was in a 3 1/2 year relationship with a young woman I met when we were teenagers. We fell in love. I was in the military and even being apart for 15 months for Vietnam did not weaken our love. We made plans to marry when she finished college. Issues arose and we were forced to part ways even though we were still very much in love. She died 13 years ago. I learned where she was buried 4 years ago. Not very close to home but I wanted to visit the grave . My wife isn't in favor of it. Am I wrong to want to visit?
Yeah, as this is very insensitive to your wife. Another thing, I wouldn't bring this dead woman up again in the presence of your wife.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
35,046
12,585
113
66
Tennessee
#42
Wow. You have made a lot of assumptions here. First, I am not remarried. I never have been. My wife and I have been married for 49 years and, God willing, we intend to see our 50th in the spring. I think that says enough about how much I love my wife. Oh, we have walked the rocky road a few times but when we got to the end of it we were always together. As far as harboring emotions for decades, like everyone else on the planet I do have memories but to suggest memories equals feelings of the heart, I don't think so. To suggest my wife may feel like she was second best, or second choice, you had no way of knowing but I am her second husband. Do I feel like I was a second choice? Of course not. My desire to visit that grave rises out of respect for someone I once knew and nothing more. The kind of relationship we once had was the only reason this question even arose. This issue has been settled but I am always interested in the opinions of others.
If you are doing this out of respect than probably that would have been better done at the funeral service. Lady is dead and gone. Let the dead bury their own dead.
 
Jan 12, 2018
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#43
You said: No, they aren't. I don't mean to sound macabre, but she is nothing but ashes and bones now.. Decayed flesh and bones. No eyes, no hands, no lips.

Ok. I seem to have lost sight of whatever your point is here. I will say that I sincerely regret having posted in this forum, a mistake I will not make gain.....ever. So, I am finished. I quit. Goodbye.
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
10,171
2,363
113
#44
whenever we ask a question/look for advice online, one will receive all kinds of feedback from every direction. it's because we all think differently.

also, since it's words on a screen, tone gets lost. we write something one way, but the audience may (and will) read it in a different way.

none of us know what's in the heart/mind of another person. all we can do is give an opinion based on details given and from our own experiences.

I'm still a newlywed, but I have an opinion. if my husband found out his ex girlfriend passed away, and he wanted to visit her grave, I might feel uncomfortable about it based on the kind of relationship they had. although I know my husband loves me, I don't want to compete with a memory (I'm not saying you are. this is just my point of view). I still fight insecurities, which is probably why I wouldn't want him to visit a grave of an ex.