I love him with all my heart. He is a good man, but on days like these he breaks me as hard as he can.
Actually, no, he's not a good man. A genuinely good man would never behave that way to his wife. What you have is an abusive man. Most women with abusive spouses say the same things you do. You, in fact, are a textbook abuse victim. And he sounds like a textbook abuser. He insults you, demeans you, and crushes your spirit.. and like a typical victim you go 'but i love him, he's a good man'. Wake up an smell the abuse.
No one wants to end up divorced, but be aware, very few abusers ever stop. Why? They never take responsibility. They always blame the person they abuse for causing them to be this way.
Let me give you a few typical behaviors of abusers..
Isolating the victim - He pushed all your friends away eh?
Blaming the victim - He thinks you need medication for crying when he's mean.
Cheating - He has cheated.
These are just a few signs of abusers. Not my opinion, but these are genuine signs.
If your husband was a true believer and received Godly counsel he should know Ephesians 5:25-30..
25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. 27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault.
28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. 29 No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. 30 And we are members of his body.
And what does it mean to love? Try 1 Corinthians 13:4-7..
4 Love is
patient and
kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
Also, take note, because of their inability to take responsibility for their abusive behavior, the likelihood your husband will ever change is below 10%.
The sooner you get out of this situation, and leave him, and get this evil abusive man out of your life for good, the better. If he's this bad this early in life, then i have no trouble seeing him become violent. Don't think for a minute thats not possible. If he's willing to throw money on the floor and call you a whore as you pick it up, is, in my opinion, quite close to becoming violent.
Leave him. The sooner the better. I'm sorry, i know you don't want to. But this is not the life God intends for you.