what did i get myself into?

[DZ2011]

Hi slnoble21,
it's kinda funny, this is my first time on this site and your post is the first I've read. My situation sounds almost exact as yours. My situation is actually the reason I came to this site. being that our lives are spiting image I can't offer much advice. but it might be good for both of us to have someone to talk to. The most I can say is try not to lose yourself in all this mess and know that your better than this and try to find peace.

 

[Patrickh122]

Hi Friend I am from Ireland and Glad to meet a person like you that is the same and hope we can help each other and be good friends as in God's Family

 

[jb]

choked me, busted my lip and multiple other things...

This is the key phrase. If this is true, get out now.

Get out and stay out.

Ditto...run for the hills, he AIN'T gonna change!

He'll promise you the moon if you stay with him and then turn round again and abuse you!

Hit him a good hard kick between the legs, pack your case and go!

 

[jb]

...I am from Ireland...

Hi Patrick, welcome to CC, I see you're from Dublin, I'm from north of the border, periodically down in Dublin in different parts of it...which part do you hang out in?

Yahweh Shalom...

 

[Share55]

Hi slnoble21

First you are in a very bad situation and you need to get out. I know first hand as my first husband almost killed me. Drug and alcohol abuse do not mix and your children will suffer unless they have a stable upbringing by someone who is capable and loving.

&&& as for those who think that divorce is sinful in this scenario I would you go back to your Bible and ask for God's guidance on the subject. The belief isn't that a dead spouse is better than a divorce.

My ex just about killed me he beat me black and blue to the point that I was on the brink of being comatose. When I showed him the door he threatened to come back and kill me and all the kids. We lived in an isolated community and the police told him he was never to come back. All travel companies coming in were advised that if he showed up trying to come to the community they were to call the police immediately.

You say there is a 5 y/o stepson involved who also needs out for his safety and sanity who will also need counselling.
As was suggested, go to a woman's shelter and have no contact with him. Leave him a letter if you will telling him that you will not tolerate his lifestyle any longer and he MUST change or else it is over. A 3 year would sound good because people who get into drug and alcohol make promises they never mean to keep so make sure he stays clean and becomes a responsible adult first.
Hopefully the child's mother is still around and capable of taking custody or else you may have to seek it if you will. Are the bills in your name or his? You can let the power company and phone company know what is happening and that you need to make a fresh start so hopefully they will give you leniency to make partial payments.
If your husband is going after anyone who helps you he must know where you work which would also be a problem. Consider relocating maybe see if your family will help you get back to them or the woman's shelter may have some networks that can help you.

Get yourself and the child/ren to safety is your main concern first.

I pray that God moves in your life for He is a God of love and mercy.

 

[wisebeardman]

for those saying divorce is sinful, im pretty sure God would rather see a wife thats getting beat leave then stay and end up killed by the abusive husband.

sinoble21 get out now while you still can.

as violent and confrontational as he sounds, he is ether going to kill someone in rage, or he is going to start a fight with someone and will end up 10 toes up some day.

 

[Mammachickadee]

Was your husband ever in the military? If so, might I suggest you contact the local military chaplain and get his recommendation. Things like this are all too common.
Get a PFA! Protection From Abuse will enable you to be protected from the abuse; get away from the drama with your son; and have time to think without as much fear of retalliation.
He's a grown man, so he needs to face consequences. At the risk of sounding calloused, you have to put yourself and even his son on lockdown. If he ever does anything again, call the police without any hesitation. Tell your next door neighbors about the issue with permission to call the police if they hear sounds of a disturbance. Fortify your resolution to fix your situation. I've been in an abusive relationship before, and there's nothing like wresting the control away from an abusive person to make then come up with an alternative activity.
I emphasize taking the son because that child is learning habits right now from his father that will affect his future personality and relationships. Even if he understands abuse is wrong and he doesn't pick up on the behavior, he will still always live with the fear that he will become like his father.
Break the cycle of abuse. Don't go back to him. But most of all... pray out of a spirit of love for him that doesn't question you are doing the right thing by leaving. Trying to be tough and brave by staying is not being tough and brave... it's failing to remove a temptation to sin from your husband's grasp and exposing your son to something far worse than a life without his blood father. Part of the abusive cycle is making you feel isolated... like you are his possession to do with as he pleases even though he "loves you" and "promises not to do it again cause he's sorry". Break the cycle!